ACT II, Scene 1 Switcheroo
Scene Description: Phil and Claire, Jay and Gloria switch bodies and realize what it’s like to
“walk a mile in the other person’s shoes.” Scene takes place in front of RV.
Characters
Gloria (dressed in Jay’s clothes)
Jay (dressed in Gloria’s clothes and stilletos)
Manny
Cameron
Mitchell
Phil (dressed in Claire’s clothes)
Claire (dressed in Phil’s clothes)
Haley
Alex
Luke
Curtain opens.
Cam and Mitchell are attempting coax Haley out of RV. Spot light on Phil and Claire entering
down one aisle.
Phil:
(Walking down aisle) Look what happened to me! I have blonde hair and boobs!
And my voice is so squeaky!
Claire:
(Walking down aisle next to Phil, holding the tool) What happened to YOU?
What happened to ME? I’m in YOUR body.
Luke:
(Exits bathroom) Phew! I feel much better now. (Upon seeing his parents
dressed up as the opposite gender) Mom! Dad! What happened to you????
Why are you dressed like that??? Dad, you’re mom and mom, you’re dad! You
switched places, and it’s not a pretty sight!
Phil & Claire: (Look at each other, then themselves) Oh my GOSH!!! We switched!?!?!
Spotlight on Jay, Gloria and Manny entering down other aisle. Jay is wobbling on stilletos and
falls.
Jay:
Dios Mio! What the heck???? Where did these shoes come from, and why am I
wearing them? Hay carumba!!!! Que paso???? What happened??? And why
am I talking with a Columbian accent?
Gloria:
Oh my gosh, Jay, You’re me! Somehow we switched bodies! I told the Diet Pepsi
machine that I wanted you to “walk in my shoes”, but I never thought it would
actually happen!
Manny:
What happened to you guys? You look ridiculous. Dad, I mean, Mom, I mean, I
don’t know what I mean!
Phil & Gloria: (Look at each other across the aisles, and say to each other) Did our wish just
come true???? (Both run up on stage)
Phil:
Gloria, let me see that ticket.
Gloria proceeds to look for her purse, realizes that Jay now has it. Jay, making all kinds of
comments in Spanish and English, fumbles through purse, pulling out lipstick, hairbrush,
hairdryer, bra, eyelash curler, etc.
Gloria:
(Fed up with waiting, grabs purse from Jay) Give me that! (Reaches into purse
and pulls out ticket immediately. Hands ticket to Phil.)
Phil:
The ticket says, “Your wish has been granted.”
Phil, Claire, Jay and Gloria: (All look at each other and cover mouths)
[Bleeped out!]
Jay:
(Says a few phrases in Spanish and then asks) “Why do I keep talking like this?”
Claire:
We’ll deal with this later. Let’s go get our daughter out of the RV, I want to get
on the road again!
Phil, Claire, Luke, Gloria, Jay and Manny are all on stage now off to the side, arguing. Spotlight
on Mitchell, Cameron and Alex, who are still trying to coax Haley out of the bathroom
Cameron:
Come on Haley, will you please open the door?
Haley:
NO! My life is ruined!
Mitchell:
Cam, what are we going to do?
Alex:
Shhhh! I think she’s talking on the phone…. Probably to (in teasing voice) Dylan.
Maybe we can overhear why she’s decided to lock herself in there.
Haley:
(Appears in the bathroom window, talking on her cell phone, whining) I can’t
believe you’re breaking up with me again! (Pause here, pretending to listen to
Dylan on other end of phone). I already explained to you Grandpa Jay’s dream of
taking his whole family down Route 59 before his 60 th birthday. It’s not MY fault
my cell phone hasn’t been working in this TIN CAN! (Pause to pretend to listen to
Dylan on phone.) You’re breaking up with me for that??? (Hangs up phone,
crying) I’ve been gone for so long, (sobbing) Dylan has moved on.
Mitchell:
Oh, Haley, that’s not true. He’ll come back to you.
Cameron:
And even if it was true that he’s moved on, you’re a wonderful girl, Haley.
Forget Dylan. There are many other fish in the sea.
(Haley sobs harder)
Phil, Claire, Luke, Gloria, Jay and Manny all approach the RV. Claire still has the tool. Cameron,
Mitchell, Alex and Haley all turn to look at them and their jaws drop.
Alex:
What happened to you guys???? Why are you dressed like that??? (Grabs tool
from Claire and starts trying to pry door open)
Jay:
(Responding in half Spanish/half English) There was a Diet Pepsi machine that
never gave mi esposa Diet Pepsi, and turned me into una mujere! Hay carumba!
I just wanted to take mi familia on a family vacation, and now THIS happens!
Aye, Dios Mio. I’m stuck in this tin can with a bunch of locos and I don’t even
understand what I’M SAYING!
Claire:
Forget that for now. We need to get Haley out of the RV! Why is she even in
there?
Mitchell:
Why is she in there? According to Cam, there are many fish in the sea, and
they’re easily replaced. But Haley only wants her clown fish.
Cameron:
Mitchell, we’re here for Haley, it’s not about you and me. (Turns to Claire and
Phil) Dylan thinks Haley blew her off. Haley thinks Dylan blew her off. The lack
of cell phone service is the real culprit.
Phil:
So Haley and Dylan broke up for the umteenth time? That’s nothing new! They
just need to see each other’s point of view. Like Claire needs to have more faith
in my tool expertise.
Claire:
(To Phil) You’re right, I should give you more credit. Practice makes
perfect, right? Besides, (polking Phil with an elbow) I’m excellent at
patching dry wall!
Gloria:
And Jay needs to appreciate my fashion expertise!
Jay:
(To Gloria) Claro que si! It takes a lot of work to be you… and balance! I get
now.
Haley:
I’d walk a mile in anyone else’s shoes instead of being here.
Lights Out/Curtain Closes
it
Lights up on Zoltar
Zoltar:
(Lipstick, hand mirror and woman’s wig on) “genies just wanna have fun…oh genies
just wanna have fun” (realizes that audience is looking at him) To audience: Hey
what are you looking at? (on alumni night – Hey stop calling me Mike Donovan..I am
much better looking!)
Lights out.