Writer’s I / Eye of Territories
Writing ideas (and prompts!) come from some general categories of lifetime
events. Nancie Atwell calls them Writing Territories. These are broad categories
of events that all writers experience, and most writers can easily identify several
stories that can be grouped into that category or territory.
1. Brainstorm these categories with your students (e.g., family, friends, failures,
successes, vacations, traditions, goals, challenges, etc.) Write the list on chart
paper so students may reference these categories as they continue this lesson.
2. Have students think about each category/territory, and, if they can think of 3
stories they can tell that fit into that territory, they will add the territory to
their Writer’s I/Eye drawing.
3. Students draw their Writer’s I/Eye in their Writer’s Notebook. Show them
both models and allow them to choose which model they want to use. Explain
that all writers write from their own experiences (the Writer’ s I) and all
writers write about experiences from their observations (the Writer’s Eye).
Either type of I/Eye will work for this drawing.
4. Students add the territories (from which they have at least 3 stories they can
tell) to their Writer’s I/Eye drawing. As they are drawing and writing their
territories, remind students that both expository and narrative prompts may
refer to these territories. Or the prompts may not refer to these territories,
and writers will need to think of these territories on their own to try to pull out
a story they can tell, either as a narrative or as support to an expository topic.
In either case, they can feel confident that they have at least 3 stories in each
category that are in their Writer’s I/Eye, just waiting to be told.
Page 1
Analyzing the Prompt
Students will need to decide in which genre to write, using the information given to
them on the prompt page. The good news is that certain words on the prompt page
will indicate to students in which genre to write.
In this personal narrative prompt page, the words highlighted in red indicate that the
students will write a personal narrative.
Look at the picture below.
(PHOTO)
It takes talent to balance a basketball on your finger. (Explanation of photo)
Write about a time when you discovered that you were good at something. (Prompt)
Be sure to—
• Write about a personal experience
• Organize your writing
• Develop your ideas in detail
• Choose your words carefully
• Use correct spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and sentences
Teach your students that the photograph or picture is only meant to help explain the
prompt in a different way. It is meant to be inspirational, to ‘get the juices flowing’.
Students should respond to the prompt, not the picture. In other words, if the
photograph shows a child spinning a basketball, they do not have to write about
playing basketball! Instead they should write about what the prompt says.
Page 2
In this expository essay prompt page, the words highlighted in red indicate that the
students will write an expository essay.
READ the information in the box below.
There are people in our lives who are special
to us. Sometimes this person is a teacher or
coach, a parent, a brother or sister, or even a
friend.
THINK about the people you care about.
WRITE about one person who has been important to you. Explain what makes that person special.
Be sure to –
•
•
•
•
•
clearly state your central idea
organize your writing
develop your writing in detail
choose your words carefully
use correct spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and sentences
Again, teach your students that the ‘READ’ and ‘THINK’ statements are only meant to
help explain the prompt in a different way. They are meant to be inspirational, to ‘get
the juices flowing’. Students should not get distracted by the ‘READ’ and ‘THINK’
portions. They should write about what the prompt says.
Page 3
Brainstorming for a Narrative Prompt
We can help students identify the differences between the two types of prompts by modeling
for them the thinking and brainstorming process for each type of prompt. A personal
narrative prompt will always begin with, “Write about a time when you. . .” The words that
complete this statement will tell them what to think about to find their topic.
Write about a time when you [discovered that you were good at something.]
(a personal narrative)
(topic)
You might say:
“In the above prompt, I have two things to think about—something that I am good at and the
time when I discovered I was good at it. I know that I’ll be writing a personal narrative
because it says ‘a time when you’. I’ll start with something I am good at.” (Circle the words
‘you were good at something.’)
Students can use the major areas of their lives as places in which they may find possible
topics. For many students, the major areas of their lives are school, home, friends, and after
school activities.
“I’m going to think about the things I am good at here at school.” (List different possible
school topics that kids may be good at, e.g., reading, P.E. games, multiplication facts,
working in groups, following the rules, etc.)
“Now I’m going to think about the things I am good at when I’m at home.” (List different
possible home-related topics that kids may be good at, e.g., cleaning my room, babysitting
my niece, doing my homework, making macaroni and cheese, etc.)
“Let’s see, I always think about my friends, so what am I good at with my friends?” (List
different possible friend-type topics, e.g. being a good listener, making my friends laugh,
getting shy friends to talk, etc.)
“Hmmm, what are some other times in my life when I am good at something… Oh, after
school activities!” (List different possible after school activities, e.g., getting the little kids to
follow directions at Extend-a-Care, dribbling the ball in basketball practice, doing slide shows
in Computer Enrichment, etc.)
“Now that I have a lot of ideas about things that I am good at, I want to think about the other
part of the prompt, ‘a time when you discovered’.” (Circle this part of the prompt.) “Do I have a
good story about when I discovered I was good at each of these things?”
Go back to your list of things you were good at and think aloud about how a few of these
things were very boring to learn, or you don’t remember when you found out you were good
at them. But some ideas have a great story about how you discovered you were good at
them! Jot some notes to help you remember these stories. Tell students that there may be
some stories you hardly remember, but you know you could make up some good details to fill
in the gaps your mind can’t remember. This is what writers do! They use the details they
remember and make up some of the details—as long as it makes a believable story, it’s okay
to do this.
