Cards
Against
the NHS
How to make your own
Cards Against the NHS is a game for Treasury officials* or others who maybe dislike the NHS.
Alternatively, it is a way for people wrestling with a struggling health system to vent their frustration.
Unlike most of the party games you’ve played before, Cards Against the NHS is as despicable
and awkward as you and your friends. And the answers you come up with might be
every bit as vexing as the issues you face at work.
To start playing simply download and print this pdf, and cut out the question and answer cards.
The Rules
To start the game, each player draws ten white cards from the Treasury. The person who
most recently made use of a health service is appointed as the Secretary of State’s National Card
Director (Card Tsar) and draws a blue card. The Card Tsar reads the question card. Everyone else
answers the question or fills in the blank by passing one white card, face down, to the Card Tsar.
In order to keep the game moving faster than a hospital waiting list, the Card Tsar should set a time
limit of 90 seconds to prepare an answer, which they can time on their phone. The Card Tsar shuffles
all of the answers and – in the interest of transparency – shares each card combination with the group.
The Card Tsar then makes an arbitrary choice as to what they consider to be the funniest
combination and whoever submits it gets one rating point for their quality scorecard.
After the round, a new player is appointed Card Tsar and everyone draws
back up to ten cards from the Treasury and the game continues.
Pick 2
Some cards say “pick 2” on the bottom. To answer these, each player plays two white cards
in combination. Play them in the order that the Card Tsar should read them. The order matters.
Evolving the rules
Not having much luck at Cards Against the NHS? Then do as all good policymakers do
and bend (sorry, change) the rules to suit your mood. Feel free to tweet your rule variations
using #cardsagainstNHS so others can share in your twisted logic.
*Allegedly
www.incisivehealth.com
@incisivehealth
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_____ + _____
_____ and ____ :
liberating the NHS
_____ is a slippery slope
that leads to _____
[Draw 2]
[Pick 3]
[Pick 2]
[Pick 2]
MHRA approved;
NICE recommended
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= _____
_____ :
_____ :
_____ :
_____ :
A Department
of Health is too
narrowly focused.
We need a
Department of Health
and _____
the best pain relief
It’s a trap
That’s how
I want to die
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After the
major incident,
Jeremy Hunt brought
_____ to show
the staff at the
local NHS hospital
his gratitude
Alternative medicine
is now embracing
the curative powers
of _____
And the next
HSJ award for _____
goes to _____
Before an operation,
I like to think about
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[Pick 2]
_____
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Before I agree
to your redundancy
payout, I must show
you _____
Care home vanguards:
like care homes,
but with _____
CQC guidelines
now prohibit _____
in hospitals
Dear Doctor,
I’m having some
trouble with _____
and would like
your advice
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Did you know
that _____ has
really been _____
all along?
Doctor,
what’s that smell?
[Pick 2]
[Pick 2]
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I get by with
a little help from
_____
For my next trick,
I will pull _____
out of _____
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I got 99 problems
but _____ isn’t one
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I never
truly understood
_____
until
I encountered
_____
[Pick 2]
I drink to forget
_____
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I’m sorry Simon,
but I couldn’t
complete my
Sustainability and
Transformation Plan
because of _____
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In a quiet
corner of the
House of Commons
division lobby,
Jeremy Hunt
struggles with _____
for the first time
In the latest
government initiative,
people who miss
NHS appointments
will now be given
It’s a pity
that junior doctors
these days are all
getting involved with
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Make a haiku
NHS Confed
conference would
be incomplete
without _____
No decision about me,
without _____
Nurses like _____
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In an NHS
ravaged by _____ ,
our only solace
is _____
[Pick 2]
_____
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_____
Only _____ and _____
can save the NHS now
Our dentist gives
toys to our children
when they visit.
Step 1: _____
Step 2: _____
Step 3: Sustainability
That’s right,
I killed _____
How you ask?
_____
[Pick 2]
The latest toy
was _____
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The Hunterian Museum
at the Royal College
of Surgeons has just
opened an exhibition
on _____
The newest
ambulances take _____
wherever they go
The next ‘nanny state’
initiative will be
The NHS England
board meeting was
completely ruined by
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The title of
Sir David Nicholson’s
autobiography is:
“_____ :
the story of _____”
[Pick 2]
They said
we were crazy.
They said we
couldn’t put ____
inside of ____
They were wrong
[Pick 2]
_____
To be screened at
next year’s NHS Expo:
_____ the Musical
[Pick 2]
_____
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We should
commemorate
the NHS with a
50 foot statue
of _____
[Pick 2]
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What don’t you
want to find in your
hospital food?
What gets better
with age?
What helps
Jim Mackey unwind?
What is
NHS Improvement
hiding from me?
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What is the
Government doing
to inspire the
next generation
of healthcare
professionals?
