WORDS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE.
WHICH ONES CHANGED YOURS?
Sermon preached by the Rev. Lilia Cuervo
at the First Parish in Cambridge
March 27, 2011
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I have always been fascinated hearing people express all kinds of wisdom and
admonitions through proverbs and other popular sayings, and marveling at how was
possible to say such profound things in a pithy manner. I also wanted to know who was
the first person who came up with such ideas, knowing that at this point in history this is
quite impossible. One of the pastimes I shared with my mother and friends was
collecting “dichos” or proverbs and sayings. I was delighted when I realized that here in
the USA there were plenty of popular sayings; so much so that I started searching for the
equivalents in English of those sayings I knew so well in Spanish.
One of the first sayings that made a big impression in my child’s mind was Vísteme
despacio porque estoy con prisa. Dress me slowly because I am in a hurry. I could not
understand the paradox involved in this words, until I heard of the circumstance in which
it seems to have originated. Some of you might remember the top-to-bottom row of
many small buttons on the robes of bishops. Well, there was this wise bishop who told
his assistant who was helping him buttoning his robe: Vísteme despacio porque estoy con
prisa. Dress me slowly because I am in a hurry. Just imagine, missing a button and
having to start all over again, just when the bishop was preparing to say mass. Even now,
when I am late and in a hurry to get dressed or to do something last minute, this saying
helps me to slow down and stay in the moment.
Another helpful aphorism with a similar message to the one I just shared was written on
the rear bumper of a truck in Portugal: It said: E melhor perder um minuto na vida que a
vida num minuto. It is better to lose a minute in life than life in a minute. When in a hurry,
stuck in traffic, and the impulse to move ahead of other drivers assaults me, that aphorism
helps me to put things in perspective and ponder the consequences of foolishly causing an
accident.
When I was growing up, my mother encouraged me to combat my procrastination by
saying: Mira, mijitica querida, no dejes para manana lo que puedas hacer hoy. Look my
beloved little daughter; do not leave for tomorrow what you can do today. Some times I
would resist her, and answer: Do not do today what you can do tomorrow. This of course
was rude and inconsiderate. The meaning of this proverb has come to us from ancient
times. Elizabeth just read, Do not say to your neighbor, “go and come again, tomorrow
I will give it”—when you have it with you. This proverb, besides advising against
procrastination, hints of the compassion neighbors should have for each other.
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As luck would have it, during one of my visits to the office of statistics of the State of
Sao Paulo, in Brazil, I couldn’t help but read a large sign that was on top of the door
frame, and which said in Spanish: Fallar en prepararse, es prepararse para fallar.
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. As I understood the meaning, I felt this shock
going through my body and in an instant I remember my mother’s admonitions. It felt as
if she had somehow conspired with the state government to put that sign there for me to
read. The impact on me was stronger because the sign was not in a church, or in a school
or even a psychologist office. No. It was in a government’s office. From that day on,
little by little, I started to be more conscious of preparing for parties, trips, and, most
importantly, for the next day. And I repeated this saying to my children so many times
that in revenge, when I acted in a hurry, or misplaced something, they would mock me
saying failing to prepare is preparing to fail in the funniest Colombian accent.
Talking about misplacing something; who among us here had not lost time and energy
trying to find the keys to the car, or the checkbook, or another object badly needed only
to regret not having been more organized and allowing more time to prepare for the task
at hand? Remember the saying: A place for each thing and each thing in its own place?
That is a favorite of concerned parents and some partners.
Tired of the same promises to eliminate procrastination and to be ready and better
organized, I decided that I needed to apply to myself the proverb charity begins at home.
I started by examining more carefully the consequences of procrastination and lack of
organization. I asked many times, what is so appealing in being disgusted with myself
when I let myself down by my own actions? Why suffer frustration, and anger, and
shame, and having to apologize for things that I can prevent, by not preparing in advance
at my own pace? What is so great about building unhealthy pressure? Why be my own
enemy and the cause of my own suffering? I can say with some healthy pride that I have
made very good advances regarding punctuality and readiness for life. Those of you who
have lived in Latin American countries, can appreciate the effort that it takes for those
growing with that culture, to act under the pressure of the Anglo culture where Time is
Money, and where punctuality is paramount. I want to confess that I am often amused
when I arrive at meetings or other events with a little time to spare only to see the others
who are supposed to be the culturally punctual ones arriving late, and making the
apologies I used to make.
One time when I was complaining because I could not have something I could not afford,
an acquaintance put my complaint in glaring perspective when she said: I used to cry
because I did not have shoes, until I saw somebody that did not have feet. This saying
impacted me immensely and helped me to think before complaining about my lack of
material things. Also, it helped me to realize how fortunate I was, and how much
compassion one should have for those in far worse circumstances than ours.