Writers should read over their list and circle three stories they feel motivated to write today.
They draw a star next to the one story they know will make the best story for today and this
will be the story they will plan to write today. (In case they decide they don’t like this story, or
it doesn’t work out for them, they have two other ideas they can fall back on—the other
stories they circled on their brainstorm list.)
Page 4
Brainstorming for the Expository Essay
In much the same way, we can help students identify an expository essay prompt by
modeling for them the thinking and brainstorming process for that prompt. An expository
essay prompt will always include the ‘READ’, ‘THINK’, and ‘WRITE’ format. The ‘WRITE’
statement tells them what to think about to find their topic.
WRITE about [one person who has been important to you.] Explain what makes that person special.
(topic)
(expository essay)
You might say:
“In the above prompt, I have two things to think about—one person who is important to me
and explaining what makes that person special. When I see that word ‘Explain’, I know that
means I’ll be writing an expository essay where I’ll need to explain something. I’ll start by
drawing a T-Chart so I can CONSIDER…the ‘Write about’ portion of the prompt on one side.
Then I can WRITE WHAT THOUGHTS I HAVE ABOUT… the ‘Explain’ portion of the prompt on
the other side of my T-Chart. (Teacher Note: See the Expository Text Planning Tool)
“I’ll start by CONSIDERING…the person who is important to me.” (Circle the words ‘one
person who has been important to you.’) “I want to think about people who are important to
me here at school.” (List different possible people from school that kids may say are
important to them, e.g., the librarian, the custodian, an office worker, etc.) Continue to
brainstorm people who might be important at home, amongst their friends, and in after
school sports and activities.
“Now I need to go back and fill in the ways I can explain that these people are special to me.”
Review your list of people and think aloud about the ways in which these people are special.
Show your students that for some people, you don’t have much you can say, and for others
you have a lot you can say. Explain that these are the topics you will want to write about
because you already know that you have a lot you can say about them.
Page 5
More Practice with Prompts
Once your students understand the difference between the two types of
prompts, show them how either type of prompt could be formed from the same
topic:
Narrative: Write about a time when you discovered that you were good at something.
Expository: WRITE about something you are good at. Explain how you know you are good at it.
Expository: WRITE about one person who has been important to you. Explain what makes that
person special.
Narrative: Write about a time you spent with a special person.
Narrative: Write about a time when you were faced with a challenge.
Expository: WRITE about a challenge you have experienced. Explain what made it challenging.
Have students brainstorm their ideas for each prompt on the same
topic. Then have students orally practice the narrative story or
the expository essay they could write about the same topic. (Oral
practice relieves students of the burden of writing so much right
before the test. Don’t burn them out on writing!)
Eventually, students should be able to write their own prompts,
using the predictable patterns shown above.
Page 6
Expository Text Planning Tools
18 A (i,ii,iii) Create brief compositions that establish a central
idea in a topic sentence, include (2-3) supporting sentences
with simple facts, details, and explanations and contain a
concluding statement.
1. Read the prompt and brainstorm ideas using the t-chart below
2. Choose one idea from your brainstorm
3. Use the attached graphic organizer to organize your thoughts
CONSIDER…
WRITE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ABOUT…
Page 7
Use the central idea to develop the
introductory paragraph. Be sure to include
the following:
• a lead to introduce the central idea
and engage the reader
• the central idea in a topic sentence
Write another sentence supporting the
central idea. FEED the supporting sentence
with one or more of the following:
• Facts
• Explanation
• Example
• Details
Establish central idea in a topic sentence and record it here
Write a concluding statement that refers
back to the central idea without repeating
the topic sentence.
Write another sentence supporting the
central idea. FEED the supporting sentence
with one or more of the following:
• Facts
• Explanation
• Example
• Details
Page 8
Directions for the Expository Essay Brainstorm Chart:
This chart provides a way for students to brainstorm their ideas and select the one idea
they have the most to write about and are most interested in.
Example Grade 4 STAAR Released Prompt:
WRITE about one person who has been important to you. Explain what
makes that person special.
Take the phrase from the “Write about” portion of the prompt and record it on the left
side of the T-Chart under CONSIDER...
Record the phrase from the “Explain” portion of the prompt on the right side of the TChart under WRITE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ABOUT…
CONSIDER…
One person who has been important
to me
My Aunt Natalie
My Grandma
My Uncle Jerry
WRITE THOUGHT YOU HAVE ABOUT…
What makes that person special
She babysits me a lot
She picks me up after school
We go to her house every weekend
We bake cookies at her house
She has the best dog, Baxter
We play Hide-and-Seek inside her big
house
We rode go-carts at his house once
His kids are older
We don’t go there very often
Students may fill out the chart by either listing several names, then filling in the right
side of the T-Chart for each name, or by writing the name and what makes the person
special before moving on to the next name. They should be encouraged to list as
many names as they think they can write about before choosing which ideas to take to
the planning process.
Now students take their best idea (the one they have the most to write about and are
most motivated to write about) and move to the Expository Essay Organizer.
Page 9
Directions for the Expository Essay
Organizing Tool:
This graphic organizer begins in the upper left hand quadrant
and moves clockwise.
•
The central idea affects all the other parts of the paper and so it is written in the
center of the paper.
•
In the upper left quadrant, students write the introduction to their essay. The
introduction ‘hooks’ the reader and includes the central idea of the composition.
