Author’s Note: Even though this message is primarily aimed toward fathers, the Word of God is transgender, and most things will apply to all parents, grandparents, godparents, etc. We will begin with the word father as it is spelled in Hebrew, and what it means. First, unlike English and most alphabets, the ancient Hebrew alephbet began as word pictures. The letters they stood for then began to take on the meanings of the pictures. Therefore, when they put letters together to make words, the words became richer, because they not only had the surface meaning, but the added layers of the meanings of the word pictures. Another important factor of Hebrew is, the words were written as consonants only, and the vowels sounds were spoken, but not written. The Hebrew word for father is two letters: AB (The affectionate term for father, is ABBA. It’s like saying Daddy by putting an extra d and vowel on Dad, and Daddy is more intimate.) Now for the word pictures for AB: A in Hebrew is aleph, and the picture for aleph, is an ox. The ox is in the bovine family and is stronger than a cow. They used oxen by putting a yoke around them to pull heavy loads. You’ve heard the saying, “He’s strong as an ox.” The word picture for aleph is an ox, so its definition is strength and depicts a strong person. The second letter is BET, and its word picture is a tent, or we would say a house. (They started out living in tents.) From BET comes the name Bethlehem—the house of bread. When you put aleph and bet together, you get the word father, and its word picture is: “The father is the strong man of the house.” God designed the family in such a way that the father is to be the strong leader of the house. And where there is no father, whether he’s never been in the picture physically, or he’s not 2 really connected emotionally, there is a break down of order. There is a lack of male affection that children need and the kind of male discipline that children need. What happens is, it overwhelms the mother and leaves the children without a strong sense of identity of who they are, because the strength of the house is not there. This is why God created the family the way He created it. We live in a day when society has taken the word family and shredded it to pieces. They say that a family is whatever you want to make it, but we are going by the original blueprint that God designed. If you own a Ford, and something breaks down, and you don’t know how to fix it, go to the Ford dealer. The guy on the corner who says he can fix cars, may make it worse, because he’s not a Ford dealer, he didn’t build it, and he doesn’t have the right schematics. If you own a foreign car, don’t take it to the Ford dealer; take it to the Toyota dealer. He has the manual, because he created it. God created the family, and He has the manual to tell you how to fix it when there’s a problem. God designed the family for the father to be the strong leader. Fathers, raising a godly seed is the most important role you will ever have. Whatever else you are called to do, nothing is more important than to raise your children, and God wants you to have a blessed home and a blessed family. Some of you may not have been raised in godly homes and many weren’t raised by your fathers. Others may have been raised in godly homes and many weren’t raised by your fathers. Others may have been raised in a home with your father, but he was working, or was emotionally detached, and really wasn’t there in a strong way. So you may feel that you really don’t know how to be a good father yourself. God’s Word is the manual you need to provide you with the necessary tools to raise a family. 3 The House That God Built “Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain” (Psalm 127:1). The word vain in modern terms means profitless, useless, worthless. “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for se he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:2-5). The first thing you should know is, God Almighty is the divine architect of your home, your family, your finances, and His words are the blueprints for a blessed home and family. If you don’t stick to the blueprints, you will get off course. Anybody who knows anything about building knows that when you don’t pay attention to the blueprints, sooner or later you will be very sorry. My son built a house in West Virginia where the codes are lax. The contractor did not follow the architect’s blueprint, and didn’t frame the house to its specifications. Nobody caught it until after all the walls were up. When another contractor came to do his part, he couldn’t, because the frame was off. It became a domino effect creating all kinds of problems throughout the building process. If you don’t follow the blueprint and build it wrong, but catch it early enough, you can make adjustments to fix it, and it won’t be that bad. But if you don’t catch it early, and they have already put walls up, and sheet rock over wiring and plumbing, you will have a big problem. It’s going to cost you lots of money, time, and heartache. Some things will not be quite the way they were meant to be. So whenever things get out of kilter, we need to go to the blueprints, because God is the divine architect, and we must build on His foundation. Except the Lord build the house— not Dr. Phil, not Miss O, or any others who try to tell you how to build your house according to worldly standards. If you want a house that is