CutBank
Volume 1
Issue 77 CutBank 77
Article 49
Fall 2012
The Contours of Cold
Kate Harris
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Harris, Kate (2012) "The Contours of Cold," CutBank: Vol. 1: Iss. 77, Article 49.
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KATE H A R R I S
T H E C O N T O U R S OF C O L D
1.
Storms
I am an e qu a tion balan cin g heat loss w ith gain, and tw o legs on
skis. In b oth cases the o utco m e is barely net positive. T he darker
shade o f blizzard next to me is m y e x p e d itio n mate Riley, le a nin g
b lu n t-fa ce d and sh ive rin g in to the w in d . Snow rio ts and seethes
over a land in co h e re n t w ith ice. T h e sun, beaten and fu g itiv e ,
beams w ith all the wattage o f a fire fly. R iley and I ski side by side
and on d iffe re n t planets, each alone in a privacy o f storm . W a rm th
is a hypothesis, a ta u n t, a ru m o r, a god we no longer believe in b u t
s till yearn for, banished as we are to this cold weld o f ice to rock
to sky.
D espite appearances, this is a chosen exile, a p ilg rim a g e
rather than a penance. I have lo n g been p a rtia l to high la titud e s
and a ltitu d e s, regions o f d iffic u lt beauty and p ro dig a l lig h t. For
me g o in g to the m o u n ta in s is co m p ulsive as bre ath in g, a rteria l to
existence as a pulse. A ll life abides by tro pism s, the tug and heave
o f unseen physics: roots delve in to d ir t, shoots stalk the sun, and
creatures lik e me muscle in the vague d ire c tio n o f cold and w h ite .
In this case n o rth , to N orw ay, to the H a rd an g ervid da , an a lpine
desert plateau whose very name, however in c id e n ta l to E nglish e ty­
m ology, co nta in s danger.
A nd fo r good reason. N orw egian polar explorer Roald
A m undsen w o n the ski race to the S outh Pole, b u t n o t before tra in ­
ing on the H a rd an g ervid da alm ost ended h im . H e and his b ro th e r
atte m p ted the firs t w in te r traverse o f the plateau in 1896, b u t they
were forced to abort after losing th e ir foo d , th e ir o n ly map, and
very nearly th e ir fingers and toes in constant blizzards. An earlier
N o rw e g ia n explorer, F r id tjo f Nansen, also ski traversed the H a r­
d angervidda as a w a rm -u p fo r o th e r polar e xpe d itio ns, b u t he sen­
sib ly crossed it in A p ril. By then weather c o n d itio n s are far m ore
c lem ent, and in s p rin g tim e in this age, the plateau is stitched w ith
designated ski tra ils th a t safely guide weekend w a rrio rs fro m hut
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to h e a t e d h u t . W h i c h begs t h e q u e s t i o n w h y Riley a n d 1 are here,
like A m u n d s e n , in t h e c ol d d e a d d a r k o f wi nt er , w h e n h u t s are
l o c ke d a n d b u r i e d , r ou te s are u n f l a g g e d, a n d t h e p l a t ea u is a t r a c k ­
less d e s o l a t i o n r o a m e d o n l y by w i n d , s n o w a n d r eindeer. A n d n o w
us.
W e have c o m e to t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a for all t h e usual r ea­
sons, all glib, all g e n u i n e . Because i t’s here. Because we crave t h e
k i n d o f f un t h a t is o n l y really f u n t w o weeks after t h e fact. Because
we r e q ui r e c o n t o u r s m o r e c o n g r u e n t w i t h wi ld ne ed s a n d reckless
nerves t h a n civilized life pr ovi de s. Because we seek e n r o l l m e n t in
t h e u n l e a s h e d s ch o ol o f life.
Like N a n s e n , w h o m o r e t h a n a c e n t u r y ago s o u g h t relief
f r o m l a b o r a t o r y s ci ence in p o l a r e x p l o r a t i o n , this tr i p is m y a n t i ­
d o t e to a c a d e m i a . For t w o years I was a g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t in g e o ­
b i o l og y at a t o p research university, t h e k i n d o f place w h e r e t r u t h s
o n l y c o u n t o n c e isol ated in test tu b e s , p r e fe r ab ly in tr i pl icate. I
w e n t i n t o s ci ence b e ca us e I w a n t e d to be a n explorer, to live c o n ­
s t a n t l y in t h e o p e n air, a n d I naively t h o u g h t s t u d y i n g t h e n a t u r al
w o r l d w o u l d lead m e t here. As a y o u n g m a n in t h e m i d - 1 8 0 0 s ,
N a n s e n c ho s e to s t u d y z o ol o g y at u n i v e rs i t y for s i mi la r reasons, b u t
he e n d e d u p s q u i n t i n g t h r o u g h a m i c r o s c o p e , c h a r t i n g t h e c en tr al
n e r v o u s sy st ems o f jawless hagfi sh a n d o t h e r t in y m a r i n e o r g a n ­
isms. A few c e n t u r i e s later, I f o u n d myself in t h e s a m e s i t u a t i o n ,
c o o p e d i n d o o r s w h i le m a p p i n g , in m y case, t h e m o l e c u l a r fats o f
mi c ro b e s . Bu t af ter a few years o f c o n t a i n m e n t , w h e n he was m y
age exactly, N a n s e n a b a n d o n e d his p r o m i s i n g car eer in s ci ence to
satisfy a c r av i n g for w i d e r h o r i zo n s . H e was p u l l e d like a m a g n e t
to t he poles, t h o s e si lent a n d i n h u m a n e xpa ns e s, a n d d e s p e r a t e for
adventure.