Sometimes writers get their ideas for a ‘hook’ while writing the body of their
essay, so allow writers to come back to this quadrant if an idea does not come to
them easily.
•
In the upper right quadrant, students record a sentence that supports the
central idea. Below the sentence, students can bullet Facts, an Explanation,
Example, or Detail to F.E.E.D. the supporting sentence. Students should be
encouraged to use their best ideas from the Brainstorm T-Chart to form their
supporting sentences.
•
In the lower right quadrant, students record another supporting sentence and
think of Facts, an Explanation, Example, or Detail to F.E.E.D. the supporting
sentence. Again, students should be encouraged to use their best ideas from
the Brainstorm T-Chart to form their supporting sentences.
It’s important for students to read the supporting sentences and the central idea
to ensure the supporting sentences actually do support the central idea. They
may find they need to revise their central idea or their supporting sentences.
•
The final quadrant contains the concluding statement. An effort should be
made to express the central idea of the essay in different words.
Once the students have determined that all the parts are connected to their central
idea, they are ready to use their Organizing Tool to write a draft of their essay. You
will need to model this drafting. It is not obvious to many students how to take these
scattered words and thoughts and turn them into sentences that connect to each other.
For the introduction, students should be encouraged to use the same type of leads
they used when writing a narrative (dialogue, description, action, etc.) However, the
leading sentence must flow into the central idea which is also included in the
introductory paragraph.
Page 10
Once the introductory paragraph is written, it’s time to compose the body of the
composition. Each of the next two quadrants from the Organizing Tool will become a
paragraph in the body of the essay. Students need to be sure to write the supporting
sentence and F.E.E.D. it with facts, an explanation, an example, and/or details. Each
paragraph is connected by transition words and phrases. Model the use of transition
words to show how the ideas in the essay are connected. Use caution when using these
transition words so as not to sound too formulaic.
The final paragraph should be the conclusion, which should refer to the central idea
without repeating it.
Page 11
ESSAY MIND MAP
CENTRAL MESSAGE OR IDEA
(Thesis Statement)
Supporting Claim
Supporting Claim
(Facts, Explanations, Examples, Details)
(Facts, Explanations, Examples, Details)
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
__________________________________
CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH
(Restate the central idea or message supported by claims)
For these reasons, I believe that…
Page 12
ESSAY MIND MAP
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
____________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
_________________________________
Page 13
Essay Mind Map Lesson Plan
Designed by Mary Alice Ruiz
Writer’s Habits: Understand how to use essay/expository mind map for planning and organizing a central
idea (thesis statement), supporting information and conclusion.
1. “Today, we’re going to learn how to use an Essay Mind Map for improving our essays. This map’s
organizational structure helps young writers organize and plan their essay ideas for elaborating during
the drafting process. It includes a central idea (thesis statement), two supporting informational
paragraphs and a concluding paragraph.”
(Optional: “The Essay Mind Map’s framework is structured like a blueprint for constructing or building a
home. You can’t build a house that is structurally sound without a blueprint. It helps build a strong
foundation for any home, otherwise, this home will collapse. This Essay Mind Map is designed to do the
same for helping young writer’s create a quality essay.”)
2. Introduce the Essay Mind Map’s organizational structure or framework using technology. “What do
you notice about this mind map?” “How is it organized? How might it help you in organizing and
planning your essay ideas? It includes the following sections: 1) a central idea/message to be written in
the rectanglar box at the top; 2) two supporting information paragraphs to be written in each oval; and
3) a concluding paragraph to be written in the rectangular box at the bottom.
3. Model how to use the Essay Mind Map by transferring the teacher’s own central idea (thesis statement)
and supporting infomation (i.e. facts, explanations, examples, and/or details) from the Calkin’s T-chart
and/or boxes & bullets pre-writing ideas. First, model how to elaborate on the central idea to clarify
its meaning and focus as related to the topic. Next, elaborate on the informational paragraphs to include
any facts, explanations, examples and/or details that support the central idea. Add transitions to better
organize informational paragraphs. Note: Model how to elaborate on the concluding paragraph during a
mini-lesson for later.
4. Facilitate writer’s conferences to provide guided writing practice on how to transfer and/or elaborate on
the central idea (thesis statement). Or, guide students as they elaborate on their two supporting
informational paragraphs. Have students refer to their Lucy Calkin’s T-chart and/or boxes & bullets
sections in their writer’s folder for completing their essay map. Note: Determine flexible grouping
needs prior to faciliating individual/small group writer’s conferences.
5. Model how to transfer ideas from the Essay Mind Map onto paper during the drafting process. See
attachment for differentiating instruction lesson plan.
Page 14
ESSAY MIND MAP
Differentiated Instruction Lesson Plan
Writer’s Habits: Understand how to transition from prewriting to the drafting process
using a plan.
1. “Today, we will develop our first expository/essay draft using good writer’s habits.”
2. “Which writer’s strategy do you think we will use today? We’re going to use our ideas
from our Essay Mind Map to develop our essay drafts on paper. Watch as I model this
strategy using my mind plan. Pay attention to the expository structure and
organization of my draft as I rearrange my 1) central idea (thesis statement), 2)
supporting paragraphs and 3) concluding statement or paragraph from my mind map
onto paper. Also, pay close attention to any transitions that I use to link my ideas from
paragraoph to paragraph within my paper.”
