PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Retreat: A Pause That Refreshes
Friday Night
3:00- 6:00 Registration and Hotel Check-In
6:00- 6:30 DINNER is served.
7:30- 10
Open, Speaker Shares, “Kitchen Sink” Q&A
Saturday Morning8am
BREAKFAST served for 30 minutes
9am
Taking action or not taking action when action was called for
9:30Journal Time
10:00Break
10:30Sharing in pairs then at tables
11:30Whole group/other sharing & writing
12:00
LUNCH is served for 30 minutes
Saturday Afternoon
1:30
Recognizing “right action”- Faith VS Fear – Big Book and OA literature.
2:00
Journal Time
2:30small group sharing
3:00.
Break 30 minutes
3:30
sharing in pairs then whole group
4:30Break
Saturday Evening
5:30DINNER is served for 30 minutes
6:30What would you do if you weren’t afraid. Doing a FEAR INVENTORY
8:30Tea and Coffee to end the day, Drawing!
Sunday Morning
8:00
BREAKFAST is served for 30 minutes
9:00humility- one among many
9:30.
10:30
11:15.
group sharing about the weekend
Walk of trust.
Close the Retreat
For an electronic copy of this manual go to the PPSI website,
Click on EVENTS and select Retreat 2012.
www.OASouthernColorado.org
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Part 1: Taking Action or Not Taking
Action (when action is called for).
‚’Release and Joy – We think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are
sometime shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past.
But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have helped others to recover. What greater
cause could there be for rejoicing than this.’ As Bill Sees It, Pg 163. Also AA BB, Pg 132.
‚‛Neither Dependence nor Self-Sufficiency - …We failed to see that, though adult in years, we were
still behaving childishly, trying to turn everybody—friends, wives, husbands, even the world itself—into
protective parents. We refused to learn that overdependence upon people is unsuccessful because all
people are fallible, and even the best of them will sometimes let us down, especially when our
demands for attention become unreasonable. We are now on a different basis: the basis of trusting
and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. Just to the extent that we do
as we think He would have us do, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with
serenity.‛ As Bill Sees It, Pg 265. Also, AA 12&12, Pg 115, and AA BB, Pg 68.
‚’By trying to control others through manipulation and fierce force, we had hurt loved ones. When we
tried to control ourselves, we wound up demoralized. Even when we succeeded, it wasn’t enough to
make us happy.(OA 12&12, Pg 5) …People couldn’t manage their lives without me. ‘Fixing’ other
people gave me a false sense of security, much as the huge amount of food seemed to blur all my
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
fears. I believe that this power made people admire, respect, and appreciate me. However, I did not
admire, respect, or appreciate myself. ‚… Today, neither food nor control keeps the fears away.
‚For today, I choose not to do for others what they can do for themselves. I seek God’s will, make
sure, my affairs are in order, and turn the outcome of my life and others’ lives over to my Higher
Power.‛ Voices Of Recovry Pg 22.
Readings from Lifelines:
September 2002, pg 12, Joy of Imperfection ‚…it is obvious that procrastination remains a major
character defect for me. However, I have changed my belief about appearing perfect.
‚I was in OA for many years before I realized that perfectionism is a character defect, rather than a
virtue to be sought, as I had always believed. When I want to work on changing a character defect, I
first look at its opposite, so I know what asset to strive for. I felt silly when I looked up ‘perfectionism’
in the dictionary and found that the antonym is ‘imperfection.’ Then I looked up imperfection’ and
found that it means ‘the quality of being undone, unfinished, incomplete.’ Suddenly imperfect seemed
exactly what I wanted to be:
‚Being imperfect means:
‚I can leave a job half-done and finish it later, or maybe not at all.
‚I no longer have to have all the answers; I am allowed to say I don’t know.
‚I can admit when I am wrong.
‚I can ask others for help.
‚I don’t have to do everything myself to have it done right.
I can accept my tendency to procrastinate, even though I may not like it.
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
‚I am free to laugh at myself.
