In the Field
November 2016
Inspiring and Informing Current Jesuit Volunteers
Living with Contradiction
Tilly Rudolph, Arrupe House, Baltimore 16, Loyola Marymount University.
“Find what centers you so that you can live with contradiction.”
- Fr. Jim Casciotti, SJ
I stopped abruptly. It was my first day in Baltimore, and I had
just turned into the living room of the Clare Furay House
when my eye caught the above quote written on a
whiteboard. I read it once, read it again, and then a third
time. With these words, my new home seemed to embrace
me and my working obsession of contradiction with open
arms. And for some reason, this surprised me.
The week before I left for Baltimore, I was trying to write a
piece on how I felt about moving across the country— about how it felt that my
choice to commit a year of service with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps seemed to
revolve around me. As if it was solely about my desire to challenge my relationship
with the world outside of Southern California. To see a place rise from magazine
and book pages I’ve read to become reality before me. To open my ears to the
unique beat of a city, to breathe in a conglomeration of smells a native nose knows
too well, to be selfishly touched by people I do not yet know. To be swallowed by
the unknown, but with the promise of future familiarity.
I sat uncomfortably with the thought that being in Baltimore was about me. Logic
was pushing me to think that moving to Baltimore as a Jesuit Volunteer should not
be something for me. Shouldn’t I be for Baltimore?
I was confronted with my inability to live with this contradiction when I turned the
corner in my new house. Reading Fr. Casciotti’s thought challenged the way I
thought about living with contradiction. I realized that if I knew exactly what
centered me, I would be comfortable with this contradiction.
It is absurd to think that my decision to commit a year of service to JVC can only be
about others, the service I partake in, or the city where I’m placed. It made me
reflect on how I am “for and with others.” As often talked about in my Jesuit
education, this idea increases the complexity of simply being “for” others, which
oftentimes results in a skewed playing field. Adding the “with” not only attempts to
even the playing field, but intentionally includes me in the mix. During East Coast
Orientation, one of the speakers told us that we are being a disservice if we are not
present in our communities, in our placements, in our cities. We are being a
disservice if we refuse recognize we are not just “for” others, but we are indeed
“with” them as well.
It is humbling to recognize I do not fully understand what it means to be for and
with others. It is exciting as well, for this realization paves a path of working
towards maximum presence in my community, in my placement and in my city.
This year must start out being about me, no matter how uncomfortable that is. This
will hopefully allow for Baltimore to be a place of discovery. A place to grapple with
difficult questions and have tough conversations. A place to actively uncover what
centers me so that I may live with the contradictions in my world.
On a slight off-note, I’ll end with a thought by Pico Iyer that captures the excitement
I’ve felt over the past two months of being in a new city: “And if travel is like love, it
is, in the end, mostly because it is a heightened state of awareness, in which we are
mindful, receptive, dimmed by unfamiliarity and ready to be transformed. That is why
the best trips, like the best love affairs, never really end.” Here’s to finding what centers
me. Here’s to living with contradiction. Here’s to three hundred and sixty-odd days
in Baltimore that never really end.
In This Issue
 Two Months / A Classroom Cell
 At the Table
 Treading Water: Reflections on ReO
 Celebrating Advent in Community
 Recipe Corner: Homemade Yogurt
 Recognizing a Mental Health Crisis
 Learning Lessons at Work
 Giving Sight to the Blind
Two Months
Poems & Reflections
Noah Johnson, Beatrice Cayetano House,
Belize City 16, Ramos House, Washington
DC 15, Gonzaga University. From his blog:
noahrjohnson.wordpress.com
Reflection written during a spirituality
night.
A Classroom Cell
Katherine Abalos, Fr. Kavanaugh House, St.
Louis 16, Casa Pedro Arrupe, SJ, Santa Clara 15,
Spring Hill College.
I work at a charter school in North St. Louis
with mostly black students and a mostly white
staff. This reflection was written after a day
working at a table at the end of the hall. I saw
many students sent out of the classroom for
misbehaving and the ways our staff members
struggle to maintain peace in the classroom.
