One in three children has feeding problems. . .
This package shows you what to do about it!
Parent Teaching Package gives
background and support for the Feeding
with Love and Good Sense DVD. It
teaches you interpret feeding
interactions, apply feeding principles,
and teach other professionals and
parents. In this package, Ellyn Satter, a
Registered Dietitian and Family
Therapist and internationally recognized
expert on feedings, shows and tells how
to feed well from the start, head off
feeding problems, and raise good eaters.
Author and producer Satter is also the
author of four best-selling, full-length
books about feeding and eating.
Price: $175.00
To view video samples:
http://ellynsatterinstitute.org/products
/video-samples.php
To order: http://bit.ly/1aoTFWp
Ellyn Satter’s Feeding with Love and Good Sense II DVD: (Group license) Real parents and real
children in their homes show what to do—and not do—with feeding. Four 15- to 20-minute segments,
each with five to ten families
 The infant. Your baby eats best when you do what she wants.
 The transitional child. Start and progress solid foods based on what you child can do.
 The toddler. Teach your toddler to be part of the family with eating.
 The preschooler. Your preschooler is ready to learn and do.
CD #1 Raising Children to Be Competent Eaters, PowerPoint Parent lecture Ellyn Satter’s tried-andtrue 30-45 minutes lecture that gets parents talking and asking questions. Four embedded vignettes,
handouts. A healthy child who is a joy to feed grows well and (eventually) eats a variety of food. Here is
what an Eating Competent child looks like.
 Feels good about eating.
 Learns to like unfamiliar food.
 Knows how much to eat.
 Enjoys family meals.
CD #2 Parent Teacher’s Guide Addresses how to use video in parent-centered education for groups or
individuals. 28 handouts support lesson plans.
 Interpret and understand video episodes
 Observe and understand the child
 Do stage-appropriate feeding
 Do problem solving with feeding
4226 MANDAN CRESCENT, SUITE 50 ~ MADISON, WI 53711-3062 ~ TELEPHONE AND FAX: 608-271-7976 ~ WEBSITE www.ellynsatter.com
Ellyn Satter’s Feeding with Love and Good Sense II
Vignette Summary with Content and Run Time
Segment
Infant
Vignette
Introduction
Ashley
Sebastian
Caroline
Emerson
Chase
Summary
Total
Age
3 wk
2 mo
3 mo
4 mo
4 mo
Min:Sec
Topic
1:12
4:40
3:38
2:02
2:39
2:44
1:09
18.22
Feeding is parenting. Trust. Meet child’s and parents’ needs.
Positive breastfeeding (latch-on, suck-swallow). Sleep states.
Positive formula-feeding. Following child’s cues. Brief sleep states.
Positive breastfeeding (latch-on, suck-swallow). Hungry days.
Pressured feeding—bottle. Poor reciprocity.
Lack of interest in too-early solids. Interest in things. Sleep problems.
Division of responsibility. Cultivate curiosity. Wait to start solids.
1:18
2:30
1:49
4:22
2:20
1:57
3:26
4:13
Starting solids to family meals. Children vary. Keep it casual.
Positive first solid feeding. Breastfeeding (latch-on, suck-swallow).
(+) and (-) reaction to too-early solids. Babies at family meal.
Positive, experienced semi-solids. Unfamiliar food.
Negative semi-solids. Parent charmingly pushy.
Getting stuck on semi-solid food.
Introduction to family food. Mid-transition to family meal.
Self-feeding at family meal. Oral-motor development and handmouth coordination. Child obesity.
Division of responsibility. Children’s eating competence.
Transitional Child
Introduction
Jatta
Micah, Sam
Ella
Zubin
Alex
Andrew
Madison &
Daniel
Summary
Total
5 mo
4.5 mo
6.5 mo
6 mo
10 mo
7 mo
12 mo
1:13
23.16
Toddler
Introduction
Zoey
AJ
Isabella
Janelli
Gage
Luke
Drew
Joel
Gage
Seve
Summary
Total
30 mo
24 mo
24 mo
24 mo
26 mo
34 mo
21 mo
22 mo
26 mo
19 mo
1:20
1:46
2:53
1:43
1:25
2:21
1:59
2:24
0:40
0:32
2:49
1:14
21.13
Toddlers learn to be part of the family. Structure is critical.
Positive toddler meal. Orderly behavior.
Positive toddler meal. Squirmy, messy, talkative toddler
Fussing by grandmother. Toddler quiet, reserved.
Pressure to use fork, child (-) reaction. Struggle undermines eating.
High parent interference. Child poor eating, distress, tantrum.
Positive meal. Pressure at the end to finish food. Compliant child.
Dinner for children only. Dessert strategy.
Sit-down snack. Roaming with juice.
Snack timing. Small snack to tide over for dinner.
Positive family meal, negative end—child disrupts parents’ meal.
Division of responsibility. Structure, chances to learn, no pressure.
Preschool eating competence. Do your jobs; don’t do your child’s.
Positive family meal. Child self reliant, coordinated, hungry.