‚I am enough, just as I am.‛
June 2004, pg 7, Peeks and Problems of a Man in OA, ‚Being a man in OA has helped me become
a better person in all aspects of my life: with my wife, with our family, at work and, most importantly,
in my relationship with God. Today, I don’t feel I have to know all the answers. I don’t have to ‘fix’
everything. I don’t have to cover up my fears. It’s okay that I have feelings. What a freedom it is being
a recovering man in OA.‛
February 2006, pg 10, Importance of Choices ‚I have found that the disease of compulsive
overeating uses emotional manipulation, so I use the Big Book for insurance, inspiration and
illumination. It rids me of anger, doubt and fears. The Big Book does not say my life will change; it
says I must change the way I think. I must be willing to think in a positive way. In the meantime, my
abstinence and plan of eating hold firm inside me. Higher Power allows me to define my own destiny
and take control of my thoughts through my choices.‛
Journal Ideas: Taking Action
Recover - If all three legs of your recovery stool are not in balance, make a list to identify which of
the legs could use increased recovery work and identify what actions you might take to achieve
balance.
Change – Why not write down a few things about yourself, your life or your program of recovery that
you would like to see different. Choose or two items and journal on what actions you might take to
begin the change process. Or, write about what is holding you back from taking that first action.
Perfectionism - If you have not let go of the pursuit of perfectionism, list the reasons that are blocking
you from experiencing your life now. Journal on how your every day life and your program of recovery
could be if you were not afraid of living without the false protection of ‘when’ thinking.
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Notes:
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Part 2: Recognizing Right Action
‚Domination and Demand – The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a
true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist
upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily
on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our
incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to
manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt
feelings, a sense of persecution, and desire to retaliate. My dependency meant demand—a demand
for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me.‛ As Bill Sees It, Pg
176.
‚Happy—When We’re Free – We are sure God would like to see us happy, joyous, and free. Hence,
we cannot subscribe to the belief that this life necessarily has to be a vale of tears, though it once
was just that for many of us. But it became clear that most of the time we had made our own misery.‛
As Bill Sees It, Pg 218. Also AA BB 133.
‚Love Everybody? – We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can
show kindness where we had formerly shown none. With those we dislike we can at least begin to
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way at times to understand and help them.‛ As
Bill Sees It, Pg 230. Also, AA 12&12, Pg 92-93.
Readings from Lifelines
September 2002, pg 9, Lightening the Load ‚As an inveterate grudge keeper, I find it hard to forgive
some offenses. Recently someone shared how the following actions can help me let go of the grudge
and forgive:
‚1. Name the grudge or offense and the person who committed it.
‚2. Decide to forgive that person.
‚3. Picture the pain that person caused me as a black ball of thick fog.
‚4. Picture myself giving that ball to my Higher Power, either handling it to Him or laying it at His feet.
‚5. Picture the black ball of fog going into my Higher Power. He has it. Now, let it go.‛
May 2005, pg 5&6, Rethinking the Destination ‚…That was six months ago, and by God’s grace, I
am on a new level of surrender. I thought thin meant happy, but without a physical barrier between
the world and me, I got scared fast. Looking back, I’m not surprised I gained 8 pounds without
bingeing. I was trying to go it alone. During that period I went through many changes in my career
and relationships, and I thought my program could change to. Now I know that no matter what
happens, no matter how many things change on the outside, my program must stay the same.‛
July 2005, pg 6, Decisions, ‚I know my decisions affect not only the physical outcomes of my
actions, but also my feelings about them.‛
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
September 2005, pg 9, Doing What is Right for Me, ‚My husband and I have been married for 32
years, and I have been in OA for 16. Early on in OA, I tried various food plans, found one that worked
and had many binge-free years. However, I kept trying to get away with eating riskier foods and
drinking alcohol. My husband was delighted when I started drinking with him, but the alcohol often led
to overeating.
‚For Valentine’s Day, I baked him a favorite treat and ate compulsively while doing so. … I spent a
few hours alone. While praying, I received guidance from God. He wanted me to give up alcohol and
return to a food plan I had tried long ago.
‚When I had abandoned that same food plan in the past, my husband said ‘I’m glad you’re not eating
that way anymore.’ …I am the one living with this disease, 24 hours a day, and I have the right to
choose what to put into this body…
‚That was more than two months ago. I have been abstinent since. It took a few days to gather the
courage to tell my husband.‚
November 2008, pg 11&12, Five Meaningful “Selfs” When I took these actions (worked Steps 1-9)
and restored my integrity, I began to feel new emotions and experience new ways of thinking. … my
new feelings and thoughts have much to do with five more meaningful ‘selfs’ that reach deeper into
my soul and transform my life more richly:
‚Self-belief. I began to believe in myself because by working the Steps, I received the gift of faith.
‚Self-forgiveness. As I learn to forgive others, I learn to forgive myself.