We are ten miles from Ferguson where the
media has narrowed in on racial conflict and
violence. This issue of classroom management
caused me to reflect on the way that we in positions of authority
contribute to setting up these kids for cycles of trouble.
Twisting, rolling, tumbling from one charged year into
another.
Torn from comfort to questions.
Stubbing my toe repeatedly on language barriers and early
mornings;
jamming my fingers on broken irons and forgotten
comforts.
Turning round and round, nestling into a new
Place. Trying on personas, different parts of myself to see
that fits.
If only I could, maybe he would have, I should really… Or I
should not;
A hallway where students are sent out of the classroom.
“Don’t shout,” we shout.
Tuck in, sit down, don’t talk. Fear.
Adults in fear scream for normal.
Children in fear reach for normal.
Fear is not normal.
Fear fears a lack of fear. Interest knows no fear.
or I should slip, ever so slightly into the reality of failure that
came,
Attention. “Pay attention.”
No attention to what they fear.
No time in the day to show interest to the fear.
No time to make time to show interest to the fear.
clipped like a worn tag on the luggage of this year.
Fear is not normal.
“Don’t shoot.” We shoot. Locked in, lock down, perp walk. Fear.
Arrived just yesterday, yet a year could have already passed.
Full of dancing at 2am, minivans packed like a can of
sardines.
Full of laughter and dancing, of gunshots and fights.
Full of waterfalls, cramped bus rides, and of hurricanes
Full of unhurried, seeping trust in “the slow work of God”
Twisting, rolling, tumbling into this new reality of life.
2
Once children, now adults screaming in fear.
New children living life under a veil of fear.
Fear is not normal.
Bring peace, think peace, force peace, no peace.
When shouting and shooting become so twisted;
they cannot be pulled apart.
Yet, every day we ask, “where does it start?”
At the Table
Taiga Guterres, Julian Cho House,
Punta Gorda, Belize 15, Loyola
Marymount University.
From his blog:
journeyof18inches.wordpress.com
Imagine this scenario:
You are sitting one night with
your family. You feel irritated,
overtired, and underappreciated. Something
happens to push you beyond your patience and you
suddenly lose your temper.
You yell at everyone, tell them that they are selfish and
stupid, throw your coffee cup across the room, and
stamp out, violently slamming the door as a final
statement. Then you sit in your room, alienated. Slowly
sanity and contrition overcome self-pity, but wounded
pride and the rawness of what has just happened
prevent you from reentering the room and apologizing.
Eventually, you fall asleep, leaving things in that
unreconciled state.
The next morning, now doubly contrite and somewhat
sheepish, but still wounded in pride, you come to the
table. Everyone is sitting there having breakfast. You
pick up your coffee cup (which didn’t break and which
someone has washed and returned to its hook!), pour
yourself some coffee, and without saying a word, sit
down at the table – your contrition and your wounded
pride showing in your every move. Your family is not
stupid and neither are you. Everyone knows what this
means.
What is essential is being said, without words. You are
touching the hem of the garment, you are making the
basic move toward reconciliation, your body and your
actions are saying something more important than any
words: “I want to be part of you again.”
- Ronald Roheiser, OMI (The Holy Longing)
I first read The Holy Longing while living in this experience as a Jesuit Volunteer. It was a time where I was having a lot of issues
with my community, and reading Rolheiser’s words for the first time, I felt like he was speaking directly to me. These people
that I live with, as a JV, aren’t my relatives, I haven’t known them all my life (or for any of my life before this), and we don’t have
to see each other ever again after this experience if we don’t want to. But what binds us, what makes it an intentional
community, what makes it the crux of this experience, is the continual commitment and recommitment to each other.
Communal life allows for mutual support and encouragement of each other in our work and in living out the four values [of social
justice, community, spirituality, and simple living] . It challenges us to be open, compassionate, and willing to grow. We learn that our
lives are interconnected and that we have responsibility toward all members as they do to us. - JVC International Program Handbook
It is often in the everyday-ness of living— the small, ordinary ways— that we continually come back to the essence of
community. It’s boiling a little more water in the morning so you can have coffee. It’s leaving out mushrooms in the meal
because you dislike them even though I love them. It’s asking how your day was and listening, really listening. It’s learning what
issues you are sensitive to and why. It’s sitting in silence together after a long day of work. It’s celebrating our similarities. It’s
celebrating our differences. It’s asking the question, what do you think? It’s washing your feet. It’s letting you wash mine.