Parent interference: Utensils, clean plate
Preschool wiggling, talking. Can’t sit still.
Child eats a lot, father interferes. Undermines internal regulation.
High parent interference, pressure to eat green beans.
Child overweight. Parents dictate what, how much; child compliant.
Undermining internal regulation.
Inadvertent neglect in positive context.
Inadvertent neglect. TV at meal. Social isolation. Attention only
around food. Learning to eat for emotional reasons.
Keep feeding this way throughout your child’s growing-up years.
Preschooler
Introduction
Flora
Jake
Annie
Tiara
Shaun
Gracie
4.5 yr
5 yr
4.5 yr
4 yr
3.5 yr
5 yr
1:06
1:40
2:50
0:57
2:25
1:58
2:48
Luis
Jacqueline
5 yr
3 yr
1:01
1:50
Summary
Total
1:05
17.49
FEEDING WITH LOVE AND GOOD SENSE II DVD
Parent Teacher’s Guide
To the Teacher
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on your feet and crafting the training to
the needs of the group. In fact, you are
likely to find that when you relax and
let parents ask the questions that the
material will be covered.
This Parent Teacher’s Guide
addresses stage-appropriate feeding
and gives guidance for early problem
solving. Instruction comes from
observation of the vignettes and parent
discussion and your elaborating on
key points. Problem solving takes the
form of early intervention: identifying
approaches to feeding that are less
than optimum and correcting those
approaches. This Parent Teacher’s Guide
is not intended to solve established
problems or treat specific issues around
feeding such as growth distortion or
entrenched struggles around feeding.
FWLGS DVD II and this Parent
Teacher’s Guide are produced to be
accessible to parents from a variety
of cultural backgrounds, and to those
with limited literacy skills. To avoid
awkward he/she construction in the
Parent Teacher’s Guide, children in
segments one and three are referred to
as she, in To the Teacher and segments
two and four referred to as he.
Handouts may use either gender.
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Ellyn Satter’s Feeding with Love and
Good Sense II DVD (FWLGS II DVD)
is the second edition of Ellyn Satter’s
videos about feeding children. It
is a series of four 15- to 20-minute
segments, each containing vignettes of
five to ten families. Close-up footage of
real parents and real children in their
homes shows actual feeding situations
and reveals what works and what
doesn’t with feeding. Parent volunteers
represent a variety of ethnic groups
and income levels. Vignettes may show
families with problems, but they are
not problem families. That is, they
are within functional ranges socially
and emotionally, they are capable of
establishing and maintaining Ellyn
Satter’s Division of Responsibility in
Feeding (sDOR), and they can and
will correct their feeding errors with
appropriate feedback and advice. (See
the handout, Ellyn Satter’s Division of
Responsibility in Feeding.)
The Parent Teacher’s Guide shows
you how to creatively use the FWLGS
II DVD vignettes in your individual
and group work with parents. To the
Teacher and each of the four lesson
plans are intended to empower you
to be an excellent leader of parentcentered education. The children lead
you, and each teaches part of the story.
The few handouts relate directly to the
vignettes, and the Leader notes deepen
your interpretation. As you master the
material, you will find yourself thinking
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. All rights reserved.
EMPOWER PARENTS TO
FEED WELL
The theoretical basis of Ellyn Satter’s
Feeding with Love and Good Sense II
FEEDING WITH LOVE AND GOOD SENSE II DVD
Parent Teacher’s Guide
Segment 2: The Transitional Child (5 to 12 Months)
1. To observe and understand
their child
2. To do their feeding jobs and let their child do
his or her eating jobs.
CHECK-IN
Do the check-in. For guidelines, see To
the Teacher, page 3. After the check-in
goes around the group, pick up on two
or three themes that parents raise in
their discussion. Then make the segue:
“You are in the right place. We will
discuss those issues.”
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After working their way through the lesson
plan, all but the most overwhelmed or rigid
parents will have achieved these two goals. In
other words, they will see feeding from their
child’s point of view, and they will set aside
their feeding agendas. Those feeding agendas
have to do with getting their child to eat certain
types or amounts of food, or to behave in
certain ways with eating.
Each lesson plan starts with a check-in,
where parents do dyad discussion—introduce
themselves to one other person and then to
the group. Parents love the check-in. It helps
them relax and feel at home, connect with at
least one other person and with the group,
and stimulates discussion. It also helps you to
know who is there and what issues they bring.
The group also ends with a check-out, where
parents say what they got from the group.
You can skip the dyad part of the discussion
for doing the check-out because by now
groups members will have gotten relaxed with
speaking to the whole group.
The transitional phase is complex, and
this lesson plan addresses a number of key
topics. It looks like a lot, but in actual fact, the
class will take on an efficient life of its own.
After you have done this a while, you will find
that one topic blends into another, parents
raise questions rather than waiting for you to
introduce topics, and you answer questions by
suggesting watching vignettes.