blessed and prosperous, except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it. God’s the architect, and He will tell you not only how to build, but what to build upon, because the foundation is crucial to everything else. In Matthew 7:24-25 Jesus said: “Therefore, whosoever hears these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man which built his house upon a rock.” Who is the rock? Jesus Christ. “And the rains descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon the rock.” The house that was built on a high place on a rock didn’t fall. Then Jesus said, “And everyone that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house, and it fell: and great was the fall of it” (vv. 26-27). We just saw on the news the heartbreak of people in North Carolina who built million dollar homes on the shoreline of the outer banks, knowing that they are prone to storms. When hurricanes miss Florida and come up the east cost, they will be the ones to get it first, because they are sticking out the farthest. They build those houses anyway, and when the winds came, their houses fell right into the ocean. It is so foolish to build there, and yet some have rebuilt the second time and even the third time. You must build upon the rock and the foundation of God’s Word. You cannot build you house on natural, material things. Many people today are into getting things. They want the perfect house with all the best things and finery. They want their children to have the best clothes, toys, electronics, amusements. They spend lavishly on vacations and hobbies. They build expernsive things, but neglect the foundation. Even if you have a good education, and that’s a good thing, you cannot substitute it for the Word of God. If you don’t raise your children according to the Ten Commandments, they will not have a foundation. We all know they are not going to get it in public school, and even if you send them to Christian school, their teachers are not going to stand before God and give an account for your kids. Mother and Father, you are going to give an account for them. If your life is all about your career, getting material things, about rising up in the ranks and 4 meeting certain goals, it only takes one crisis, it only takes one storm, one hurricane, one fire, to come into your life and turn it upside down. Where will you be then, if you are not on the foundation of God’s Word? Great will be the fall of your house! As we prepare to go to press, the news is reporting the tragic murder-suicide of a young family here in Maryland. The father was depressed over foreclosure of their home and almost a half-million dollars of debt. He shot his wife and 3 young children before he killed himself. Jesus said, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you” (Matt. 6:33). I would rather have God add them to me everyday than my trying to do it myself. I’d rather have God bless me, than to try to make it on my own. I used to have a sticker on the dashboard of my car that said, “God always gives His best to them who leave the choice to Him.” It’s not in the Bible, but it’s good advice anyway. When you seek God and His kingdom, He will always give you better than you would have done for yourself. This is the promise in Ephesians 3:20: “Now unto him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all you can ask or think…” We Americans can ask for a lot of stuff! We have great imaginations when it comes to things we would like to have, but all this pales in comparison with what God will give you. God said that He will bless you with “the blessings of the Lord that maketh rich and will add no sorrow to it” (Pro. 10:22). A lot of the riches of the world have a big fat price tag attached to them. You don’t realize it until later. But when God blesses you, it won’t bring sorrow. It will only be blessings. Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman wakes but in vain. Mothers, Fathers, you cannot possibly protect your children from everything, and from all the evil of this world, as much as you want to and as much as you try, and you should try. I’m all for knowing where they are at all times, who they are with, and when they are coming back. I don’t believe in carte blanche: I let you spend the night with Susie, but once you get to Susie’s, you go to Lucy’s, and then to some other placce, and then from there, you go to the mall. Before you know it, they are in places they ought not to be. No, I said, “When you get to Susie’s house, you stay at Susie’s house. If Susie wants to go to Lucy’s, you call me up, and I’ll decide then. If I say, ‘No, come home,’ I don’t want you riding with a bunch of nisy teenagers driven by somebody who has only had her license three months. What I can protect you from, I will stand on my head to protect you from. You can get mad all day long, but because I love you, I’m going to watch out for you.” Even radical parents like me, however, cannot protect them from everything. Except the Lord is the watchman… When the Lord is the watchman, you lay down on your bed and say, “Father, in Jesus’ Name, I apply the blood of the covenant over the door posts and lintels of their lives. I pray that You send ministering angels to follow them wherever they go, and I pray that if they find themselves in a place they ought not to be, let Holy Ghost conviction will come upon them. If they are about to do some5 of sorrows. One of the greatest mistakes