3. Model writer’s strategy by cutting sections of mind map, to demonstrate how the
paragraphs are structured and organized on paper. Begin with the central
idea/message/statement (introductory paragraph).
4. Next, model how to arrange the two supporting paragraphs within the body of the
paper. Make sure and highlight transitional words and/or phrases used to link and
organize the supporting paragraphs in logical order.
5. Last, arrange concluding statement/paragraph at the bottom of the page. Make it
brief and model how to elaborate concluding paragraph during drafing and revision
process.
6. Display teacher expository paper to give students a visual of what the first draft looks
like in paragraph form. Now the students are ready to follow these same steps in
transferring and elaborating on their ideas as they begin their drafts.
7. Facilitate writer’s conferences using Barry Lane Tips and/or Lucy Calkin’s
conferencing strategies during the drafting process.
Page 15
Focus on the Big Moment in the Story
Select a few student stories that have a clear ‘big moment’. Read the stories aloud and
ask, “What is the big moment in this story?” The ‘big moment’ is the climax of the story,
the moment when everyone wants to know what happened next. Help students hear a
few examples and soon they will find it is easy to pick out the big moment.
Now the challenge is to help students realize that they don’t need to write everything
they wrote leading up to the big moment. They can summarize what happened before
in one or two sentences and cross out everything else before the big moment and
everything after the big moment. Model this using one of the student stories you used
to show the big moment.
Now students need to rewrite the one big moment slowly. Again, model this using the
same student story.
To help students write all the details about what happened during that one big moment,
show them this strategy:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Write the first sentence of your story.
Stop writing.
Read what you wrote.
See the picture in your mind of what you are writing about.
Think about what else is in the picture that the reader needs to know.
Add a sentence or two that might create a more interesting picture. Tell what people
are thinking, feeling, or saying.
7. Write the next sentence from your story and repeat these steps for the whole paper.
Adapted from Crunch Time, by Gretchen Bernabei
Page 16
Flash Nonfiction
By David Lee Finkle
Write a topic sentence on the board, something that might be a paragraph
within a larger essay, but certainly not a big enough topic to fill up an
entire essay. Give students about ten minutes to write off the top of their
head on the topic, encouraging them to use as many specific details as
possible. Pair students and have them share. Give them a focus such as
picking their partner’s best, most vivid detail and highlight or circle it. If
time allows, have two or three volunteers read their entire paragraphs
aloud to the class. Again, compliment and comment on the best details,
the things that created pictures.
This is a simple but powerful exercise because students write and get
immediate feedback. It builds fluency for writing in a relaxed,
nonthreatening environment.
What kind of topics do I give? Almost anything that lends itself to a short
paragraph. Any topic can be taken and given a particular twist. Some may
be test-type topics; others may be more like topic sentences and writers
will fill in the details. Here are a few examples:
Explain why you think Friday is the best day of the week (or Monday is the
worst day).
Explain why you think kids pick on each other.
Explain why a particular television show is your favorite.
Explain why you think parents want you to brush your teeth.
Explain why sleeping late on the weekends is good for kids (or bad for kids).
Explain why staying up late on the weekends is good for kids (or bad for kids).
The roller coaster was scary.
It was an interesting classroom.
She was a total snob.
He/she was a terrible student (or he/she was an excellent student.)
I made a mad dash to get to school on time.
I was nervous/happy as I brought home my worst/best report card ever.
My favorite snack is…because…
My favorite restaurant is…because…
Page 17
Criteria for a Good Personal Narrative
The lead is inviting and provides hints to the topic
of the story.
There is one clear, well-focused topic. The main
story line stands out and is supported by detailed
information.
The writer seems to be writing from knowledge or
experience. The author has taken the ideas and made them "his own."
A variety of thoughtful transitions are used. They clearly show how ideas are
connected.
The writer uses vivid words and phrases that linger or draw pictures in the reader's
mind.
Relevant, quality details give the reader important information that goes beyond the
obvious or predictable.
All sentences are well-constructed with varied structure.
The conclusion is strong and leaves the reader with a feeling that they understand
why the author wrote this piece.
The writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the
content.
Page 18
Criteria charts are most effective when they are created with your students, in their language, based
on what they have learned from mentor texts and your lessons. You may use this list to guide this
discussion with your students, and to make sure you have included all the important points.
Criteria for a Good Expository Essay
The lead is inviting and leads the reader to the central
idea of the essay. The central idea is included in the
introductory paragraph.
The central idea is clear and focused on one topic.
The central idea is supported with interesting and
specific facts, details, explanations, or examples.
A variety of thoughtful transitions are used. They clearly show how ideas are
connected.
The writer seems to be writing from knowledge or experience. The author has taken
the ideas and made them "his own."
The writer uses vivid words and phrases that engage and draw pictures in the reader's
mind.
All sentences are well-constructed with varied structure.
The concluding statement is strong and leaves the reader with a feeling that they
understand why the author wrote this piece.
The writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the
content.
Page 19
Revise a Lead
Connect the Conclusion to this Lead
Refer to the collection of good leads you have used in past lessons, read some aloud and ask,
“What do all strong leads have in common?”
All strong leads:
make the reader want to keep reading
set the tone or general feelings for the rest of the piece
foreshadow what is to come
make the reader want to keep reading.