• Beginning solid foods
• What and how much solid food
• Keeping the child active in feeding
• Safely progressing to lumps and pieces
• Joining in with family meals
• Additional transitional topics:
• The too-big or too small baby
• Getting started with structure
• Changing to pasteurized milk
• Mastering family meals step-by-step
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Leader notes: As outlined in To the Teacher, the
Parent Teacher’s Guide is intended to help you
facilitate parent-focused education. The bottom
line is empowering parents:
• Parenting with solid food
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. All rights reserved.
INTRODUCTION
Babies change a lot between 5 and 12
months, and feeding reflects those
changes. At 5 months, most babies are
only breastfeeding or taking a bottle.
By 12 months, most babies are joining
in with family meals and finger-feeding
themselves soft food. You make a
transition, as well. You build on your
child‘s increased regularity with eating
to move away from the demand feeding
of infancy to the meals-plus-snacks
routine of the older child.
Feeding is always about love and
nurturing. As before, following your
baby’s lead with feeding supports
him in staying calm and organized.
30 Lesson Plans The Transitional Child
Feeding him the way he wants to eat
shows him you love him and lets him
love you back. Now, feeding is about
his expanding world. Up until now,
your baby has been in a one-on-one
relationship with you and with anyone
else who takes care of him. Now he is
getting interested in things outside of
you. His being willing to eat solid foods
is part of this interest.
KEY TOPIC #1: BEGINNING
SOLID FOODS
Eating Competence
Following your baby’s lead with feeding
supports him in continuing to develop
eating competence.
If you sorted out your feeding
jobs from his eating jobs in his early
months, he:
• Waiting to start until he is ready.
• Offering him nutritious foods that
keep him safe and help him learn.
• Letting him have control over
whether and how much he eats.
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Follow your baby’s lead with
introducing solid food. Pay attention
to what he does, not his age Give plenty
of chances to learn, have fun, and keep
it casual. There is no emergency here.
Your child is just learning, and doesn’t
have to eat semi-solid food. Teach him
to eat solid foods by:
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Getting Started with Solid Food
Start solids based on what your baby
can do, not on how old she is.
• Feels good about eating.
• Goes by his feelings of hunger and
fullness to eat the amount he needs.
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Now he starts working on the two other
parts of eating competence:
Sa
• He starts learning to eat the food
you eat.
• He learns to join in with family meals.
Raising your child to be a competent
eater helps raise him to be a competent
person. Feeding so your baby eats well
is still about loving and respecting him
and getting on the same wavelength.
Doing a good job with feeding solid
food and letting your child grow up
to be a competent eater depends on a
division of responsibility.
• You choose the food and offer it to
your child.
• He decides whether or not to eat and
how much to eat.
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. All rights reserved.
• A baby who cuddles and nurses can
eat from the nipple. A baby who sits
up can start learning to eat from
the spoon.
• Most babies are ready to start learning
to eat solid foods somewhere around
five to seven months old.
• Starting solid foods is about letting
babies learn how to eat. It is not about
getting food into them.
• Babies who get solid foods early don’t
mature any faster, nor do they sleep
any better.
• To protect your baby from choking,
it is important to gradually build his
eating skills by starting with semisolid food, adding on thicker and
lumpier food, and finally arriving
at soft pieces of finger food he feeds
himself.
• Your child may take to solid foods
rapidly and enthusiastically or slowly
and skeptically. Some children don’t
FEEDING WITH LOVE AND GOOD SENSE II DVD
Parent Teacher’s Guide
Segment 4: The Preschooler (3 to 5 Years)
1. To observe and understand their child
2. To do their feeding jobs and let their child
do his or her eating jobs.
Do the check-in. For guidelines, see To
the Teacher, page 3. After the check-in
goes around the group, pick up on two
or three themes that parents raise in
their discussion. Then make the segue:
“You are in the right place. We will
discuss those issues.”
INTRODUCTION
Sa
m
pl
After working their way through the lesson
plan, all but the most overwhelmed or rigid
parents will have achieved these two goals. In
other words, they will see feeding from their
child’s point of view, and they will set aside
their feeding agendas. Those feeding agendas
have to do with getting their child to eat certain
types or amounts of food, or to behave in
certain ways with eating.
Each lesson plan starts with a check-in,
where parents do dyad discussion—introduce
themselves to one other person and then to
the group. Parents love the check-in. It helps
them relax and feel at home, connect with at
least one other person and with the group,
and stimulates discussion. It also helps you to
know who is there and what issues they bring.
The group also ends with a check-out, where
parents say what they got from the group. For
the check-out, you can skip the dyad part of the
discussion because by now groups members
will have gotten relaxed with speaking to the
whole group.
This lesson plan helps parent establish the
feeding pattern that they will use throughout
their child’s growing-up years. Continuing to
follow the division of responsibility, including
maintaining the structure of meals and snacks,
is essential for children of all ages. Here are the
Key topics in this segment:
CHECK-IN
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Leader notes: As outlined in To the Teacher, the
Parent Teacher’s Guide is intended to help you
facilitate parent-focused education. The bottom
line is empowering parents:
• Parenting the preschooler with feeding
• When feeding is going well
• Too much interference and too little support
• Teaching a child to eat too much or too little
• Teaching a child to be finicky
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. All rights reserved.
