University of Cambridge
From the SelectedWorks of Kedar Joshi
Fall September 10, 2016
Death Sentence for the British Royal Family
Kedar Joshi
Available at: https://works.bepress.com/kedar_joshi/51/
Death Sentence for the British Royal Family
The Conviction:
You—the adult members of the British monarchy—are found culpable of knowingly inheriting
and exploiting colossal amount of stolen wealth which came from unrelenting loot, murder and
robbery made by the governments of the British Empire which mainly comprised of
housebreakers, megalomaniacs, xenophobes, chicken-hearted tiger-hunters, and rapists, who
induced unfathomable humiliation, suffering and cruelty to a vast number of immensely
honourable and selfless human beings, such as the Indian independence activists and their
families. The looters came, they looted and they went back. But instead of giving the loot back
to the millions of looted victims—for the real Commonwealth, for the common good—you
seem to thrive on the bloody loot in full awareness. You were expected to live like ordinary men
and women, ordinary as you are. But you rather seem to represent and glorify the looters and
the (true) terrorists—the imperious rulers, such as Queen Victoria—the symbol of the British
Empire. The loot was never returned. The looters went unpunished. You inherited the
monstrous loot and you inherited the horrendous crime. Justice has not been done.
Consequently, you are found worthy of profoundly torturous punishment which shall result in
your death. If you are given mere life imprisonment or death by hanging, it would be a sheer
mockery of justice. In fact, the knowing and willful possession of stolen goods—when the act of
stealing begot such repulsive atrocities which even the Devil would be ashamed of—is itself
sufficient to put you in an extremely special category of felons.
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The Death Sentence:
Every convicted member of the British monarchy is deemed a parasite, in fact Parasite of the
Most Excellent Order.
The object of the punishment is threefold:
1. Utilization of the parasites’ somas as well as their properties for the welfare of the
downtrodden and the needy from the former British colonies
2. Infliction of dreadful torture on the parasites
3. Death of the parasites
An example of the punishment is given below. This example is mainly focused on the
punishment of the parasite Catherine Elizabeth—aka Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge—who is
the epitome of British hypocrisy.
First of all, every parasite shall have their property confiscated. Every parasite shall wear a
prison uniform. Every parasite shall remain in handcuffs and fetters till their death, except
when they are at service such as undergoing surgery in a British hospital to donate a body part.
Every surgery shall be made by a qualified surgeon strictly of English origin. Didn’t the imperial
parasites make an Indian to whip a fellow Indian just so that their own hands did not get dirty?
A failure in compliance shall result in strikingly harsher punishments such as infliction of
nonlethal, pain-inducing electric shocks on the nether regions of the parasite.
Every male parasite shall first be deprived of his manhood through bilateral orchiectomy—
surgical castration resulting in the removal of the testes. This shall hopefully enlighten him as to
how many men must have lost their manhood through insufferable inanition within the walls of
the manly empire. The removed testes may then be used for testicle transplant on the poor and
needy men from the former colonies.
In the Garden at Buckingham Palace, the British monarch—the chief parasite—shall ascend her
true throne: The Donkey. All other parasites—except Catherine Elizabeth—shall be seated on
the ground. Catherine Elizabeth shall be required to provide sex service to the neediest of
men—young as well as old, handsome as well as hideous, neurotic as well as brute, gentle as
well as harsh—from the former colonies whose history is laden with rape and shame. She shall
be placed naked in a newly and purposely built air conditioned chamber right at the centre of
the garden. A team of English sexperts shall supervise the event. I myself shall personally lead
the team. The event may last for quite a few days or even months. Let Catherine Elizabeth—
who is an eminent representative of imperial rapists—experience the true savagery of rape.
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At the end of the event, Catherine Elizabeth shall be taken to a British hospital for receiving the
remaining punishment which shall be given to her in distinct sessions. Every session shall be
live-televised to every other parasite, especially her husband William Arthur Philip Louis, aka
Prince William, Duke of Cambridge. After every session she shall be paraded on the streets of
London along with her castrated husband in prison uniform. Sufficient rest, medication, food
and nutrition shall be given to her in order to make her fit for the next session. Appropriate
anesthesia shall be administered to her in each and every session of surgery.
