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Monroe Township SPECIAL EDition
November 7, 2016
Volume 2, Issue 3
John Lee Bersh, Ed.D., DABSP, Supervisor of Special Services
John T. Gryckiewicz, Supervisor of Child Study
Mean Girls
What is it and how it impacts relationships
By: Stefania Perry Ed.S., Kate Handville Ed.S., Gail Horakh LDTC, MA,
Martin Tolen MSW, LCSW
Upcoming Activities
November 8th
School Closed-Election Day
November 9th
 In-Service Day
 Personal Safety
Training for Selected
staff
November 10th and 11th
School Closed – NJEA
Convention
November 23rd
Shortened Day-all students
November 24th and 25th
Thanksgiving Recess
November 28 – 30
Shorten Days for Middle
School Students Only
December 1st and 2nd
Shorten Days for Middle
School Students Only
Next Edition around
December 5th
One of the most important
aspects of being an adolescent,
is finding your place in social
networks. Peer relationships
become extremely valuable to
teens, and often become more
important than their
relationships with their parents
and significant adults in their
lives. When conflicts in peer
relationships emerge, boys and
girls tend to differ in their
responses, with boys handling
situations more physically, and
girls handling conflicts
emotionally.
Relational Aggression is a term
used to refer to the dynamic
that can occur between girls,
and can be thought of as the
behavior exhibited by “mean
girls”. The difference between
relational aggression and just
simply being ‘mean’ is that
relational aggression damages a
person’s sense of social place.
Mental health professionals have
compared it to using
relationships as weapons and
relational aggression can illicit
emotions of shame and
confusion.
Relational Aggression may
include:
• Exclusion
• Gossip
• The silent treatment
• Belittling
• Conditional Friendship
While the first four are easy to
understand, the idea of
conditional friendship is more
difficult to define. Girls are
aware that there are unspoken
rules about “going along” with
the group. Inclusion is
incredibly important to the
development of self-worth and
girls will often do anything to
remain within the inner circle.
This phenomenon is present in
pop culture through films and
television shows, such as Mean
Girls, Gossip Girl, Real
Housewives and America’s Next
Top Model. For young girls, this
further glorifies the power of
rumors, gossip and social
exclusion as a way to increase
power and social standing.
Female bullies thrive on telling a
juicy story or sharing negative
information. As a result, girls
will create excitement in their
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SPECIAL EDition
Continued from page 1
lives by spreading rumors, sharing
secrets or telling stories. They
enjoy the attention they get for
knowing something others don’t
know.
C
“I think in most
relationships that
have problems,
there's fault on
both sides. And in
order for it to
work, there has to
be some common
ground that's
shared. And it's
not just one person
making amends.”
Steve Carell
In schools the impact of relational
aggression on teens is evident, and
in many cases the effects can be
more harmful than physical
aggression. Victims of emotional
aggression may show signs of:
depression, feeling socially inept,
feeling rejected, feeling
inadequate, self-harming, and in
extreme cases, contemplation of
suicide.
Mental health professionals have
found that making girls feel
personally responsible is about the
most effective technique that is
used in schools. If the girls can sit
as a group with a trained adult,
and discuss what is happening and
how it is making each person feel,
there is a chance that it can be
resolved. If not the cycle just
keeps on going.
Parents can help as well by doing
the following:
• Modeling healthy
friendships by talking about
the great qualities of their
friends and avoiding gossip
•
•
•
•
•
Teaching kindness,
compassion and empathy
Discussing the dangers of
gossip, back stabbing and
rumor spreading
Monitoring internet and cell
phone activity
Creating opportunities for
their kids to meet lots of
new people outside of
school from diverse
backgrounds
Teaching kids to be
upstanders, or people who
stand up for victims of
relational aggression
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OTP Update – see next
page for letter to the
parents/guardians.