What will always
get you a ticket
to Davos?
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When Payment
by Results is
abolished, and
crude transactions
are a distant
memory, how will
the NHS be paid
for its services?
When
the Treasury
didn’t budge,
Simon Stevens
called on
_____
What’s
Jeremy Hunt
thinking about
right now?
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While
deficits proliferated
amongst providers,
NHS England funnelled
millions of pounds
into research on
When I was poorly
and hallucinating,
_____ turned
into _____
[Pick 2]
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Why can’t
I sleep at night?
_____
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Why do I hurt
all over?
Maybe she’s
born with it,
maybe it’s
When life
gives you lemons,
make
“999 emergency
response.”
_____
“Please help me.
I am _____”
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_____
What did I dream
about last night?
What was the
real reason for the
collapse of the
Uniting Care contract?
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Did you see last night’s
24 hours in A&E?
Mayor of London
Sadiq Khan
turned up at
St George’s Hospital
with _____
What’s
Simon Stevens’s
dirty little secret?
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We send the EU
_____ a year.
Let’s fund our
NHS instead
What can’t
a hospital
chief executive
do without?
How did you get
such a good score
in the Friends and
Family Test?
It’s the thing the NHS
can’t do without
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In the Commercial
Medicines Unit,
you can trade
1 million biosimilars
for _____
What did I bring back
from the WHO?
_____
NICE!
_____
High five!
What is it good for?
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What can I do
to convince people
the NHS is safe
in my hands?
How can I keep
waiting times short?
Next up at
Health Questions,
_____
What gives me
the power
to transform
health services?
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What’s my most
cost-effective health
intervention
Where is
NHS utopia?
What did
Sir Bruce Keogh
find disturbing,
yet oddly charming?
What’s the
worst thing that
could happen
to the NHS?
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What did
Simon Stevens
eat for dinner?
Why am I bleeding?
Jeremy,
why is Theresa cross?
A recent
laboratory study
shows junior doctors
are 50% less likely
to strike after being
exposed to _____
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Life for ward nurses
was forever changed
when Matron
introduced them
to _____
The war on
antibiotic resistance
will be fought
with _____
What should
the NHS cut?
What keeps
Jeremy Hunt
awake at night?
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What never fails
to liven up a debate
about the NHS?
What’s my new fad
health policy?
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5 a day
A bandage
A brain tumour
A catheter
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A cooler
full of organs
A cure for
Alzheimer’s
A dentist’s drill
A doctor with
wandering hands
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A failed
cosmetic surgery
procedure
A foetus
A full bedpan
A gym
membership
prescription
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A hospital morgue
A lazy
hospital cleaner
A lobotomy
A major incident
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A medical
experiment
gone wrong
A moody
GP practice
receptionist
A MRI scanner
A nurse’s uniform
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A political U-turn
A proctoscope
A reflex hammer
A sharps bin
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A surgical robot
Achieving
a large surplus
Alcoholism
Amputees
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An
embarrassing
staff Christmas party
An endless stream
of diarrhoea
An evil
anaesthetist
An outbreak
of SARS
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An overflowing bin
of clinical waste
Andy Burnham
Aneurin Bevan
Animals involved
in medical research
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Authentic
hospital food
Back street
abortions
Balls
Banning smoking
in outdoor
public spaces
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Being rated
outstanding
Bodily fluids
Body parts
of a road traffic
accident victim
Bone marrow
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Bright young
things
Broadmoor
Cards
Against
the NHS
Chair of the Health
Select Committee
Sarah Wollaston
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Chancellor
of the Exchequer
Philip Hammond
Charitable
donations
to the NHS
Chief Medical Officer
Dame Sally Davies
Children on a
children’s ward
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Clinical negligence
Closing
local hospitals
Conflicting
instructions from
NHS Improvement
Conservatives
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Court-ordered
rehab
Crack cocaine
Crippling deficits
Darth Vader
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A strong NHS
needs a strong
economy
Defecation
Depression
Destroying
medical notes
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DevoManc
Diane Abbott
Diarrhoea
Digital rectal
examination
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Doctors
Doing the
right thing
Dying of
dysentery
Dying
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Ebola
Electroconvulsive
Therapy
Embryonic
stem cells
Enoch Powell
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Equal access
to high quality
health care
Erectile
dysfunction
Euthanasia
Exactly what
you’d expect
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Excess deaths
False teeth
Faulty drugs
Fear itself
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Fish from a
GP surgery’s
fish tank
Flesh-eating
bacteria
Former
Health Minister
George Freeman
Former
Health Secretary
Andrew Lansley
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Fraudulent
doctors
Frostbitten
extremities
Genome
editing
Giving
110 percent
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Giving birth
to quadruplets
God
Guidance from the
National Institute
for Health and
Care Excellence
Hard-to-reach
groups
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Harold Shipman
Health Minister
David Mowat
Health Minister
Nicola Blackwood
Health Minister
Philip Dunne