Find a student’s previous writing, or a writing from another class, in which the story is lacking a
good lead. Display the writing and tell students, “We are only going to focus on the lead and
the conclusion in this writing.”
Read the student story from beginning to end, so students know what the story is about.
Review the ways you have taught them previously to write good leads. Your list may look
something like this:
Ways to write a better lead:
1. Action
2. Dialogue
3. Thinking
4. Introduce a character
Invite writers to join you in a shared writing of a lead for this story that uses action (or any
different way to write a lead.) Then, try to think of a conclusion that will connect to that
introduction and write students’ ideas for a conclusion that connects to the introduction.
Note that it is not always possible to write a good conclusion that connects to the introduction.
There are other concluding ideas you can try, but it is a good practice for writers to try the
connecting conclusion first.
Page 20
Other Ways to Conclude a Story:
Lesson – Tell what you learned from this experience. How have you
changed as a result of this experience?
Memory – Tell something you will always remember from the story.
Feeling – Tell how you feel about something that happened in your
story.
Decision – Tell a decision you have made because of what has
happened in your story.
Hope – Tell what you hope or wish for because of what happened in
your story.
Read a few of your favorite conclusions from lessons you have taught in the past few months.
Say, “What do all powerful endings have in common?”
Powerful endings:
reveal the big meaning of the piece
connect to the lead
tell a “lesson learned” or show how the main character has changed
gives the story a feeling of closure.
Next, invite the class to help you write a dialogue lead for this story. Again, see if you can
come up with a way to connect the conclusion to the introduction or try writing a few of the
Other Ways to Conclude a Story (above).
If time allows, continue to write different types of leads and a connecting conclusion for each
lead, to show students the many different ways this writing could begin.
Ask students to help you decide which introduction hooks them into the story and makes them
want to keep reading? Which conclusion makes a satisfying ending?
Students will now work with a partner to write at least two new leads for the story they wrote
last week—even if they like the lead they already have. (Good writers push themselves to
keep trying to make their writing even better!) They will also write a conclusion that connects
with each new introduction or try a different conclusion.
Remind writers that they are not only working to improve their own writing, but that they
have a responsibility to their partner to help them improve their partner’s story.
Circulate around the room offering help as needed while students revise.
At the end of this writing session, ask a few students to share with the whole group a new lead
and the connecting conclusion they chose to replace their original lead and conclusion.
Page 21
Moving from ‘Exploding the Moment’
to ‘Concise and Precise’
During the good ole days of TAKS writing, we taught our students to
‘Explode the Moment’ in an attempt to get them to say more about the
big moment in their stories.
The times have changed. We are now living in the STAAR era of making every word count,
saying what we mean and meaning what we say, keeping our language concise and precise.
In the real world of writing, there is a time and a place for both types of writing. We do not
have to look far to find some beautiful examples of ‘exploding a moment’ in the novels we read
and sometimes even in our students’ narratives, written for the purpose of entertaining an
audience.
Record these ‘explode a moment’ examples. Create a boring sentence that simply states what
is happening in the exploded moment. Now have your students work together to create a
concise and precise sentence or two that capture(s) the essence of the exploded moment and
still has a sense of style and creativity.
With lots of repeated practice, writers will get the hang of how to keep the language colorful
and simple.
~ Stephanie Heinchon, Region XIII
Page 22
Moving from Exploding the Moment to Concise and Precise
Blah Sentence
Explode the Moment
Concise and Precise
He walked through
the door.
He grasped the cold doorknob and turned it slowly to
the right. He pushed the door inward. The hinges
squeaked and cold air rushed past the opening door.
The room was dark. His eyes darted to the right.
Nothing. He pushed the door open a little farther, and
slowly moved his right foot into the room. His shoe
creaked a bit as it hit the polished hardwood floor.
The door hinges squeaked as he
hesitantly crept through the door into a
cold, dark room. His shoe made the
hardwood floor creak.
I walked into the
kitchen and saw my
mother holding a
skateboard.
Upon opening the gate to our backyard I wondered if
there was a surprise in store for me. My hands began
to sweat with anticipation as I crossed the yard to the
enclosed patio. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t the
gift, but the thought that counted as I ran into the
kitchen. The door slammed behind me as I was greeted
by the sweet smell of chocolate cake and my mother.
She was beaming as she held out my gift: the red
skateboard, the red skateboard I had pointed out to my
mother in the toy store window!
She was a dog—a dog with graceful white feet and
ankles, a thick white chest, and a bulging stomach that
hinted pink where the hairs were sparse and coarse.
Across her back and hips were large, irregular brown
spots, and her head, which was really too small for her
body, wore several shades of brown that arched over
her eyes, giving her a surprised and interested
expression. Around her neck a thick roll of extra flesh
fanned out soft fur into a deep, inviting ruffle and her
ears drooped like rich brown velvet triangles.
My hands sweat and my heart raced in
anticipation of the gift I hoped my
mother would give me. And there it
was—the very skateboard I had longed
for!
The dog was white
with brown spots
and overweight.
Page 23
The dog was fat and beautiful in a way
that made you want to drop to his level
and rub him all over.
Change Passive Verbs
to Lively Verbs
Passive verbs include: is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been
Sentences that contain passive verbs are weak because they often do not
include an action that the reader can visualize, or the subject does not
do the action. In a sentence with an active verb, the subject is doing
the action. Students can improve the quality of their writing by changing
these passive verbs to vivid verbs, powerful verbs, to fizz up the action,
paint word-pictures, and evoke feelings in their readers.
