Making Friends, Sharing Feelings (Trustworthiness)
The "Six Pillars of Character" are Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring,
and Citizenship, and then under each of those, there are many (what I call) "sub-pillars" like
cheerfulness, friendliness, forgiveness, sharing, kindness, helpfulness, honesty, courtesy, and
so on. In adding "Character Education" to my website curriculums, I do not in any way mean to
suggest that we sit and lecture 4yr olds on character traits. But we can:
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Model good character
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Point out and praise good character traits when we see them being revealed naturally
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Discuss (reinforce) particular character traits during Group Time
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Read stories that encourage good character
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Provide activities to promote the development of being a "good person" (like role playing
real-life situations that call upon us to make decisions based on having good character)
Manners
**Practice table manners
**Practice phone manners
Thinking Questions For Discussion:
*Mrs. Grimes and Mrs. Seevers are talking, but Johnny needs to tell Mrs. Seevers something.
What should he do? (Johnny could go to the two teachers and say, "Excuse me, Mrs. Seevers
but................")
*Amy's Grandma gave her a present. What should Amy say?
*Joey wants Mrs. Alison to give him more grape juice. What should he say?
*And so on
Manners Listening Game: Announce to the children during morning Group Time that you are
going to play a little listening game: "I am going to listen for how many times I hear the words
"thank you" today. Or, tell them you are going to listen for the word "please." During your last
Group Time of the day, reveal what you heard or saw, praising all the wonderful manners. This
little activity can be done with many many character traits.
* Kindness Pledge:
I pledge to myself, on this day, to try to be kind in every way,
to every person, big and small, I will help them if they fall,
when I love myself and others too, that is the best that I can do!
The children learn this pretty quickly and it's a great reminder throughout the day.
Variation Non-religious preschools could use this poem as well, changing the word "fall" to
"call." In either case, we can define the words as "helping someone when they need us."
For "Manners" unit, read the book "Mary Louise Loses Her Manners" by Diane Cuneo. (This is
a story about a little girl whose ill-behavior causes her family to conclude that she has, indeed,
lost her manners, and they send her out to find them.) Afterwards, ask the children to draw
pictures of what they think the manners in the book look like. You will get some real crazy
creatures and the activity helps to improve children's listening skills.
Making a Multicultural Connection:
To provide a frame of reference, show children where countries are located on your classroom
globe or map, and if possible, provide related pictures and books:
China (located on the continent of Asia):
* In Chinese, the word "please" is "ching"
* In Hawaiian, "mahalo" means "thank you." Pronunciation: Ma (short a as in ma) ha (like in ha
ha ha) lo (low). The accent is on "ma."
Making Friends, Sharing Feelings (Trustworthiness)
"Making Friends" and "Sharing Feelings" are such great character trait themes under the pillar
of "Trustworthiness."
Discussions:
*Ask children to tell you about their friends: Why do you like your friend(s)? How can you be a
good friend? (Listen to our friends, help our friends, don't hurt our friends' feelings, etc.) Talk
about how we have to be a friend if we want a friend (give examples).
*Talk about and give examples of "doing what we say we will do." One example might be: Alice
promised that she would give Alissa the doll baby to play with after she finishes feeding
it. When she was finished, she saw Alissa over in the book corner looking at a book. How can
she keep her promise?
*Talk about and give examples of "doing the right thing." One example might be: Johnny has
some candy but he only has two small pieces and he wants both of them, but he is playing with
his friend, Cindy. What should he do?
Thought Questions (or Role Play Ideas): Give examples of real life situations and let children
decide if the person is being a friend or not:
*Alice told a lie about her best friend. Was she being a good friend?
*Joey helped Amanda clean up her juice when she spilled it. Was he being a good friend?
*Janey saw Linda's bracelet on the floor. She liked it so much and wanted to keep it so she put
it in her pocket and took it home. Was she being a good friend?
*Eric was angry with Billy so he said he was never going to play with him again? Is that being a
friend? What should he do?
*And so on
Emotions/feelings I like to focus on during my "Feelings" unit are happy, sad, angry, silly,
excited, tired, scared, surprised, sleepy, worried, to name a few. How about you?
Expressions Album: If you save every kind of magazine you can get your hands on, begin
collecting pictures from them of people showing all sorts of emotions -- especially children.
Compile them in a photo album for your Language Center, and use the album at Group Time
too. What a great language activity as children open up and talk about the various pictures.
One activity is to let each child choose a picture from the album to talk about. You can ask
them questions if they need guidance (Example: Why do you think the little boy in the picture
might be sad?)
Feelings: Play various types of music during Group Time (fast, slow, upbeat, etc) and have the
children tell you how it makes them feel.
