Children’s Show Monologue Choices
(Please memorize your material)
Monologue #1
MATHEMAGICIAN (Play: Phantom Toll Booth)
Azaz! So you‘ve met that obnoxious brother of mine, have you? I‘ll wager he‘s filled your
heads with wordy nonsense! Well, I‘ve got his number! Let me set you straight:
Dictionopolis doesn‘t add up! Words can mean anything, depending on your mood or
your tone of voice! But numbers are always exactly what they‘re supposed to be!
(Realizing that he has been lecturing his ‘guests,‘ the MATHEMAGICIAN softens and
says:) But how inconsiderate of me! After your long journey here, you must be famished.
(The MATHEMAGICIAN turns towards the MINERS and claps his hands.) Lunch for two!
(Some MINERS immediately hurry offstage.) (to MILO and TOCK) How very thoughtless
of me.
Monologue #2
MR. PINKERTON (Play: Pinkalicious)
Remember how Dr. Wink said there was one other case of pinkititis? Well, I was THE
person who had pinkititis. I admit it, ok? It was me. I used to love the color pink and one
day when I was a boy I ate one too many pink lollipops. I turned pink from my toenails to
my hair follicles. Do you know what that is like for a boy? It was so embarrassing. All the
children teased me in school. Don't you see? I just want to protect my children. I don't
want Pinkalicious to go through what I went through. I don't want Peter to have to deal
with that either. I thought if I didn't allow him to play with pink toys, perhaps he might
stop liking the color pink.
Monologue #3
TIPP (Play: Secret Lives of White House Pets)
And you better not try anything, ‗cause I am one mean, vicious dog when it comes to
protecting my First Daughter. If you want to get to her, you‘ll have to get from me and
I‘m SCARY! I am CRAZY! I am - (Back to Zorro) I am chewer of slippers! I am biter of
kneecaps! If you lay one hand on this girl, you will be sorry! Every night you will drool the
drool of remorse on the pillow of regret! I will nibble your tail until you cry form mercy! I
will run circles around you until you surrender! No mercy from FIRST CHIHUAHUA!
Monologue # 4 (Play: Secret Lives of White House Pets)
ALASTAIR (Female):
This is it! Oh, will you look at that? It‘s huge – and beautiful – and OURS! I
am the First Daughter, do you believe it? It actually happened, just like Dad
said it would! This is our moment in history, Tipp. Our moment in history.
(realizes she‘s alone) Tipp? Tipp, where are you? Tipp! You‘ve got to look at
this! Every president since John Adams has lived here – and now US! Look!
There‘s nothing to be afraid of, honestly. See how beautiful it is? I‘m the First
Daughter! That‘s quite an honor. And look, it says in my book that President
Teddy Roosevelt‘s daughter Alice had a whole COLOR named after her –
Alice Blue! What do you think my color would be? Alastair Orange? Lilac de
Lodge?
Monologue #5