DIRECT MAIL CRITIQUE
AN INITIATIVE OF THE NIC FOUNDATION
Message
letter is donor-centric. The letter makes the recipient feel important and does not feel like
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a form letter.
letter makes a compelling ask. The letter clearly, explicitly and repeatedly asks for
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financial help.
letter creates a sense of urgency. The letter finds a genuine reason why gifts are needed
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right away.
Tone
letter has entertainment value. The letter contains an entertaining or thought-provoking story,
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or portrays intimacy to the reader by allowing the recipient to enter the signer’s world.
letter has a conversational voice. The letter is written to one person and the signer talks
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directly to the recipient. Pronouns such as “I” and “you” are abundantly present.
󠅦 The letter is warm. The letter is welcoming and does not sound corporate or technical.
Design
letter is easy to ready. The letter is “skimmable” and utilizes short words, short sentences and
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short paragraphs with appropriate whitespace and legible type size.
letter has visual points of interest. The letter uses a variety of paragraph sizes, bullet points,
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indented paragraphs, bolded words, underlined words and/or italicized words (but not all).
letter visuals strike an emotional connection. The letter uses photography or graphics that
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support the appeal message.
letter design makes good use of color. The design is color balanced and helps lead the eyes to
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visual points of interest.
Flow
letter has an attention grabbing opening line. The letter’s opening line captures the attention
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of the reader.
letter has a strong last paragraph. The last paragraph of the letter tells the recipient what to
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do and is specific and straightforward.
letter has a strong post-script. The postscript ties recipient back into the letter by telling a
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story or offering additional incentive for acting immediately.
Package
mail package has a unified visual appeal. The pieces of the package have a cohesive look and
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complement each other.
package design takes advantage of an appeal theme. The mail package incorporates an annual
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fund graphic or theme tagline outside of the organization’s brand identity.
response device emphasizes a clear call to action. The call to action is easily seen, instructs
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how to respond and includes a return mailing address.
outer envelope design engages opening. The mailing envelope grabs attention and
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piques curiosity.
This set of direct mail standards was created to serve as the criteria for the North-American Interfraternity Conference Foundation’s Direct Mail Critique,
which is a unique part of the NIC Foundation’s Greek Retreat. The criteria can be used by fundraising professional to self-assess their own organization’s
direct mail packages, with the goal of improving their overall fundraising efforts. More information about the criteria or to learn more about the Direct
Mail Critique, contact the NIC Foundation staff.
Direct Mail Discussion Nuggets
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Best D/M package: Letter (one page),
separate reply slip, return envelope.
•
Don’t begin your letter with a question that
can be answered with a “NO.”
•
Best D/M materials get major graphics
overhaul every 3 years, plus serious annual
tweaking.
•
Write your letter to one person (only one
person reads it at a time).
•
Make your letters human. Your letter is
from a person, not a committee. (God
forbid).
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Most successful D/M programs include at
least one mailing which DOES NOT ask for
$$.
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Best D/M appeals actually ASK for a gift,
not just tell a terrific story.
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Best D/M letters speak with your
member/prospect, not to.
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One signature letters are best. Two are the
pits. Three (are you kidding?). Blue ink still
wins the color test.
•
Response to your D/M is usually the result
of an attitude which motivates the gift …
not one’s income.
•
Most successful D/M campaigns are looked
at as a total effort, not a series of single
mailings.
•
D/M typically relies on impulse responses,
not well-thought-out decisions.
•
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Write your copy at TV Guide level. The
amount of one’s education has almost
nothing to do with what people read (and
comprehend).
Envelopes. Like a two-year old, their chief
reason is to be noticed.
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“Predictable” D/M is deadly and is usually
tossed.
•
Live stamps tend to draw better than
metered postage. (Two stamps occasionally
draw better than one).
•
Consider gearing-up your postage budget to
mail more first-class pieces. (It’s estimated
that 25% of all bulk mail is delivered late or
not at all).
