Move Over, Teams
Paul M. Muchinsky*
The University of North Carolina at Greensboro
I am rarely wrong. But when I am wrong, I am really wrong. I couldn’t
have been more wrong about this “team” thing. I thought the team concept
would be like a rain event (as my local TV meteorologist calls it): something
that blows into town, does its thing, then leaves. No way. I am convinced
that teams are here to stay. I-O psychology might as well bury the individual
as an object of study and embrace our new love object, the collectivity.
I believe in the value of diversity. Not long ago I successfully passed a diversity training workshop. Diversity means differentness. If we are now doing the
collective thing, at the very least let’s dignify the whole affair by studying a
diversity of collectivities, not just teams. Here are 10 other collectivities that
deserve their place and space as objects of study by I-O psychologists.
1. Here’s a group we don’t know much about. Monks. If you run a key
word search on monks, I bet you won’t come up with much. That’s primarily because the Journal of Monk Behavior is not in our computerized literature base. A group of monks is an abomination. I always thought an abomination was a bad thing, but not necessarily so. What if a particular group of
monks had and needed no contact with the outside world? They selected
their own members, did their own plumbing and electrical work, baked their
own bread, raised their own crops, and so on. Do you think they would refer
to themselves as a total abomination?
2. Here’s a group you simply won’t believe. Morons don’t have their
own group. Neither do imbeciles. But idiots do. Do you know what a bunch
of idiots are called? A thicket. It’s bad enough when you encounter one idiot
at work, but can you imagine running into several of them?
Spouse: “Hi honey. Welcome home. How was your day at the office?
Can I make you a drink?”
I-O: “What a day I had! I ran into these idiots. I don’t know where they
came from. They said black was white, up was down, and in was out. I nearly lost it.”
Spouse: “These idiots, were they like, a group?”
I-O: “No.”
Spouse: “A bunch?”
I-O: “No.”
*Unamused,
indifferent, or entertained readers can contact the author at [email protected].
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Spouse: “A bevy?”
I-O: “No.”
Spouse: “A crew?”
I-O: “No.”
Spouse: “A squad?”
I-O: “No.”
Spouse: “A thicket?”
I-O: “Yeah, that’s it. A thicket of idiots.”
Spouse: “Would you like your drink now?”
I-O: “Yes, and please make it a double.”
3. I’m not surprised this group has a name, but I was surprised to learn
what it is. A group of lawyers is called a huddle. Maybe it’s because at recess
in a trial they always huddle up. I can’t help but think of football when I think
of a huddle of lawyers. Something like this. “Before entering the huddle,
attorney Schwartz looks over at the CEO for any last second signals.
Schwartz then calls the play. Attorneys Robinson and Davis will run interference for attorney Smith, who will deliver the motion to dismiss on the
unsuspecting defense. Alright, habeas corpus on two. Let’s go.”
4. Even philosophers have their own name. They are called a ponder.
Maybe it’s because philosophers like to ponder weighty issues. I bet this
group knows how to party. I envision a meeting of the Southern Philosophical Association holding their annual meeting in Natchez, Mississippi. Out
on the veranda are two veteran philosophers, Rhett and Beauregard. Amidst
the honeysuckle and jasmine, they are sipping on mint juleps. They are
observing clusters of their colleagues engaged in passionate conversations
about such topics as the meaning of meaning. Just then the weather turns
inclement. Rhett turns to his colleague and says, “Bo, I wonder if we should
wander over yonder to take a gander at that ponder. They seem to be lost in
their own thoughts. They appear not to realize it is starting to hail.”
5. If any group has a perfect name, it is this group. A bunch of bureaucrats is called a shuffle. How many times have you been shuffled around
when trying to get a straight answer from bureaucrats? Trying to get your driver’s license renewed with the Department of Motor Vehicles would be a
prime example. The clerk says, “If your birthday falls on an odd-numbered
day in an even-numbered year, get in Line 1. However, if you were born in
a year that has a leap year, ignore this direction. But if this year is a leap year,
then reinstate that direction. If the last thing I told you is false, but the first
thing I told you is true, should you believe me? Now, if your birthday falls
on an even-numbered day in an odd-numbered year, get in Line 2. However,….” Do the shuffle!