parents, especially fathers, make is to put their jobs above their spiritual life and their family. They make the mistake of thinking that if they work all the time, so they can make more money, so they can give their children more things, so they can make more money, so they can give their children more things, that is being good parents. They think they are showing them how much they love them by the stuff they give them: The latest video game, or this, or that, or they get to go here and there. Some must work two jobs to pay off credit card debt from all the stuff they keep buying. Much is impulse buying, because the kids beg, nag, cry, and pitch a fit until they give in and give it to them, when they really can’t afford it. What it really comes down to is, they do things for their kids, but not with their kids. At the end of the day, any child would rather you do something with him/her, rather than for him/her. Men often do not realize how desperately their sons and daughters love them and need them. Fathers, you must spend time with them, because if you neglect the more valuable blessing of your time and influence, you are missing a vital time in their lives you can never get back. It is more important that you go to that baseball game, that softball game, or whatever your child is into. When your child is up at the plate, don’t you think that child is scanning to see if Daddy is watching? If Mommy is watching? Oh yes, and when that child hits a homerun and comes around 3rd base, she is looking for Daddy to say, “Yeah, go get’em, Sarah!” thing they would regret later, let the Holy Ghost say to them: “But your Momma… but your Daddy…” A good practice for mothers and fathers is to pray the 91st Psalm over your family everyday. Everyday I pray this psalm and parts of Psalm 104, 121, Heb. 1:14 over my family. I name everybody and say, “Lord, You are going to keep us in the secret place of the Most High. You are going to hide us under the shadow of the Almighty. We will not be afraid, though a thousand fall by our sides and ten thousand by our right hand. It shall not come nigh unto us. Only with our eyes are we going to see what happens to the wicked. But because we have made You, the Most High, our habitation, You will give Your angels charge over us to keep us in all of our ways. If we should dash our foot against a stone, those angels aren’t wimpy angels. They are mighty in power. They excel in strength. They hearken to Your voice, and You send them forth as a flaming fire to minister to us, the heirs of salvation.” It is also important that our kids see how we react when trouble comes. They need to see us rise up in Holy Ghost faith and bind the devil. What do your kids see you do? Do you wring your hands? Do you get upset and start arguing, and say things you ought not to say? Or do you rise up in Jesus’ Name and say, “I take authority over this situation right now”, or whatever the situation calls for, according to the blueprint of God’s Word. Time is More Precious Than Stuff It is useless for you to rise up early, and to sit up late, to eat the bread 6 I have to honor my husband Benny. He has been exemplary in this regard with our daughter, especially after I hurt my back and was not able to do things with Sarah like I would have done. She was only seven when I hurt my back. Benny would take her to the malls to shop. They would go grocery shopping. I was so glad when it turned out that she had a love for softball. I can’t imagine it would have worked out as well if she wanted to be a ballerina! I signed her up when she was six, because I thought she would be cute in her little outfit, and because I wanted her to march in the parade on opening day. I did not expect her to last all the way through college! But that turned out to be such a grace, a gift God gave our family. Even though I could not be there, Benny took her to all her practices and games. When she really began to excel in it, it became a major part of her life. Many times he wanted to go fishing or crabbing, but instead would go to her games. When he did side jobs to make extra money, most of the time they were on Saturdays, so he really had to work so he could hurry up and make her game. He realized how important it was to her and to him. That was a special gift that God gave them, and it helped our family through a very hard time. Whatever your child likes to do, be there for her/him. Your time that you put in with your child is more valuable than saying, “Here is 20 bucks. Go get yourself something.” If you’re not with your child all the time, because he/she doesn’t live with you, and you only get certain times for visitations, make sure that you are always there. No matter what’s going on, don’t call up and say, “I’m not coming today. I have to go here or there.” Your time with your child is more important than anything else. Unless you are in the ER or something else that’s truly important, you need to make sure you keep all visitations with your children. Because if you’re too busy doing something else, the message your child is getting is: “I’m not that important. My father’s (fill in the blank) is more important.” Sometimes fathers who are called of the Lord to be in ministry, whether its street meetings, prison ministry, or even the pulpit, get out of balance, because they never have time to go to their children’s events because of “ministry obligations.” Eventually their children will