‚Self-acceptance. When I remember that ‘acceptance is the answer to all my problems today (AA, 4th
Ed pg 417), I can accept that who I am is exactly who I am supposed to be—for the moment.
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
‚Self-confidence. When I live with honesty and integrity, my positive feelings about my abilities grow
each day. I can look other people in the eye and feel good about who I am and what service I can
offer…
‚Self-approval. When I do my best to do the next right thing one moment at a time, I approve of me
too.‛
Voices of Recovery,
‚We are taught, through loving acts of tact and kindness under difficult circumstances, that we are
given far more than a normal body size as a result of taking OA’s 12 steps and remaining abstinent.
‚Since recovery in OA is a transformational journey, conflict with others is inevitable, and often
unavoidable. The shame and low self-esteem which preys on us afterwards is the voice of our
disease, calling us back. Today, I can view my differences with others, both personal and
philosophical, as opportunities to identify and overcome my knee-jerk reactions to the world in which I
live. I can tolerate the feelings and sidestep the temptation to abbreviate my discomfort by speaking
or acting inappropriately knowing that a short-term ‘fix’ won’t work for someone like me. I pray that I
may always seek God’s help to move towards the most harmonious relations with others, knowing
that my abstinence may hinge on my reaction to life in this moment. The OA principles will always
lead me in that direction.
‚’Clearly, if we were going to remain abstinent and find serenity, we had to learn better ways of
dealing with other people, ways that would bring us joy instead of pain.’ OA 12&12, Pg 67.
‚Learning better ways of dealing with other people is a life-long process and a challenge. Yet I’ve
learned things in OA that have helped. The first is acceptance. I had all sorts of expectations about
others’ abilities and behaviors. I expected people to be competent, capable, and productive. I
expected them to behave rationally and to be true to their word. These are my expectations for
myself, and I’ve had to let go of them for others. I am still disappointed when someone doesn’t follow
through on a commitment, but I don’t let it ruin my serenity. I’ve also learned that I don’t have to prove
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
I’m right. I can silently agree to disagree. I put aside my pride, acknowledge another’s point by saying
‘You may be right,’ and gracefully walk away from the situation. Finally, I look for the good in people.
Sometimes it requires quite a stretch, but the stretch is worth it. Focusing on the bad brings pain; the
joy comes in finding the good. I’d rather have the joy!‛ Pg 249.
Journal Ideas - Recognizing Right Action
Change – A positive view of change could help invite an atmosphere that allows defects or
shortcomings to be converted to assets, or even to be viewed as assets from a different perspective.
An example would be not invoking ‘the extremes’ of a particular trait. Think and journal about a few
areas which might benefit from this type of thinking.
Recovering – Recovered? –The AA BB says ‘we have recovered’; PPSI has had workshop leaders
from outside Colorado who say we are recovered when we are not reacting to food and to life in the
same way we used to. Reflect on this topic and journal on how you view your progress with regard to
your journey to recovery from compulsive overeating.
Grief and Hope – Why not write a Good-bye letter to your disease. Part of your letter could include
the hopeful aspects of your life without compulsive overeating.
Awakenings – ah-ha’s – Journal on a few main ah-ha’s awarenessss that have influenced your ability
to get recovery or to stay on the path toward recovery. Think about if these ‘moments’ came to you
through journaling, listening to a speaker, prayer and meditation, sharing with your sponsor, etc.
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Notes:
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Part 3: What Would You Do if You Weren’t Afraid?
Readings from Lifelines
July 2005, pg 7, A Second Chance, ‚The shame that once engulfed me is diminishing. I know today
that the disease counts on shame to flourish. It tries to make me believe I am worthless and
undeserving. It is hideous and crippling. …‛
July 2005, Triggers to Overeating, ‚My feelings are based on my perceptions which are broken—
maybe bankrupt. I was talking with my son about his relationship to his mother, my ex-wife, and
encouraging him to contact her because he hasn’t talked to her in years. Toward the end of the
conversation, he said ‚Dad, it always seems to turn out better when I do exactly the opposite of what
you suggest.’
‚That was a great lesson for me. Sentimentality skews my perception about food as well as life and
leads me to overeat.‛
July 2005, pg 11, Feast for the Spirit, ‚I recently heard at a meeting, ‘When I sent God away, he
took the fruits and vegetables with him.’‛
August 2005, pg 12, Finding My True Nature ‚Recovery is an awakening to and expression of our
true natures…‛
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
September 2005, pg 8, Gift of Forgiveness …sponsor sharing a suggestion on how to accept a
difficult person… ‚Just say this to yourself—over and over if necessary: ‘B. is busy being B right now.