6. Here is one that just doesn’t make much sense. Not only do I not understand why this group rates a name, but how did they get this name? A group
of nudists is called a hangout. I can see a hangdown, but not a hangout.
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7. Here’s a tricky one. A bunch of car dealers is called a lot. You probably thought it is the cars themselves that are positioned on a lot. Well, it’s
also the people who sell them to you. A commercial: “So what do you like
most about the sales department at Jayhawk Chrysler, Dodge, Mitsubishi
Motors?” Satisfied customer: “Their attentiveness to customer needs. They
have lots of lots on their lots.”
8. Not to be outdone, car mechanics also have their own name. A bunch
of car mechanics is called a clutch. Not a brake, or an accelerator, but a
clutch. Maybe this group got itself named after what it works on much of the
day. Remember when we were 15 and were taking driving lessons? Some
grizzled old driving instructor was trying to teach us how to brake, steer,
accelerate, and use the clutch, all at the same time. By now we must have
realized, looking back, that this poor slob must have drawn the short straw in
getting this work assignment. Just about any work assignment involving
cars, including changing the oil, has got to be better than teaching 15-year
olds how to drive one. Remember when the car started to stall, and the driving instructor screamed, “Release the clutch!”? Maybe he really wasn’t
yelling at us. Maybe he was wishing aloud for someone to lay off the car
mechanics about whom he was envious.
9. A group of widows is called an ambush. I can see something like this.
A heavy manufacturing company is under a lot of pressure to produce orders.
The HR director is sympathetic to the need for further production, but he is
also concerned about the welfare of the workforce. The HR director addresses the production supervisors. “Fellows, I know you have to meet your production schedules, but I’m telling you that you are pushing your men too
hard. They’re coming to me complaining about being overworked, stressedout, and on the verge of collapse. I’m telling you that you gotta ease up a bit.
If you don’t, you’re just setting this company up for an ambush.”
10. This group has a rather predictable name. A group of mathematicians
is called a number. I think they could have been more original than that, but
who am I to judge? Suppose there is a national association of mathematicians, organized by state associations of mathematicians, each being a number. But there is dissent among some of the groups of mathematicians. At
the national conference, the president intones the danger of splinter groups
within the association. “I understand some of our numbers are up while other
numbers are down, yet other numbers are difficult to interpret. I only hope
when we add all the numbers together, their sum total will achieve unity for
our association.” What if one particular number was repeatedly successful in
winning raffles and contests. Would we call it a “lucky number?” You could
have fun with this one.
My point is simple. We can’t pick and choose which collectivities we will
study. As I-O psychologists, our tent should be inclusive and we should welcome any and all parties. That means we give equal and fair treatment to
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abominations, thickets, huddles, ponders, shuffles, hangouts, lots, clutches,
ambushes, and numbers, as well as teams. We will not exhibit bias or preferential treatment toward any one group over any other. I can’t wait to read
the first meta-analysis on clutchwork.
I feel it is only fair that if I-O psychology is now in the business of studying collectivities, we should have our own name. The mathematicians have
theirs, the philosophers have theirs, but I-O psychologists have none. The
bird kingdom has many collective nouns for its respective members. The
most linguistically evocative collective noun refers to a group of larks. Larks
are beautiful, graceful, and agile creatures, who collectively are called an
exultation. I-O psychologists are also beautiful, graceful, and agile. I decree
that we shall, from here on out, refer to ourselves as an exultation of I-O psychologists. The most beautiful of all the beautiful I-O psychologists are those
who serve on the Executive Committee of SIOP. They shall now be known
as the Executive Exultation. What a euphonious name. I propose the members of the Executive Exultation shall have their ID badges at our national
conference adorned with long flowing streamers to indicate their special status. Embossed on the streamers will be the outline of a lark. That’s the least
we can do to honor the larks. After all, we stole their name.
I understand SIOP is considering changing its name. Some people want
to jettison the old industrial prefix. That only solves half the problem. If we
are now going to be studying collectivities and not individuals, our name
should reflect what we are. SIOP should change its name to SOS: The Society for Organizational Sociologists.
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