THE SUNDAY OREGOXIAX, PORTLAND,
6
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fRVVftf )
WAUACfi
Cousin Ketfl
Dwws fry
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"r
TALKING TO PORTFOLIO DIAZ
Who's Who in Havana
Cigar Language Land
To Editor Oregonian. where English
still spoken.
1s
Respectable Sir:
B AND Cousin Nogi was also pres-fent at that auspicious moment when
'
Hon. Wm. Taft. Pres. of IT. S.
and lion. Portfolio Dial. Pres. of Ilex.,
shook each other so lovingly on International Bridge, saying in sweet Spanish
syllables. "Silas dido vanilla. Scnorita!"
t do not understand this Havana
Cigar Language, but Cousin Nogi. who
,ha-been in America long enough to
learn nearly every education, explain to
!m that Hon. Taft was saying. "When
' In history have two such Rulers met in
'this way?" and Hon. Dial was saying
"tro such Rulers as you would wreck tho
bridge!"
(Maybe you must not publish this con
Cousin Nogl is
versatlon. Mr. Editor.
oftenly a ery truthless reporter.)
Wo stood in crowd of Pinkorton Police.
Gendarmes, Militia and other loving sub-- 1
jects. One loving subject, lnflamnwd by
&
"Mexico
holla.
Mexican
America is sweet sisters by one mother!"
B
'
e
gin-win- e,
"They must have separate fathers, their
complexions is so different." yall Cousin
ar-- ;
Nogl 'with voice. Several
rive to us from. Plnkerton Police who was
.there to see that International Feeling
did hot explode & kill somebody.
Pretty soon Hon. Taft & Hon. Diaz,
disappear In direction of Dining Car
holding- each other's elbows like twin
Hon. Taft was talking In
affinities.
Nothing he had said since his
Spanish.
Tariff Speech has been so hard for
Americans to understand.
gone
they was completely
When
away. I look to my Cousin Nogl & say
foot-kicke- rs
distinctly:
"I must make Interview to that Diaz
main.
He is not only the Champeen
Kuler of the 'Western Hemisphere, but
he'- Is also so rich that he would "be
noticed even In the V. S. Senate."
e
to City of Mex and
So I buy
another similar one for Nogl (who Is
married & can't therefore afford nothing)
an together we take a trip through that
large, blank Kingdom of Mexico where
folks la yellow like Japanese, but much
less refined. Of finally we arrive to City
of ilex, where we must await 2 weeks
of Hon. Diaz, who had
for", arrivo-bac- k
not yet done so.
While awaiting them 2 weeks we spend
game, which are
our time at Bull-Ki- ll
a very brutal sport, and therefore encar-far-
joyed by all.
how
Of finally we learn by news-priHon. Diaz have arrived back, so we
buekled on.our frockaway coats and silk
derbies and. with Immediate quickness,
eloped to Presidential Palace.
Tills place look like a White House,
.
to celebrate Thanksgiving-it G I s'pose?"
said the House
,
of the St. Reckless.
"I am." said the Hotel 'Clerk, "regardless of expense. Thanksgiving day
is one of the institutions that have
come down to us from the Pilgrim
Fathers that I'm very strong for.
About this time of year I open the
paper some morning and after I've read
the dispatches from Breathitt County,
Kentucky, and the accounts of the football games and am properly stocked
up with enough disaster and sudden
death to carry mo over for the next
twenty-fou- r
hours In a right frame of
mind, I turn to the inside pages and
find there a proclamation by the Presithe
dent stating that whereas, owing to
new tariff and the Republican party
high
a
are
us
in
power,
of
all
being in
state of prosperity, or If not, it's our
own fault, and therefore be it ordained
that everybody gives thanks next
Thursday, except turkeys, pumpkins,
oyster stuffings and possibly the parand
ents of a few dozen
tackles and things.
only
not
loo.
celebrate
to
ought
"We
In memory of the Pilgrim Fathers, authors of the New e England boiled dinwitch, but be
ner and tho
cause when we ioon arounu ua vie ki
ihat we've got a whole lot of things
to be thankful for.
