Brian J. Heinz – A Writer’s Workshop
The Opening Page – Character/ Setting/ Tension
1. Open with an ‘action’ (Make something happen)
a. The character’s name followed by a precise verb to create an
immediate visual image.
Example: Anton raised the slop bucket over his head.
b. A detail of the setting (specific noun) followed by a precise verb, again
to create an immediate visual image.
Example: The unruly waves slammed against the old dock.
2. Setting: (Place & Time) Create a strong ‘sense of place’ by
embellishing your setting with vivid sensory details:
Sight – sounds – smells – texture or physical feel – taste - mood
(Try to include at least at least three different senses. It is sensory detail
that imparts to the reader the feeling that they are experiencing the event
or scene for themselves.) Remember – ‘time’ changes the ‘place.’
3. Intimate to the reader that everything is not ‘right with the
world.’ You may refer to this as conflict, problem, or tension, but
the readers need a reason to continue. And, the sooner - the
better. You can state the ‘problem’ directly or by implication:
a. Example: Sanderson swallowed his last sip of water and gazed at thirty
miles of blistering, defiant desert that still lay ahead. (direct)
b. Example: The mustang mare stiffened. She raised her head and studied a
suspicious cloud of pale dust that rose from a nearby plateau. (implied)
(Consider dialog, personification & other poetic device – limit passive verb forms)
Make Something Happen!
Writers often hear the advice ‘open with action.’ This does not mean an automobile must
careen off the road and tumble down a cliff, or that gunfire erupts on a crowded street.
‘Action’ can be as simple as twisting a wrench or zipping a raincoat; a daisy
bending in a breeze, or leaves drifting across a pond.
A noun/verb pair creates ‘Action.’ This creates a visual image, especially when
the nouns and verbs are specific, or precise. The reader immediately sees an event, no
matter how small, take place. They are into the story without a wasted word or an
unnecessary introduction. It goes to the heart of “Show! Don’t tell!” the perennial
admonishment to weak writers.
Consider the opening lines below, from some of my published works, that employ
precise nouns and verbs to draw the reader into the ‘action’ and into the story.
The mountains ache with a deep chill. Their rugged shoulders huddle over the valley
below. A gray cloud creeps over the peaks and rolls slowly, hugging the ground, down
the slopes. (“The Wolves”)
Sunlight falls in slender shafts through a canopy of swamp maples. (“Butternut Hollow
Pond”)
An arctic wind whistled over the vast expanse of ice dusted with snow. (“NANUK: Lord
of the Ice”)
Aknik approached his bird snare hopefully, but he knew what he would find. (“Kayuktuk:
An Arctic Quest”)
Off the coast of Chile, waters churned around the sun-soaked island of Mocha. Shrieking
seabirds hovered above the waves. The ocean’s surface exploded as the sperm whale
breached skyward.” (“Mocha Dick: The Legend and Fury”)
On an April day in yesteryear, Nathan casts his line and dangles his feet into the clear
water of the millpond. (“Nathan of Yesteryear and Michael of Today”)
Red Fox wakens in the glen to tiptoe from his forest den with dreams of chickens in the
pen at Old McCloskey’s Farm again. (“Red Fox at McCloskey’s Farm”)
The mustang mare shook off the attacks of biting flies and raised her head. A suspicious
cloud of pale dust rose from a distant plateau. (“Cheyenne Medicine Hat”)
Sunbeams chase the evening’s chill,
From moody forests deep and still. (“The Great North Woods”)
Note also:
*The absence of passive verb forms
*The intimation of a problem
*Establishment of setting (time & place)
*Introduction of character
* Sensory detail
* Use of Personification
As you read literature in your classroom, have students note the opening lines.
Many, if not most, authors employ this simple, but powerful, technique to draw their
readers into the narrative.
Writing Elements to Consider in Revision & Editing:
1. Basic mechanics (capitals, punctuation, spelling, indenting)
2. Repetition/Redundancy of ideas (phrases or paragraphs) or words.
3. VERBS -
a. Disagreement of verb to subject (singular vs. plurals)
b. Use strong verbs. Weak verbs lead to overuse of modifiers)
Example: “He walked along, dragging his feet, to his car.”
Or: “He shuffled to his car.” (Better!)
c. Use of passive forms (many auxiliary verbs and/or infinitives)
Example: He was going to begin to start the car.
Instead say: He started the car.
Rely on the principal verb - Keep language in simple past
or present tense during the narrative, whenever possible.
4. Superfluous Language: Often as unnecessary adjectives or adverbs.
Examples:
She looked down at her feet and whispered quietly to her sister.
(What words can
He forcefully threw the great, big, green round ball.
be deleted?)
They ran quickly down the street.
Joe rinsed the dirty mud from his brand new shoes.
There were two packages of assorted mixed vegetables left.
5. Specificity - Use exact (precise) words that provide visuals to the reader.
*Avoid “generalities.”
least specific - plants.......flowers.......marigolds - most specific
weapon.........gun........pistol.......44 Magnum
*Avoid words like “things” and “stuff” - Name the items = VISUAL
6. Delete weak modifiers. If the work has many -ly adverbs, it has weak verbs.
Adverbs and adjectives should be used only when necessary and give
the reader information not carried by the noun or verb.