She has NO HOPE of being anyone else AT THIS MOMENT. I am okay. There is no emergency.‛
With gritted teeth, I did just that. Soon I thought, ‘Well, I can’t be any different than I am at this
moment, either. May I could accept B. just as she is at this moment and trust she is doing the best
she can right now.’ I use those words often—sometimes inserting my own name!‛
‚Another forgiveness memory I have involves an argument with my mother. (Both not in program), I
was loudly detailing for my mother everything she had ever done wrong to me …She said ‘I am sorry.
I will make every effort not to do those things in the future…I am not sure what else you want from
me.’ … ‚Years later, when I was replaying tapes of my past in my head, I heard what she said and
listened to myself. It suddenly occurred to me, ‘Geez, what else DO I want from her? She said she
was sorry…. What else could I reasonably want or ask for? It occurred to me that she had offered to
me the same thing I was working on in my 8 th & 9th Steps.
July 2007, pg 12, Bronze Rule ‚A few years ago, an OA member generously shared the following:
‚Golden Rule: do for others what you need them to do for you.
‚Silver Rule: do for yourself that which you are wiling to do for another.
‚Iron Rule: do not do for another that which they are fully capable of doing for themselves.
I think of it as, ‘Be fair, be gentle, do not enable.’ Recently, I discovered another rule.
‚Bronze Rule: do not allow another to do for me that which I am fully capable of doing for myself. (Do
not allow myself to be enabled.)‛
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Voices of Recovery
‚’I look at my past in order to understand myself and in order to let the past go.’ For Today, Pg 235.
‚As a compulsive overeater, I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of person. I have found it best to
simplify my life, eliminating as much clutter as possible, … However in the case of relationships and
past experiences, it’s impossible to erase or ignore those feelings and memories.
‚I also tend to want to run, or go for the quick-fix. By practicing the spiritual principles of the program
and utilizing the tools of recovery, I confront my demons and work through my greatest fears. The
process of uncovering, discovering, and discarding is an ongoing adventure. Detaching myself from
what I believe happened, accepting what is true, and staying in the present moment serve to remind
me that only this moment matters. Experience is what happens to me, but what matters most is what
I do with that experience.‛ Pg 171.
Journal Ideas- 4th Step Fear Inventory
2 copies of the “FEAR Inventory” are in the back of the
manual.
Notes:
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Notes:
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Part 4: One Among Many- A Study of Humility
‚Arrogance and Its Opposite – I see ‘humility for today’ as a safe and secure stance midway between
violent emotional extremes. It is a quiet place where I can keep enough perspective and enough
balance to take my next small step up the clearly marked road that points toward eternal values.‛ As
Bill Sees It, Pg 199.
‘Reaching for Humility – We saw we needn’t always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could
come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. We first
reach for a little humility, knowing that we shall perish of alcoholism if we do not. After a time, though
we may still rebel somewhat, we commence to practice humility because this is the right thing to do.
Then comes the day when, finally freed in large degree from rebellion, we practice humility because
we deeply want it as a way of life.‛ As Bill Sees It, Pg 211. Also AA 12&12, Pg 75.
‚From the Taproot - …Every newcomer is told, and soon realizes for himself, that his humble
admission of powerlessness over alcohol is his first step toward liberation from its paralyzing grip.
So it is that we first see humility as a necessity. But this is the barest beginning. To get completely
away from our aversion to the idea of being humble, to gain a vision of humility as the avenue to true
freedom of the human spirit, to be willing to work for humility as something to be desired for itself,
takes most of us a long, long time. A whole lifetime geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in
reverse all at once.‛ As Bill Sees It, Pg 305, AA 12&12, Pgs 21-22 & 72-73.
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
‚…Service, gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God’s
help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the
well-understood fact that in God’s sight all human being are important, the proof that love freely given
surely brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed
prisons, the surety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holes but can fit and belong in
God’s scheme of things—these are the permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for which
no amount of pomp and circumstances, no heap of material possessions, could possibly be
substitutes.‛ The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (AA) Pg 124.