Lemme see now:
There's the North Pole, for example.
the North Pole
I'm verv thankful that extensively
and
has been discovered so
thCrouglily. and that it's been decorated
grass
and
tubes
flags
and
and
with nails
souvenir postcards and" colored photos of
Matt Hanson, until the next dauntless
explorer will think that what ho beholds
looming before him across the frozen
wastes, is The Farthest North Five and
half-bac-
well-don-
Ten
Ksquimoe
Cent Store.
Levy,
pro-
prietor. I n!was have contended upthat
to
the Pole wasn't properly wrapped
up
withstand the rigors of the climate too
that,
So I'm thankful fur
there.
for words, and if the
thankful almost say
mey
oeen meic
gentlemen. . ;nwno
. I. r. ..io nlPA5incr flllri word
believe I
honestly
I
mind,
less state of
could cry out In my joy.
"I'm thankful, also, that the little
for
Mount McKlnley incident Is settled
Cook says the
the time being. Dock accompanied
him
guiding gentleman who
as far toward the summitIn as the city
t;Kftnl9
several dip
fnnt.
fcrent kinds of a' liar, and the guiding
'
nas responua
gentleman
,
ftf them. SO.
Ua
mA
either
that
iar be it from me to intimate
one of them is wrong in his diagnosis.
"I'm thankful for the prospect of a
nice quiet Winter. Colonel Gwana Tumbo
won't be home till Spring. I'm thankful
horse show,
that we've had a successful
because a honse is getting to be quite a
tihow anvway, and I'm thankful to note
In the public prints that the ladies attho grand opera have quit trying to outntrlp one another in tho matter of dress.
'
Soma of them did so much outstripping
-
li
i v
i.
i
n
--
w
i
l.vv
i
umw'4
spv.i
i
enj
v
i
i
Portfolio
sais-tal- k
to you sometimes?"
is
next
from me.
"Seldom, if never," he explode calmly.
"You see, I am also an editor myself."
And the Grand Old Man of Mexico drag
from his pocket a slight rag of print with
following information
r,
Major-Gener-
l"U
111
V
xm
"Perhapsly it was Hon. Socrates of
Athens." I detach.
for the
"Ah no! it was Don. Joseplio (
riot only an occasional shooting is ende Dan villa." corrode Hon. Diaz
joyed."
fectly.'
us out of his office l'ke we was
"But there are many delicious abuses to brushing
"General Reyes, Anarchist nominee for
too numerous.
I
ask
it?"
Mexico,
in
ain't
reformed
be
present,
the same exalted office, was not
Hoping you are the same
intelligently.
being detained in Yucatan by his revYours trull'
him. I
otter
few."
a
acknowledge
not
"I
is
execution
of
his
olution. The date
HASHlML'i; A TOGO.
am also told that some sections of AmerISM1,
by the Associated Lit(Copyright,
ica needs reforming."
erary Fre.s.s.)
I make note of this phenomenal. dib.
"Mexico have Indian slaves." I
Vscs of Kerosene.
"America have Child Labor," lie snipp.
I
"Mexico have a cruel prison system,"
know the
many
housekeepers
"
How
reject.
."
value of kerosene to llpliten housework!
"America have a cruel Railway
There are few departments where it canhe rebuke.
advantage.
"Cheese up this conversation!" whisper not be used to
Try it the next time you clean silver.
Cousin Nogl. "If 2 lonesome Japanese
with kerosene and
should tight all Mexico, they would be Moisten tlie chamoisvigorously.
rub dlscolorations
bruised.
coal oil to a basin
tablespoonfuls
of
Two
I change the subject with voice full of of cold water will clean windows in half
tack?.
the time. Wash and dry with a soft
1 smigssrst.
"Hnn Fittreme Highness,
smoothly" "What affectionate spntlnient cloth or tissue, paper.
,
Porcelain lined sinks and tubs are
t.b. nnav from Hoil. Fle3 aTl cleanel
Instantly by rubbing with a flanwhen you separated away from him?"
nel wet in kerosene. It can also he used
Hon. Diaz look uply with deep Spanlie was on cooking utensils if well scrubbed later.
ish eyes. Immediately I noticedjobs.
To keep linoleum, hard wood, and
a Potn In addition to his other
stained floors clean, cover the broom with
Paso!" ha nar"Ah' that Bridge at El forget
the soft flannel and moisten with kerosene
it
rate. "How should I
a great Ameri- Have ono broom and the same cover can
Bridge' Wasn't there onceLongfellow,"
he be used repeatedly.
can bookmaker, name of
Two traspoonfnls of coal oil in a boiler
reauesh.
of hot water will aid in quick whitening
"Hon. Chas Fairbanks was a long felof soiled clothes.
low." I derange.
