Taking Strides Series
I Want To Know What Love Is
When asked “What makes a good marriage?” the answer given by nearly 90 percent of the population is “Being in
love.” When asked to list the essential ingredients of love as a basis for marriage, however, a survey of more than a
thousand college students revealed that “no single item was mentioned by at least one-half of those responding.” In
other words, we can’t agree on what love is. Or perhaps more accurately, we don’t know what love is. As one person
in the survey said, “Love is like lightning—you may not know what it is, but you do know when it hits you.”
Five hundred years ago, Chaucer said, “Love is blind.” Maybe he was right, but it’s time to strip off our blindfolds
and look love square in the face.
There are three key components of love:
Passion—the motivational side of love, the spine-tingling sensation that moves us toward romance. It is sensual
and sexual, but can also be possessive.
Intimacy—the emotional side of love. This is where you know the other person. It has a “best friend” or “soul
mate” quality to it. It involves closeness, sharing, communication, honesty, and support.
Commitment—the cognitive and willful side of love. It creates a small island of certainty in a world of uncertainty. It secures love for our partner when passion burns low and when turbulent times and fierce impulses
overtake us. It says, “I love you because you are you, not because of what you do or how I feel.”
[From Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, by Les and Leslie Parrott]
FOR DISCUSSION
When did you first say “I love you” to your partner? Recount the experience.
What were you thinking and feeling?
Encounter
read God’s Word so that He can speak to you.
Ephesians 5:28-33
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his
own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his
father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ
and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
“I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS” - TAKING STRIDES - MARRIAGE 101 SERIES - JANUARY 4– 10, 16
Explore God’s Word
asking questions of what you saw.
The notes which follow may help you to think through these questions
1)
Paul could be saying in Ephesians 5:28-33 that husbands need to love and care for their wives in the same way
they naturally love and care for their own bodies. That may not be a good paradigm for every marriage.
He could also mean, “Love her because she is your own body”—and then explains that by stating the two
are one.
So what does this mean and what would it look like?

What does it mean “the two will become one flesh”?
2)
In your love life right now (either pre-marriage, in marriage, or how it was when your marriage ended), which
component of love seems most powerful: passion, intimacy, or commitment? Why?
3)
During the journey of marriage, the relationship can take on different forms as the two grow to be one in
practice: Stage One: Romance; Stage Two: Power Struggle; Stage Three: Cooperation; Stage Four:
Mutuality; Stage Five: Co-creativity. Why is it important to know that love takes different shapes over our
lifespan?

4)
If you are married, what stage would you say you are in? How long have you been married?
Passion is typically the first component of love to fade in marriage. What can you do to prepare for the
inevitable fading of passion without letting it die out completely?
“I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS” - TAKING STRIDES - MARRIAGE 101 SERIES - JANUARY 4– 10, 16
Explore (cont.)
5)
What do you do in your relationship to cultivate intimacy?

What else can you do to cultivate intimacy, especially when you are busy?
6)
Commitment is the bedrock of lasting love, giving security and allowing us to relax. Do you think there are
times in marriage when commitment runs thin? If so, when and what can be done to prevent it?
7)
List some specific things you can do to make love last.
Notes On The Passage
(Adapted from Dr. Thomas Constable Bible Study Notes)
NOTES ON THE PASSAGE (Adapted from Dr. Thomas Constable Bible Study Notes)
28 - This verse and the following two verses apply the truth just stated in Ephesians 5:25-27. Since in marriage two people become one flesh (Genesis 2:24), in a figurative sense a man's wife becomes part of his own body. Consequently the
husband should love and treat her as he does his own body (cf. Leviticus 19:18).
29-30 - The truth that no normal person hates his own body is clear because everyone who is of sound mind maintains
his physical body. The idea that we all need to learn to love ourselves, which some psychologists stress, is foreign to the
apostles' thought here. Christ also feeds and cares for His body, the church. The implication is that husbands should likewise care for their wives since the wife is a "member" of his body.
Nourishing involves providing security. Cherishing involves protecting by watching out for and caring for. Here are
some basic needs that most wives feel. They need to feel wanted, to have their husbands acknowledge their equality, to
feel secure, and to feel fulfilled. They also need to enjoy sex without feeling like an object, to bear and love children with
their husbands, and to enjoy companionship with their husbands.
31 - Adam acknowledged that Eve was part of himself: "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh" (Genesis 2:23). When
a man and a woman unite in marriage, they become part of one another in as close a unity as the one that existed before
“I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS” - TAKING STRIDES - MARRIAGE 101 SERIES - JANUARY 4– 10, 16
Notes On The Passage
(Adapted from Dr. Thomas Constable Bible Study Notes)
God separated Eve physically from Adam. The Scriptures regard this tie as more fundamental than any other tie that
unites any other two human beings, including parent and child. It is partially because of this high view of marriage that
Christianity has traditionally taken a strong stand for the indissolubility of the marriage bond and against polygamy,
adultery, and divorce.
32 - The mystery in view is the truth previously hidden but now brought to light. The relationship that exists between a
husband and his wife is the same as the one that exists between Christ and His church. The church has as close a tie to
Christ spiritually as a wife has to her husband spiritually. Paul revealed that Genesis 2:24 contains a more profound
truth than people previously realized. The mystery is great because it has far-reaching implications.
One of the purposes of marriage is to model Jesus Christ's relationship with the church. He leads, loves, and serves the
church. The church reverently submits and is subject to Him. When husbands and wives fulfill these responsibilities to
one another, their marriage models the relationship between Christ and His bride.
33 - Even if Paul's original readers did not grasp the significance of Christ's intimate relationship to the church fully, every individual (Gr. humeis hoi kath' hena) Christian husband, one by one, was responsible to love his wife as himself. Likewise every (the same Greek phrase) Christian wife should, one by one, respect (phobetai, fear, reverence) her husband
(Ephesians 5:21-22). Paul did not instruct wives to respect their husbands because submission is the primary expression
of love that God requires. If the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, the wife will respect (fear) and so
love her husband.
Respecting means voluntarily lifting up another person for special consideration, treatment, and obedience. It involves
having consideration for his responsibilities and needs and praying for him. Words of encouragement that have a positive focus and build him up show respect for a husband, as does doing things that please him. Probably most men have a
poor self-image. A man must have the respect of his wife to feel successful as a man.
Going Further
One thing we can do to train ourselves to remember, is to memorize a part of what our Father has said to us.
The Holy Spirit can use this to change our thinking so that our “heads” are more like Jesus.
This week, memorize Ephesians 5:28.
“I WANT TO KNOW WHAT LOVE IS” - TAKING STRIDES - MARRIAGE 101 SERIES - JANUARY 4– 10, 16