After all the commotion and
challenges of raising a toddler, having
a preschooler feels like sailing into
quiet waters. The preschooler is easy to
have around because he is cooperative
and remembers what you tell him
to do. But the very traits that make
your preschooler easy to live with also
present pitfalls.
• Because he admires you and wants to
please you, it is possible to get your
preschooler to eat what and how
much you want him to eat rather
than what and how much he wants
to. Don’t do it. It will make him feel
bad, both about himself and about
eating, and undermine his eating
competence.
• Because he is so self-reliant and
independent, it is possible to become
casual about parenting him. Don’t
do that, either. With feeding as
with every other part of life, your
preschooler needs you as much as
ever, just in different ways.
54 Lesson Plans The Preschooler
• Feels good about eating.
• Goes by his feelings of hunger and
fullness to eat as much or as little as
he needs.
• Has made headway with respect to
learning to eat the food you eat.
• Knows how to behave at family meals
and is relaxed and comfortable there.
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Raising your child to be a competent
eater helps raise him to be a competent
person. Feeding so your child eats well
is all about loving and respecting him
and trusting him to do his part. That
lets him feel good about himself, be
comfortable and relaxed with himself
and other people, and be able to work
things out with other people.
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Your preschooler will do best when
you use an authoritative approach to
parenting. Authoritative parents are
good leaders. They give guidance, set
limits, and enforce rules, but treat
their child like a small person. They
are respectful of their child’s feelings,
thoughts and wishes. Sorting out your
feeding jobs from your child’s eating
jobs is an authoritative approach to
parenting. You take leadership by
keeping yourself responsible for what,
when, and where your child is offered
food. You give your child autonomy
within those limits by letting him
determine whether and how much of
the food that you offer.
out your feeding jobs from your child’s
eating jobs until now, he:
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KEY TOPIC #1: PARENTING
THE PRESCHOOLER WITH
FEEDING
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If all has gone well when your child
was a toddler, he learned that he is
his own person and also learned to be
part of the family. He can now be more
cooperative, settle down to learning
and doing, and depend on you to
guide him. If he can’t do that, he is still
fighting the toddler’s control battles.
Your preschooler will resolve these
toddler struggles if you are careful to
parent authoritatively, with feeding and
in all ways. Be particularly careful not
to get into struggles for control.
Eating Competence
Following your child’s lead with feeding
supports him in continuing to develop
eating competence. If have been sorting
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. All rights reserved.
Leader notes: At this point, parents have been
told what they need to know. However, they
won’t remember this information, may not
accept it, and won’t be able to apply it. This
lesson helps them grapple with the information
and make it their own. That allows them to be
resourceful rather than just following a set of
instructions. They will also be less vulnerable to
counterproductive feeding advice.
KEY TOPIC #2: WHEN
FEEDING IS GOING WELL
View Flor and Discuss
Preview comments: After all the
mishaps of feeding the toddler, it is
striking to watch 4 ½ years old Flor eat
in such a neat and orderly way. She can
even spoon up broth without spilling
it! When feeding is going well, it seems
easy. What do Flor’s parents do to
allow Flor to do so well with eating? To
guide you in answering the questions,
read the handout, Your jobs and your
preschooler’s jobs with feeding.
FEEDING WITH LOVE AND GOOD SENSE II DVD
Narrative Script
The Infant
e
first year, and lots help from their
parents, to get to this point. To eat well,
Ashley needs to stay awake during the
feeding. She also needs to be calm.
Her being sleepy or getting upset will
interfere with feeding. Her mother’s
singing helps her to stay calm and alert.
Learning to be calm and alert will stay
with Ashley, and help her for the rest of
her life.
Ashley isn’t distracted by her
brother’s big smacking kiss on
the cheek.
Ashley finishes one breast and starts
right in on the other. She has a little
trouble getting onto the second breast,
but her mother gives her time and she
figures it out.
Sadith touches Ashley’s hair and
face. Some babies might be bothered by
this, but not Ashley.
Ashley is nicely latched on. Her
bottom lip is tucked in and her top lip
spread out across the nipple. You can
hear her swallow and breathe.
Ashley is still eating, but she is
drifting off to sleep. It would be better
if Sadith would continue talking and
singing with her to help her stay awake.
Ashley could pay attention to getting
enough, she would burp better, and her
family could play with her until she gets
drowsy. Then she could put herself to
sleep. Learning to put herself to sleep at
this stage will head off sleep problems
later on.
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Introduction (1 min 12 sec)
Feeding is parenting. During the early
weeks and months, you spend most
of your baby’s waking hours with
feeding. Sleeping, waking, fussing,
and being content all revolve around
feeding. In fact, feeding is the best
way to get to know your baby and to
show your love. As much as you can,
relax, get acquainted, and depend on
your baby to play an active role in
feeding. Feeding is not about getting
food into your baby. It is about your
relationship—about getting on the
same wave length. Your baby is learning
to trust you. To gain that trust, go by
information coming from your baby
to guide care and feeding. Your baby
knows how much and when to eat and
asks to be fed, with signs that are more
or less or understandable. You do your
best to understand, and try to do what
your baby wants. You get it right or you
don’t. Your baby is patient with you—or
not. You hang in there with each other.
