The Basics: Your Opening Statement
The way you begin your conversation with a student can set the stage for a successful dialog. Your goal
should be to show that you support the student without conveying that you are there to dictate a
specific answer or “assignment” to change.
Here is an opening statement that strikes that balance:
“I’m not a therapist. But I’m a good listener.
I’m not here to tell you what to do; I’m here because I care about what’s going on in your life,
and I want to help you decide whether you want to make any changes.”
Keep in mind that students may not believe you. It is common for students to mistrust a teacher’s
motivations, especially if they fear consequences from you or other authority figures like parents or law
enforcement. They may respond with a statement like this:
“I know you’re just saying that. It’s your job to find out what’s going on and report to the
principal (/tell my parents/call the cops).”
Your best strategy is not to become defensive or take their response personally. Instead, answer directly
in a way that opens the door for the student to decide whether or not to speak with you. For example:
“I can’t control what anyone else might think or do. What I can do is help you look at what’s
going on in your life and decide for yourself what you might want to do.”
Other useful tips for opening the dialog:
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To help keep the student from becoming defensive, don’t rely solely on the words “you” and
“your”. Make some statements more neutral or general, saying for example, “Students often
hesitate to talk with teachers or other adults about tough subjects.”
Avoid using labeling words like “problem” or “diagnosis”. Instead, just acknowledge the
behavior by name (if you know it): “I’ve noticed that you’ve been having trouble staying awake
in class” or ask open-ended questions to discover it: “You seem to be having a rough time lately,
and I’m concerned about you. What’s going on?”
About confidentiality:
It may be appropriate to set some ground rules up front with the student about confidentiality. Here is
an example of how you might do that, using MI tactics:
“Is it okay if I talk to you about confidentiality?
I won’t share what you tell me unless it has to do with hurting yourself or someone else. In those
cases, I would talk with you about who I would need to talk to and exactly what I would tell
them. What do you think of that?”
The Basics: Examples of OARS statements
Open-Ended Questioning / Affirming / Reflecting / Summarizing
Tips for Open-Ended Questions:
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Students may not know how to respond to an open-ended question like “What do you think?”,
or “What’s going on in your life?” As an alternative, you may find it helpful to phrase your
question as multiple-choice. For example, “Do you feel happy about this, or upset about it, or
something else?”
Respond to an unexpected statement with an open-ended question. For example, if a student
was to say “I had unprotected sex at a party last night”, you could respond with a question that
expresses curiosity instead of judgement, such as “I’m curious. What do you think I’m going to
say about what you just told me?”
When speaking with a student who does not see him/herself as having a problem, consider
using an open-ended question that does not focus on him/her directly. For example, instead of
asking “Are you worried about your partying?”, you could ask “What are people giving you a
hard time about?”
Tips for Affirming Statements
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Avoid “cheerleading” with vague statements like “Great job!” or “You’re terrific!” are less
constructive than statements that recognize a specific trait or action, such as “It was smart of
you to make a pros and cons list”.
You don’t always have to make your affirmations personal. Too many “I” statements (“I’m so
proud of you!” can also come across as over-the-top. Instead, mix in statements like “It’s great
that you decided to talk to the guidance counselor.”
Tips for Reflective Statements:
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Avoid stating reflections as questions. For example: “You stayed up all night playing video
games.” sounds less judgmental than “You stayed up all night playing video games?”
Notice that reflective statements do not begin with phrases like “So…”, “What I hear you saying
is…” or “It sounds like…” While these are not incorrect, they are not really necessary, and they
tend to be overused. These statements may discourage some students from sharing, especially
those who have interacted with mental health professionals who rely heavily on them. Instead,
you can simply restate what the student tells you, “You think people are judging you.”, or “You
are really sad about this breakup.”
Tips for Summarizing
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MI experts consider summarizing an opportunity to draw key points from the conversation
together to help the individual “connect the dots.” Summarizing also shows that you are really
listening, and clarifies that what you heard is what he/she intended to say.
Make sure to stick close to the student’s statements when summarizing.
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Instead of waiting until the end of the conversation to summarize, pause from time to time to
summarize key points and look for themes before moving on. For example, “You’ve shared a lot
about your relationship with your boyfriend – how being with him makes you feel popular and
accepted, and how you feel scared when he gets angry. You’re not sure where your relationship
is headed, but you’re wondering if the negatives might be starting to outnumber the positives.”
Note: OARS statements aren’t always used in order.
Those experienced in the technique sometimes “bookend” open-ended questions with reflective
statements to keep the conversation from sounding like an interrogation, like this:
Teacher: “You mentioned that you always feel sick and tired during first period. Tell me more about what
that feels like.” (Reflective statement, followed by open-ended question worded as a statement)
Student: “Yeah. I usually feel jittery and have a stomach ache and from just having coffee for breakfast.
But I don’t like to eat breakfast.”
Teacher: “Drinking coffee on an empty stomach makes you feel sick, but the challenge is to figure out
what you could eat and drink instead in the morning.” (Reflective statement)