In the first session, she shall undergo nephrectomy—the surgical removal of a kidney. In the
second session, she shall donate a portion of her liver. In the third session, one of her eyes shall
be removed. In the fourth session, she shall donate her bone marrow. The fifth session shall be
hysterectomy—the surgical removal of the uterus, ovaries, etc. for uterine transplant. The
remaining sessions shall focus on the collection of keratin, collagen and elastin from various
parts of her body—such as hair, skin, ears, teeth, fingers and limbs—which shall be surgically
removed one by one through individual sessions over a very long period of time—a finger
today, a tooth tomorrow, an ear the day after, and so on. The collected material shall be used
for beauty treatments on the young and needy women from the former colonies. She may be
required to undergo an extra session for mastectomy—the surgical removal of one or both
breasts—provided the removed material could prove to be of benefit for a human or a
nonhuman being.
I hope the lawfully induced agony will make her realize that the law is quite indifferent to
politically motivated worldwide displays of compassionate innocence. I also hope that the
moments of intense depression and agony will be good enough to give her some taste of the
degree of brutality the British monarchy once committed to thousands and millions of its
colonial subjects. When she will be robbed of her ovaries and uterus, she might get some better
understanding of the plight of wasted womanhood as men languished in the empire’s prisons.
A surge of enormous enervation shall teach her the horrors of dictated malnourishment and
overwork merrily endured by those who were in the prime of their youth. It is not the royal
visits to the slums of Mumbai but the loss of sight which will open her eyes to the helplessness
of a child plagued by imperial famines. Whenever she will sob for her soon-to-be orphaned
children, she may then as well feel for the little ones from the remote past whose parents
succumbed to the evils of British opportunism. The last session shall remove her second kidney.
Death shall be imminent. Catherine Elizabeth shall then visit the former colonies via British
Airways in the form of separate body parts. This time however her visit will make some real
sense.
The members of the British Armed Forces who swear to defend the British monarchy are also
found guilty. However, they shall be awarded relatively mild punishment—surgical removal of
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one hand (the right hand of the righty, the left hand of the lefty), one leg, one eye, and bilateral
orchiectomy for men and oophorectomy—the surgical removal of ovaries—for women. The
civilians conferred with a British order of chivalry—such as MBE (Member of the Most Excellent
Order of the British Empire)—may be spared from orchiectomy and oophorectomy. But no one
who swears allegiance to the British monarch will be spared from punishment, though
individual circumstances shall certainly be taken into account in deciding the form and the level
of punishment.
Some of the members of the British Armed Forces as well as some of the members of the
British monarchy—such as Charles, Prince of Wales and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall—may be
selected to undergo a vast variety of medical experimentation for the welfare of humanity—
such as an experimentation to investigate how neuroleptic-induced acute akathisia responds to
stimulants like armodafinil. The Prince of Wales and his spouse may additionally be put to tasks
involving cleaning of public sanitation facilities in any of the former colonies. They may
eventually be hanged in public. The British monarch shall ideally be given death only after
witnessing the torture and the death of every other member of the monarchy. And as for the
other hideous parasites like Queen Victoria, Edward VII, George V, George VI, etc., I wish I could
bring them back from the dead and punish them with incalculable humiliation and harrowing
death. All required measures and precautions shall nevertheless be taken to ensure that not
even a hair on the head of a single innocent individual—male or female, English or Scottish,
white or black—is harmed.
You think the punishment meted out to you is barbaric? Indeed it is barbaric. But it is infinitely
better than the mercenary, chauvinistic and inequitable barbarism attemptedly concealed
under the delusive ideals of culture and civilization. The barbaric punishment will be given to
you openly, under the exalted Sun, right at the heart of your imposing capital, and not on some
remote, destitute island, in inhuman, solitary existence. You think the punishment resembles
the punishments from the Dark Ages? It certainly does. But you yourself also resemble the
people from the Dark Ages, don’t you? The Modern Ages stand for democracy. You stand for
monarchy. You have blood on your hands—blood and sweat, tears and curses—of countless
innocent, beautiful and promising men, women and children. The blood is dead. But the curses
are alive.
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You shall serve the sentence in due course of time. You may walk as free men and women till
your service begins. But remember I have an eye on you. You will meet your doom. There is no
escape, mark my words. Finally I believe the punishment will give some justice to the departed
souls whose terrifying screams of pain once reverberated in the darkest dungeons of mindless
brutality and imperialist arrogance.
The Lord Chief Justice
The Divine Courts of Justice
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Select bibliography
1.