come to resent the Lord. They will think: Because of God and the church and his ministry, my Dad can never go anywhere with me. God doesn’t want you to give your child that message. He is a Good Father, and He doesn’t want to be the one who ends up with a bad reputation. Ministers, make sure there is a balance, so you don’t miss all their events, because you have to do to this, that, or the other for the church, etc. For he giveth his beloved sleep... Basically what God is saying to fathers and mothers is, “If you will trust Him and get your priorities right, and seek the kingdom of God first, then He will supply your needs so that you don’t have to lose sleep about it. You don’t have to be anxious and worried about how you’re going to pay the bills. You won’t have to work two jobs until you are exhausted and never have time with your family.” He is saying, “If you do it My way, I’ll give you sleep. 7 I will allow you to lie down at night, and you won’t worry how you’re going to have enough gas in your car to go to work.” But just like your little child, “When you lie down, you shall not be afraid, and your sleep shall be sweet” (Pro. 3:24). Psalms 3:5: “I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the Lord sustained me” God says, “I’ll supply your need. Psalm 4:8: “I will both lay me down in peace and sleep…” It is good when you have both! “For thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.” Psalm 104:19-23: “He appointed the moon for seasons and the sun knows his going down. Thou makest darkness and it is night: Wherein all the beasts of the forest do creep forth. The young lions roar after their prey, and seek their meat from God. The sun ariseth, they gather themselves together, and lay them down in their dens. Man goes forth unto his work and to his labour until the evening” What this simply means is, people are supposed to work during the day and sleep at night. Sometimes you have no choice, and often if you are the new guy, you have to start on night work. But you should pray that when you’ve paid your dues, God will get you off of night work and on day work, because that’s what He wants. When you don’t follow God’s plan, your body gets out of balance, because you have a natural circadian clock that tells you when to sleep. When you work at night and sleep during the day, you will pay for it in your body. Certain major diseases are greater amongst people who work the night shift. God’s Word also says to work six days and rest one. When we fail to give our bodies their proper rest, they will break down. If we do what God says, we will be healthy and blessed, and there will be order in the home. If you don’t take a day for God alone and for family, you will pay for it later. We have to follow the Word of God if we want to prosper. Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward. The very first blessing God pronounced over man when He created Adam and Eve was, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Be fruitful and have children, because God says He rewards you with children, and children are His inheritance. Why? Because God is looking for a godly seed. God doesn’t give us children just so we can have children, but so He can have children. He is looking for a godly seed. When Adam and Eve sinned, their seed became increasingly wicked, and God destroyed them except for Noah and his family. After that, God began looking for one man that He could bless and through him create a godly seed to become a chosen people. He chose somebody who didn’t even have kids. I would have thought He’d start with somebody who already had kids, but He chose Abraham, and if you want to know why He chose Abraham, read Genesis 18:19:“For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do judgment and justice…” Giving Abraham kids was the easy part for God, even though Abraham was 100 years old by the time he finally had the child of promise. The thing that concerned God was finding a man with a heart after Him, that when He gave him a child, 8 he would teach him the ways of the Lord, so that he would teach his children—So Isaac would rise up and take the baton and pass it on to Jacob, and Jacob would pass it on to his twelve sons, and from these God would call a whole nation forth to serve Him and give to them His laws. This was why Abraham stood out in God’s sight. I’ve had young couples come to me and say, “Do you think it is wise to have children in this day and age when things are so wicked?” And I answered: “First of all, Jesus said, ‘Occupy until I come.’ Do business and let normal things go on as they should. Secondly, if born again, Holy Ghost-filled, Spirit-filled, people do not have children, and Jesus does not return real soon, who will be the salt and the light for the next generation? Who will birth the godly seed for the generation to come?” When I was a teenager we were taught that Jesus is coming, so you shouldn’t have kids. Well, where would we be today if everybody paid attention to that? Who would take the baton to carry for the next generation? A godly seed is so important to God that He was very angry with His Old Testament people, saying in Malachi 2:14-15: “I hate your frivolous divorces. You are divorcing for no good reason, and I hate it.” Why? Because you have deprived Me of a godly seed. Children are a reward from the Lord. We’ve already seen the significance of the Hebrew spelling of father. Now let’s look at the