Students should go on a ‘passive verb hunt’
through their papers to find any of these passive
verbs. Have them circle all the passive verbs in
their entire paper. Now model for students how to
change the circled verbs to lively and vivid verbs.
Examples:
Passive: The jar was broken by Kim
Active: Kim broke the jar.
Passive: My cousins are constantly whining.
Active: My cousins whine constantly.
Passive: There are times when I feel no one listens to me.
Active: At times, I feel no one listens to me.
Passive: The children were sad when their dog was dead.
Active: The children wept when their dog died.
Note that there are times when it seems it is not possible to change a
passive verb. A few passive verbs are acceptable in every writing.
Children should be encouraged to change as many passive verbs as
possible in their writing. Make it a challenge: Can they change half of
them? Most of them? All of them?
Page 24
Be as concise as possible; find the single verb to replace the
roundabout phrase.
Do not say: He did not remember to feed the dog.
Say instead: He forgot to feed the dog.
Do not say: She did not pass the music exam.
Say instead: She failed the music exam.
Page 25
Name_________________________________
Date____________________
Title: _________________________________
Revising Checklist - Narrative
Reread your writing carefully. Put a check mark in each box under “Author” as
you complete each revising item. You will need to read your paper several times.
Once all the boxes are checked, give your paper and this revising checklist to a
peer to help them give you feedback about your writing. The ‘Peer’ box is larger
so they can write notes.
Author Peer
1. Lead – Does the writing begin with an interesting lead,
one that will draw the reader in and make them want to
read more? Have you tried to begin with action, the
character’s thoughts or feelings, dialogue, or an important
description?
2. Focus – Does the writing stay focused on one
important event? Did you zoom in on that one event and
tell all the details about one small moment in time?
3. Organized – Does the story follow a sequence of
events that shows what happened in a way the reader can
easily understand?
4. Connected and Clear – Does one thought flow
smoothly into the next? Can you easily keep track of what
is happening in the story? Find confusing spots and
rewrite to make them clearer. Note places where you
stumble as you reread and revise to make them easier to
read.
5. Word Choice – Did the writer use strong, specific
vocabulary ? Can you think of better words to use in the
place of some boring, ordinary words?
6. Sentence Variety – Are there a variety of sentences—
some long, some short, compound, and a question once in
awhile—to create a rhythm in the writing?
7. Significance – Did the writer tell why this story is
important? Did he/she learn a lesson or does it
communicate an important idea that the reader can learn
from?
Page 26
Name_________________________________
Date____________________
Title: _________________________________
Revising Checklist - Expository
Reread your writing carefully. Put a check mark in each box under “Author” as you
complete each revising item. You will need to read your paper several times. Once all
the boxes are checked, give your writing and this revising checklist to a peer to help
them give you feedback about your writing. The ‘Peer’ box is larger so they can write
notes.
Author Peer
1. Thesis/Central Idea - Is the thesis or central idea
clearly stated in the introduction of the essay?
2. Focus - Does the essay stay focused on the thesis or
central idea? Do the facts, details, examples and
explanations match the thesis and the supporting
sentences?
3. Organization - Does the body of the essay have a
clear organizational strategy? (Supporting sentences
that show reasons, kinds, parts, times, etc.)
4. Support - Does the writer include facts, details,
examples, and explanations that are clearly related to
each reason, kind, part, time, etc.?
5. Transitions - Are transitions used to signal additional
information and how it is related to the information
before it?
6. Conclusion - Does the conclusion provide a closing
for the essay and leave the reader with a provocative
thought?
Page 27
Organization/Progression
•
•
•
Development of Ideas
•
•
Use of Language/Conventions
•
•
•
Score Point 1
4th Grade Narrative Writing Rubric
The form or structure of the narrative is
inappropriate to the purpose or the specific
demands of the prompt. The writer uses
organizational strategies or literary devices that
are only marginally suited to the narrative task, or
they are inappropriate or not evident at all.
Because the narrative is presented in a random or
illogical way, the writer is not able to convey a
sense of the experience.
Many of the details do not contribute to the
narrative. The writer’s lack of focus on a specific
personal experience weakens the unity and
coherence of the narrative.
The writer’s narrative presentation is weak.
Repetition or wordiness sometimes causes
serious disruptions in the story line. At other times
the lack of transitions and sentence-to-sentence
connections makes one or more parts of the
narrative unclear or difficult to follow.
The development of the narrative is weak
because the details are inappropriate, vague, or
insufficient. They do not contribute to the writer’s
portrayal of the experience.
The narrative is insubstantial because the writer’s
response to the prompt is vague or confused. In
some cases, the narrative as a whole is only
weakly linked to the prompt. In other cases, the
writer fails to establish a realistic situation or
present motivations for behavior or actions.
•
The writer’s word choice may be vague or limited.
It reflects little or no awareness of the narrative
purpose. The word choice impedes the writer’s
ability to relate the experience clearly.
Sentences are simplistic, awkward, or
uncontrolled, weakening the effectiveness of the
narrative.
The writer has little or no command of sentence
boundaries and age-appropriate spelling,
capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and usage
conventions. Serious and persistent errors create
disruptions in the fluency of the writing and
sometimes interfere with meaning.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Score Point 2
The form or structure of the narrative is evident
but may not always be appropriate to the purpose
or responsive to the specific demands of the
prompt. The writer uses organizational strategies
or literary devices that are only somewhat suited
to the narrative task. The writer is able to convey
some sense of the experience.