Eventually you get it right enough that
you both get your needs met—your
baby’s to be nurtured and yours
to nurture.
Sadith and Ashley (4 min 40 sec)
When feeding is going well, it seems
easy. Sadith is experienced with
mothering and with breastfeeding. At
3 weeks, Ashley is already a calm and
predictable baby—her signs are easy
to read. Some babies take the whole
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. All rights reserved.
FEEDING WITH LOVE AND GOOD SENSE II DVD
Narrative Script
The Toddler
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good job with eating. Zoey is happy to
be at the table and enjoys spreading out
her napkin.
Zoey’s mother cuts up Zoey’s food
so she can eat it readily. Zoey appears
hungry and interested in eating. She
eats with her spoon as well as her
fingers. Either way is fine with her
parents—they don’t make a fuss.
Sergio gently reminds Zoey to pay
attention to something on her plate, but
he doesn’t put pressure on her to eat.
Zoey is relaxed and comfortable
sitting in this big chair. She is at a
pretty-good height to the table.
Sergio talks quietly to the girls, and
Anayeli comes back with warmed-up
tortillas.
Zoey wants more avocado, but her
parents remind her that she has already
had her share. Avocados are pricey,
and they have just one to go around.
“That’s enough begging, Zoey. No more
avocado!”
More conversation, more help
from mother, and Zoey is done. She
hasn’t finished her bowl of chicken and
vegetables, but her parents don’t make
a fuss about it. Maybe another time she
will eat more. For now she and Flor are
off to play quietly while their parents
finish eating.
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Introduction (1 min 20 sec)
Your toddler learns to be part of the
family. Rather than feeding on demand
as you did earlier, arrange to have your
toddler join in with family meals. Have
three sit-down meals a day plus two
or three sit-down snacks. Don’t spoil
structured eating times by letting your
toddler have food or drinks—except
for water—between times. To eat well
at family meals, your toddler has to
be hungry. To be hungry, your toddler
has to wait a bit—but not too long—to
eat. With respect to eating, the almosttoddler, who is happy to eat almost
anything, suddenly becomes a toddler.
The toddler is picky, does not eat as
much, eats a lot one time and hardly
anything another, and is skeptical of
even-familiar foods. Eat food you enjoy,
and your toddler will learn to enjoy it,
too. Use every tactic you can think of to
put together meals. But don’t try to find
food that your toddler will eat—you
will drive yourself crazy. Instead, do
your jobs with feeding, keep mealtimes
pleasant, hold the line with structure,
and settle for however little—or
much—your toddler eats.
And, oh yes, hang on to your sense
of humor.
Zoey, Sergio, and Anayeli
(1 min 46 sec)
These parents provide exactly what 2 ½
year old Zoey (with the napkin), and
her big sister, Flor, need in order to do a
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. All rights reserved.
AJ, Annie, and Nick (2 min 53 sec)
Two year old AJ and his sister Tiara
are having a meal of tacos, chips and
guacamole. 4 ½ year old Tiara has the
FEEDING WITH LOVE AND GOOD SENSE II DVD
Handouts
From Parent Teacher’s Guide
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1. Raise Your Child to be Competent with Eating
2. Key topics, vignettes, and handouts
3. Talking with your baby
4. Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with breast- and formula-feeding.
5. Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with starting solid foods
6. Keep your young child from choking
7. Have family meals and structured snacks
8. Mastering Family Meals Step-by-step
9. Your jobs and your toddler’s jobs with feeding
10. Your jobs and your preschooler’s jobs with feeding
From Ellyn Satter’s FEEDING IN PRIMARY CARE PREGNANCY THROUGH PRESCHOOL:
Reproducible Masters
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nderstand your baby’s sleeping and waking
U
What is your baby telling you?
Feeding your prematurely born baby
Feed the way your child can eat
Solid foods, step by step
Making food easy to eat
How to feed your toddler
Child-friendly feeding tips
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•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
From ELLYN SATTER’S NUTRITION AND FEEDING FOR INFANTS AND CHILDREN:
Handout Masters
•
•
•
•
ow much will your baby eat?
H
Starting your baby on solid foods
How to feed your toddler
How to feed your preschooler
From www.Ellynsatter.com
•
•
•
•
•
•
llyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility with Feeding
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Sit-down snacks
The picky eater
The child who doesn’t eat fruits and vegetables
Using forbidden food
Your child’s weight: helping without harming
Raise your child to be competent with eating
Children are born wanting to eat, feeling good about eating, knowing how much they need to eat, and
able to grow in the way that is right for them. You child eats best, and feels best about himself, when you
follow the division of responsibility and go by information coming from him to guide feeding.
Segment
Your child’s development
How to let your child eat best
At first your baby may have trouble
sleeping and trouble staying awake to eat
without getting upset. You can help her
be calm and organized with eating
and sleeping.