2.
3.
4.
Republic (political organisation) website (https://republic.org.uk/)
The British Royal Family website (https://www.royal.uk/)
Victoria ( r. 1837-1901), royal.uk (https://www.royal.uk/victoria-r-1837-1901)
From a mute witness to a National Memorial
(http://www.andamans.gov.in/html/cellular.html)
5. Cellular Jail Savarkar Andaman & Nicobar Kaala Pani - Real Story of Andaman Islands,
Published on 9 March 2012. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHXZMNjitZA)
6. CELLULAR JAIL :WITNESS TO GORY SUFFERINGS OF FREEDOM FIGHTERS, by O.N. Jaiswal
(http://pib.nic.in/feature/feyr98/fe0898/f1808987.html)
7. Cellular Jail - A National Memorial... (http://db.and.nic.in/cellularjail/home.html)
8. Chapekar brothers, the English Wikipedia, 27 August 2016.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Chapekar_brothers&oldid=736448651)
9. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (From 10th to 16th April 2016 The Duke and
Duchess of Cambridge made an Official visit to India and Bhutan), by The British
Monarchy (https://www.flickr.com/photos/britishmonarchy/sets/72157666749087890)
10. The Wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton, by The British Monarchy,
Uploaded on 29 April 2011. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=schQZY3QjCw)
11. Order of the British Empire, the English Wikipedia, 7 September 2016.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Order_of_the_British_Empire&oldid=7382
43104)
12. HOW THE BRITISH RUINED INDIA, by Dr. V.V. Bedekar, V.Y.Sardesai
(http://www.srimatham.com/uploads/5/5/4/9/5549439/how_the_british_ruined_india
_.pdf)
13. The Ruin of India by British Rule: Being the Report of the Social-Democratic Federation
to the International Socialist Congress at Stuttgart, Twentieth Century Press, 1907.
14. The Bengal Famine: How the British engineered the worst genocide in human history for
profit, by Rakhi Chakraborty, 15 August 2014. (https://yourstory.com/2014/08/bengalfamine-genocide/)
15. How a Nation Is Exploited – The British Empire in Burma, Published by Le Progrès
Civique, 4 May 1929 (http://www.theorwellprize.co.uk/the-orwell-prize/orwell/essaysand-other-works/how-a-nation-is-exploited-the-british-empire-in-burma/)
16. Imprison the Royal Family and Abolish the Monarchy, by Hamilton Nolan, 22 July 2013.
(http://gawker.com/imprison-the-royal-family-and-abolish-the-monarchy-867576501)
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17. Life imprisonment in England and Wales, the English Wikipedia, 27 August 2016.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Life_imprisonment_in_England_and_Wale
s&oldid=736419619)
18. Possession of stolen goods, the English Wikipedia, 17 May 2016.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Possession_of_stolen_goods&oldid=72071
1024)
19. “The British Government in India has not only deprived the Indian people of their
freedom, but has debased it economically, politically, culturally, and spiritually. We
believe that India must sever the British connection and attain purna swarajya, or
complete independence...We hold it to be a crime against man and God to submit any
longer to the rule that has caused this disaster to our country.” – Indian National
Congress , “Independence Day Resolution,” January 20, 1930. Cited in The British
Empire, ed. Jane Sampson. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2001, 245-246
20. “India was the motherland of our race, and Sanskrit the mother of Europe's languages:
she was the mother of our philosophy; mother, through the Arabs, of much of our
mathematics; mother, through the Buddha, of the ideals embodied in Christianity;
mother, through the village community, of self-government and democracy. Mother
India is in many ways the mother of us all.” – Will Durant, The Case for India (1931)
21. “No Indian ever went outside his own country on a warlike expedition, so righteous
were they.” – Arrian, Anabasis Alexandri, Book VII : Indica, as translated by Edgar Iliff
Robson (1929), p. 18
22. “Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the Act
depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest.” – Mahatma Gandhi, "An
Autobiography OR The story of my experiments with truth", Chapter 27, Recruiting
Campaign, from a leaflet urging Indians to serve with the British Army in World War II.