J u s t g r a d u a t e d f r o m t h e w o r l d o f test t u b e s a n d pet r i di shes
myself, 1 a m wi ld w i t h l o n g i n g for w h a t is b o u n d l e s s a n d p r o x i ­
m a t e to t he stars. T h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a , so c o n s t e l l a t e d w i t h ice a n d
rock, so m a n y li ght years f r o m t h e l a bo r a to r y, s ee ms as p r o m i s i n g a
place to seek it as any. T h e r e is n o t h i n g p r acti cal w h a t s o e v e r a b o u t
this e x p e d i t i o n : we have n o a m b i t i o n s to m a k e history, p l a n t flags,
clai m territ ory, col lect s p e c i m e n s , c h a r t m a p s , w i n f ame, o r c u r r y
t he favors of ki ngs a n d q u e e n s . W e are s i m p l y her e to s t u d y th e
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c o n t o u r s o f cold, a n d a p p r e n t i c e ourselves to wi ldnes s a l o n g t he
way. T h e goal is s o m e t h i n g like s u b l i m a t i o n , ice l oosed st rai gh t to
sky.
2. Launch
All n i gh t t he t e n t flutters like a flock o f bi rds st art led i n to flight.
I d r e a m I a m lost in t he m i d s t o f a vast m i g r a t i o n . Ski in g t h e next
day, 1 l o ng for feathers a n d miss wi ngs like p h a n t o m limbs. A r o u n d
us m o u n t a i n s welt t he w h i t e skin of land, h u m p e d a n d glossy as
blisters. After a week o f w h i t e o u t blizzards, t o d a y t he H a r d a n g e r v i d da is a paralysis o f ice, so c a t a t o n i c w it h cold even t he w i n d has
frozen in place. T h e o n ly t u r b u l e n t air m o v i n g across t he l and is
me, a flight p a t h still l o o k i n g for its b ird, to p a r a p h r a s e t he po et
D o n McKay.
Two ravens, furtive a n d k ee n- eye d, seem to be t r a c k i n g us
across t he pl at eau. At first we c o n f u s e d t he bl ack beads o n t he s n o w
for stones, b u t t hey p u r s u e d us like f o o t p r i n t s , or rocks e n d o w e d
wi t h curiosity, mobi li ty, a n d a p pe t i t e. To these scavengers we are
t he cold d e s e r t ’s b l o o m a n d harvest: at each c a m p t hey feast o n o u r
spilled scraps o f pa st a a n d o at m e a l , whi le we feast on t he solace o f
o t h e r living, b r e a t h i n g cr eat ure s for c o m p a n y . To each t h ei r own
h u n g e r s o n t he H a r d a n g e r v i d d a .
T h e l evi at han a p p e t i t e o f this l and, in t u r n , has swal lowed
all silences b u t its o w n . f o r days, o r weeks, possi bly years, we ski in
d ea d q u i e t in a d ea d st rai gh t line t h r o u g h a s ee mi n gl y d ea d w o r l d cxcept for t he ravens—w hi l e m y m i n d flaps all over t he place. 1
r e m e m b e r re a di n g s o m e w h e r e t h a t bi rds expel all t he air fr om thei r
l ung s a n d h ol l ow b o n e s w it h each e x h a la t io n , u n l i k e h u m a n s , w h o
always h o ld back a reserve. To test this, 1 b r e a t h e o u t w i th gust o,
g e n e r a t i n g a blizzard o f c o n d e n s a t i o n a r o u n d me. Riley, c o n c e r n e d ,
asks if I ’m O K . I reassure h i m t h a t I ’m just s t ri vi ng for a life of total
avian t rust . T h i s involves m a x i m i z i n g t he p o t e nt i al o f every oxygen
m o l e c u l e I b r e a t h e in, I expl ai n, a n d h a v i n g faith t h a t m o r e air will
be t h er e to i nhal e o n c e I’ve u sed all m i n e up.