Go by your baby’s cues and let her eat fast or
slowly, much or little, often or infrequently.
Understand and go by her sleep states, and
feed her when she is calm and wide-awake.
Your baby is learning to love and be loved.
Understanding him tells him you love
him. Feeling understood lets him love you
back and feel good about himself. Your
baby smiles, talks, and reaches out to get
your attention and to keep you close.
Pay attention to your baby, and feed him in
the way he wants. Cuddling and nursing or
giving him a bottle is still the best fit with
his feeding skills. Between times, talk, smile,
and play with him, and respond when he
talks, smiles and plays with you.
Your baby is getting better at calming and
organizing himself. He shows he is ready
to learn to eat solid foods with his interest
in things, his sitting up, and his mouth
skills.
Wait for your baby’s readiness signs, then
pay attention to what he wants: whether or
not, how much, how fast. He is just learning,
and doesn’t have to have the food.
She is beginning to get a sense of herself
as an individual. She wants very much to
do things for herself. The almost-toddler
can pick up food, munch or chew it, and
swallow without choking.
Let her feed herself. She shows she is ready,
probably suddenly, by refusing to eat from
the spoon. Keep in mind that finger food is
anything that sticks together long enough to
get it from the table to the mouth!
Your toddler finds out that he is a separate
person by being a “demon explorer” and
by saying no a lot. Don’t make his eating a
battle for control; you will lose. He will go
hungry rather than eat. He starts sorting
out his feeling (anger, sadness) from his
sensations (hunger, fullness).
Your toddler eats best when you do your
feeding jobs and let him do his eating jobs.
He needs structure. You do, too. Family
meals and sit-down snacks help you sort out
your feeding jobs from his eating jobs and
not feed for emotional reasons.
Your preschooler has a solid sense of
herself as an individual. That frees her up
to devote her energy to learning and doing.
She imitates you and wants to please you.
She feels bad about herself if she can’t do
and be what you want.
Your preschooler eats more and moreconsistently than earlier. Even though she
seems independent, she still depends on you to
do your jobs with feeding. Eat with her, don’t
just feed her. From now on until she is grown
up, your child needs you to do your feeding
jobs and support her in doing her eating jobs.
Learns to wake up and
stay calm while eating
2 to 6 mo
Feels secure and
connected during
eating
2. Transitional Child
Remains calm and
connected while
learning to eat
solid foods.
Sa
Starts learning she
is her own little
person and learning
to be part of the family
with eating.
m
0 to 3 months
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1. Infant
3. Toddler
With eating and
with all things,
actively asserts his
independence and
learns to go along
with structure
and limits.
4. Preschooler
Gradually learns
to eat a larger
number of foods
in a variety
of situations.
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. May be reproduced only by registered purchasers of Ellyn Satter’s Feeding with
Love and Good Sense II: Parent Teaching Package. Copyright notice must appear on each copy. For purchase
information, see www.EllynSatter.com.
FEEDING WITH LOVE AND GOOD SENSE II DVD
Parent Teacher’s Guide
Key topics, vignettes, and handouts
Key topic
Vignettes
Handout(s)
To the Teacher
Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility with Feeding.
Raise Your Child to be Competent with Eating.
Vignette Summary with Content and Run Time.
The infant (0 to 6 months)
2. Read your baby’s sleeping cues.
3. Do your feeding jobs and let your baby do her
eating jobs.
Ashley
Sebastian
Understand your baby’s sleeping and waking.
What is your baby telling you?
Ashley
Sebastian
Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with breast- and
formula-feeding.
Emerson
Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with breast- and
formula-feeding.
Talking with your baby.
m
4. Get on the same wavelength with “talking”.
Ashley
Sebastian
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1. Feed so your baby can eat well.
5. Start solid food based on what your baby does.
Chase
Sa
Additional topics:
To feed your child, feed yourself.
How much should your baby eat.
Prematurely born baby.
The colicky or up-tight baby.
Feed the way your child can eat.
Have family meals and structured snacks.
Mastering family meals step by step.
How much will your baby eat?
Feeding your prematurely born baby.
The transitional child (5 to 15 months)
1. Beginning solid foods.
Jatta
Zubin
Micah & Sam
Feed the way your child can eat.
Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with starting
solid foods.
2. What and how much solid food.
Ella
Feed the way your child can eat.
Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with starting
solid foods.
Solid foods, step by step.
3. Keeping the child active in feeding.
Alex
Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with starting
solid foods.
Feed the way your child can eat.
Solid foods, step-by-step.
4. Safely progressing to lumps and pieces.
Andrew
Feed the way your child can eat.
Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with starting
solid foods.
Solid foods, step by step.
Keep your young child from choking.
Have family meals and structured snacks
From the time he is little, teach your child what
eating is all about. Do a good job of feeding
yourself, He is growing up to eat the way you do!
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Include him in meals:
• Hold him while you eat or prop him up in
a baby seat.
• When he starts eating solids, feed him at
mealtime or give him some Cheerios to chase
while you eat.