7. Long, awkward, run-on sentence forms or too many short, choppy sentences.
8. Precision of language - clear, sharp nouns and verbs provide narrative details.
9. Sensory language - Involve the reader with language that involves not only sight, but
smell, texture, sound, taste, and emotion where possible.
10. Work for original metaphors/ similes that help the reader make connections.
REMEMBER! Revision makes first drafts shorter but stronger.
Precise Verbs and Nouns are the meat and potatoes of good writing.
Precision Language: general to specific / noun or verb
knife
Weapon
rifle
?
shotgun
Weatherby
12-gauge pump
pistol
?
gun
Fall
drop
Collapse
plummet
tumble
Walk
shuffle march plod limp tiptoe stride
Plants
vines
cat briar? Virginia creeper?
trees
birch? black pine? dogwood?
grasses
blackroot? rye? buffalo grass?
flowers
pansy? fire poppy? water iris?
shrubs
holly? azalea? laurel?
©Brian J. Heinz: “The Classroom as a Writer’s Workshop”
The “Weak Word” List:
Post this near your writing space. Memorize it or consult it. These are the
words that turn editors off and flag you as an amateur. At the completion
of your rough draft, Use a highlighter to strike these words as they appear.
When rewritten without these words, you’ll find the sentences still make
sense, the pacing improves, and the remaining words carry more power or
punch. Avoid them whenever possible. In the case of these words, “Less
is definitely more.” (* You may make exceptions if used in dialogue, a
character’s voice, but use restraint!)
A BIT, A LITTLE, A LOT, ABOUT, ACTUALLY, ALMOST, ALREADY,
ALMOST LIKE, APPEARS, APPROXIMATELY, BASICALLY, CLOSE
TO, EVEN, EVENTUALLY, EXACTLY, FAIRLY, FINALLY, HERE, NICE,
HIGHLY, JUST, JUST THEN, KIND OF, MOSTLY, NEARLY, NOW,
PRACTICALLY, PRETTY, QUITE, RATHER, REALLY, SEEMED, SO,
SEEMS, SIMPLY, SLIGHTLY, SOMEHOW, SOMEWHAT, SORT OF,
SOMEWHAT LIKE, SUDDENLY, THEN, THERE, TRULY, UTTERLY,
VERY, BEGIN TO, STARTED TO, THAT, HAD, HAD HAD, WOULD,
COULD, WOULD HAVE BEEN, WAS, WERE, ONLY, ALSO, SOME.
Avoid vague words as well: BIG, LITTLE, COLD, HOT, BEAUTIFUL,
UGLY, SCARY, SILLY, QUICKLY, SLOWLY, LOUDLY, SOFTLY, WALK,
WENT, STAYED BACK, BE, TO BE, BEEN, INSTEAD, TO THE, TOO,
BUT. Occasionally a word is unavoidable. Be sure it is your choice to use
the word with good reason, not the result of an accident, or laziness.
* Use a strong verb and avoid the -ly adverbs.
*Use positive phrasing, rather than negative... It also helps to cut words.
Avoid the three weakest verbs in the English Language:
PUT, GOT, and WENT - Use verbs of precision with visual impact
The Sensory Web
A wonderful pre-writing template for brainstorming sensory details into
categories is the Sensory Web. I suggest the teacher work with the class as a group the
first few times until the students feel comfortable completing one for their own specific
stories.
Earlier, we spoke of writers creating a “strong sense of place,” not just naming the
setting and time. The web will help us here. It will clarify and organize our thoughts as
we prepare to compose the opening scene. Although the central box says setting (place
and time,) we will also include our character’s name and what they are doing (an action)
as the scene opens up. (Remember those basic elements again?) Once the web is
complete, we will pluck words from our categories and lay them into our opening
paragraph.
On the following pages, I’ve included a blank web and a completed web by a fifth
grade class with notations on their word choices, and a sample opening paragraph, the
start of a potential story, created from the student word list.
This is what the blank web looks like:
Sensory Web for Setting
Sights?
Sounds?
Setting
Feel?
Smell?
Taste?
Here is the web as completed by a class of fifth graders, after deciding that our
opening scene would be a boy rowing a boat across a pond. Note we stated this in the
“Setting” box and included his name, Jo-Jo, and the time of day. This helps to focus our
ideas. These decisions were made by the students, as well as the details listed.
Sensory Web for Setting
Sights?
Sounds?
water other boats
croaking / ribbit
island
bubbles popping
dock rocks
sand lily pads swan
barking voices/laugh
alligator frog trees
whoosh swish
flowers ducks turtles
squeak of the oarlocks
bugs fish people
leaves rustle chirp
dragonfly whirlpool
splash plop buzz
waterfall reflections
motorboat hum
waves ripples rope
(a putt-putt or a roar?)
clouds house log
flapping of wings
Setting
Jo-Jo is rowing a
boat across a pond at
sunrise.
Feel?
Sun’s warmth
Smell?
wet
Smoke? (Fireplace, or burning leaves
Rocking of the boat
if it is the Fall season)
Wooden oars (in his hands)
Roses? (Summer garden?)
Wind / breeze
Dead fish? Barbeque (hot dogs?)
Taste?
Omitted. The class decided Jo-Jo is not eating anything as he rows
his boat.
Character Attribute Chart
Character 1:
Setting:
Character 2:
The plateau had lots
of plants and many wild
animals all over it. The
animals were eating.