Hebrew spellings of son and daughter. Son is the word BEN, and it is seen in many Jewish names, such as Jacob Ben David, which means Jacob the son of David. Its two consonants are BET and NOON. We already know that the word picture for BET is a house. The word picture for NOON is a fish swimming in water—Not a stationary fish, but moving in water, which typifies life. When we put both word pictures together it means: The son is the life of the house. The son carries on the family name, and God wants us to have sons to carry forth the life and the name of His family! The Hebrew for daughter is BAT— spelled BET and TAV . The word picture for TAV looks like a lower case “t.” It is a cross, and it meant a sign. Now you need to understand that the Hebrew language dates back 6,000 years, and they didn’t know anything about the cross and crucifixion. It wasn’t even invented yet. It simply meant the sign of the covenant, which means the daughter is the sign of the covenant in the house. What is its significance? Remember what God said to the serpent when He pronounced the curse because of Eve’s sin: “I will put enmity between thee and the woman, between thy seed and her seed. It shall bruise—crush your head” (Gen. 3:15). Every Jewish woman had the desire to bring forth God’s Messiah, and 4,000 years later, a peasant girl named Mary did. The Archery Metaphor The Psalmist used the metaphor of archery to state seven main facts of fatherhood. First, the father is an archer. An archer must be physically strong. Remember, the father is the strength of the house, and archery is not a wimpy sport. They even have archery in the Olympics. In case you 9 may be thinking about the little bow and arrow sets you chased your brother and sister around the yard with, that’s not what we are talking about. A bow is a huge, heavy piece of equipment, so the archer needs strength, balance, and focus. We are talking about fathers: They need to be strong, balanced, focused, to know that their earthly role as father is number one, and everything else should come after that, as long as his children are in the home. He must also be strong morally and spiritually. He has to be prepared to lead and to teach his children by his own example. His children need to see him pray and read God’s Word. His children need him to bring them to church and not send them with their mother or someone else. They need to see him treat their mother in the right way. Before you ever became a father, you should have been a husband. If you did it God’s way, you had on the job training as a husband, because you will not be a good father if you are not a good husband. You cannot just do nice things for your kids and not for your wife. They need to see your behavior as a good husband, because your children will imitate you. If you want your sons to grow up to be good fathers, you must give them a good example. The same holds true for mothers. You must practice in the real world what God’s Word says. You are the archer, the one who is in control. They have to see you do right things: Pay your tithes to God, your taxes to Uncle Sam, your bills to your creditors, and give to those in need. The bow is the Word of God. The specific Word that we should use for our children is the Ten Commandments. We should honor them, and let our children see us live them out in our lives. Do not think that they are just for the O.T. people who lived 4,000 years ago. Jesus did not rescind the Ten Commandments. In fact, when you read the Sermon on the Mount, you will see that He actually raised the bar, and added more substance to them. He said, “You know the Law says, “Thou shalt not kill, but I say that if you think evil in your heart against your brother, you are guilty of murder.” The Commandment says “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” but Jesus said, “If you look upon a woman and lust for her in your heart, you’ve already committed adultery” (Matthew 5:21-28). He placed a greater accountability upon us to keep the commandments, and the bow must be balanced. Psalms 78:1-7: “Give ear O my people, to my law: Incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep 10 his commandments.” Fathers, you are commanded to rise up and declare the praises of God: How wonderful God is, and what He has done in your life, and establish a living testimony for your children. Maybe you were a drug addict, an alcoholic, promiscuous, or in and out of jail, but Jesus stepped into your life and set you free. You could have spent the rest of your days there, but Jesus intervened and delivered you. You have to get this message across to your children, so they will realize: “Don’t be a fool like I was. I didn’t have anybody to tell me.” My heart breaks to see children who have been in church from the day they were born, and when they get to be teenagers, they go out into the world and get all messed up. Raised in church, and now they are on drugs, or in jail, unmarried with children, have had abortions. I think, What’s up with that? Then I realized they thought they were missing something, that we were keeping them from having fun. But people who have come out of the world, off of drugs, off of alcohol, out of jail, out of gangs, don’t have these illusions. They’ve tasted the bitter sting of sin. They have drunk the dregs of sin’s sorrows. They’ve been set free by the power of God, and they know that there is nothing out there but misery. Somehow