In a place where I’m constantly making mistakes, trying to figure out how to do my job well, learning about the culture and its
people, I find myself in community with those I live with; a community that often gets referred to as “the family I always and
never wanted.” Yes, this journey is about understanding my place in this world, being in solidarity with the poor, and figuring
out what a lived life of justice looks like, but fundamentally, it is about becoming a better lover – to receive love, to give love,
and to be love. It is sitting at the table waiting for the other. It is touching the hem of the garment, saying, “I want to be a part of
you again.”
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Treading Water: Reflections on ReOrientation
Shannon O’Brien, Casa Fred Green, Tacna, Peru 15, Loyola Marymount University.
Adapted from her blog: shannonleighobrien.wordpress.com
When I first arrived
to Tacna, Peru, one
of the outgoing
volunteers told me
that the first year is
comparable to
treading water:
though you might
move your arms in
circles, it’s really
about all you can do to just stay afloat. It’s
not until your second year when you truly
begin to learn how to swim.
months. I was excited by the idea of trying
new things. But I struggled with the idea
of saying goodbye to my kids at MP a year
earlier than they expected, of not being
able to watch them grow.
honor the way MP has welcomed me into
this space?
Rather than giving me advice, they
thanked me for being me: for being
“expansive,” “extroverted,” and for
challenging the status quo. Then they sent
me off with their blessings. I left the office
with nerves replaced by humility.
After a long period of discernment, I
eventually felt at peace with the idea of
changing placements. Yet as the year
begins to come to a close, I’ve started
feeling anxious about whether one year at It’s unnerving when someone sees you
more clearly than you see yourself.
Centro will be “enough.”
Especially because I haven’t felt
One reason I was attracted to JVC was the exceptionally extroverted, or tender, or
brave this year. Yet here were three of my
This water analogy has stuck with me ever two-year commitment, and the growth
that only a two-year relationship at a
mentors, pointing out these traits in me,
since, and as I approach my one-year
worksite
can
bring.
I
had
to
let
go
of
that
traits I aspire to embody. How did I show
mark in-country, I can wholeheartedly
agree this year was about learning how to worksite relationship in order to say “yes” all of this without realizing it? Am I really
float. Only in the past month have I finally to the switch. I had to remind myself that I all that, or is it more in simply trying to be
am not here to “start” or “finish” anything, all these things that I am made? In
begun to feel as if I’m starting to swim.
but to be, to learn, and to accompany. And wanting, do I become?
Thus I found it fitting that the theme for
if I fully give myself to my service, one year
As James Martin, SJ would say, the desire
my Re-Orientation retreat was water (and at each placement will be enough. Being
to desire God is more important than
that we spent the week by the ocean!).
content in the stillness during a day of
silence at ReO/DisO helped me have faith already desiring Her. So, though I may not
always be proud of the person I have
The week helped me re-enter Tacna
that one year at each placement is
encountered within myself this last year,
feeling calmer and more confident even
“enough” because I don’t have to be
maybe recognizing that and still striving to
though my first year is coming to a close. I “enough” of anything. I already am.
become the person I know I can be makes
will have to say goodbye to the two
Peru is helping to teach me that, but it’s
all the difference.
second-years who will have gracefully
accompanied me for the past 12 months, still easy to forget “I am a worker, not a
Saying “yes” to changing placements was
master builder.”
and then I will have to put my big-girl
one step along the path to becoming a
pants on and become a second-year
In
a
weird
way,
starting
to
say
goodbye
fuller version of myself. Just as committing
myself. Before retreat, I did not feel ready
has actually helped reaffirm that I am
to serve as a JV was an earlier step. It
to welcome new volunteers to Tacna
enough.