23. “If I were asked under what sky the human mind has most fully developed some of its
choicest gifts, has most deeply pondered over the greatest problems of life, and has
found solutions of some of them which well deserve the attention even of those who
have studied Plato and Kant, I should point to India. And if I were to ask myself from
what literature we who have been nurtured almost exclusively on the thoughts of
Greeks and Romans, and of the Semitic race, the Jewish, may draw the corrective which
is most wanted in order to make our inner life more perfect, more comprehensive, more
universal, in fact more truly human a life... again I should point to India.” – Friedrich Max
Müller, India, What Can It Teach Us (1882) Lecture IV
24. “India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of
history, the grandmother of legend, the great-grandmother of tradition, whose
yesterdays bear date with the mouldering antiquities of the rest of the nations…the one
land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give
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that glimpse for the shows of all the rest of the globe combined.” – Mark Twain,
Following the Equator (1897), Ch. XXXVIII
25. “The Portuguese, Dutch and English have been for a long time year after year, shipping
home the treasures of India in their big vessels. We Germans have been all along been
left to watch it. Germany would do likewise, but hers would be treasures of spiritual
knowledge.” – Heinrich Heine, India and World Civilization By D. P. Singhal - Pan
Macmillan Limited. 1993 part II p. 234 and 327
26. “He who dares not offend cannot be honest.” – Thomas Paine, The Forester's Letters,
Letter III—'To Cato', Pennsylvania Journal (24 April 1776).
27. “But where says some is the King of America? I'll tell you Friend, he reigns above, and
doth not make havoc of mankind like the Royal Brute of Britain.” – Thomas Paine, as
quoted in Common Sense (1776).
28. “He—George III of the United Kingdom—has waged cruel war against human nature
itself, violating its most sacred rights of life and liberty in the persons of a distant people
who never offended him, captivating and carrying them into slavery in an other
hemisphere, or to incur miserable death in their transportation thither.” – Thomas
Jefferson, Declaration of Independence of the United States of America (1776). Known
as the "anti-slavery clause", this section drafted by Thomas Jefferson was removed from
the Declaration at the behest of representatives of South Carolina.
29. “The British monarchy inculcates unthinking credulity and servility. It forms a heavy
layer on the general encrustation of our unreformed political institutions. It is the gilded
peg from which our unlovely system of social distinction and hierarchy depends. It is an
obstacle to the objective public discussion of our own history. It tribalises politics. It
entrenches the absurdity of the hereditary principle. It contributes to what sometimes
looks like an enfeeblement of the national intelligence, drawing from our press and
even from some of our poets the sort of degrading and abnegating propaganda that
would arouse contempt if displayed in Zaire or Romania. It is, in short, neither dignified
nor efficient.” – Christopher Hitchens, The Monarchy: A Critique of Britain's Favourite
Fetish (1990), Random House.
30. “People in England are the most illiterate in the developed world with many students
graduating with only a basic grasp of English and math.” – Brendan Cole, "Young people
in England have 'lowest literacy levels' in developed world says OECD" (29 January
2016), International Business Times, United Kingdom.
31. “So I went to the top lady. And I was sobbing and I said, ‘What do I do? I'm coming to
you. What do I do?’... And she said, ‘I don't know what you should do. Charles is
hopeless.’ And that was it. That was help! So I didn't go back to her again for help
because I don't go back again if I don't get it the first time, right.” – Diana, Princess of
Wales to voice coach Peter Settelen in 1992, as quoted in Tapes reveal more from
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Princess Diana: NBC News exclusive: Inside the life of the late icon, NBC News,
November 30, 2004
32. “Myself, I wish her well and also wish I could whisper to her: If you really love him,
honey, get him out of there, and yourself, too. Many of us don't want or need another
sacrificial lamb to water the dried bones and veins of a dessicated system. Do yourself a
favor and save what you can: Leave the throne to the awful next incumbent that the
hereditary principle has mandated for it.” – Christopher Hitchens, Beware the In-Laws:
Does Kate Middleton really want to marry into a family like this?, Slate, April. 18, 2011
33. “Great Britain is India’s enemy, not friend. Great Britain is a great thief who once broke
into the Indian house, stole gigantic amounts of valuable stuff, tortured, humiliated and
butchered incalculable, innocent people, and simply went back. If someone breaks into
my house with weapons and armour, grabs my wealth and my possessions, rapes my
wife and my sisters, kills my brothers and my uncles, and goes away, will I just be
content and celebrate my freedom from the thief or will I rush after the thief, get all of
my stuff back, and make sure the thief is punished and get justice??” – Kedar Joshi
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