we’ve got to get this message across to our children— We are not mean old people trying to keep them from having a good time— We are trying to keep them from the snares of sin. Father, if you came out of a life style that was black with sin, don’t be ashamed of it. Tell your kids, “That was what my life was before Jesus came.” Let them know that they don’t have to go out there and learn the hard way. Some will still be rebellious and stubborn, and they will have to find out the hard way. What do you do when your child is out there in the far country? Everyday pray, “God, I believe the prayers of a praying mother and father are mighty and powerful in Heaven, and though my child is out on the devil’s territory, I ask You to be merciful and cover them, and don’t let the devil kill them until they come to their senses and wake up and say, ‘What in the name of Heaven am I doing in this pig sty, when I can be in my Father’s house?’” Also, don’t always go to bat for them when they get in trouble. If they keep repeating the same mistakes, you’ve got to let them pay the consequences. As long as they know that momma and daddy are going to get them out, they will not worry about the consequences. When they were little, you went behind them, picked up their dirty socks, and now you are picking up their broken lives. After awhile you’ve got to let them sit in it, until they get sick and tired of it. But always, always let them know, regardless of how much they are breaking your heart, that you love them. You hate what they are doing, but you love them. You hate what they are letting the devil do to their lives, but you love them. And the Holy Spirit will help you to do that. The Psalmist continued in Verse 5657: “…they kept not his testimonies. But turned back, and dealt unfaithfully like their fathers: they were turned aside like a deceitful bow.” A crooked 11 bow is not balanced, and if the bow is crooked, the arrow will go off course. There is nothing crooked or deceitful about God’s Word, but you can handle it deceitfully. Peter said, Some who are “unstable, that wrestle the Scriptures to their own destruction” (2 Pet. 3:16). When people don’t want to do right, they try to find Scripture to support their wrong doing. God’s Word is not deceived—They are, and they handled it deceitfully. Paul said, “…rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Tim. 2:15). So you not only have to have the Word of God, but you have to let it fall where it falls. You can’t move it here and there to suit your liking, because then the bow will be deceitful, and the arrow will be crooked. The arrows must be straight. You can have a strong archer, and a balanced bow, but a crooked arrow will go astray every time. In order to have a straight arrow, you have to carve it while the twig is young. Once a branch gets thick, if it has a crook in it, you can’t get the crook out. I’ve tried. I went out in my yard and got some branches of all different sizes. Some were just little twigs, and I could bend them any way I wanted. Some were a little thicker, but they already had a crook in them. I tried to bend them, and they snapped. Others that were mature limbs, I could not bend at all. Parents, it is vital that you carve your children while they are young, because if you wait until they are pre-teen and teens, you have waited too long and too late. I’m not saying there is no remedy: With God there is always a remedy. But I’m saying, it’s going to be hard on them, and it’s going to be hard on you. The sooner, the earlier—the better, the easier! In order for children to be straight, you have to discipline them while they are young. The cardinal verse is Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Again, you must train them while they are young. Proverbs 22:15: “Foolishness is in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 29:15: “The rod and reproof will give wisdom, but a child left to himself will bring his mother shame.” You must have both—rod and reproof. Remember, the bow must be balanced. Not only should you correct your children when needed, spank your children, but they have to understand why they are being punished. If they don’t understand why, then there is no benefit. Especially, when they are young, you need to discipline them right away. If you spank a two-orthree-year old two hours later, they won’t have any idea what they did. They think that you are just being a mean mommy or daddy. You have to catch them when they do it, and explain what it is they did. Otherwise, the punishment is non-productive. Proverbs 13:24: “He that spares the rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chastens him betimes.” What does betimes mean? A whole lot of times? No, it means on time. It means, when they did the wrong, when they broke the rule, when they were disobedient, right then, discipline them. Don’t tell your child, “When your father gets home, he’s going to give it to you.” You correct your child right then. Then if you want to, add: “When your father gets home, he is not going 12 to be happy.” But if you keep saying, “When your father gets home,” number one, you’re not correcting him when he did the act. Number two, you’re making the father the big bad meanie in the house, and the child will always associate his daddy with spanking and discipline. That’s not fair for the father or your child. If it’s a very serious offense that daddy needs to know, then let him in