B u t t h o u g h I b r e a t h e o u t a n d o u t a n d o u t unt il I m bl ue
in t he face a n d Riley q u e s t i o n s m y sanity, I c a n ’t rid myself of a
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reserve. A wisp of air, s m o g g y w it h d o u b t , clings to t he tu c k of
m y lungs, skulks in th e b e n d o f m y bones . T h i s is the biological
blessing a n d cur se t h a t keeps m e c o n sc i ou s b u t g r o u n d e d . Light
as a s hadow, a reserve still h a m p e r s t h e u n h e s i t a t i n g c o m m i t m e n t
t h a t flight d e m a n d s . I can feel its w e i g h t pr essi ng d o w n t he w i ng s I
d o n ’t have.
T h e r e is h o p e , t h o u g h . A c c o r d i n g to p h i l o s o p h e r G a s t o n
Bachel ard, th e verbs ‘I w a n t a n d 'I fly’ shar e t h e s a m e Latin root:
volo. “T h e r e is no way to i nvestigate t he p sy ch ol o gy o f will,” he
explains, “w i t h o u t g o i n g to th e very r oot o f i m a g i n a r y f light. ’’ W i t h
Pierce d e t e r m i n a t i o n , t h e n , p e r h a p s 1 can learn h o w to exhale a b ­
solutely, c o m m i t totally, soar. I his involves a willful o ve rr id e of
c a u t i o n s b u i lt i nt o h u m a n physiology, b u t p r e c e de n t s have p ro v e n
s u c h t h i n g s possible. C o n s i d e r N a n s e n cr ossing G r e e n l a n d .
S t a r t i n g in 1751, e ig h t e x p e d i t i o n s t ried a n d failed to t r a ­
verse this w e dg e o f ice t h e size o f a small m o o n . All e x p e d i t i o n s
b egan o n t he west coast o f G r e e n l a n d , w h e re an I n u i t s e t t l e m e n t
m a d e for a c o n v e n i e n t l a u n c h - a n d an easy retreat. N a n s e n , against
all o r t h o d o x y a n d advice, o p t e d to st art o n t he d esolat e east coast
a n d ski t o w ar d t he p o p u l a t e d west, r e a s o ni n g t h a t this way his m e n
w o u l d have m o r e i nc e nt i v e to reach the o t h e r side. N a n s e n was
barely t h i r t y at t he t i m e a n d t h er ef or e believed h i m s e l f i m m o r t a l .
But call h i m crazy o r c anny, he k n e w h o w to har ness the i ns t i nc t
for sel f -pr eser vat ion. T u r n i n g ba c k for his t e am was n o t an o p t i o n :
refuge was o n l y r eachabl e o n t h e far side. N o reserve.
N a n s e n soa re d by ski across G r e e n l a n d a n d l a n d e d back
in N o r w a y a hero. Before t he voyage he ha d reassured family a n d
friends, in w o r d s t h a t r an g h ol l o w even t h e n , t h a t he p l a n n e d to
r e t u r n to t he lab b e n c h fo ll owi ng his p o la r “ hol iday. ” I nst ead he b e ­
gan s c h e m i n g his next e x p e d i t i o n . T h e vision was c har act er ist i cal ly
p r ep o st e ro u s: he w o u l d design a n d b ui ld a s h i p c a pa b le o f s ur vi vi ng
t h e c r u s h i n g pressures o f pa ck ice. T h e n he w o u l d freeze th e vessel
i n to t he ice, d ri ft east to west o n Arct ic o ce an c u r r e n t s t h r o u g h the
N o r t h w e s t Passage, a n d tag t he N o r t h Pole by ski a l o n g the way.
I he flow d i r e c t i o n o f th e Arctic c i r c u m p o l a r c u r r e n t , I s h o u l d say,
was at this p o i n t just a h yp o t he si s. O n c e again, no reserve.
In 1893, N a n s e n ’s d r e a m ship, t h e Fr am, w h i c h me a ns
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“f or w a r d
in N o r w e g i a n , sailed o u t o f its h a r b o r a n d i nt o a fastness
of ice. F ro m here N a n s e n a n d his c r e w were m o r e isolated t h a n t he
first m e n o n t he m o o n w h o , as h i s t or ia n R o l a n d H u n t f o r d p o i n t s
o u t , still m a i n t a i n e d daily c o n t a c t w it h e a r t h b o u n d f ri en ds nearly
a q u a r t e r o f a m i l l i o n miles away. But just a few t h o u s a n d miles
f r om h o m e a n d t he Fram was effectively ext ragalactic. S u s p e n d e d
b et w e e n stars a n d ice, t he vessel d r if te d t h r o u g h a n ea r -t o ta l r e n u n ­
c ia ti on of w a r m t h a n d light. It was a w or l d o f d e s o l a t i o n , b u t also
e x u l t a t i o n . “A n y t h i n g m o r e w o n d e r f u l l y bea ut if ul t h a n t he pol ar
n ig h t d oes n o t exist,
raved N a n s e n . “ It is a light p o e m of all t he
finest a n d m o s t d el icate t o ne s of t he soul.
