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zy, nineteen hundred thirty
iluto and byejove incorporated
gentle greek tragedy in several spasms
lena gedunkhaus
lace: Inconsequentia, ten miles south of Athens
me: 450% B.C.
ist of characters:
King Thingamajig, the mighty king of Inconsequentia.
Queen Heck, naturally, or rather, the natural wife of the king.
Messy, the messenger, collector of bad news.
Pluto
Byejove
ex-gods and villains, also partners in a hot-dog stand.
Spheroidus, an egg in love with Queen Heck's daughter
Adenoidus, his twin brother and understudy
Poopoopioop, their favorite dog
Whooinell, Queen Heck's faithful maid
Toothless Tick, soothsayer and general dispenser of rot to Hermes
the Hermaphrodite
Hermes the Hermaphrodite, king and queen of Inconsequentia
after the death of King Thingamajig
Spasm I
:ING THING: And what's says Pluto?
IESSY: I listed, but I wotted not what he was wotting about.
'ING
THING: Ah me ! Speak or forever hold your peaces.
IESSY: Then speak I shall,
O mighty
king.
Pluto has abducted
your erubescent queen.
'ING THING: He's what? And be careful how thou crackest about
the queen.
MESSY: Pluto thy wife hath grabbed, and with Jove hath flown to
America.
LING: Of all the dirty damn tricks. Hark ye, my faithful followers, I fear that a soliloquy descendeth upon me.
'HE COURTIERS: Oh spare us this,
0 king.
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the vagabond
KING: Well,--then I'll sing a mammy song. (Which he does, but
never lives to finish because there is a limit to human endurance.)
Spasm II and III suspended because of a foul
Spasm IV
time: a few years after the few years before.
Inconsequentia is now ruled by Hermes the Hermaphrodite,the
natural son and daughter of King Thingamajig. Of course he now
rules as king and queen in one. (You can't beat these Greeks for
economy.) Having heard of Hamlet, he also desires to break into the
headlines, so accordingly he vows a terrible revenge before the newspaper men upon the abductors of his mother, Queen Heck. This
reaches the ears of the movie maggots, who sign him up for ten years.
But Hermes remains true for a while to his sacred vow.
HERMES: By the hair of my bald pate, how shall I revenge myself
upon these miscreants--that, gentlemen, means villains in Greek.
TOOTHLESS TICK: Why not give those arrogant men competition.
HERMES: By Jupiter, thou art right, Toothy. I'll build a magnificent palace and use it for selling hot-dogs.
TOOTHLESS TICK: And where will you construct this palace?
HERMES: Damnme! Right next door to Pluto and Byejove incorporated, and I'll run them out of business. (Which he did. Byejove died of halitosis of the mouth, but Pluto merely gave a villainous-the dirty villain-chuckle and snapped his fingers.)
PLUTO: I may be down, but not out, so in order to be both I'll put
on the market my famous medicinal water. (Which he did.)
A