Some details do not contribute to the narrative.
The writer may focus on a specific personal
experience but may not sustain that focus, limiting
the unity and coherence of the narrative.
The writer’s narrative presentation is inconsistent.
Sometimes repetition or wordiness causes minor
disruptions in the story line. At other times
transitions and sentence-to-sentence connections
are too perfunctory or weak to support the logical
movement of the narrative.
•
The development of the narrative is minimal and
remains at a surface level because there are few
details, they are not always appropriate, or they
are too general. For the most part, the details
contribute only marginally to the writer’s portrayal
of the experience.
The narrative reflects little or no thoughtfulness. In
some cases, the writer’s response to the prompt is
formulaic and demonstrates only a limited
understanding of the writing task. In other cases,
the writer establishes some elements of a realistic
situation but may provide few motivations for
behavior or actions. The narrative conveys little
sense of why the experience was important to the
writer.
•
The writer’s word choice may be general or
imprecise. It reflects a basic awareness of the
narrative purpose. The word choice limits the
writer’s ability to relate the experience clearly.
Sentences are awkward or only somewhat
controlled, limiting the effectiveness of the
narrative.
The writer demonstrates a partial command of
sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Some distracting errors may
be evident, at times creating minor disruptions in
the fluency or meaning of the writing.
•
•
•
•
•
•
Score Point 3
The form or structure of the narrative is, for the
most part, appropriate to the purpose and
responsive to the specific demands of the prompt.
The writer uses organizational strategies or
literary devices that are adequately suited to the
narrative task. The writer is able to clearly convey
the experience.
Most details contribute to the effectiveness of the
narrative. The writer focuses on a specific
personal experience and generally sustains that
focus. The narrative is coherent, though it may not
always be unified due to minor lapses in focus.
The writer’s narrative presentation is adequately
controlled. For the most part, transitions are
meaningful, and sentence-to-sentence
connections are sufficient to support the logical
movement of the narrative.
•
Specific details add some substance to the
narrative. For the most part, these details
contribute to the writer’s portrayal of the
experience.
The narrative reflects some thoughtfulness. The
writer demonstrates a good understanding of the
writing task by establishing a realistic situation
and providing reasonable motivations for behavior
or actions. The narrative conveys some sense of
why the experience was important to the writer.
•
The writer’s word choice is, for the most part,
specific and concrete. It reflects an awareness of
the narrative purpose. Generally effective word
choice allows the writer to relate the experience
clearly.
Sentences are varied and adequately controlled,
for the most part contributing to the effectiveness
of the narrative.
The writer demonstrates an adequate command
of sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Although some errors may be
evident, they create few (if any) disruptions in the
fluency of the writing, and they do not affect the
clarity of the narrative.
•
•
•
•
•
•
Score Point 4
The form or structure of the narrative is
appropriate to the purpose and responsive to the
specific demands of the prompt. The writer uses
organizational strategies or literary devices that
are particularly well suited to the narrative task.
The writer is able to skillfully convey the
experience.
All details contribute to the effectiveness of the
narrative. The writer focuses on a specific
personal experience and sustains that focus,
strengthening the unity and coherence of the
narrative.
The writer’s narrative presentation is well
controlled. Meaningful transitions and strong
sentence-to-sentence connections enhance the
logical movement of the narrative.
Specific, well-chosen details add substance to the
narrative. These details contribute significantly to
the writer’s portrayal of the experience.
The narrative is thoughtful and engaging. The
writer demonstrates a thorough understanding of
the writing task by establishing a realistic situation
and providing plausible motivations for behavior or
actions. The narrative conveys a good sense of
why the experience was important to the writer.
The writer’s word choice is vivid and expressive.
It reflects a keen awareness of the narrative
purpose. Effective word choice enables the writer
to recreate the experience in a way that conveys
its importance.
Sentences are purposeful, varied, and well
controlled, enhancing the effectiveness of the
narrative.
The writer demonstrates a consistent command of
sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Although minor errors may be
evident, they do not detract from the fluency or
clarity of the writing. The overall strength of the
conventions contributes to the effectiveness of the
narrative.
AISD Office of the Associate Superintendent ~ Revised October 7, 2011
Page 31
Organization/Progression
•
•
•
Development of Ideas
•
•
Use of Language/Conventions
•
•
•
Score Point 1
4th Grade Expository Writing Rubric
The organizing structure of the essay is
inappropriate to the purpose or the specific
demands of the prompt. The writer uses
organizational strategies that are only marginally
suited to the explanatory task, or they are
inappropriate or not evident at all. The absence of
a functional organizational structure causes the
essay to lack clarity and direction.
Most ideas are generally related to the topic
specified in the prompt, but the central idea is
missing, unclear, or illogical. The writer may fail to
maintain focus on the topic, may include
extraneous information, or may shift abruptly from
idea to idea, weakening the coherence of the
essay.
The writer’s progression of ideas is weak.
Repetition or wordiness sometimes causes
serious disruptions in the flow of the essay. At
other times the lack of transitions and sentenceto-sentence connections causes the writer to
present ideas in a random or illogical way, making
one or more parts of the essay unclear or difficult
to follow.
.