A flannel just moistened in kerosene
was a Fost"Not him this Longfellow
called will keep mahogany furniture free from
er" what wrote rhymical song-einpoem, that ugly look. It must be well rubbed
The Bridge.' It was a pretty good
In.
but I have fixel It slightly."
from
Ho produce an excited manuscript
Nogl.
and
me
to
Boxing as Aid to Writing.
it
desk and show
was it:
Conan Doyle In the' Strand Magazine.
They say that every form of knowlThe International) Bride.
edge comes useful sooner or later. Cer- tainly my own limited experience in btxt cinnH r,n the Bridge at Texas
".v..
aciiuaiumie-for lunch InK and my verytUo.large
When the gong was striking
found
their
r.f
v. ..... nriy.e rlnor
lllV limn.
middle-(Yoft No
"Rodney
And William stood in the
Stone.
scope when I wrote
could hear the timbers scrunch)
one but a ugniing man woum
appreciate some
quite understand.or
think,
,
. .
41, a
me,
nea-so
And a? he stood
ui mure
of the detail, T3 a in
"RprkS. . tO a
Tim
ficrht
l.
in
mie.
xn'j m.i.,
Hie fair hand laid
BCeiie
Mieo
prize fighter as the latter lay In what
budget of Thoughts came o'er mc
.......
proved a to be nis lasi. inncsr.
That filled my eyes with brine.
t
animation Until the
iv.
lisi.en.eu v.ilh
reader came to the pInt where the second
How seldom. O how seldom
advises Boy Jim. in lecnmcoj
I wis.
in the Modern World,
how to get at nis
ku oiiu,,....
Ha a Light King trumped a Dark one
, ne s gut linn;
onU.i
"That
sit!i Byv, k.j
In a game of Bridge like this.
.,.
an" Incident
wBR
if
"
.
uw man in mo
It.
when
I
heard
pleasure
gave
me
Correspondents
which
And I thought how the
pride
of
Who noted our hour
A Bnchelor'a Plaint.
Would be tapping the good old cables
O'er the ocean far and wide.
She left her babe with mo and went
To shop In town a while,
And I thought of the many millions
And I. before the day was spent,
specks
mining
In various
Was much too sad to smile; view,
By Yankee concerns invested
eon before she passed from
For
-And left a lonely man.
In the mineral lands of Mex.
.n
f.ir Prosirtont- arose
plause) and said in part. 'Seldom in
does two candidates agree so per;
(31)-
OTnlr,AA
-
poll-tic-
h
Tni
ahnfcn hands and vote, as usoial.
No noise, no
Regular ticket.
g
a!
c
u
....
--
compartment sat a familiar Statesman
of Colorado maduro complexion. Cousin
Nogl give me sly nuj and advance forwards opening his Spanish Dictionary
axent.
I step outwards bending my respectful
stomack.
"High-u- p
Sir." I say with bends,
"please not to listen to Nogl he is only
my Cousin, but I am Hashlmura Toga,
a yellow reporter, coming here to interview you for a few important replies.".
"I am prepared for anything" say Hon.
pretty tough Monarchy, in spite of the "Daily Reporto Mexica'no (P. Diaz, Business Manager).
way we love it officially ? Ain't it ashamed
forGREAT FUSIOX MEETING!!
the way you go on year by year yourgetting to resign and nominating
self by exclamation every time there's All Indications Point to Popular Land- -'
a Republican convention anywhere?' are
slide for OUR POPULAR HERO.
" 'Bill, I says, 'you're jalus. You
"At Oddfellows hall last night a rousing
disabled to obtain a third term because
fusion meeting was held, the capacious
Public Sentiment is against it. In MexSame ways temple being packed by all classes of
ico I am Public Sentiment.
Whenever you citizens, including two Insurgents who
with everything else.
take slight trip seeing America, persons eluded the police. Hon. P. Diaz, Republiis always arising "up in audience asking can candidate for President, was the first
for smart replies about Tariff. In Mexspeaker (applause). Many able arguments
ico never have to answer such hard
were enjoyed, after which the second
replies, because I am the Tariff!" "
Demo- "But do not Mexican newspapers make speaker. General Portfolio Diaz.