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Enclosures. People tend to read enclosures
first, reply slips next, then your wonderful
letter copy. Then they toss the letter AND the
enclosure. And that suggests taking a hard
look at your Reply Slip. Maybe even write it
FIRST!
•
Let your wonderful draft letter “simmer”
for a day. Then read it out loud. Sound
lousy? Chances are your reader will agree.
Re-write time!
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Best four-letter word in D/M? T-E-S-T.
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Your letter’s “look” may be more critical
than its content. And that goes for a
cluttered letterhead, too.
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The more familiar a person is with your
organization, the shorter the copy can be.
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When emotion and logic are in conflict in
letter copy, emotion always wins.
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Can’t personalize your D/M? Then segment
like mad.
The easiest planned giving concept to
promote via D/M? A Will bequest.
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2-page letters usually lose.
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Resource originally developed by William D. Jenkins. Bill has written several thousand fundraising letters for some 60 men’s and women’s fraternity and sorority foundations. He
completed a 36-year professional relationship with Phi Kappa Tau in 2006, including 8 years as the fraternity’s executive director and 15 years as the foundation’s executive vice president.
He was a founding partner and creative director of a St. Louis-based direct mail fundraising firm and the director of development for Bowling Green State University. Bill is a 2005 recipient
of the North-American Interfraternity Conference Gold Medal. Additionally, the NIC Foundation named the outstanding professional award the William D. Jenkins Award.
The Anatomy of a Well-Written Letter
Month Date, Year
Preferred or Formal Name
Address
City, State ZIP
Dear [Preferred First Name],
Grab! Grab! Grab! Your letter’s opening line should capture the attention of the reader,
otherwise you’re in trouble from the get-go. A one-line sentence, an unfinished thought, a quote
which will tie back to the body copy work best. Allow your first paragraph to develop the
thrust/theme of the letter. Use upbeat words like new, best, now, today, challenge. And don’t get
hung up on grammar.
The best letters are broken up with an occasional one-line paragraph.
Make sure you have smooth transition between thoughts. Variety in paragraph line-length
also helps hold reader attention, interest. Paragraphs are best at five lines. (Six lines make an inch.
That’s plenty). Serif type-face. 12-point type size.
Your letter’s “look” (including letterhead) creates a first impression and may play a larger
role than content. Indent the first line of each paragraph. Don’t flush right. Let the letter “breathe.”
(You are writing a personal letter, not a memo).
Separating words—with hyphens, commas or periods … adds variety and punch. Underline
sparingly, if at all. Don’t use capital letters to highlight: they tend to SCREAM at the reader
(negative). Limit exclamation points!
Hey … don’t be afraid to indent a paragraph.
Write the way you talk. Short sentences. Read your copy out loud. Sound lousy? Reader will
likely agree. If you wouldn’t say it, don’t write it.
Close the letter repeating the “ask” by tying it back to the original “pitch” (theme). Express
urgency for reader’s response: Today. Now.
Warmest regards,
Fancy Signature (one signature, hand-signed, blue ink)
Grand High Schmoozer or Top Volunteer, Title
P.S. Postscripts are critical, often being read first. It should carry the “grab” of your letter’s opening
line. Emphasize gifting action: Today. Now. P.S. Test: Is it strong enough to replace your opening
“grabber” line?
Resource originally developed by William D. Jenkins. Bill has written several thousand fundraising letters for some 60 men’s and women’s fraternity and sorority foundations. He
completed a 36-year professional relationship with Phi Kappa Tau in 2006, including 8 years as the fraternity’s executive director and 15 years as the foundation’s executive vice president.
He was a founding partner and creative director of a St. Louis-based direct mail fundraising firm and the director of development for Bowling Green State University. Bill is a 2005 recipient
of the North-American Interfraternity Conference Gold Medal. Additionally, the NIC Foundation named the outstanding professional award the William D. Jenkins Award.