When
my
program
coordinator
hasn’t always been easy— reforming my
when I am still learning so much. But now
visited Tacna, we met with my supervisors sense of self, adjusting to a new culture
I am surer of myself. I may not know
at Miguel Pro and discussed my service to and new place, trying to learn how to
everything about Tacna, but I can share
the school this last year. I went into the
teach— but after reconnecting with the
what I do know, and that is enough.
meeting expecting a professional talk
larger JV network during retreat, I feel
about where I have grown and where I
recommitted to the call that originally
The idea of “enough” has been on my
can continue to grow, and to begin the
brought me to Peru.
mind a lot, for apart from transitioning
from my first to my second year, I will also process of my despedida (goodbye).
I am grateful for all that MP has given me
be changing placements. Ultimately, JVC
this year and I am ready to give all I can to
hoped to send a new volunteer to Colegio I entered the meeting feeling nervous. I
have
never
looked
forward
to
notifying
my
Centro. I am grateful for what I’ve learned
Miguel Pro (where I currently teach
during this time of transition, and I am
English with another first-year) and asked supervisors I’m leaving. How do I leave
while
saying
“thank
you”,
when
those
are
ready to welcome new JVs into theirs. I am
if I would consider moving to Centro
the only words I have in response to how ready to be a second year.
Cristo Rey, which is a before/after school
the staff and students at MP have
program for underprivileged youth. I
accompanied me this past year? How do I I am ready to be “enough.” I am ready to
thought about the change for a couple
swim.
4
Advent is a time of preparation and hope, and as
James Martin, SJ highlights, a time to get in touch
with your “deep desires.” . Here are some ways
you can bring the spirit of the season into your
community:
Recipes for JVs by JVs
Homemade Yogurt
Em on Flickr. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
Ignatian Spirituality Corner:
Celebrating Advent in
Community
Make an Advent wreath using local greenery
and/or found materials. Wrap old candles in
purple and pink and light the appropriate number
as you celebrate dinner together.
Repetitive songs and chants call us toward
simplicity and greater presence. Open community
meetings with a Taizé chant or verse of O Come,
O Come Emanuel.
Make your own Advent calendar and hang it in
community space (with something as simple as
decorated post-it notes, toilet-paper tubes, or a
wall calendar). Each day could include a different
prayer intention, or way the community can go
deeper with JVC’s four values (e.g. random acts of
kindness, a simplicity challenge, an advocacy
event attended together).
Melissa Gutierrez on Flickr. CC BY-SA 2.0
Visit ignatianspirituality.com/advent and
onlineministries.creighton.edu/
CollaborativeMinistry/Advent/ for resources to
share in a spirituality night or use on your own.
Resources include videos on Arts & Faith,
reflections on the Sunday scriptures from an
Ignatian perspective, podcasts, Advent calendars,
and an Advent-themed Examen.
Submitted by Jennifer Pederson, St. Bridget House, Mobile 13
A community member and I thought it would be fun to try to
make homemade yogurt. We looked through our cookbooks
and found a recipe that works well, with a couple suggestions
that I added. Enjoy!
 4 cups milk
 1/4 cup dry milk powder
 2 T maple syrup (we used white sugar)
 1/4 cup plain yogurt with active cultures (single serving size)
 1/2 tsp vanilla
Heat the milk until you see the first swirls of steam on the
surface and a thermometer reads 160˚F, then for 2-3 more
minutes. Turn off heat and add milk powder, sweetener, and
vanilla. Wait until it cools to 120˚F and then whisk in the starter
yogurt. Pour into a glass jar (recycled jelly jars are fine).
Cover and put in a warm place between 90-105˚for 4-10 hours
depending on how tangy and thick you want it (I place the jars in
a slow cooker on the “serve” setting with the lid partially open; it
seems to be about the right temperature. If the yogurt sits too
long it gets clumpy so test it for consistency after a few hours)
The recipe also says you can place it in a warm garage in the
summer or an oven that has been preheated for three minutes
and then turned off.
Note: the yogurt doesn’t get as thick as the store-bought kind
because there is no thickening agent.
Put yogurt in fridge and it will last a couple of weeks. You can
also look up a recipe for homemade granola to serve with it.
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RuffRootCreative on Flickr. CC BY-SA 2.0
There are also many
triggers or life events that
may warrant some kind of
mental health treatment.
When we cannot control
our lives, the above
symptoms may appear.