--
Portfolio, folding his lips like a hero.
"Many folks believes," I deploy, "that
you are a very wrong King; that you
press the peasantry, batter the Indiana
and refuse to go to Africa on Mach 4, as
modest Persons has done."
"So. ha!" express Hon. Portfolio with
smiling teeth. "Senor Togo, you have
been reading the magazines."
"Is it not true that Mexico is a rude
country full of savages and other barbers?" I reproach.
yet set, but It is rumored it will be some
time In the Spring."
"Are elections very popular in Mexico?'
require Nogi impudently.
"Intensely so," say Portfolio. "Would
not elections be popular In United States
Frank
Hon.
if nobody had to vote?
Hitchcock ' knows with bitter sorrow that
beloved
our
cost
elections in America
each
sister republic the sum of $2,000,000
time it Is shot off. Mexico is not wealthy
enough for such dissipations. When election day arrive here it come so quietly
no one knows It is there. The Secretary
of War. the Chief of Police and the presi
Union meet at'
dent of the
Cigar-maker-
And I could not help reflecting
fair.
As I stood on that structure
Water,
That Blood is thicker than
Air.
And Water Is thicker than
"That is nearly the best Poem I ever
read." I say unanimously.
"It might sound very well In Spanish, '
report Nogi.
ftptilv thoueht." say Hon.
T v,v-Diaz, "that, when my term of office expires. I should imitate Don Theorodoro
Rosfelto and become a magazine writer.
"When shall you retire?" require me
to hear
last year that I expected any day hard
to
of arrests being made. 'Twas
was
tell whether a society icaaer
uieou
And on
for an opera or an operation.
many a cold night Lncla de Lammamoor
a dead
ran
lumbago
and
1 m very, very uiaimiui that
And
heat.
aCQUiring
. . ..rr.:nctta
IlL'P tTl f t
such headway in this country."
"iou are7 saia me riuuse iwnn.u
In a startled tone of voice. "Fur why?"
"Because." said the Hotel Clerk, "when
the women get the vote maybe then
they'll quit taking all the men's Jobs
away from them. I'd be entirely reconBelmont
ciled to the idea of having Mrs.
.v
r a v iv, ,
or aire, uarence
of
secretarette
May
as
Marton
the
with
stale ana airs, itonrer in tuwuo Butter-lck- 's
Department of the Interior and
organ of
Fashions as the official
.3 n. iniatrallrtn
l
if T OnlV had the
guarantee that the' hand that rocks the
cradle wouldn t eventually o iue uouu
that lays the DricK. you. Larry, and see
"Just look around
how few pursuits are still left to the
? Who dves us
our dictations at lmme and takes them
from us at our oinces out tpcua
of the words wrong and has the same
that a fir has?
idea' of punctuation
Tl
1
A
lovely woman, strong-mindewoman, that's who. Who
is It that we used to give up our seats
on the streetcar to. If by nature polite,
but now takes them away from us?usNeed
for
I ask? Who is it that fights with
the most desirable place in the aisle and
You
strength?
wins It by main brute
know already without my telling you.
How often, as you travel back and forth,
does It make your heart bleed to see
some inoffensive and shrinking young
haberdashery clerk forced to dangle from
a strap, limp and wan. while a brawny
lady boiiermaker or female scene shifter
occupysits with her feet out in the aisleyou
don't
ing seating space for two? But
your
make
dare to protest. She might
civilizaboasted,
our
In
too.
bleed,
nose
tion what has become of the tender,
shrinking, fragile female of our grandfather's day who suffered from megrims
and vapors, and regarded taking a pill
as being in the nature of a square meal?
you. I
Don't ask me, for I can't tell walking
guess, though, she's put on a
skirt and a pair of bulldog shoes and Is
out trying to take some poor roan's
means of livelihood away from him.
Anyway this isn't grandfather's day any
And she's
more. It's grandmother's.
there with the wallop, too.
d
"Who's got most of the desirable
world and is hot
little Johnnie
after the others? Isallit his
sister Sue.
Jones? No, sir. it's
champion?
tennis
Who's. the. . . .