I he p o e m lasted t hree
years. N a n s e n was u l t i m a t e l y forced to scrap t he N o r t h Pole, b u t he
set a fa rt hes t n o r t h record in t h e a t t e m p t , a n d m e a n w h i l e t he Fram
s urvi ved t he N o r t h w e s t Passage, p r o v i n g t h at Arc tic c u r r e n t s really
d o c h u r n east to west.
Back o n t he p l at ea u, d a y d r e a m i n g o f t he p o l ar n i g h t , I
i m a g i n e m y s e l f as a fixed c o o r d i n a t e in t i m e w i t h space s t r e a m i n g
past me. W h a t shall I see a n d learn, frozen as t he Fram i n to t he
H a r d a n g e r v i d d a , t h e w o r l d a glacier f l owi n g by u n d e r t h e gravity
o f e n c h a n t m e n t ? So far 1 have seen slabs of t u r q u o i s e ice, crevassed
by d r e a m s a n d u n c e r t a i n t i e s , in a l an d so frigidly b e a u ti f ul it cracks
t he heart w i d e t he wa y w a t e r e x p a n d s w h e n frozen. So far 1 have
l ear ned t h at , like N a n s e n , t h e r e is no g o i n g bac k to t he laborat ory,
n o t ever, a n d g o i n g f or w a r d is n o t o n l y a b o u t active m o v e m e n t , b u t
a b o u t l e t t in g y o u r s e l f dri ft . For w h a t is d r i f t i n g b u t a n o t h e r way
to soar? O n c u r r e n t s o f ice a n d w a t e r a n d air, o n wi n gs o f pu re st
resolve, b re at hl es s o n t w o skis across an i n fi n i t y of whi t e.
3. Flight
Hell is a s y n o n y m for ski bo ot s. But so is h ea ve n, a n d o u t s i d e it’s
g e t t i n g b ri gh ter . Riley a n d 1 rise early a n d shiver in t h e snow, c o f ­
fee m u g s in m i t t e d h a n d s , ready for t h e r e t u r n o f light. Ev en t ua ll y
t h e a p o c a l y p t i c a bs e n c e o f c o lo r d a w n s a h u e d a n d s h i n i n g wo rl d,
as t h o u g h r u b b e d o u t o f a magi c l a mp . If o n l y all days b e g a n this
way, w i t h sleep s e d u c e d c o n s c i o u s by m o u n t a i n s , caffeine, a n d s un-
H arris
b e a m s . N o c r i m i n a l act o r cruel gest ure, n o w a r o r h u m a n r ights i n ­
di gnit y, c o u l d possi bl y e p i l o g u e s u c h a sunr ise. T h e s u b l i m e , m a g ­
nified like s ilence by a severe t e m p e r a t u r e i nv e rs io n, a n d swilled
d o w n w i t h s t r o n g coffee, c o u l d offer a viable p a t h to w o r l d peace.
" O r a pa in f u l pa th ,' Riley suggests w h e n 1 share m y t h e o ­
ry. " H o w are y o u r feet d o in g ?' Still there, u n f o r t u n a t e l y . W e a r i n g
t hese b o o t s is like d o n n i n g hai r socks, r a s pi n g skin a n d soul raw
for t he sake of a t o n e m e n t . O r for th e sake o f a d v e n t u r e , an e qu al ly
h u m b l i n g a n d ho l y p u r s u i t in m y p er s on al c os mo lo gy . W e re h al f­
way across t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a now, a n d t h e o n l y d i r e c t i o n is f ram.
O n c e o n t h e m o v e I i gn or e m y feet. T h e y ’ve g o t t h ei r job,
w h i c h is to ke ep m o v i n g , a n d I’ve g o t m i n e , w h i c h is to be a s t o n ­
ished, a n d m o s t of t he t i m e we each m i n d o u r o w n busi ness. Plus
after so m a n y s t o r m b o u n d days, this i m m e n s i t y o f light a n d ice sets
m e s oar ing. I a m u p li f te d w i t h o u t effort, as if o n a t h e r m a l p l u m e ,
o r a g u s t o f solar w i n d . T h e p l a t e au is a rol ling w as t e o f w hi t e ,
m o u n t a i n s like r o u g h seas flash frozen in l i qu i d n i t r o g e n , s t e a m ­
ing a n d hi ss ing w i t h a b r i t tl e beauty. T he s u n l i g h t icing t he land
tastes s o u r a n d t a u t as a l e m o n , a precise lively bu zz o n t he t o n g u e .