Readings from Lifelines:
December 2000, pg 12, Stepping into Humility ‚…I read the chapter on Step Seven in the OA
‘12&12’ a few times before I grasped the essence of humility. Instead of humility being self-flagellation
before a condescending God, our book states that ‘humility is simply an awareness of who we really
are today and a willingness to become all that we can be’ (p 60). This definition includes no beating
myself up, no toxic shame nor even a breast-beating mea culpa. I find great comfort and grace in
being reminded that I’m on a journey toward authenticity. The OA 12&12 promises that humility
‘places us exactly where we belong, on equal footing with our fellow beings and in harmony with God’
(pg 60).
‚This definition of humility points out one of my shortcomings. As a compulsive overeater who fears
people in positions of authority, the idea of being ‘on equal footing with our fellows’ terrifies me.
However, with the support of the literature, my God squad and my Higher Power, part of my daily
spiritual practice is to walk by my boss’s door at the end of the day and wish him a friendly good
night. I’m not trying to curry his favor, but to take the tiniest step toward being ‘on equal footing’ with
my fellows. With one shortcoming slowly being removed, I feel joy, relief and gratitude as I head
toward a willingness to be all that I can be ‘in harmony with God.‛
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
February 2001, pg 8, Humility Lesson ‚When I was eight years old, I had a playmate whom I treated
badly a few times by saying mean things to her. She moved away. … The things I said were
permanently burned in my memory, and I felt extremely guilty. … I trusted the Steps and wanted to
meet her face-to-face to fully purge the memories and guilt. … When I searched for her, I was
shocked to learn that she was married and had children. (I subconsciously expected her to be living
in a gutter somewhere.) … I was shocked she didn’t remember me. It took at least five minutes of
‘remember this?’ and ‘remember that?’ to get her to almost believing that I was a person from her
past. … When I saw her, I was amazed that she was normal and lovely. I was still thinking of her as
being destitute, thanks to me. I apologized for saying mean things to her when we were children,
assuming she would remember immediately… Her response was the final shock: ‘I’m sorry this has
caused you so much pain, but I simply don’t remember any of it.’ … The guilt was lifted … and I
chuckle every time I think about it.‛
May 2006, pg 3, Humility and the Steps ‚I finally saw that my character assets each have an
opposite, defective side: self-centeredness, selfishness, dishonesty and fear. For example I use my
perfectionism to create beautiful arts and crafts, but demand too much of myself, resent others for not
being perfect, procrastinate, beat myself up and live in fear of what others think of me.
‚Through practicing Steps One through Nine, I saw for the first time that I am a balanced human
being, full of assets and defects like everyone else. This was the beginning of loving myself just the
way I am and seeing others as perfect just the way they are. I learned that ‘humility’ is the word for
this knowledge.‛
For Today
‚’Competitions are for horses, not artists.’ Bela Bartok
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
‚The art of living is probably the highest form of personal expression: one is not concerned with who
is behind or ahead, but rather with the enjoyment of now. … The art of living requires that I like
myself, accept what I am and stop wishing I were otherwise. There is no room for pretense. People
who have developed the art of living are sweetly living and deeply sensitive while maintaining their
independence. They are as respectful of their own values and opinions as those of others.
“For today: In looking to others in the program for help, I am careful not to deny my own right of
discovery. Pg 15.
‚’Something there is that doesn’t love a wall – that wants it down.’ Robert Frost
‚I try in all ways to be good, kind, helpful—to give people the benefit of my wisdom and advice. This
is a wall? It is. True giving of myself requires not advice or helpfulness, but allowing others to be,
without trying to change their opinions or protect them from making mistakes. Telling another what to
do erects a wall between us. Walls keep us apart. When I am tempted to give advice, I need to
practice the discipline of listening, instead. That is real closeness, without barriers.
‚For today: I freely give to others what this program has given to me, remembering that the only
authority here is God as each of us understands God.‛ Pg 217.
Journal Ideas- Humility
Humility and the Steps – Make a list of the Steps or of the spiritual principles in each Step and
include a few thoughts on how humility works with each Step. Identify if there are Steps in your
journey which could benefit from humility and how you might begin to bring that about.
Recovery – Let’s focus on a quick assessment of honesty in your recovery: Take a look at each Step
and at the nine tools and see how you might use each more effectively in your recovery. If you feel
you are using a specific Step or tool to the best of your ability, journal on gratitude to your Higher
Power.
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PPSI Colorado Springs Retreat: “A Pause That Refreshes“ March 2012
Belonging – Journal about how you demonstrate your belonging to OA. Think about and journal on
actions that could strengthen your unity within OA? Include thoughts on how such actions could
enhance your program of recovery.
Notes:
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