Easy Easel Project: Provide two large easel-paper circles for each child. Instruct them to paint
a happy face on one and a sad face on the other.
Punching Pete: RuthAnn, who is also very talented with a needle and thread, made a stuffed
pillow person for her Quiet Corner. He had a face and was named Punching Pete. When
children were upset, they could act out their feelings of anger by punching the pillow instead of a
friend. Another character was Loving Larry who could be used for hugging when sad.
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/\ String of Friends: Give each child a string of 3-5 paper dolls without faces
or details. Let them draw faces and whatever else they desire to further create each person in
the string. If they know other children's names in the classroom, they may want to tell you who
their friends are in the paper line-up. Have them talk about why they like their friends.
Friends Alice and Alex: Provide bowls of large and mini marshmallows, pretzel sticks,
gumdrops, raisins, etc and let the children create their own version of "Snack Friends Alice and
Alex" on paper plates. I chose those names to reinforce the letter of the month (A).
Easel Buddies: Allow two children (friends) to paint together on one side of the easel.
Collage Buddies: Allow two children (friends) to do a collage together.
Wall Decor/Fine Motor: Paper Quilt of Friends: Provide each child with a sheet of construction
paper (their choice of a light color). Instruct them to then draw or collage a picture of
themselves. Later, punch holes around the edges of all the construction paper pieces, and then
have children weave them all together with a pretty yarn or ribbon, creating one large "quilt of
friends" to hang on your classroom wall or bulletin board. Weaving is a wonderful fine motor
activity.
New Fun With Old Rhymes: What a great little "friends" rhyme to read to the children and
discuss with them:
A New Friend
They've taken in the furniture (I watched them carefully)
I wondered, "Will there be a child just right to play with me?"
So I peeked through the garden fence (I couldn't wait to see)
I found the little boy next door was peeking back at me.
Comfort Cookies: (known as Aggression Cookies), if you ever made them with your mom or
grandma, you'll remember how much work they were for your hands (fine motor). The revised
name for them also suggests that they can be made during a "Feelings" unit or when there's lots
of penned-up frustrations in the classroom -- like the stress of being in new surroundings :-) :
3 cups margarine -- 3 cups brown sugar -- 3 cups flour -- 6 cups oats
1 tablespoon baking soda -- 2 cups chocolate drops (or butterscotch or peanut butter drops)
Mash, knead, squeeze, pound, pinch, etc. all ingredients in a large bowl until completely
blended. Form into small balls about 1 to 1 1/2 inches in size and place on an ungreased
cookie sheet. Butter the bottom of a small juice glass and then dip it into white sugar, then
pound the cookies flat with it. Bake the cookies at 350 degrees for approx. 10-12 mins.
Friendship Quilt: When the school year begins, ask if there is a parent who is willing to sew
together a Friendship Quilt for our class. If you find a volunteer, then each child brings in a
square of fabric they have picked out (so it has meaning for them) and a bottle of fabric paint.
Each child creates a handprint on the fabric and their name is printed at the bottom of the
square. When the squares are completed, they go home with the parent and sewn together.
When it is complete and brought back to school, take a picture of the children together with the
quilt. Have a Friendship Quilt bag that will carry the quilt back and forth to each child's house.
In the bag include a Polaroid camera, a binder filled with plastic report protectors, and
instructions for parents to take a picture or 2 of their child at home with the quilt (including family
members if the CHILD wants) and to write a story (with the child) about what they did with the
quilt when it was at their house. Then the items are brought back to school and the story and
pictures are shared with the class. The quilts have had many, many adventures. At the end of
the year, the quilt goes home with the child whose parent made it and the pictures and stories
are sent home with each child.
Feelings Book: For each page of the book (one book per child), draw a face showing expression
(sad, happy, mad). (Or have the children draw the expressions.) Have the children draw a
picture on each page to correspond with that emotion. Involve language skills by asking them,
"What makes you sad, happy, etc? This is a great project for helping children to understand
their emotions and the feelings of others.
Sticker Pals: during a week in September (for five mornings), place a sticker on each child as
they enter the classroom. They are to then find their "sticker pal" by finding the person with a
matching sticker. Then the two of them go look at a book together and sit with each other
during our first Circle Time.
Friendship Wreath: For each child, trace a large circle and cut out the middle to resemble a
wreath. Choose a rainbow of paint colors and paint each child's hand and have them make
prints on every wreath. Each child takes a wreath home with all their new friends on it. Label
each child's handprint with his/her name. The parents seem to like this and the child can hang it
up in their room at home.