.Cousin
.1
v.
mauo
Maggie.
bwi
wno"country club this Fail?
score at the
years
Great Aunt Clarissa, seventy-fou- r
old. and prominent in politics.
.
1
o """'
ten yuu,
debt of gratitude to those dear lads
uuo
HI
that Still retain poseeavij
goods department and the embroidery
"
counter &i nio It,- they're pretty
mayn't realize ., but
V
lit
- T
Ik.
ma,
uu. "
near inn
ui therefore take a minute off and be
Jobs in the business
M
V.
ur.iuu.
1
V.
1
SA--
also thankful for Clarence and Algle.
Women to sell us safety razors and
cooking stoves in the basement, women
to put up the prescriptions in the
pharmacy on the top floor; women to
do the buying for the carpet department and the grocery annex, but, thank
Heavens, there stand those noble boys
still holding the babyribbon and the
odds.
neckwear against overwhelming
"If things keep on the way they're
us,
I
ask
keeping, on. what's ahead of
you? I can shut my eyes and soe the
finish. Gentlemen admitted free at the
popular priced matinees when accompanied by one paid admission and a
lady escort. A cfmical lady clown
standing on a blue barrel and holding
up a paper hoop for the barebaejt gentleman rider in the tarleton lamp shade
a tall
skirts to jump through, while
snaps a
and courtly ringmistress
husky
troupe
of
a
whip
and
blacksnake
canvas mesdames and misses tote in
the Iron tank containing the performreping seals. Bold girls-amagis-tresse- s
rimanded by stern police court
for flirting with' unprotected
vouths on the street. Supreme Court
justicettes. lady ..aggage smashers, female headwalters, and Journeyman piano movers and boss boiler makers
and
answering to the names of Clara supMaud. I might lake a living, I
pose, as a manicure, ar.1 you'd do well
to be taking lessons in hairdressing.
If you don't want to become a charge
on the county.
"That's the way it looks from my
private box, Larry. And that's why I'm
so special extra thankful this Thanksgiving that the Suffragettes arc making those marvelous forward strides
been bragging about- - You
that they'vethey
get the votes and then
see when
and then get the civtl
offices
land the
service list into the proper or female
get
all the Federal pabands and then
tronage carefully laid by", there may be
a fresh chance for us. They'll probably
plackets and
be so busy designing
gores for the Flag a:.d Issuing black
enmourning
stamps
for
and white
velopes and replacing the weather buhints,
reau reports with dally fashion relentthat they may let up on thisnow got
that's
warfare
industrial
less
too old to
Father wondering ifor he's
work,
learn plain sewingcome laundry
worst.'
to
the
worst
should the
to cel"Ain't you goin" to do nothin'
go 'round
ebrate the day excep' just to asked
the
givin" thanks out loud?",
House Detective.
"Oh. yes, I suppose so, said the HoI'll go over the
tel Clerk. "I guesssame
as everybody
regular route the
else. We're a great people. Larry, as
you may have heard some of our
newspapers and our orators announcing In a subdued and modest undertone
from time to time, but when it comes
to thinking up a different method of
observing one of our typical American
holidays, I regret to report that we're
We
bunch.
a large, sad. fliversome
want to celebrate the very worst way,
imagine
that
and wo do. So I rather
on the coming Thursday, I'll eat about
much dinner as I want.
four times as go
to a nice steam-heAnd then I'll
L
Woman,
VH&.HABFDeXSHE.R.V CLERIC
LIMP
ANbyArJ'SFORCED'TO-
-
knew,
It acted just as if itbegan.
And then the fun
It wept and walled; it roared and
squalled:
It kicked: it's face turned red;
It squawked and blatted, howled and
bawled
Enough to wake the dead.
yowled
and screeched as lustily
It
As forty cats In fight
I never though such lungs could be
In such a tiny mite.
setled down
I heaved a sigh and of
it;
To make the best
came from town
she
before
just
And
r XTrtari PTMtahlv.
quit.
darling
cherub
perfect
The
is
he
require
"Queen 6abe?"
Spanish. "A great Philosopher once said. Would she believe the little cuss
Had made such awful noiso?
When you are In you are very, very In;
v,,.
Ah. no. She e'en addressed it thus:
won ara Out vnu are Nowheres.'