C o l d air fizzes in m y lungs like c h a m p a g n e . W i t h each e x ha l a t i o n I
b r e a t h e near ly all o f it o u t , if o n l y to g u l p in mo r e.
N e v e r is t h e i n a d e q u a c y o f E ngl is h so e x po s e d as w h e n
t r y i n g to fit “s n o w ’’ to t h e g a m u t o f sh a pe s w a t e r a s s um e s in its
solid state. T he t e xt u r e of t h e pl a te a u is p r o t e a n a n d k i ne ti c, m o r ­
p h i n g f o r m w i t h i n feet. H e r e s n o w rasps a n d grits, s a n d in all b u t
s u b s t a nc e . H e r e it b u b b l e s a n d fr oths, a s oa p so c aus tic w i t h cold
it will s c o u r y o u r b o n e s clean, if y o u ’re n o t careful. N o w s n o w as­
s u m e s t he t e x t ur e of fish scales, i n c en se ash, p or c el a i n, knif e blades,
slabs of fat, p o c k m a r k s , la u g h o r possi bl y fr own lines w r i n k l e d i nt o
skin over a lifet ime, a be d o f moss, p ee li ng p a i nt , eyelashes frozen
m i d - b a t , a s i d e wa l k r i d d l e d w i t h cracks, a n d waves, vast b u c k i n g
tireless waves, s l o s hi n g f r o m here to the m o o n .
I his riot o f ice is flint to m y k i n d l i n g ; I s h i n e even as I
shiver. C o m b u s t i o n , w h i c h is i g n i t i o n w i t h o u t i n c i n e r a t i o n , is after
all a k i n d of i n te r na l e n g i n e , a m o t i v e force, c a p ab l e of p r o p e l l i n g
flight. 1 r e m e m b e r r e ad i n g a b o u t t h e I n u i t p ra ct ic e o f w a l k i n g o u t
f r u s t r a t i o n o n th e t u n d r a . T h e y w o u l d s tr ide u n ti l t he i r a n g e r s p u t ­
t er ed o u t , t h e n p l a n t a rock o n t h e g r o u n d to m a r k h o w far t he
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flu sh o f r ag e h a d p r o p e l l e d r h e m . I n s t e a d o f w a l k i n g o u t rage, I
d e c i d e t o ski o u t r a p t u r e . H o w far will t h i s e x h i l a r a t i o n , t h i s b l a z ­
i ng, t h i s w i l d n e s s t a k e me? F r o m t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a t o t h e e n d s
of t h e e a r t h , t r a c i n g A m u n d s e n ’s ski t r a c k s t o t h e S o u t h Pole. F r o m
t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a to t h e F l a r d a n g c r v i d d a , o v e r a n d o v e r a g a i n ,
l o o p i n g t h e p l a n e t in r a p t a n d p e r p e t u a l o r b i t . O r f r o m t h e H a r ­
d a n g e r v i d d a to t h e p a v e d s t r e e t s o f t h e n e a r e s t city.
W i l d n e s s , so I hear , is c a p a b l e o f s u r v i v i n g a c o n t e x t o f
c o n c r e t e a n d n e o n , b u t s t a y i n g w i l d in a t a m e p l a c e is t o u g h e r b y
far t h a n t r a v e r s i n g t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a in m i d - w i n t e r . Still, B u d ­
d h i s t p h i l o s o p h e r D o g e n c o n t e n d s t h a t a m o u n t a i n p r a c t i c e s in
e v e r y pl a ce . By s u c h logi c, w i l d n e s s is n e i t h e r h e r e n o r t h e r e , b u t an
u n g o v e r n e d s t a t e o f w o n d e r m a z e d s o m e w h e r e in t h e m i n d . M o u n ­
t a i n s of t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a n v a r i e t y are s i m p l y t h e s i g n p o s t s t h a t
h e l p l o c a t e it, t h e c o n t o u r s t h a t d r a w t h e m a p . W i t h e n o u g h p r a c ­
t ice in p e r c e p t i o n , t h e n , e v e n c i t y s t r e e ts c a n b e se en as ri ver valleys
b e t w e e n p ea ks : s k y s c r a p e r s as just a n o t h e r u p s w e e p a n d c o h e r e n c e
of m i n e r a l s , p e o p l e o n s i d e w a l k s as cells o f w a t e r s t r e a m i n g by.
