Family Relationships in Families with Multiples
How can the presence of twins, triplets or
more affect family dynamics?
Of course no two families are the same but
having a multiple group within a family can
affect the family dynamics in a unique way.
The diagram below visually shows the instant
change in the number of relationships
following a singleton birth (figs 1&2),
compared to a twin birth (figs 1&3). With
triplets or more the increase is even more
dramatic and when there are siblings the
complexity of new relationships is even
greater. When one baby is introduced into a
family the whole family has time to develop
those new relationships. It is understandable
therefore why parents of multiples may feel
overwhelmed by the changes in family
relationships following a multiple birth.
What affect does the multiple children’s
group have on the other relationships within
the family?
Audrey Sandbank, Tamba’s Honorary
Consultant in Family Therapy explains that in
families there are usually two groups; the
parents’ group and the children’s group but in
families with multiples there is a third group
which is the twins, triplets or more group. By
joining together this group can have quite a
powerful effect on the rest of the family. If the
parent group is strong then it can act as a
counter balance to the multiple group but in the
case of an absent parent, the one left caring for
the multiple group can feel lonely and isolated.
If that parent responds to the situation by
joining in with the multiple group his or her
authority as a parent weakens which can lead
to difficulties in maintaining acceptable
behaviours and as a result increased stress for
that parent.
Two parent family
In some situations one parent might become
part of the multiple group leaving the other
parent isolated outside it. That parent can often
be the father. An isolated father can result in an
isolated mother who feels she has to cope on
her own and can become depressed as a
result.
Fig 1
Fig 2
Fig3
Lone parent family
Fig 1
Fig 2
Other members of the family such as a single
sibling can also feel left out from this strong
group and as a result can feel less important
than those in the multiple group.
In order to maintain a balance within the family
it is better that the parent gets his or her
support from either the other parent or another
adult outside the twin or triplet group and so
time spent nurturing that relationship is
important. Treating each person as an
individual first means each family member’s
needs are recognised both within the multiple
group and outside it.
Fig 3
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How does the experience of having multiples
within the family unit affect different roles within
the family?
Couples
• Many couples have mixed feelings about having
twins or more.
• The additional demands of raising twins or more
can lead to feelings of having nothing left for each
other. Marital breakdown is greater in families with
multiples than singletons.
• Having multiple children can also make couples feel
very special.
• It can be difficult to give individual attention to each
child which can be frustrating for the parent as well
as the child.
Fathers
• Fathers of twins or more are more likely to be
involved in their babies care than fathers of a
singleton but may also lack confidence in their
ability to do so.
• They may feel isolated by the close relationship of
the mother and multiple group.
• Fathers of multiples may feel additional pressure to
help at home and cope with the pressures of work.
The additional financial burden on the family may
also increase that pressure.
• Fathers of multiples are more likely to become
depressed than fathers of singletons.
Mothers
• Mothers of multiples can experience feelings
ranging from being overwhelmed to being
immensely proud.
• They may feel they have little time for themselves.
• They may find it hard not being able to be the
parent they planned to be.
Other Siblings
• Being the brother or sister of multiples can be
difficult. Attention gets focused on multiples and
siblings can be left out. Even if parents are careful
not to leave them out family, friends and casual
contacts can reinforce the feeling that the sibling is
less important than the multiples.
• Jealousy can lead to attention-seeking behaviour
and aggression towards multiples.
• Boys find it harder to adapt to multiples than girls
but the more siblings there are the easier it is.
Grandparents
• Grandparents can often become more involved as
regular carers for the children than might be the
case for singletons. This can mean their lives can
also be changed significantly.
What support does Tamba offer?
Tamba aims to provide high quality information and
mutual support networks for families of twins, triplets
and more, highlighting their unique needs to all
involved in their care. Its services include Twinline a
confidential helpline for parent to parent support (see
details at the bottom of page one). There are parent
to parent support groups for infertility support, lone
parents, special needs, bereavement support and
higher multiples and specialist support to parents
through
Honorary
consultants.
See
www.tamba.org.uk for more details.
Tamba’s ‘Parenting with multiples in mind’ seven
week course is for parents and carers of multiples
aged one to five year olds and includes sessions on
individuality, managing behaviour and play and
development. Please contact Tamba for details of
courses in your area or if you are interested in
becoming a course facilitator. In addition Tamba’s
‘Parenting with multiples in mind’ video can be
used as a resource for both parents and health
professionals.
For more information
Twins and Multiple Births-The essential parenting
guide from pregnancy to adulthood Carol Cooper,
Vermillion, 2004
Twins and the family -The essential guide to
bringing up twins. Audrey Sandbank, Tamba, 2003
If you wish to discuss any of the issues in this
information sheet please contact Twinline,
Tamba’s confidential helpline.
As a charity, Tamba relies solely on income from grants, company sponsorship, membership subscriptions, fundraising activities and voluntary
donations to fund our services. If you would like more information on how to support Tamba, or would like to make a donation towards our work,
please call 0870 770 3305 or visit our website:www.tamba.org.uk