The development of ideas is weak. The essay is
ineffective because the writer uses details and
examples that are inappropriate, vague, or
insufficient.
The essay is insubstantial because the writer’s
response to the prompt is vague or confused. In
come cases, the essay as a whole is only weakly
linked to the prompt. In other cases, the writer
develops the essay in a manner that
demonstrates a lack of understanding of the
expository writing task.
•
The writer’s word choice may be vague or limited.
It reflects little or no awareness of the expository
purpose and does not establish a tone appropriate
to the task. The word choice may impede the
quality and clarity of the essay.
Sentences are simplistic, awkward, or
uncontrolled, significantly limiting the
effectiveness of the essay.
The writer has little or no command of sentence
boundaries and age-appropriate spelling,
capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and usage
conventions. Serious and persistent errors create
disruptions in the fluency of the writing and
sometimes interfere with meaning.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Score Point 2
The organizing structure of the essay is evident
but may not always be appropriate to the purpose
or the specific demands of the prompt. The essay
is not always clear because the writer uses
organizational strategies that are only somewhat
suited to the expository task.
Most ideas are generally related to the topic
specified in the prompt, but the writer’s central
idea is weak or somewhat unclear. The lack of an
effective central idea or the writer’s inclusion of
irrelevant information interferes with the focus and
coherence of the essay.
The writer’s progression of ideas is not always
logical and controlled. Sometimes repetition or
wordiness causes minor disruptions in the flow of
the essay. At other times transitions and
sentence-to-sentence connections are too
perfunctory or weak to support the flow of the
essay or show the relationships among ideas.
•
The development of ideas is minimal. The essay
is superficial because the writer uses details and
examples that are not always appropriate or are
too briefly or partially presented.
The essay reflects little or no thoughtfulness. The
writer’s response to the prompt is sometimes
formulaic. The writer develops the essay in a
manner that demonstrates only a limited
understanding of the expository writing task.
•
The writer’s word choice may be general or
imprecise. It reflects a basic awareness of the
expository purpose but does little to establish a
tone appropriate to the task. The word choice
may not contribute to the quality and clarity of the
essay.
Sentences are awkward or only somewhat
controlled, weakening the effectiveness of the
essay.
The writer demonstrates a partial command of
sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Some distracting errors may
be evident, at times creating minor disruptions in
the fluency or meaning of the writing.
•
Page 32
•
•
•
•
•
Score Point 3
The organizing structure of the essay is, for the
most part, appropriate to the purpose and
responsive to the specific demands of the prompt.
The essay is clear because the writer uses
organizational strategies that are adequately
suited to the expository task.
The writer establishes a clear central idea. Most
ideas are related to the central idea and are
focused on the topic specified in the prompt. The
essay is coherent, though it may not always be
unified due to minor lapses in focus.
The writer’s progression of ideas is generally
logical and controlled. For the most, transitions
are meaningful, and sentence-to-sentence
connections are sufficient to support the flow of
the essay and show the relationships among
ideas.
•
•
•
The development of ideas is sufficient because
the writer uses details and examples that are
specific and appropriate, adding some substances
to the essay.
The essay reflects some thoughtfulness. The
writer’s response to the prompt is original rather
than formulaic. The writer develops the essay in a
manner that demonstrates a good understanding
of the expository writing task.
•
The writer’s word choice is, for the most part, clear
and specific. It reflects an awareness of the
expository purpose and establishes a tone
appropriate to the task. The word choice usually
contributes to the quality and clarity of the essay.
Sentences are varied and adequately controlled,
for the most part contributing to the effectiveness
of the essay.
The writer demonstrates a partial command of
sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Although some errors may be
evident, they create few(if any) disruptions in the
fluency of the writing, and they do not affect the
clarity of the essay.
•
•
Score Point 4
The organizing structure of the essay is clearly
appropriate to the purpose and responsive to the
specific demands of the prompt. The essay is
skillfully crafted because the writer uses
organizational strategies that are particularly well
suited to the expository task.
The writer establishes a clear central idea. All
ideas are strongly related to the central idea and
are focused on the topic specified in the prompt.
By sustaining this focus, the writer is able to
create an essay that is unified and coherent.
The writer’s progression is logical and well
controlled. Meaningful transitions and strong
sentence-to-sentence connections enhance the
flow of the essay by clearly showing the
relationships among ideas, making the writer’s
train of thought easy to follow.
The development of ideas is effective because the
writer uses details and examples that are
specified and well chosen, adding substance to
the essay.
The essay is thoughtful and engaging. The writer
develops the essay in a manner that
demonstrates a thorough understanding of the
expository writing task. The writer may choose to
use his/her unique experiences or view of the
world as a basis for writing or to connect ideas in
interesting ways.
The writer’s word choice is purposeful and
precise. It reflects a keen awareness of the
expository purpose and maintains a tone
appropriate to the task. The word choice strongly
contributes to the quality and clarity of the essay.
•
Sentences are purposeful, varied, and well
controlled, enhancing the effectiveness of the
essay.
•
The writer demonstrates a consistent command of
sentence boundaries and age-appropriate
spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and
usage conventions. Although minor errors may
be evident, they do not detract from the fluency of
the writing or the clarity of the essay. The overall
strength of the conventions contributes to the
effectiveness of the essay.
AISD Office of the Associate Superintendent ~ Revised October 7, 2011