Mentoring at VFW Auxiliary Relationship Building for the Future By Cara Skodack Day Table of Contents SECTION1
1
“AMIREADYTOMENTORSOMEONE?”
C.A.R.E.
2
3
SECTION2
4
“DOIWANTAMENTOR?”
5
6
SECTION3
4
“SHOULDOURAUXILIARYSTARTAMENTORPROGRAM?”
6
Introduction Everyonehasafairlysimilarideaofwhatamentoris.It’sapersonwhohas
befriendedyouandshownyouthewayinsomeareaofyourlife.Youmayhavebeen
astudentwhenateachertookaninterestinyouandtaughtyoumorethanjustthe
classmaterials.Perhapsyouwereanewparent,andsomeonewhohadbeeninyour
shoesgentlyreassuredyouandgavealittleadvice.Oritcouldhavebeenaco‐
workerorbosswhosawyourpotentialandwaswillingtohelpyouachieveyour
goals.Mentorsaremorethanjustfriends,andtheyaremorethanjustinstructors.
Theydoboth,andyoucareaboutoneanother.
Itdoesn’thappenovernight.
Itoftenhappensnaturally.
Everyonewantsamentorinsomeway.
Noteveryoneiswillingtobeone.
Therearehundredsofmentorstudies,programsandresourcesalloverthe
worldtohelpmen,women,children,youngandold,reachcertaingoalsinhisorher
life.IntheVFWAuxiliary,mentoringisanimportantpartofmaintainingthehealth
andviabilityofeachAuxiliaryandfortheorganizationasawhole.
Memberswhohavebelongedforanumberofyearsallhavesomeonewho
tookthemundertheirwing,showedthemtheinsandoutsoftheorganization,and
encouragedthemtogreaterheightsorsimplykeptthemcomingbackformoreof
thewonderfulthingsVFWAuxiliaryhastooffer.
ThisguideistohelpyourAuxiliarythinkaboutwhatmentoringlookslikein
yourAuxiliary,tipsonhowtogetthingsstarted,adviceonhowtomakethose
relationshipsgreatandtoolstomakesurenoonefallsthroughthegaps.
Remember,noonewalksaroundwearingasignthatsays,“Iwantamentor.”
ButIcanbetyouthateachpersonisthinkingit,evensecretlyprayingsomeonewill
takeininterestinhimorher,andshowthemtheway.
WhenIwasyounger,Idistinctlyremembersayingtoafriend,“Ijustwish
someonewouldcomealongandtellwhatI’msupposedtobedoing!”
Thatnewmemberwhojustwalkedthroughthemeetingroomdoor?Thatis
exactlywhatisgoingthroughhisorherhead.
Section 1 “AmIreadytomentorsomeone?”
Thisisperhapsthetrickiestpart:convincingsomeonetheyarereadytobea
mentor.Iftherewereamagicformula,Iwouldshareithere.Instead,let’sjustlook
atsomeoffactorsthatmighthelpyoudecideyouhaveplentytoofferanother
member.
 Youhaveheldaposition,eitherasanofficerorachairman.
 Youhavehelpedwithseveraldifferentprograms.
 Peoplerelyonyoutorememberhowthingsaredone.
 Youarereadyandwillingtolendahelpinghandtoprojects.
 Youcareaboutveteransandtheirfamilies.
 Theorganizationisveryimportanttoyouformanyreasons.
ANYofthese(notnecessarilyALLofthese)makeyouqualifiedtomentor
anothermember.Youdon’thavetobeacertainageorhavebeenamemberfor
anyspecificlengthoftimeorevenknoweverythingthereistoknowaboutthe
organization.Moreimportantlythananyqualification,whatyoureallyhaveto
doisCARE.
C:Catchthememberwhentheyfirstjoin.
A:Askthemtoparticipate.
R:Rememberwhatitfeltliketobenew.
E:Engagetheminaprogramthatfitsthem.
“CisCatch”
Catchingamemberwhenheorshefirstjoinsmeansnotsayingtoyourself,
“Surelysomeonewillcalloremailthenewpeopleaboutthenextmeeting.”
Guesswhat?YournewnameisSomeone.Decidenowthatwhenanewmember
isrecruited(orifarejoinedmembercomesbackaftersometimeoff)that
Someoneneedstocontactthatmemberandletthemknowtheyareimportantto
theAuxiliary.
