CIRCLES OF
RESEARCH
ASSISTANT
HELL
FIRST CIRCLE:
Limbo
SECOND CIRCLE:
Desire
THIRD CIRCLE:
Gluttony
FOURTH C I RC LE :
greed
FIFTH CIRCLE:
anger
SIXTH CIRCLE:
Heresy
SEVENTH CIRCLE:
violence
EIGHTH CIRCLE:
fraud
NINTH CIRCLE:
treachery
Breakthrough biological
innovations can captivate
the minds and improve
the lives of millions. As
for the endless hours of
research that brings them
about? Well, those scenes
are decidedly less
glamorous.
Stuffing pipettes,
cleaning glassware,
aliquoting solutions and
reagents, or feeding cells
over the weekend can
feel like an assistant’s
personal purgatory.
The mind tends to
wander toward vacation
plans when slogging
through a physical
chemistry course that’s
presenting outdated
methodology.
Pizza and energy drinks
can quickly become food
groups when operating
on a research assistant’s
schedule — and budget.
You’ll eagerly volunteer
to help with any and all
projects — until you find
yourself with too many
to balance.
Making solutions for the
lab, placing the lab
orders, and bartering for
reagents could have you
cursing the heavens.
You have to stick strictly
to your professors’ words
when you’re stuck
grading their papers and
teaching lab sessions.
Lab mice have been
known to put up a fight
when it comes time to
clip tails and tag ears.
“Fake it til you make it”
could become the
contingency plan for
classroom discussions you
didn’t have time to
prepare for.
Inevitably you’ll find
yourself covering
inventory duties for a
colleague who suddenly
discovered he had
dinner plans.
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