RCA Trailblazers Step Adventure- Step 9
We made direct amends to such people wherever possible,
except when to do so would injure them or others.
Affirmation:
We ask our Higher Power for the courage and wisdom to
face each new challenge in our coupleship.
“Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved
badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next
time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting
clean.” Aldous Huxley
We caution you not to confuse apologies with amends. Sometimes apologies are called for, but
apologies are not amends. Amends are made by repairing damage when possible, and then acting
differently. For example, we can apologize ten times for being late to a meeting, but this does not
“amend” the issue. Being on time and changing our behavior becomes our amends. 1
There’s no feeling in all the world like having mended a long-standing wrong. It is better than the relief
that comes from finally pulling a thorn from a festering finger, more like pulling a thorn from our
festering soul. 2
Pages 34 and 35 of the RCA Blue Book shares with us how we can make amends to others, as a couple,
and to each other.
What are the essential tools we need in our backpack to trek the path of making amends?
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Recovery Couples Anonymous, 4 Edition Basic Text Page 33
Sexaholics Anonymous, page 127
Step 9 Adventure Reading 2016
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RCA Trailblazers Step Adventure- Step 9
One of the most important aspects of Step Nine, that we may not always consider when going into our
amends is that The Promises of recovery are anchored in Step Nine. The big book of A.A. deliberately
introduces the Promises in Step Nine, specifically stating that “If we are painstaking about this phase of
our development.” What are we promised as a result of working Step Nine?
Adapted from the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 6—“Into Action” (page 86)
©1939, 1955, AA World Services, Inc.
The Promises of RCA
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We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness
We will learn how to play and have fun together
As we experience mutual forgiveness we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
Trust in each other will return
We will comprehend the word serenity, and we will know peace
No matter how close to brokenness we have come, we will see how our experiences can
benefit others.
The feeling of uselessness, shame, and self-pity will disappear
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our partners, families, and others
Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which use to baffle us
We will be better parents, workers, helpers, and friends
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly,
sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. 3
Questions/Reflections:
We are also cautioned that we make amends unless it is harmful to others… Can you share some
examples of how this caution may apply?
We are also made aware that… “We need not wallow in excessive guilt or over-responsibility (shame).
Those feelings do not promote constructive action. We need to be honest and sincere, that is all. 4 Can
you give examples of the difference between our being humble in making amends, vs. guilt/shame
dumping?
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Portion of the Promises from: Recovery Couples Anonymous 4 Edition, Page 59-60
S-Anon Twelve Steps page 99
Step 9 Adventure Reading
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