IfyourAuxiliaryisquitelarge,youmayneedasmallteamofpeopletomake
surethishappens.Youmightnotbecomementorstoeverypersonyoucall,but
it’safirststep.
Youalsowanttocatchnewermembersastheycomeinthedoorata
meeting.Theymightarrivealone,chooseaseattowardthebackandgenerally
lookalittleoverwhelmed.That’swhenSomeone(remember,that’snowYOU)
goesuptothenewmember,introducesthemselvesandsays,“Comesitwithme.
I’llexplaineverything!”
“AisforAsk”
Therearenotnearlyenoughpeopleinthisworldwhostandupand
immediatelyvolunteertodothings.Thesepeoplearetypicallytheexception
ratherthantherule.ForMOSTotherpeople,theyneedandwanttobeasked.
Researchdonebymanynonprofitorganizationshasshownthatifamember
isnotactivelyparticipatingwithinthreemonthsofjoining,heorshewillmostly
likelydropthatmembershipafterthefirstyear.Itiscriticaltoaskthosenew
memberstoparticipateinwhateveriscomingupnext.Don’tmakethem
CHAIRMANofit,butinvitethemtocomeandjoinyouinwhatyou’redoing.
“RisRemember”
Everyonewasnewonce.Everyonehadthatfirst
Havecopiesofthe
meeting.Everyonewasonceastranger.Tryto
AuxiliaryTraditions
rememberwhatthisfeltlike.Andthenbegentle.There
handoutatevery
meeting.Ithelps
areanenormousnumberofdetailstoknowaboutVFW
explaincommon
Auxiliary.Therearerulesandthereareguidelinesand
therearesuggestions.It’salot!Rememberthefirsttime practicestheymight
notbefamiliarwith.
youaccidentlywalkedwhentheflagswereinmotion?
OryoutalkedwhentheywereclosingtheBible?Atsome
point,someonesaidtoyou,“Don’tdoTHAT!”
Rememberwhatitfeltlike,andthenbetheSomeonewhogentlysays,“Let
metellaboutwhywedoitthiswaysoyoucandoitbetternexttime.”
“EisforEngage”
OneoftheuniquethingsaboutVFWAuxiliaryisthattherearesomany
differentwaystobecomeinvolvedintheorganization.Everypersonalityand
everypassioncanfindaplaceinVFWAuxiliary.Butinordertohelpthatnew
memberfindhisorherplace,youhavetogettoknowthem.
Takethetimeovercoffeetofigureouthisorherpassionandthenfindaway
togettheminvolvedinthatprogram.Wehaveeverythingfromworkingwith
youthtoservinginhospitalstofundraisingtopublicityandmore!Therewas
something,somephrase,someprojectorprogramthatwasmentionedwhen
theydecidedtojoin.Findoutwhatitis,andyou’llfindouthowtogetthem
involved.
Section 2 “DoIwantamentor?”
ThefirsttimeIrememberneedingamentor,someonetoguideme,wasat
church,andtherewasaspecificwomanIlikedandrespected.ThemoreIgotto
knowher,themoreIwantedhertospeakwisdomintomylife.Ijustdidn’tknow
ifshewouldbewilling.Imadeabigmistake:Ididn’taskher.Ididn’tjustcome
outandsay,“Canwegetcoffee?”or“Doyouwanttogotothiseventwithme?”
Thoughthereisaresponsibilityofthosewhocanandshouldmentortoreach
outtothoseneedingmentors,thementeehasaresponsibilitytodotwothings:
1.Taketheinitiativetogettoknowthoseyouwouldliketoknowbetter.
2.Acceptoffersandinvitationstodothingsandtospendtimewithothers.
Sohowdoyouknowwhenit’stimetoaskthatlongtime,wisemembertoget
coffee?Justassoonasyougetcuriousandstarthavingatonofquestionsabout
howthingsworkandwhattodo.Findthatpersonwhoyourespect,whoseems
openandisalwayshelpful.Thenaskhimorherforsometime,andgetyour
questionsanswered.
BeInformed
Thereisalsosomethingelseyoucandotogrowandbecomemoreinvolved.
Youneedtolearnallyoucanwiththeresourcesavailabletoyou.
1.GetacopyoftheNationalBylawsandreadtheentirething.Yourrights
andresponsibilitiesarecontainedinthatdocument,andyouneedtoknowthem.
2.BesureyoureadallcommunicationsfromAuxiliary,Departmentand
Nationallevels.