In t u r n , t h e k i l t e r o f t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a ’s h a r s h e n c h a n t m e n t is
poised s o m e w h e re betw een extravagance a nd restraint, ra p tu r e and
a k i n d of c o l d rage. W h i c h m e a n s it a l i g n s p r e c i s e l y w i t h t h e axis of
t h e p l a n e t , a n d t h e i n c l i n a t i o n s o f w e t h e p e o p l e w h o p o p u l a t e it. I
p l a ce a r o c k o n m y h a t to m a r k t h e o r i g i n a n d e n d o f all w i l d n e s s ,
a n d k e e p s ki i n g .
L at e a f t e r n o o n o n t h e p l a t e a u is a t i m e o f t e n s e n e g o t i a ­
t i o n b e t w e e n l i g ht a n d ice. 1 h e o u t c o m e , w h e t h e r e n e r g y o r e l e ­
m e n t pre va i ls , is a n u n w a v e r i n g b l a ze of w h i t e . By t h e e n d of t h e
d a y t h e s c o r c h i n g w o n d e r o f t h i s w o r l d is a l m o s t u n b e a r a b l e . O u r
s e ns e s ar e e n f l a m e d , o u r n e r v e s s t i n g li ke s o m e t h i n g s k i n n e d , o u r
eyes s e ep a n d f reeze s h u t , o u r t h r o a t s s m o l d e r f r o m s w a l l o w i n g so
m u c h s h i n e . 1 his c o l d h e a v e n o r t h i s b u r n i n g hell: it all d e p e n d s
o n t h e s l a n t of l i gh t . F i n a l l y t h e s u n c o o l s b e h i n d t h e m o u n t a i n s .
I h e w o r l d fa de s i n t o a s o o t h i n g a b s e n c e o f c o l o r a n d w e a re w a s h e d
w i t h relief. You c a n o n l y a b s o r b so m u c h of t h e s u b l i m e , a n d Ri ley
a n d I ar c s a t u r a t e d t o o u r h o l l o w b o n e s . l i m e t o p i t c h t h e r e n t,
c o o k f o o d , c a t c h o u r b r e a t h . I i m e t o t a k e off m y b o o t s .
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4. Home
T h e far edge of the H a r d a n g e r v i d d a is ahe a d. It looks exactly like
t h e c e n t e r of the p lat eau, a n d t he side of t h e p l at ea u we st ar te d
f ro m, a n d all spaces be twe en : vast, u n d i f f e r e n t i a t e d , ach in gl y
w hi te . T h e o n ly clue we are on t h e verge c o m e s f ro m wild r ei nd e e r
w h o call t he H a r d a n g e r v i d d a h o m e . In w i n t e r t he her ds stick to the
plateau's s o u t h e r n fringe, w h e r e by q u i r k of c l i m a t e t h e s n o w piles
thi nner, m a k i n g it easier for t h e m to forage for lichen. T h o ug h we
h a v e n ’t seen so m u c h as an a n t le r yet, t o d a y we've f o u n d p r o o f of
t h e r e in d e e r h e r d ’s pr ox imi t y : a f o u r -l a ne h i g h w ay freshly p a ve d in
h o o fp r i n t s.
The urge to follow this trail, the first we have e n c o u n t e r e d
on t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a , is p r i ma l a n d o v e r w h e l m i n g . H o w s imple
to swerve t he wa y of t he herd, to p u r s u e t h a t tr ack p u m m e l l e d flat
of a n y possibility o f f l o u n d e r i n g , w h e t h e r t h r o u g h d ee p s n o w or
even d e e pe r c o nf u si on s . T o join t h a t caravan of fur a n d inst inct ,
a n d r u n wild. At this p o i n t it w o u l d n ’t take m u c h to t e m p t us
astray. Riley a n d I are in no h u r r y to r e t u r n to so-called civiliza­
t ion, wi th its t i c k i n g clocks a n d traffic jams. Li chen w o u l d p r o b ­
ably taste b e t te r t h a n the m u s h w e ’ve been e a t i n g o n this e x p e d i ­
ti on, t h o u g h at least t he ravens e n joy o u r scraps. Riley c o u l d even
i mpr ovi se us ant ler s f ro m ski poles, because h e ’s h a n d y like that.
But d e sp i te the appeal o f m o b ment ali ty, we k n o w this is
n o t o u r pa th . R e i n d e e r have t h e i r o w n lives to lead, we have ours,
a n d each is in s cr u ta b le to t he other. Besides, w h o can resist pe er in g
over an edge? As we ski o f f in search o f it, n o t w i t h o u t t he p a n g o f
t hose lost f ro m t he herd, I co ns ol e myself by t h i n k i n g t ha t N a n ­
sen w o u l d a p pr o v e us b r e a k i n g o u r o w n trail. In a c o m m e n c e m e n t
speech to u niver si ty s t u d e n t s , he o u t l i n e d t he g u i d i n g p r i n c ip l e o f
his life: "Let it be i mp re ss ed u p o n th e y o u n g never, w h e n th er e is a
ch oice, to d o a n y t h i n g w h i c h can be d o n e equal ly well or b e t te r by
s o m e o n e else. H o w m a n y wa st e d lives w o u l d t h e n be spar ed if each
i n d iv i du a l tried to fi nd his o w n line.”
