Regular Dismissal Edition
“All the News that’s Fit for Camp”
Vol. 34 Issue 8
Dan P.:
Rebel
Logo by Anjali Marwell, 9.9
July 15, 2016
SIESTA: Campers look on in shock as Dan, asleep, mutters the phrase “cheesy bread” with increasing intensity.
Scandal: Dan Caught
Slumbering in Library
By Anjali Marwell, 9.9
Recently, The Heart Beat caught Dan P. sleeping in the library! Why is he doing this? Read this article to find out. I
interviewed the star of the Dan Sighting, Dan!
He said some wacky, crazy, very true things.
HB: Why were you sleeping on the ground?
Dan: It was cooler near the ground.
HB: Are you lying?
Dan: No, I’m sitting.
HB: Are you uncomfortable being read to?
Dan: No, I love being read to.
HB: Why were you sleeping?
Dan: I never sleep.
HB: Why don’t you ever sleep?
Dan: I am a vampire.
HB: Why do you sleep on your backpack?
Dan: It’s comfortable.
HB: Are you even Dan?
Dan: No. I’m Pan, Dan’s evil twin.
I also asked some people if Dan was really a vampire.
Archival Footage
Reveals He Was In a
Domino’s Commercial
By Erin Bejasa, 10.4
Most people love Domino’s pizza, right? (Editor’s
Note: We find it foul and prefer Papa John’s.) You may not
have known this, but our very own Dan P. was in a
Domino’s commercial! If you have seen this commercial, you would know that this was definitely an
Emmy-winning performance. If you search up “Dan
Pacheco’s DOMINOS PIZZA commercial” on YouTube, click on the video that shows two people in a
hot tub. In this commercial, Dan plays the delivery
guy.
Basically, this is how the commercial goes:
(Music plays)
Man: I dedicate this beautiful moon and all these
stars to you.
Dan: How about three medium pizzas for five bucks
each?
(Man splashes water at Dan)
Then, at some point in this video, Dan enters the
hot tub with the man and his girlfriend. As you can
see, Dan has been through many things in his life.
This includes almost getting kicked out of the School
of Rock performance and getting caught sleeping in
the library.
WHERE ARE MY GARLIC KNOTS?: Dan in his
youth, looking much the same.
Report: He Was Almost
Expelled from School of Rock
By Jacob Buller, 9.8
On Wednesday, July 13, CAA went to the School
of Rock musical on Broadway. Staff member Dan
Pacheco was almost kicked out of the theatre because
he did not have his ticket in hand. You know what I say
to this: What? Let me get this right. Dan gets a ticket
from another group and he can’t even remember who
to get it from! Apprentice Max said what he thought
about this: “I don’t know and really don’t care.” You
know what? Dan, if you are reading this, you should
be ashamed because you need to be more responsible
and this was just...wrong. This article might be short,
but it means a lot. Dan. Be more responsible.
Critics’ Corner
By Timothy Schachner, 13.9, and
Tommy Nolan, 10.6
We here at the Heart Beat Culture Desk decided to
review each song in School of Rock Act 1.
“If Only You Would Listen”: The spark plug of the
first act, this number pushes the whole point of the
first act that sets up the second.
“Top Of Mount Rock”: The characters imagine
what could happen if they become rock stars. This
number almost serves as...foreshadowing.
“Here At Horace Green”: This number sets the bar
for both the students and Mr. S.
“Stick It To the Man”: Somebody’s mad here.
“You’re In the Band”: “You’re In the Band” was a
perfect name for this piece, as it’s that simple. Everyone’s in the band. That being said, it was a little
repetitive, and for such a crucial number in the musical… maybe one of the reasons it wasn’t on Broadway sooner? It was a great musical nonetheless.
Two Truths and a Lie:
Henry Ibanez
#TeamAlbert
By Vivienne Weinberg, 10.2
Team Albert is an octopus that symbolizes Christina’s
group. An intern Ally decided to work on the octopus which
was inspired by the beenie boo octopus.
Here is an interview with Christina, the #TeamAlbert
group leader:
Heartbeat: What is Albert the Octopus?
Christina: Albert the Octopus is the mascot of Christina’s
group. He is a lovable Squishy Purple Octopus.
Heartbeat: Why did you decide to have a group mascot?
Christina: We wanted to be original. We were much more
than Christina’s group, and we wanted something to make
us different.
Heartbeat: Who came up with the idea for him?
Christina: Christina came up with the idea, but it was inspired by Camper Maddie’s Beenie Boo backpack chain,
which was a Squishy Purple Octopus.
Heartbeat: Do you think other groups are jealous?
Christina: Joi’s group is very jealous of Albert.
Heartbeat: Who made Albert?
Christina: Intern and artist Ally Rosenzweig was commissioned to create a suitable effigy of Albert.
Member of Joi’s group Anjali Marwell helped create Albert. Could she be a traitor?
By Henry Ibanez, Apprentice
Answer from previous “Two Truths and a Lie”: Henry is
not, in fact, colorblind.
1. I have never left the country.
2. I play three instruments.
3. I speak three languages fluently.
Can YOU figure out which is which?
Landon: An
Extraordinary Camper
By Preston Frankel, 11.8
As we all might know, today is Landon’s last day
here this year, and we will
all miss him very much. He
loved Craig the mailman
and DanTDM, and when
we think of Landon, we
should all think of Craig.
We interviewed him, and
this can be a reminder of
him for us.
Preston: What are you
going to do after you leave?
Landon: I’ll be going to
Maine.
FUTURE AUTHOR PHOTO:
Me: Are you going to be Landon, looking awesome,
leaning against a wall.
here next year?
Landon: Yes, I might be
staying for the whole time.
Me: Are you upset that you are going to miss Hat
Day?
Landon: Yes.
Me: If you could make up any class, what would
it be?
Landon: All classes combined.
Me: We will all miss you, but will you miss us?
Landon: Yes, a lot.
Advertisement
PURPLE REIGN: Christina’s group unites under the
sign of their totem animal, Albert the Octopus.
The Unfortunate Child
Comic by Ava Nolan, 8.6
Ad by Preston Frankel, 11.8
SUZ SEZ
Have a great weekend!
Get ready for a guest artist
on Monday: Former CAA
Staff and Broadway star
Stanley Mathis!