Warning Signs….
! Parents and close friends oppose the marriage
! One of them is always blaming the other
! One is currently having an affair or has had an affair
during the engagement
! One has a problem with addiction(s)
! The couple is in constant conflict
! Their values differ, particularly spiritually
! The couple is living together and/or has a physical relationship
! Their relationship started in an adulterous affair
Call your team leader or staff member.
7
Warning Signs for Professional Counseling if…
! Someone is getting physically or emotionally hurt
! Alcohol/drug dependency or other addiction is involved
! Relationship problems have existed for a long time
! One or both has serious emotional or personal difficulties
! Either person is distressed enough to think counseling is necessary
! Either person is having or recently had an affair
! Either person feels unable to forgive their partner for some
past transgression
! Personal or relational tensions are increasing rapidly
Call staff member immediately.
a premarital ministry
mentor
focus
training
Preach the Word; be prepared in season and
out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—
with great patience and careful instruction.
(II Timothy 4:2)
! _____________________
• Team leader is group facilitator at 2 to 1 training events
• Communicates and follow up on participation at 2 to 1 events
! _____________________
• Available as resource to mentor team members on mentoring issues
Introductions
! Each couple “interview” the couple to your right
• How long have you been married?
• Why did you become interested in mentoring?
• What makes your marriage successful?
• What are your expectations for today?
! “Introduce” the couple you interviewed to group
1
Agenda
! Ministry Overview
• Reinforce team teaching materials as appropriate
Mentoring Role
! _____________________
• Share handling of successes and struggles
• Provide a positive marriage model
! _____________________
• Mary and Elizabeth
• Jesus
! _____________________
! Mentoring Team Roles & Expectations
• Candid assessment of their relationship using their data
! Becoming a Mentor
• Encourage skill building, developing couple “tools” and
offering feedback
! Matching Couples with Mentors
! Mentoring Materials
! Couple Exercise
! Tips for Effective Discussions
! Warning Signs
! Q&A and Wrap-up
Team Leader Role
! _____________________
• Each mentor couple is assigned to a team leader who serves
as a group facilitator
• Recommended resources
Mentor Expectations
! Equip and train couples with ___________________ tools
for a successful marriage
! Facilitate discussion of couple’s ___________________ and
___________________ areas using PREPARE Inventory
! ___________________ the couple to a growing relationship with
Jesus Christ, leading one or both to the Lord if necessary
! Challenge the couple to __________________, if warranted
! Maintain availability to the couple for ________ _______ of marriage
2
5 Commandments of Mentoring
Matching Couples with Mentors
! Be ___________________ about your marriage
! Share your __________________… don’t act like __________________
• Considerations include
! Remember you are a “_________________” vs. a “_________________”
Couple background and relationship ____________________
! Practice _____________________ listening skills
Couple _____________________ and/or requests
! Offer _____________________, not sympathy
Mentor _____________________
Mentor _____________________
Becoming a Mentor
Mentoring Materials
! Application
! Enrich
3
! Assignments are made by staff coordinator:
! Couple Information Packet
! Interview
• Questionnaire
! Training
• Prepare Inventory
! Observation
• Physical Intimacy Chart
! Basic Training
• Purity Contract
! Couple Assignment
• Strength and Growth Areas Exercise
! Mentoring
• Creating a Wish List
! Team Teaching
• 10 Steps to Resolving Conflict
! Script
Time Commitment of Mentors
! Homework
! Web Site
ITEM
TIME COMMITMENT
Mentor Training, profile, Interview,
Take Enrich
5 hours
Observation of Mentor couple (6 weeks)
1 -2 hours each session
Mentor 4-6 couples per year
1 hour each
• Family of Origin
Pre-mentor Preparation
1 hour per couple
• Marriage Expectations
F/U and prep for next session
1 hour for each meeting
• Communication
Completion of file and communication
to marrying pastor
1 hour for each couple
• Future Family Goals
Questionnaire
! Questionnaire gives detailed info on:
4
• Spiritual Background
• Intimacy
• Finances
• Conflict Resolution
Each mentor read each person’s Questionnaire,
noting consistencies and inconsistencies
Tips for Effective Discussions
! Speaker/Listener Technique
! Asking and Answering Questions
! No Problem Solving
! Asking
• Break what you say into short bites—don't go on and on.
• Wait after you ask a question
Prepare Inventory
! Life Innovations in Minneapolis
• David Olson, designed the ________________
! Each person takes ___________________ which is sent in for scoring
• Report is returned to us for use in mentoring
(this is the foundation of mentoring discussions)
5
! Prepare ____________________ couple data in 15 areas
• 165 Questions
! Review of instructions for Mentoring Sessions
• Background Info; Personality Assessment; Couple Type; Item
Summary; Idealistic Distortion; Couple and Family Map
Script & Homework
! Generally _____ sessions, depending on issues
• Use open-ended questions (who, what, when, where, and how)
• Speak for yourself—no mind reading or assumptions about
the other person
• Focus on one thought at a time
• Give verbal hugs
! Answering
• Clarify or repeat/paraphrase the question
6
• Focus on the speaker’s message—don’t rebut
• Confirm understanding
• Don’t fake it
• Use tact
• Be brief and concise
• Edit out your tendency to respond or disagree
both internally and externally
• Spiritual Beliefs, Living Situation, Stepfamilies, Etc.
! Scripts are intended to ensure _______________ coverage of material
• Infused with your own unique style
! ___________________ couples bring to sessions will help guide
when items are covered and to what depth
! ___________________ for Effective Sessions
© 2013 NPM, Inc.