Some triggers
include:
Work/Home Stress
Changes to Family
Structure
Death of Friends or Loved
Ones
Birth of Child
Trauma/Violence
Poverty/Employment
Issues
Real and Perceived
Discrimination
Five Ways to Recognize a Mental
Health Crisis
From sheppardpratt.org/blog/5-ways-recognize-mental-health-crisis/
Mental illness is more than just feeling sad or experiencing a rough patch. With a
diagnosis and a consistent treatment plan, you CAN get better. If you make the
choice to neglect what may be a treatable mental illness, then everyday life can
become devastating for you and those who surround you. Getting a comprehensive
evaluation is important and can help.
Furthermore, there may be an undiagnosed medical issue that is causing your
symptoms. Once this is discovered or ruled out, you can construct a plan of action.
If your problems cannot be traced to a physiological cause, look for the following
symptoms in yourself to see if you should seek help.
Isolation – If you are keeping yourself away from places, buildings or people, you
may begin to feel lonely and hopeless.
Anger – If you feel tension and hostility towards a real or perceived threat to
yourself, your possessions, rights or values, then anxiety is most likely to blame.
Personality Changes – Has there been a shift in your way of thinking? Changes are
normal as you age but they should be gradual. If you suddenly have an undesired or
uncomfortable change in personality, it may be indicative of a serious condition.
Poor Self Care –You certainly cannot control all the circumstances that life throws
your way, but despite tough times, you must take care of yourself properly. You must
eat, cleanse and get the proper amount of sleep. People in distress often cannot care
for themselves. Is this happening to you?
Hopelessness – A sense of hopelessness reflects a negative view of the future. You
truly believe NOTHING will get better. As mentioned previously, if you seek help, get
a working diagnosis, and have a consistent treatment plan, you can get better.
If you have displayed any of these symptoms and have had trouble dealing with one
or more of the triggers, PLEASE SEEK CARE IMMEDIATELY, by talking to someone,
calling your primary care physician, or visiting an emergency room.
It’s often hard to assess symptoms in our own lives. If any of your friends or family
members are exhibiting these symptoms or these symptoms are disrupting or
destroying their lives, talk to them. Show them this blog. Show them you care and
help them seek the help they may not realize they need. Help is available!
6
Learning Lessons at Friends of the Poor
Peter Kramer, Guadalupe House, Scranton 16, CUNY Queens. From his blog: petesnotsellingpaper.wordpress.com
Today was a great day at work! There was not a dull moment, and, more than any other day so far, I felt I
made an impact. I was responsive, effective, and independent. I connected more than usual with our
volunteers too— talking, laughing, and at moments commiserating with several of them throughout the
day. I felt that I was truly playing the role a JV should for the first time.
I hear a lot of stories at Friends of the Poor, most of them rough. People come to us when they are most in
need. They’re sick, out of job, caring for a loved one, or had a death (or several deaths) in the family. Far
more often than I’d like, I can’t help them. It may be that
they’re looking for housing, which we don’t provide, or,
much of the time, they’ve gotten so far behind on their bills
that we just don’t have the funds to make a difference.
Telling them this just sucks.
At times, I need to be tough. To get help from FOP, you need to show a willingness
and ability to help yourself. That usually means spending hours talking to folks at
the various agencies throughout Scranton, calling us a couple of times, looking for
a job, possibly with the help of job skills and placement agencies, and putting a
few dollars that you’ve managed to scrounge up towards whatever bill you need
assistance with. We also need to be fairly confident that our assistance will be a
one- time thing. Will you be able to pay your bills next month and the one after
that? If not, you may be out of luck.
Sister Ann says, “we’re looking to empower, not enable.” When I step back and
think about it, it is the sensible approach. I don’t think we’d be improving people’s
lives, mental health, or sense of well being if not for the focus on empowerment.
On top of that, the money would run out. In the moment, though, when I’m
hearing a story of illness and hardship that I can barely fathom, that as a person
of great privilege I’m unable to find any point in my life to compare, it can be hard
for me to see that. I just want to say “yes! We’ll help!” and throw the guidelines and
consequences to the wind. Many times, though, I have to say no.