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Health Secretary
Russian Dolls
Health tourists
Her Majesty,
Queen Elizabeth II
Heroin
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Homeopathy
Hope
Hormone
injections
Horrifying
laser hair removal
accidents
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Hospice care
Hospital
Chief Executive
Sir David Dalton
Hospital radio
Hunger
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Ignoring
the evidence
Institutional
racism
Intensive care
Jeremy Corbyn
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Jeremy Hunt
Jim Mackey
Keeping a
cure for cancer
secret
Ken Clarke
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Lactation
Leeches
Leprosy
Lord David Prior
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Malcolm Grant
Management
consultants
Market forces
Men
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Mild incontinence
Minimum
staffing ratios
Misusing
laughing gas
on a labour ward
MRI scanners
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MRSA
Multiple
stab wounds
My collection
of rusty medical
instruments
My favourite photo
from NHS England’s
photo library
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My shaky hands
My soul
Never events
NHS 111
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NHS Expo
NHS management
graduate trainees
Nurses
Officials at
HM Treasury
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Older people
Overcompensation
Pandemic influenza
People dangerous
by virtue of severe
personality disorder
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People with serious
communicable
diseases
Private sector
providers of
NHS services
Plague
Poor life choices
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Poorly-timed
cancer jokes
Pretending to care
Prime Minister
Theresa May
Privatising the NHS
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Professor
Sir Bruce Keogh
Pulling out
Pulling the plug
Pus
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Rest and relaxation
Richmond House
Legal highs
Scrubbing up
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Silence
Simon Stevens
Sir Simon Burns
Sniffing glue
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Stealing
an ambulance
Strategic Health
Authorities
Student nurses
Surgeons from
the 18th Century
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Sustainability and
Transformation Plans
Syringes
Taking money from
the international aid
budget
Talking therapy
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Teenage pregnancy
Testicular torsion
The 1946 NHS Act
The 1980s
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The 4 hour
A&E waiting time
target
The Accelerated
Access Review
The annual
NHS budget
The BMA’s
Junior Doctors
Committee
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The Care Quality
Commission
The Casualty
theme tune
The Daily Mail
The Department
of Health’s Permanent
Secretary
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The
Five Year Forward
View
The
Health Service
Journal
The heart of a child
The Labour Party
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The
Liverpool Care
Pathway
The miracle
of childbirth
The morbidly obese
The NHS Choir
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The
pharmaceutical
industry
The placenta
Privatisation
by the backdoor
The smell of an
unclean hospital toilet
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The
Stafford Hospital
scandal
The violation
of our most basic
human rights
The wonderful care
in San Francisco
The wrath of
Sir David Nicholson
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Two teenagers
getting tested
at a CASH clinic
Unfathomable
stupidity
Urination
Vengeance
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Viagra®
Whistleblowers
Women
Wrong site surgery
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X-rays of
broken bones
YOU MUST STOP
THE PRIVATISATION
OF THE NHS
£350 million
A pump dispenser
of alcoholic hand gel
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A bruise
A dissected
cadaver
A stem cell
transplant
A defective
condom
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A surgical glove
A foul mouth
A gambling
addict
A painkiller
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A good sniff
A captive
audience
A neurosurgeon
with shaky hands
An autopsy
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A pacemaker
A clown on a
children’s ward
A doctor smoking
a cigarette
Big Ben
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A murder victim
A pile of discarded
human tissue
A Trotskyite
health spokesperson
The greasy pole
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A snake bite
A sea of troubles
An unsafe discharge
A care home
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A plaster
Ecstasy
Cardiology
BOGOF
booze deals
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Young,
eager members
of Momentum
A sex addiction
A God complex
A smoker
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Migrant doctors
Age discrimination
Deep Heat Spray
The healing powers
of Superman
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Battlefield
amputations
Cockroaches
Suing the NHS
Being overweight
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Smoking indoors
Same-sex ward
President
Jean-Claude Juncker
Indulging in
mind-altering
substances
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Jeremy Corbyn’s
huge mandate
Stools
Healing spirits
Surgical gloves
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Cheating at
medical school
NHS procurement
processes
Drunk people
in A&E
Tobacco-related
deaths
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Sneering,
metropolitan
language
Covering up
a mistake
Sexual
intercourse
Giving young people
the space for their
fizz to explode into
the joy we want
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Frosties
Blood
on the floor
Comforting
a patient
Advanced
limb prostheses
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Paranoia
Boris Johnson’s
blonde mop
Fluctuations in
the value of sterling
Blood-covered
hands
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Probing
Deep-fried
Mars Bars
Losing your
deposit
Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles
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Vomiting
Inedible