By N a n s e n ’s geo me tr y, a line is n o t st r ai gh t a n d fixed b u t
s i n u o u s a n d ever-evolving, a p a t h t h a t u nf ur l s by the di ct ates o f
fresh d e vo ti ons . Aft er t h e Fr am e x pe d i t i o n , for e xa mpl e , N a n s e n
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vee red i n t o h u m a n i t a r i a n w o r k . M a y b e he t o o r e c o g n i z e d t h e p o ­
t e nt i a l for w o r l d p e a c e in t h e s u b l i m e , a n d h a v i n g a b s o r b e d so
m u c h o f it d u r i n g his A r c t i c s o j o u r n s , felt c o m p e l l e d to p u t it to
g o o d use. W h a t e v e r his i m p e t u s , N a n s e n d e v o t e d h i m s e l f t o d i p l o ­
m a t i c w o r k o n b e h a l f o f re fugee s f r o m t h e first W o r l d War, a n d was
e v e n t u a l l y a w a r d e d t h e N o b e l Peace Prize for his ef fort s. I f y o u read
N a n s e n ’s li ne t h r o u g h t h e r u g g e d l a n d s o f p o l i ti cs a n d t h e pol es as
a k i n d o f r u n i c s cr ipt , it w o u l d t r a n s l a t e to “n o reserve.
T h o u g h Riley a n d I ski t o g e t h e r , we ca r ve o u r o w n lines
across t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a . R i l e y ’s is a s m o o t h ca ll i gr ap hy , t h e si g­
n a t u r e of g race, i n t e n t , a n d c o m p e t e n c e . M i n e is a mes s y s crawl of
s u d d e n w h i m s , like t h e flits of a b i rd , a n d p u n c t u a t e d w i t h s n o w
ang el s I c r as h i n t o c r e a t i o n . S o m e h o w w e e n d u p in t h e s a m e place,
b u t f r o m t h e r e t o h er e, o u r s i n g u l a r j o u r n e y s are s cr i b e d o n t o t h e
p l a t e a u . W h a t m y l i n e spells o u t is q u i t e f o r t u n a t e l y lost in t r a n s l a ­
tion.
Ev en b et t er , t h e s late is w i p e d cl ean eve ry n i g h t . Every
m o r n i n g daw ns a different H a rd ang ervid da, variations on a them e
o f ice, rock, a n d sky. T o d a y t h e p l a t e a u is c r a c k e d w i d e a n d g l i n t ­
i ng as a g e o d e . Ice c o m p r i s e s t h e ore, cr ystals fo r ge d u n d e r m i n i m a l
t e m p e r a t u r e s of ai r a n d m a x i m a l p re ssur es o f l ight. A f t e r we e ks in
t hi s s a m e ki ln, 1 a m c a r b o n c r u s h e d to coal, a n d coal c r u s h e d to
d i a m o n d . T h i s is w h a t w i l d e r n e s s d o e s to l a n d a n d life: it exp os es
i n te r i o r s , t h e w o r l d ’s a n d o u r s , a n d in t h e ri ght l ight reveals each as
r o u g h a n d m a n y - f a c e t e d g em s.
Ex ac tl y h o w w i l d e r n e s s exert s t hi s m e t a m o r p h i s m is an
e n i g m a . Ask a s ci e nt i s t w h a t w i l d e r n e s s is a n d t h e y m i g h t d e f i n e
i t - p o s s i b l y w i t h e q u a t i o n s , c e r t a i n l y u s i n g a g r a p h - a s a n u m b e r of
h e c t a r e s a b s e n t of h u m a n i n f l u e n c e . Ask a p o l i t i c i a n a n d t h e y m i g h t
d e s c r i b e it as a n a t i o n a l p a r k c o n v e r t i n g tax d ol l a r s i n t o p a v e d h i k ­
i ng p a t h s t h a t t a m e l y g u i d e t h e mas ses t h r o u g h t h e b o n a f i d e wi ld.
Bu t as k a p o l a r e x p l o r e r o r s o m e o t h e r species of p o e t , like D o n
M cKa y , a n d t h e y will m u s e t h a t w i l d e r n e s s is “n o t just a set o f e n ­
d a n g e r e d spaces, b u t t h e c a p a c i t y of all t h i n g s t o e l u d e t h e m i n d ' s
appropriations.”