Today, fortunately, I was able to say yes to several people. To people who were on
the verge of losing their electricity or water. To people who had been laid off,
taken ill, or kicked out of their homes and had their property destroyed by an
abusive partner. Telling them yes, I can help, was a wonderful feeling. It was also
an opportunity to learn. The outpouring of gratitude, the ability of these people to
find such joy in getting just a little assistance in the midst of extreme hardship was A FOP client sketched this scene of Peter
inspiring. I have, and continue to, receive much more generosity than I give, and
helping him apply for assistance with his
yet I don’t often think to be grateful. Going forward, I hope to be more like the
water bill.
people Friends of the Poor was able to help today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
St. Brigid House (Mobile) after serving
lunch at a Little Sisters of the Poor Home
Rosa Parks House (Detroit) on
the front steps
Carving pumpkins at Casa Pedro Arrupe, SJ
(Santa Clara)
Community
Life in Photos
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Giving Sight to the Blind
Alec Gubics, Cardinal Bernardin House, Chicago 16, College of the Holy Cross. From
the blog of Taller de José. tallerdejose.org
As I begin my work at Taller de José, I have been re-reading the Jesuit Guide
to Almost Everything. I recently came across a reflection that James Martin,
SJ, wrote about Jesus healing a blind man. Jesus is described as
approaching the blind beggar only after the poor man yells at him: “Son of
David, have mercy on me!” The author notes that “the blind man, who has
probably been ignored for most of his life, wants Jesus to notice him.”
It just so happens that one of my first clients at Taller de José is a blind
man. Alberto* has been forced to live with this condition due to a car
accident ten years ago. Although he was able to escape the wreck with severe injuries, his wife
completely abandoned him and took their son with her. Alberto understandably had an
extremely difficult time coping with such a tragedy, falling into a deep depression and
alcoholism. However, after years of struggle, Alberto has made an incredible amount of
progress and is in a stable and supportive living situation. Whenever I speak with Alberto, he is
always cracking jokes and making me laugh. He reminds me to not get so down on my
problems. If Alberto can have a positive outlook on life, I sure can too.
Reading about the blind man in the Gospel helped me more fully understand the potential of
Taller de José’s ministry. I recognized how, like Jesus in the gospel story, I hold a privileged
position of power in relation to Alberto. Without my assistance, Alberto can’t order his own
prescriptions, take public transportation or even look up a phone number. When I help Alberto
in these ways, I recognize how I am also helping to accomplish the mission that God him/
herself began two thousand years ago. For the time, I understand what us Christians mean by
saying that we each share in the priestly ministry of Jesus. Just as ordained priests pass on the
miracle of God’s grace through sacraments and blessings, I and my fellow compañeras perform
the miracle of giving sight to our clients,
who are often “blind”. Some don’t see a
way out of their desperation before
coming to our office. Some don’t know
that free counseling services exist for
them as they leave an abusive
relationship. Others don’t see that there
are food pantries right in their
neighborhood church.
While I am grateful for the opportunity to
help others live fuller lives, I know I too
am blind in my own way. Through the gift
of their trust, my clients have shown me
facets of society from which I have been
sheltered in my life. More than anything,
my clients’ experiences have taught me
how easily the poor and isolated fall
through the cracks in our society.
Through my accompaniments all over
Chicago, I am beginning to understand
how endless, exhausting, and confusing it
can be to drag yourself out of a hole with
poverty and fear weighing you down. I
pray that I continue to learn from my
clients so that I can help our world better
see and understand those who silently
suffer in our blind spots.
*Stories are based on real client stories, but
names and details have been changed to
protect client confidentiality.
8
Your Writing in
Future Editions of
In The Field
What’s on your mind?
Contact your Program
Coordinator or
[email protected]
to share submissions or
ideas you’d like to read
about in future issues of
In the Field.
Calling all
bloggers!
Are you blogging about your
service as a JV? Send us your
blog link and your reflections,
poetry, and photos may be
featured in JVC’s
communications.
Send your link to
[email protected]
Connect
Share, post and explore the JVC
community online. Our social
media can be accessed from
jesuitvolunteers.org.