on it when he gets home, but make sure that you do it betimes, on time. And above all, stick to your guns. If you say, “This is the rule, and if you break it, this will happen,” then follow through. If you say, “You’re not going to go outside for a week,” stick to it. If you don’t, they will know that your word means nothing, and all they have to do is beg, plead, cry, fall on the floor, or whatever, and they know you will eventually cave in, and they will get their way. So no matter how much they drive you up a wall, once you say, “This is the punishment,” stick to it. Therefore, you should think twice before you speak. Don’t say, “You are not going out of the house for a year,” because you know good and well that it is not only unfair, but there’s no way you can keep them inside a whole year. Don’t tell them something if you can’t back it up. When you say, “You are not going to Hershey Park,” don’t change your mind and let them go. They will lose respect for your word, and you will never be able to punish them with loss of privileges. When she was 11, my daughter got in trouble in school, and it was already planned for her and her dad to go to Hershey Park that weekend with other people from church. I told her, 13 “You are not going to Hershey Park,” because the infraction was serious enough to merit it. She also knew that because of my back problem, I wasn’t going to hurt myself trying to spank her. I had to use punishment. She protested that her friend, who was in trouble too, was still going, and they already had tickets. I said, “I’m sorry. You are not going.” Her dad, to his credit, unlike many parents, did not say, “Awh, let her go.” Whatever he thought of it one way or the other, he supported me. This is important, because if one parent says something, unless it’s unreasonable, the other must be in agreement. If the other parent caves in and says, “You can do it,” the child learns how to play one against the other, and they know who the “softie” is. I told Benny, “If I change my mind and let her go, I will never have any control over her again. I can’t spank her because of my back, so I won’t be able to do anything.” There would be plenty of other opportunities to go to Hershey Park, but this was a lesson she had to learn, and she did. Proverbs 29:17: “Correct thy child, and he shall give thee rest. Yea, he shall give delight unto your soul.” Do you want to raise a child that brings you shame or a child that brings you delight? Proverbs 23:13: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with a rod, he shall not die.” Let me say, we are not talking about child abuse. We are talking about reasonable spankings. “Thou shall beat him with a rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” (vs. 14). This is a heavy consequence upon us parents. If we don’t correct them, not only will they cause us grief in this life, but we can actually put them in jeopardy of going to hell. That’s why God corrects His children, so we won’t go astray and go to Hell. Proverbs 3:12: “For whom the Lord loveth He correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delights.” (If you want to know how God corrects His children, read Hebrews 12:5-11.) The children are the arrows, and they must be straight, and the aim must be sure. There must be a goal, a target, and that is to raise a godly seed for the next generation to be salt and light in the earth. David said in Psalm 119:11: “Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee.” The Biblical definition of sin is to miss the mark. It means “to fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). The Holy Spirit is the one who applies the pressure to the bow of God’s Word, because the pressure will determine whether or not it hits its mark or falls short. Fathers and Mothers, you’re not left all on your own trying to figure how you are going to raise a godly seed. You have the Word of God. You have the Holy Spirit as your resource, and He will lead and guide and direct you. All you have to do is ask. “If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who give to all men liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (Js. 1:5). Do not think you can’t ask God what to do in any situation concerning your child. Of course, the wise thing is to ask ahead of time. Don’t wait until its raining to build the ark. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct you daily in all your ways (See Pro. 3:5-6). Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. A quiver is a leather holder worn on the back where all the arrows are kept, and God said “Blessed is the man who has a quiver full of arrows, because children are the reward of the Lord.” The Jewish mindset was to have many children, because they were to bring forth godly seed, and God gave them the oracles of God. Until this day, they are the ones who watch over the O.T. laws of God to preserve them and God’s holy Name. God looks at children as His inheritance, and He wants us to raise them right—“in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Not according to Dr. Spock or “it takes a village.” It doesn’t take a village. It takes a mother and a father and the Word of God. Psalm 112:1-2: “Blessed is the man that fears the Lord and delights greatly in his commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon the earth: the generation of the righteous shall be blessed.” 14
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