"Oo bestest 'haved of boys!"
Do you know the name of the Philosopher
Chicago News.
what said that wisdomr
Lb!
TY1
. m
...
j"s"
in hopes of finding1 some polite words.
"Beano Diaz, Senor!" he pronounce
booklshly.
Pres Diaz look to Nogl with iced
glance.
"Excuse, please, I do not understand
German." pronounce this Mexican boss,
speaking American with a Cincinnati
horny-hande-
i
bys-tem-
chance to meet.
In Receiving Department of this Palace
we set patiently till a gentleman looking like Hon.'Wm. Loeb disguised as a
approached to us & say
tackfulls
"Would you Japanese Schoolboys wish
a audience with His Excellent Supremacy?"
"No. Sir, thanks plenty." I report. "Me
and Nogl are , shy about talking to a
A confidential chatter with
audience.
Hon. Diaz will be sufficient laborious,
thank you."
So six Police. 2 Bull Fighters & a
PUikerton remove all umbrellas, watches,
cigars
other deadly weapons from
our clothing. Our photos, measurements
and previous bad character are handed
over to Chief of Police, and after being
examined by a Chemist to see that we
are not poisonous In any way, a
In a suit of gold embroidery,
march up and say,
"You are permitted to address Pres.
Diaz as suspicious persons."
So me & Nogl are lock stepped forwards and ushed into a room which appear very high & expensive, like the
Czar of Russia had just moved out. On
some fancy .furniture in center of this
drum-majo-
tf
si;
.
-
but more large & satisfied, like the Present Incumbrance were expecting to be
Cousin NOgl carry a
elected, as usual.
pocket Dictionary of Spanish, so he will
bo able to answer any hard words we
rui
xo
OIN"
r.
Diaz lean back in nis
cozy chair and offer me a chew of tobacco from a silver plug.
"When we met at El Paso," he report, "Senor Don Blllio Tafta of Washington and the United States asked ma
question.
the same similarsays.
am t aiexico
" 'Portv he
Ttnn.
'
e
.
taw
-
21. WOO.
SOVE3IBER
at
ed theater, where all the ventilators are
tightly nailed up and wedge my semicomatose form into an orchestra seat
that's two lasts too narrow for me
I'm one of those broad D's and sleep
through three hours of a musical show
and then go home and Indlgest freely
all night. And the next morning I II
be In a position to give thanks all
over again.
"For wot?" asked the House Detective.
'For having lived through it," said
the Hotel Clerk.
The Making ot Slocks.
be found quite impossible to
stock
economize time on tho home-mad- e
and jabot. Money may be saved on them,
without a doubt; but money saved meaii3,
invariably, time spent.
Stocks and jabots, plisses. dainty ties
and collars mean, one and all, hand
sewing.
This is not all they involve. There
is a certain feeling for the beautiful
that should be cultivated, if It" is not
natural, rcfore the ordinary busy woman
will be a successful maker of lingerie.
Failing In this, the lirft thing to he
studied is the model. No one who will
actually and faithfully copy a modol can
go far wrong. It often proves a dangerous experiment to diverge In the smallest
particular from the pattern selected.
This Is a natural state of affairs, when
one realizes that the makers of exquisite
neckwear have spent many years perfecting patterns and working out their
present models. Handwork and careful
Biieh
measurements are the keynotes.
pieco of material that goes into a jabot,
and
measured
b"
should
instance,
for
cut exactly like its model. This should
very
width
be accurate, down to tho
of the insertion and the lace, and even
to the size of the hem. The materials,
too, all have been thosen with an eye to
a certain desired erTeet. and they should
be followed without deviation, except in
the matter of .actual lace designs, which
are not usually matchahle.
It
will
'
5ureeaee of Sorrow.
hundred years from now you will
not care
How strong men may oppress the
poor and weak:
You will not mourn because you may
not share
The privileges that today ycu seek.
A hundred years from now you will not
sigh
pleasures that you have no right
For
'
to claim;
.
You will not care for whom the banners fly.
Nor be concerned because of praise
or blarne!
from now you'll have
A hundred yc-.no spite.
Against the ones whom you have
met in strife.
Nor will you steal "home softly, late at
night
by your waitTo be
ing wife.
A
rs
cross-question-
Chicago,
Record-Heral-
d.