• As soon as he finger-feeds himself, let him join
in with family meals. He will be delighted!
m
Do a good job with feeding yourself
• Get the meal habit, if you don’t have it already.
• Eat food you enjoy.
• Eat as much as you are hungry for.
• If and when you are ready, let yourself grow with meal-planning and variety.
Sa
As he gets older, include your child in family meals
• Phase in a meals-plus-snacks routine. Build on his increased regularity with eating to phase out
demand feeding.
• Have meals and snacks be your idea. Don’t wait for him to say “I am hungry” before you offer meals
and snacks
• Time snacks so he can be hungry but not starved at mealtimes. Snacks can be nipple feedings or “big boy”
snacks where he sits down at the table.
• Don’t let him drink anything except water or panhandle for food between times.
Feed so he can eat well
• Cook for yourself and adapt food for your child. Don’t short-order cook.
• Have meals with a number of foods, including bread. Pair familiar food with unfamiliar,
disliked with liked.
• Eat with him. Enjoy your own meal or snack. Don’t praise or scold him about his eating.
• Be good company. Talk and listen. Don’t watch TV, read, text, or telephone.
• Let him eat his way—much or little, fast or slowly, fingers or spoon.
• Even if he eats only one food, let him have more if he wants.
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. May be reproduced only by registered purchasers of Ellyn Satter’s Feeding with
Love and Good Sense II: Parent Teaching Package. Copyright notice must appear on each copy. For purchase
information, see www.EllynSatter.com.
Your jobs and your baby’s jobs with breast- and formula-feeding
To feed your baby best, do your feeding jobs and support
him in doing his eating jobs.
• Your job is what—deciding - whether to
breast- or formula feed.
• Your baby’s job is to know, and show you,
how much (and everything else).
You do your jobs and help him do his
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Your baby eats best and feels best about you and
about himself when you do what he wants.
Don’t worry about spoiling him—you can’t
spoil a tiny baby. Go by your baby’s signs
that tell you what he wants. Even if his
signals are hard to read, be careful not to
take over with feeding. Check yourself.
Do you share feeding responsibilities with
your baby?
You don’t help him do his feeding jobs
q Feed your baby on a schedule.
q Touch his cheek or lips to let him “open up.”
q Push the nipple into his mouth.
q Sit still and feed smoothly.
q Move around, jiggle the bottle.
q Notice which sounds and touches let him stay
awake and calm.
q Not notice what he likes and doesn’t like.
q Let him stop sucking to rest, “talk,” or burp.
q Keep trying to feed, or stop the feeding
to burp.
q Let him go back to eating after he pauses.
q End the feeding when he pauses.
q Let him eat as much or as little as he wants.
q Try to get him to eat a certain amount.
q Stop feeding when he shows he is done.
q Keep trying to feed. Stop before he is done.
q Help him to stay awake during the feeding
by looking, talking or singing.
q Feed your baby to sleep.
Sa
m
q Feed your baby when he is awake and hungry.
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. May be reproduced only by registered purchasers of Ellyn Satter’s Feeding with
Love and Good Sense II: Parent Teaching Package. Copyright notice must appear on each copy. For purchase
information, see www.EllynSatter.com.
Your jobs and your toddler’s jobs with feeding
To feed your toddler, do your own jobs and let him do his jobs.
• You decide what, when and where your child gets to eat.
• He decides how much and whether he eats–of what
you offer.
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For you, sorting out your jobs from your toddler’s jobs
is tricky. For your toddler, it isn’t tricky at all. He watches
you and picks up on what you do and how you feel about
eating. He knows instantly when you try to do his jobs and
reacts by getting stubborn or defiant. He is frightened when
you don’t do your jobs and reacts by behaving worse and worse
until you have to take charge. Check yourself. Are you doing your
jobs? Are you letting your toddler do his jobs?
Your feeding jobs
Your child’s eating jobs
q Participate (even briefly) in meals and snacks.
q Don’t let your child him have munchies or
drinks (except water) between times.
q Do his eating (or not-eating) at family meals
and sit-down snacks.
q Give him some but not all the attention.
q Behave nicely at the table. Enjoy being there.
q Seat him so he can see and reach his food.
q Sit to eat but probably wiggle and squirm.
Sa
m
q Have regular family meals and sit-down
snacks.
q Relax, enjoy, pay attention to your own meal.
q Enjoy, look, taste, eat one, two, or no foods.
q Not persuade, reward, or pressure.
q Be matter-of-fact about eating or not-eating.
q Let him eat as much or as little as he wants.
q Go by his feelings of hunger and fullness.
q Let him get messy, eat with fingers or utensils.
q Not make a mess on purpose. Copy how
you eat.
q Let him leave when he says he is done.
q Learn to play quietly while you finish eating.
q Have him leave if he doesn’t behave.
q Learn to not beg for food or have tantrums.
© Copyright 2011 Ellyn Satter. May be reproduced only by registered purchasers of Ellyn Satter’s Feeding with
Love and Good Sense II: Parent Teaching Package. Copyright notice must appear on each copy. For purchase
information, see www.EllynSatter.com.