hospital food
Emotions
Sweat patches
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Snuggly fitting
scrubs
Gastric bypass
Refusing to
submit to NICE
Appeasing the
Secretary of State
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Striking
junior doctors
A visit from the
Prime Minister
A broken
PET scanner
Foreskin
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Bossy matrons
Friction
Radiotherapy
gone wrong
Sucking up to
NHS Improvement
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Co-creation
Transparency
The
Secretary of State’s
latest speech
Patient
experience
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Whistleblowing
policy
Qualifying as
a junior doctor,
working every
hour God sends,
becoming a
consultant, and
retiring to play golf
A quiet night in
with some
NICE clinical
guidance
Getting excited
about your
CQC inspection
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CQC inspectors
Patient records
Stay Well
this Winter
Matron
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Yet another
Department of Health
reorganisation
Halitosis
Heroic
paramedics
Helplessly
giggling at the
things that turn up
in rectal x-rays
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Party conference
announcements
The failure regime
Live-streamed
brain surgery
Faceless
bureaucrats
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Canteen food
George Clooney
in ER
Rationing
Singing the
Red Flag
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The doctor-patient
relationship
Getting lubed up
for a prostate exam
Overseas doctors
Rated
inadequate
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Agency nurses
Lord Darzi
The
Public Health
Minister
Hospital cleaners
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The
Secretary of State’s
Special Adviser
Paediatrics
The hole in the
NHS budget
Harvesting eggs
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Washing your hands…
mostly
Rabies epidemic
Uniform fantasies
Hospital
vending machines
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Making a
disapproving face
Releasing tension
The Number 10
Special Advisor
Hormone
replacement
therapy
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New models
of care
Hippocrates
Sally Davies’
reassuring tone
Flatulence
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The hospital
Chief Executive,
right behind you
Junior doctors
strike
My lady garden
My bare behind
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My career
trajectory
My CQC rating
My pay rise
My revalidation
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Patricia Hewitt
A profile in
the Sunday Times
Randomised
Control Trial
The Treasury
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Parity of esteem
Brexit
Toxic
chemotherapy
Not participating in
your Sustainability and
Transformation Plan
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Passing on a
hospital-acquired
infection
A backless
surgical gown
NICE guidance
Hospital
porters
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Surgical
teamwork
Sir Bruce Keogh
Andrew Lansley
talking about
the tariff
Delayed
discharge
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Charging for a
GP appointment
Commissioning
assurance
Artificial
insemination
Stalinism
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Health Questions
Herbal remedies
Junior doctors
Puberty
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Nudge theory
Animal therapy
Coproduction
English language
tests for doctors
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Daily Mail
frontpages
Multiple
personality
disorder
Alan Milburn’s
shock resignation
Frank Dobson
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Running out
of medicines
Celebrities
in hospitals
Yet another
independent
taskforce
Top ups
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Promising £8bn
for the NHS
Health economics
Listening
to your first
Andrew Lansley
speech
Open heart
surgery
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Self-assessment
Social prescribing
Success regimes
Simon Stevens
and Jim Mackey
gazing adoringly
at each other
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Exercise on referral
The NHS Plan
Alastair McLellan
Smallpox vaccine
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A hospital
mortuary
PFI debts
Price gauging
Sperm donors
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Radiation
overdose
Specialised
commissioning
strategy
Seven day
services
Surprise
inspections
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Switching
to generics
Remoaners
Tasteful
hospital art
Hospital
dramas
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The contaminated
blood scandal
The lecture
from an arrogant
consultant
The
National Health
Action Party
The NHS
Listening Exercise
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The chilling effect
of a call from
the CQC
The NHS Mandate
The National
Audit Office
The genomics
revolution
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The passion of an
Andy Burnham
speech
The
decommissioning
of services
Hospital
chaplains
The Freedom
of Information Act
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The cost of an
NHS reorganisation
The future of
district hospitals
The HSJ paywall
The
Westminster
bubble
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The Public and Patient
Involvement Manager
at NHS Anytown
The four hour
A&E target
The Northern
Powerhouse
The patient voice
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NHS Change Day
Margaret Thatcher
A policy seminar
with Ian Dodge
The CQC,
NHS Improvement
and NHS England
all in one room
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Stigma
Jeremy Hunt’s
Red Box
Peer Review
Special
measures
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Subject to
ministerial
approval
Waking up
half naked in a
hospital car park
Reproductive
health
Amputation
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Patient
confidentiality
Legal privilege
Organ
transplantation
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A nod and a wink
from the Treasury
Dignity in care
Overstretched
GPs
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Simon Stevens’
hysterical laughter
Your PPRS rebate
Healthcare
lobbyists
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