Song: My Friend: Do a good morning song with preschoolers that reinforces friendship,
although it can be sung anytime of day. The teacher can sing the song or even individual
children can sing about a friend:
(Tune: Mulberry Bush)
My friend's name is Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth.
My friend's name is Elizabeth. I'm glad she came today.
Here are some great tips for practicing social skills:
Mirroring: The children watch the teacher or a partner and try to make their bodies match. It is,
of course, great for body awareness, but also for talking about emotions. Once the silliness
wears off, show the children different emotions and how to use your voice to show you mean
what you say. Have them mirror you when you apologize to someone or show empathy or
accidentally bump into someone and say, "Excuse me". Also use this to talk about how
sometimes people around us are crabby because they are mirroring us, and when there is an
issue to discuss, ask, "Can I mirror you and show you what I'm seeing?" (They rarely want to
see it, so we usually can then have a good conversation about the matter instead.)
**The book " How to Take No for an Answer" contains hands-on games that give children
practice using manners and social skills and opportunities to see how it feels when they are
treated with manners. Also, they have an opportunity to feel disappointed in a controlled setting
where they can learn from the experience.
*Try to be very explicit in management, and have develop phrases to use in certain situations to
make sure that you are consistent. Try to make these real life lessons, not just platitudes. The
most important one is "You don't have to play with people who are mean to you." (Even many
adults don't know this and either remain in hurtful relationships or swallow their feelings in order
to be perceived as "nice.") Ttalk about how to tell someone they are bothering you and what to
do if they don't stop.
Encourage children to say, "I forgive you" instead of "It's okay" when they are apologized to.
Hopefully it makes them realize that saying you're sorry makes the other person feel better that
you have acknowledged you were wrong, but it doesn't make what you did okay to do again and
then just say "sorry" again.
Suggested Books:
Mercer Mayer books and the woes of "Little Critter" for the themes above:
1. This Is My Friend: This is a cute little story about the ups and downs of being friends with
someone. It's especially nice to read when there's lots of "He/she said I'm not his/her friend"
going on in the class.
2. I Was So Mad: This little guy is "so mad" because he can't get his way all the time.
3. That's Not Fair (by Gina & Mercer Mayer; illustrated by Mercer Mayer): Little Critter discusses
the unfairness of his not being allowed to do certain things (like bring home a skunk).
I Don't Want To, Written by Sally Grindley; Carol Thompson, Illustrator:This is about a little boy
who didn't want to do anything (especially go to school on that first day) till he saw how much
fun everyone else was having. Then, he "didn't want to" go home.
Happy, Sad, Angry, Excited, Written by Keith Faulkner; Illustrated by Jonathan Lambert: This is
definitely a hands-on book that's great for children younger than 4, but 4 yr olds (and hey, this
teacher too) enjoy pulling the tabs on the pages making the people in the little boy's family
change expressions.
A Book Of Hugs, by Dave Ross; Illustrated by Laura Rader: This is a darling book that provides
instructions on how to give hugs to (and receive hugs from) all kinds of creatures -- from rocks
and trees to animals and relatives.
The Selfish Crocodile, by Faustin Charles and Michael Terry: This story is about a crocodile
who wouldn't share the river with any of the other animals. He threatened to eat them if they
tried to drink from "his" river. So, everyone stayed away. Then, one day, Crocodile was in great
pain. A very small forest animal came to his rescue and the experience changed his attitude.
This book also fits these themes nicely: animals, dental health.
Today I Feel Silly (& Other Moods That Make My Day), by Jamie Lee Curtis; illustrated by Laura
Cornell: This is a cute book about the day to day feelings of a little girl.
When Sophie Get's Angry--Really, Really Angry, written and illustrated by Molly Bang: This
book is about a little girl getting angry and then taking time to cool off and regain her
composure. The colors used are beautifully matched with her feelings (shades of red were
used when she was angry and blues and greens were used when she calmed down). This
useful book shows kids that everybody gets angry now and then but they shouldn't let this
frightening emotion get the best of them.
The Friends of Emily Culpepper, Written by Ann Coleridge and Illustrated by Roland Harvey:
This book is about friendship. It starts out, "Emily Culpepper is an old lady who enjoys cooking
and traveling, but most of all, she enjoys talking to her friends. One of her friends was the
milkman (then you change the page) so she made him small and put him in a jam jar, so she
could talk to him any time she wanted." She's not a mean old lady, she just wants some friends
around all the time to talk to and play with.
On Monday When it Rained, by Cheryl Kachenmeister: This book is about feelings. Photos are
used to show the child's expressions and it allows time to guess what his feelings will be in a
given situation, like how he felt on Monday when it rained and he couldn't go out to play. You
then turn the page and see his expression.
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