What is your baby telling you?
How does your baby tell you when she is hungry?
How does she tell you when she is full?
How does she tell you when she wants go to bed?
pl
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Here are some ways your baby might tell you how she feels and what she
needs. Use these signs along with what you know about when she last ate
and slept to figure out what she is telling you. It won't be long until you
know her well. Then you will understand better than anybody else what
her signs mean.
m
I'm hungry
Eyes wide and face bright
Looks at your face
Smiles
Moves toward you
Turns toward nipple when cheek is touched
Sa
I'm full
Stops nursing
Feels settled and relaxed
Arms and legs stretched out
Fingers spread out
I need to go to sleep
Looks away
Breathes fast
Yawns
Wrinkles forehead
Face and eyes look dull
Frowns
Copyright © 2003 by Ellyn Satter. May be reproduced for free distribution by registered purchasers of Ellyn Satter’s FEEDING IN PRIMARY CARE PREGNANCY THROUGH PRESCHOOL:
Easy-to-read Reproducible Masters. To purchase call 800-808-7976 or see www.ellynsatter.com
27
Toddler and Preschooler 91
How To Feed
Your Toddler
During the time from 12 months to 3 years, your child
keeps getting taller and heavier, but his rapid growth
rate slows down [see WHAT IS NORMAL GROWTH?].
He begins exploring with a vengeance, and he shows,
at times, a fierce contrariness as he works at becoming
a person separate from you. He may eat less now [see
needs to eat. If you pressure him to eat more, he’s
likely to resist and eat less. Toddlers would rather
exert their independence than eat.
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IF YOUR TODDLER OR PRESCHOOLER DOESN’T EAT
ENOUGH]. That’s okay—he knows how much he
your child is presented to eat, he is responsible for how
much and even whether he eats [see HELPING YOUR
CHILD TO EAT WELL]. At the end of the first year and
moving into the second year your child moves from
being a baby to being a toddler. Then it’s important
that you also begin to take responsibility for the when
and where of feeding and establish the structure of
regular meals and snacks.
Sa
m
What a toddler is like
Toddlers are skeptical: They have to sneak up on new
food. They will learn to like it, if you let them approach
it at their own speed. After many times of seeing it on
the table and seeing you eat it, they will taste it—and
take it back out again. They’ll do that many times, then
eventually they will know it well enough so they
swallow it—and like it.
Toddlers are erratic: What they like one day,
they don’t the next. They eat a lot one day and hardly
anything the next. They don’t eat some of everything at
a meal like you do—they eat only two or three foods.
Toddlers are opinionated: They know what they
do and don’t want to do. You can stop them from
doing what you don’t want, like causing a ruckus at
mealtime, but you can’t get them to do what you do
want—like eat.
Your feeding responsibilities
Do your jobs with feeding, and let your child do his
with eating, even when he eats poorly.
• Select and offer a variety of safe, nutritious and
reasonably appealing food at meals and snacks
[see WHAT TO FEED YOUR TODDLER AND
PRESCHOOLER].
• In meal planning, be considerate, but don’t cater.
Pair familiar with unfamiliar foods, liked with
not-so-liked.
• Let your child eat what and as much as he wants
from what you have put on the table.
• Don’t push food on your child, or he’ll play the
toddler’s favorite game of turning things down and
watching you get desperate.
• Regulate the timing of meals and snacks. Don’t wait
for him to ask for food before you offer it. The time
for demand feeding is past. Begin scheduling meals
and snacks now. His stomach is small and his energy
needs are high, so he needs three meals a day with
planned snacks in between. Don’t allow panhandling
for food or beverages (except water) at other times.
• Present foods in a form your child can handle. Your
toddler can eat most food from the family table, but
still depends on you to make minor changes in texture so he can be successful—and safe—eating it. He
can’t chew tough, hard food, and dry food seems to
get stuck in his mouth. Smooth, round food can slide
down his throat before he chews it and children
under age 3 have a higher risk of choking than older
children [see FEEDING CHILDREN SAFELY].
• Let him eat in his own way. If your child is allowed
to look, feel, mash, and smell to explore food, he’s
more likely to accept it. However, when exploring
becomes simply messing around to get you to react,
Your child is no longer a baby
If you treat your toddler like you did when he was a
baby and try to keep him happy, neither of you will get
your needs met. He needs autonomy: control over his
own life and his own world. He also needs limits, to
reduce the size of his world to what he can handle. You
need a child who knows how to behave at the table so
you can have pleasant mealtimes. Your responsibilities
to keep him safe and your own life satisfactory will
conflict with his need to be a “demon explorer.”
You’ll have to set limits. In the short run he won’t like
it, but in the long run he’ll be happier—and like you
better. Avoid food battles by maintaining a division of
responsibility in feeding: You are responsible for what
Copyright © 2002 by Ellyn Satter. May be reproduced for free distribution by registered purchasers of ELLYN SATTER’S NUTRITION AND
FEEDING FOR INFANTS AND CHILDREN: Handout Masters. For purchase information call 800-808-7976, or see www.ellynsatter.com