Have you heard the truth Every one you meet is your mirror? Before I was more
courageous and could face with honesty my flaws and shortcomings, and the sometimes
mean and nasty side of my personality, these words said little to me. It was in seminary
that I became more real. One of the first exercises I had to do for my Pastoral Care class
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had three parts. The first was to center and after clearing my mind call to it the person I
hated the most. No sooner I heard this first part of the assignment than I started doubting
I could complete it at all. I felt clearly that I could not possibly hate somebody. I, the
Universalist who was supposed to base all her actions in universal love, how could I hate
somebody? The second part of the assignment was to write what was about that person
that made me hate him/her. The third part was to compare the behavior or trait that I
hated in that person with my own behavior. The great revelation of this exercise was that
I really despised this politician who was persecuting mercilessly my favorite candidate
for the presidency. I could see how his zeal was similar to my zeal when I was a Catholic
good girl trying to bring souls to the kingdom of Christ.
Rumi, the great Sufi mystic, poet, and teacher, born in Balkh, Afghanistan, in 1207, said:
Many of the faults you see in others are your own faults reflected back to you. Actually,
you are branding and blaming yourself. More recently, one of the foremost
psychologists of his time, Carl Gustav Jung, defined the phenomenon described by Rumi
as the shadow of the self. The shadow cast by the unconscious mind of the individual
contains hidden, repressed, and unfavorable aspects of the personality. …When an
individual makes an attempt to see his shadow, he becomes aware of (and often ashamed
of) those qualities and impulses he denies in himself but can plainly see in other people—
such things as egotism, mental laziness, and sloppiness; unreal fantasies, schemes and
plots; carelessness and cowardice; inordinate love of money and possessions — in short,
all the little sins about which he might previously have told himself: that does not matter;
nobody will notice it, and in any case, other people do it too. The shadow however, is not
just the simple converse of the conscious ego. Just as the ego contains unfavorable and
destructive attitudes, so the shadow, has good qualities — normal instincts and creative
impulses.
Before we criticize or judge somebody too harshly we are well advised to pause and
examine what is it in us that is reflected in the behavior we hate in the other. It is really
interesting to discover that the things that frustrate us in others, are the same or very
similar versions of those things that frustrate us when we act like them. Following the
criteria that Every one you meet is your mirror, one can, by paying attention, get to know
a lot better the people we interact with on a regular basis. By listening to their complaints
about others, by knowing the reasons why they hate, dislike, or cannot stand somebody,
one can get a good perception of those close to us.
One of the greatest gifts my mother gave me was to repeat often, particularly when I was
facing a dilemma, or when I was confused about something, the following words:
Mijitica querida, el Dador de Todo Bien nunca te fallará o te abandonará. My beloved
little daughter, the Giver of all gifts will never fail or abandon you. I never knew where
she had gotten this saying and it never occurred to me to ask. The answer came to me in
a most unexpected way and when I really needed to hear those words again. I was in Rio
de Janeiro, leading a workshop and with a nagging feeling that this trip was going to be
my last trip to Brazil as an employee of the Family Planning Agency I was working for. I
had returned to my hotel room looking forward to sitting on the balcony, contemplating
the bay. It was so dark that I could barely make out the silhouettes of the waves and the
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beach. Scared and confused, not knowing what my near future will bring, I was
pondering if the decision to quit my job and go to seminary was the right one. I was also
very sad, as the many happy moments of freedom and joy I had at home with my three
children and at my job where I learned so much, travelled so much, and had grown so
much were about to end. Searching for some consolation, I decided to open at random the
Bible that was on my night table. With my eyes closed, I put my finger on the page.
When I started reading I could not believe what I had chosen. Here were the same words
my mother used to say so often to me; except that this time it was Yahweh saying them to
Joshua the new leader of the Israelites who was supposed to bring them to the promised
land after Moses’ death. I will not fail you or forsake you. Those words, helped me that
evening in Rio, to regain my energy and increase my trust in the Universe. Day by day
my faith and certainty increase that no one of us is going to be abandoned or forsaken by
the infinite web of Life.
Here at First Parish we have beautiful and uplifting words which, repeated often and
acted upon deliberately, are transformative. We just recited them this morning. In
covenant with one another and all we hold sacred, we answer the call of love. How do
we promise to answer that call? Welcoming all people into the celebration of life. This
goes perfectly with Mi casa es tu casa. My home is your home. Come and celebrate your
life, with me, with us; come and share your joys and sorrows. We are here for each other.
Practicing proverbs, and popular positive sayings, in the name of all we hold sacred, and
being attentive to the call of love is a sure way to elevate secular words and perspectives
to the realm of the spiritual and virtuous. May we have the courage to face our own
shortcomings before we judge and criticize others. May we have compassion for
ourselves to do those things that give us peace of mind and bring unbounded joy to our
lives. Amen and blessed be.
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