W h a t pl aces like t h e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a of f er is p r o x i m i t y to
t h e u n i m a g i n e d . E l o q u e n t as a p o e m , evasive as a k o a n , w i l d e r n e s s
Harris
is a f r o nt i e r b e g i n n i n g precisely w h e r e o u r m o s t c h e r i s h e d c e r t a i n ­
ties are per plexed. It is t he s chool w h e r e intellect receives i n s t r u c ­
ti on in b e w i l d e r m e n t . It is t h e p a r a d o x o f b e a u t y fa ng e d w i t h frost,
ecstatic m o v e m e n t w i n c i n g w i t h blisters. It is also a d w e l l i n g in
w o n de r .
O c c a s i o n a l l y in life I feel like a glacial erratic, d e p o s i t e d
f ro m a c r u sh o f ice i n t o a l and n o t m y o w n . But o n t he H a r d a n g e r v i d d a I a m r e t u r n e d to t h e b e d r o c k f r om w h i c h I was b o r n . I his
is n o t to s e n t i m e n t a l i z e wi ld er ne ss , o r t a m e it i nt o a place p i cket f enced a n d h a bi t a b le . N e i t h e r doe s it m e a n I a m kin to reindeer,
a n d s h o u l d have t a k e n t h a t p a t h w h e n I h a d the c ha n ce . Bu t if
h o m e is a m a t t e r o f i n n e r soul s e t tl i n g o u t , like an oyster e x u d i n g
its o w n a b o d e , t h e n m y s o a r i ng aliveness here is a m o s t a u t h e n ­
tic lo dg in g. T h e desire to feel i n t en se ly alive, a n d t he re f or e h o m e ,
is a biological i m p u l s e t h a t u n l i k e m y reserve I have n o wish to
override. So m o u n t a i n s m a g n e t i z e nearl y all m y m o v e m e n t s , as t h e
poles d i d N a n s e n ’s, o b l i g i n g m e to live o u t g e o g r a p h y as bio g r a ph y .
W i t h s ur r en d er , w i t h joy.
O u r j our ney, like th e H a r d a n g e r v i d d a , e n d s abr up tl y. We
fall o f f t he ed g e o f t he w o r ld . W i t h a s u d d e n p l u n g e we f ind o u r ­
selves d e e p be l ow treel ine in a Fiord b r i s tl i n g w i t h p i n e a n d b u z z i n g
w i t h s n o w m o b i l e s . T h e p l a t e a u ’s m u t e roar o f space is just a n o s t a l ­
gia o n t h e far side o f noise. W h i l e t h e ravens o p t to stay hi gh a n d
join t he reindeer, Riley a n d I ski to t h e nearest r oad, h i t c h a ride to
t o w n , a n d c at ch a bu s ba c k to ci vilization. M y m a n g l e d feet testify
to th e severity o f t h e d i s t a n ce we have traveled, over a h u n d r e d
miles as t he bi r d flies, m a n y m o r e as t h e m o u n t a i n s fold. N o w w i t h
ski b o o t s o f f for g o o d , t h e effortless l o c o m o t i o n o f th e bus lacks t he
e x hi l a r a t i on o f flight b u t offers its o w n a n d w a r m e r bliss.
Yet even as I r e t u r n to h o t sh o we rs , f oo d m o r e solid t h a n
m u s h , a n d o t h e r per ks o f ci vilization, s o m e t r u e a n d rebel p ar t
o f m e keeps o n skiing. O n c e u n le a s h e d , t he o n l y possible wa y is
f ram, in all its d e s o l a t i o n a n d e x u l t a t i o n . O n e foot in f r o n t o f the
o the r, step by step, t he left s t u d y i n g th e c o n t o u r s of col d, t he right
p r o b i n g t he full sweep o f life’s pa in a n d possibility. A n d so I soar
t h r o u g h s t o r m s o f ice a n d light, a rock o n m y ha t a n d feathers o n
m y back. A n d so I dr i f t t h r o u g h a p o e m t he t o n e a n d d u r a t i o n
Harris
o f t h e p o l a r n i g h t , in t h e c o m p a n y o f h e r o e s a n d r avens. A c ro ss
m o u n t a i n s a n d d e s e r t s , t h r o u g h s u b u r b s a n d cities, I a m t u r n e d i n ­
s i de o u t a n d in s t r a n g e l y f a m i l i a r t e r r i t o r y . H e a v e n o r hell, i t ’s h a r d
t o say, b u t w i l d n e s s k n o w s t h e p l a ce w'eli a n d it has n o b o r d e r s .
b i n d y o u r o w n line, u r g e d N a n s e n , a n d n o w I u n d e r s t a n d
why. I t ’s t h e o n l y w a y t o g e t h o m e .
Harris