REAL TALK TRAINING TRAINEE WORKBOOK
SESSION 3:
LISTENING for what REALLY matters
Introduction
Session Three
Principle:
Listening is a lost art and discipline in our fast-paced, self-centered culture.
For most people, listening is something to be endured. Rather, listening can
be a powerful skill that exerts more influence on others than one can
imagine. Many leaders have improved their effectiveness by mastering
listening.
Effective
listening is an
active
exchange
involving
focusing,
evaluating and
asking.
The three components of listening are being attentive to body language,
content, and verbal tone quality. Often times reading in-between the lines
and formulating questions from this perspective will yield powerful and
transformational results.
Listening involves more than just being silent while someone talks. Active
listening includes focusing on what the other person is saying, instead of
formulating your response, evaluating what is being said to identify intuition
indicators and asking clarifying questions.
Active listening benefits you and the person to whom you are listening. These
benefits includes avoiding assumptions, reducing conflict, opening up yourself to
new ideas, and fostering deeper relationships by helping them feel understood
and communicating that the person is valued.
Learning Deliverables
1. Learn the three levels of listening
2. Identify intuition indicators in a conversation
Three Levels of Listening
Most people do not think about how they listen. Because of our self-centered
nature we default into Level 1 listening. None of the levels are inherently wrong,
however we must learn to engage is the level appropriate for each situation.
Level 1: Self-focused listening
•
•
“What does this mean to me?”
Attention is on me, my own needs, and what this conversation can do for
me.
Level 2: Others-focused listening
•
•
“What does this mean to this person?”
Attention is on the other person, and what is being communicated.
Level 3: Purpose-focused listening
•
“What does this really mean?”
© 2009 Transformational Leadership Coaching International · All Rights Reserved
P.O. Box 64394 · Virginia Beach, VA 23467 · www.lifeformingcoach.com
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REAL TALK TRAINING TRAINEE WORKBOOK
•
Attention is on the other person, and the underlying meanings and
significance of what is happening.
Practice: Three Levels of Listening
During the past week, what percentage of your conversation time were you
listening in:
Level 1? _________________
Level 2? _________________
Level 3? _________________
Types of Intuition Indicators
Level 2 or 3 listening requires evaluating content for intuition indicators. Intuition
indicators are clues worth exploring in your conversations. They include:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Person’s own discernment
Patterns and fruit
Strong emotions or reaction
History items
Confirmation and counsel
Red flags
Coaching Demonstration: Listening to What Really Matters
Listen to the coaching demonstration, identify intuition indicators and write down
the probing questions you would ask.
Intuition Indicator
Probing Question
© 2009 Transformational Leadership Coaching International · All Rights Reserved
P.O. Box 64394 · Virginia Beach, VA 23467 · www.lifeformingcoach.com
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REAL TALK TRAINING TRAINEE WORKBOOK
Practice: Listening to What Really Matters
Individually define a short-term goal in response to the following question: “What
is an area of life that you would like to improve?” (i.e. improve communication
with my spouse, organize my desk, etc.)
Pair up with a person to have conversation where intuition indicators are
explored. Take turns being the speaker and the listener each for five minutes
discussing the question below. The goal of this conversation is to try to identify
an intuition indicator and then ask curiosity-driven questions about the indicator.
Discussion subject: “What have you tried so far to accomplish the goal you
defined above? What were the results of that course of action?”
Intuition Indicator
Probing Question
© 2009 Transformational Leadership Coaching International · All Rights Reserved
P.O. Box 64394 · Virginia Beach, VA 23467 · www.lifeformingcoach.com
9