3.GototheAuxiliarywebsiteandFacebookpagesoften.Youwillwantto
stayup‐to‐dateonnewsandinformation,www.vfwauxiliary.org.
Section 3 “ShouldourAuxiliarystartamentorprogram?”
EveryAuxiliaryshouldhavesomesortofmentorprogram.Thiscanbedone
formallyorinformally.Themoremembersyouhaveandthemorequicklyyou’re
growingmayindicatethatyouneedtohaveaprocessinplacetogetthosenew
membersinvolvedandincludedassoonaspossible.
Threememberscouldtakethison,perhapsthosewhorememberwellwhat
itfeltliketobenewandwhoknowenoughabouttheorganizationtobehelpful.
(ForasmallerAuxiliary,onepersonmaybeabletohandlethis.)Assoonasa
newmemberisvotedonandaccepted,theirnameandcontactinformation
shouldgotothisteam.Basedonwhattheyknowaboutthisnewmember,
someoneshouldbeassignedtothatmemberforatleastthefirstyear.Itdoesn’t
havetobeamemberofthisteam,butamemberwhowouldbewillingtoreach
outtosomeonenewandshowthemtheropes.
Studiesonnewmembersofanyorganizationshowthatthefirstthree
monthsarecriticaltoengagingthatmemberandthereforekeepingthat
member.
Hereisatimelinetohelpengagenewmembers:
Withinfirstweek:Calloremailthenewmemberintroducingyourself.Offer
yourcontactinformationshouldthatnewmemberhaveanyquestions.Ifyour
AuxiliaryhasawebsiteorFacebookpage,tellthemaboutitsotheycansee
what’sgoingon.
Withinfirstmonth:Invitethisnewmemberassoonaspossibletowhatever
eventiscomingupnext,whetheritbeameetingorsomethingelse.Offertopick
himorherup.Orifit’safamilyevent,besuretosaythatanyonecancome.They
mightfeelmorecomfortablecomingwiththeirfamilyorfriend.
Becausepeopleareverybusythesedays,besuretosendareminderatleast
threedaysoutfromtheevent.
AttheeventoriftheycometothePostHomeforasocialevent,thereisONE
THINGyoucandowhentheystepthroughthatdoor.Ifthenewmembersays,
“HowcanIhelp?”,stoprightthenandthereandfindawayforthemtohelp.DO
NOTtellthem,“Ohdon’tworry,I’vegotit.”Evenifyouarepeelingpotatoesand
you’realmostdone,letthempeelthepotatoes!
Immediatelyfollowingtheevent,sendanemailorhandwrittennotesaying
you’regladtheycame.
Withinfirsttwomonths:YourAuxiliarywillmostlikelyhaveameeting
withinthistimeperiod.Specificallyinviteanewmemberandsavethemaseat.
Haveacopyof“AuxiliaryTraditions”printedoutandexplaineachoftheitems
onit.Muchofitwillbeentirelynewtothem.
Withinfirstthreemonths:Schedulingisdifficult,buttrytomeetupforcoffee
ordrinks,andseeifthenewmemberhasanyquestionsaboutwhattheyhave
beeninvolvedwithsofar.Iftheyhaveafamily,considerhavingthemoverfor
dinner.HaveacopyoftheBylawsavailableincaseaquestioncomesupthatyou
can’tanswer.
Overthenextsixmonths:Continuewiththephonecallsandemails,inviting
himorhertomeetingsandevents.Inthisdayandage,bepatientwithhowthey
choosetocommunicate.Everyonefeelsdifferentlyaboutphones,texts,emails,
Facebookmessaging,etc.Theymaybemorecomfortableorhavebetteraccess
toonethananother.
Seeiftheyhaveanynewideasandbeopentothem.Sendnotesforbirthdays
orthanksyouiftheyhelpedwithanevent.Don’tletamonthgobywithout
reachingouttothatnewmember.
Thegoalwitheachofthesestepsistomaintaincontactwithamemberin
ordertoengagehimorher.Onceyouhaveengagedthatmemberandextended
thathandoffriendship,continuetonurturethatrelationship.Thereissomuch
tolearn,andlearningitfromafriendisthebestwaytodevelopfutureleaders.
BuildingonCommonGround
Mentoringisbasedonrelationships.Nomatterthedifferentbackgrounds
andculturesmembersmaycomefrom,theyallhavesomethingincommon:
veterans.Starteachrelationshipfromthatcommonground,andbuildonitwith
time,patienceandcaring.