CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
Unit One
UNIT ONE:
Building Positive Relationships with Children
The quality of nurturing and stimulation that a child
receives in the first few years of life can have
effects on development that can last a lifetime.
~Voices for Children
As we learn more about children and how they develop, we understand more clearly the
role of early relationships. Warm, nurturing relationships based on respect,
understanding and acceptance are essential for children’s optimal social and emotional
development and also influence other areas of their development.
In this unit, you will explore the role of relationships in guiding children’s behavior and
caregiver behaviors that create positive environments for young children.
OBJECTIVES:
On successful completion of this unit, you should be able to:
 Discuss caregiver-child relationships and their influence on children’s
social-emotional development.
 Describe caregiver behaviors that develop and maintain positive
relationships with children
 Describe non-verbal strategies to communicate positive messages to
children.
 Identify characteristics of positive and negative verbal environments.
 Discuss adult styles of interaction and their effects on children’s behavior.
 Discuss the importance of responsive interactions.
 Describe strategies that help children identify emotions.
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As you enter the room, you hear a child crying and an
adult’s voice loudly and harshly calling out, “Jeremy!!”
Then, “Use your words!” No hitting our friends.” The
caregiver gets up from the table where she has been
preparing name tags for the children’s cubbies. Rushing
over to a child, she roughly takes him by the arm while
saying, “What do you think you’re doing? When are you
ever going to learn? You are really being a bully. Children
who can’t play nicely need to be by themselves for a while.
You know the rule. Stay here and think about how you can
be a better friend.” as she forcefully places the child on a
pile of large pillows. She returns to the table to continue
working on the name tags.
Looking around the room, you see toys scattered on the
floor throughout the room, a group of children throwing
Lego at one other, and one child lying in an emptied
shelving unit. A child running past you from one end of the
room to the other bumps into another child, knocking him
to the floor. He lets out a loud wail. You hear loud screams
coming from what seems to be the sand center. Between
the music coming from the CD, the screams and crying, and
the caregivers’ voices, the noise level is so high; you can
hardly hear yourself think.
The noise level is so high, you can hardly hear yourself
Imagine you are the person who has entered this setting. Your impression might
think.
be that it is chaotic, the children are out-of-control and the adult in this room
doesn’t care. You might feel the program is not much more than a custodial
parking lot for children.
Now, imagine that you are a parent of a child in this program. One of your first
questions might be, “Is my child safe here?” You might also wonder, “What is
my child learning? Will my child start to imitate the behavior of other children?
Will my child get the attention and affection she needs? Will these adults model
the behavior I value and, will they support and guide my child?”
Now imagine you are one of the children in this environment. What might be
some of your feelings? What might be your feelings if you were Jeremy, the child
in the scenario?
Clearly there are problems in this setting. You will look at this scenario
throughout this course and discover some of the factors that may be contributing
to the children’s behavior described in this scenario.
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More families than ever rely on early childhood programs to support them in
child-rearing. And, many children spend most of their waking hours in some
form of child care, some from the very first weeks of life. With many different
research studies highlighting the critical importance of early experiences on
children’s long-term development, we know that the quality of care and the
impact of the care provided are significant.
In the scenario you have just read, the caregiver needs help to better meet the
needs of the children in her care. Contrast the tone of that environment with this
description of high quality environments where children’s growth and
development are supported.
“An appropriate environment for young children is relaxed
and playful. Children follow their own curiosity as they
freely but respectfully explore objects, toys, and materials in
the environment. They move about, chatter peacefully,
laugh, and occasionally argue as they explore human social
interactions and learn reasonable limits.” (Miller, 2004, p.13)
Miller goes on to describe, “High-quality early childhood settings look so simple
that it is easy to underestimate the importance of the interactions there.” (p.13).
We know that how caregivers interact with children influences the quality of the
relationships they form with children. We also know that the quality of these
relationships has implications for children’s learning and social-emotional
development in early childhood and beyond.
RESEARCH
All children need close relationships that provide love and nurturance, security
and responsive interactions. Early childhood practitioners have an excellent
opportunity to meet these needs and form strong, positive relationships with
children. In fact, building positive relationships with young children is an
essential task and a foundational component of good teaching (Joseph & Strain,
2006). As Howes and Ritchie describe, “The quality of children’s early
relationships with their teachers [is] . . . an important predictor of these children’s
future social relations with peers, their behavior problems, and school satisfaction
and achievement” (as cited in Kaiser, 2007, p.58).
Research consistently shows that:
 Children who rate high in peer aggression, disruption, and social
withdrawal also have a poor relationship with their teachers, a
relationship that lacks closeness and is fraught with conflict (Howes,
2000).
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 Children who rate high in prosocial behavior with peers have positive,
secure, close relationships with their teachers (Howes, 2000).
Adults’ time and attention are very important to children, and we need to be sure
that we are giving them that time and attention at times other than when they are
engaging in challenging behavior.
Numerous studies have shown that:
 children whose teachers “showed warmth and respect toward them (e.g.
teachers who listened when children talked to them, made eye contact,
treated children fairly) developed positive and competent peer
relationships” (Ostrosky & Jung, 2006).
 a positive adult-child relationship built on trust, understanding, and caring
fosters children’s cooperation and motivation (Webster-Stratton, 1999).
 when a child has a secure, positive, trusting relationship with an adult, the
adult’s influence on the child’s behavior increases, the child behaves in
ways that ensure continuing positive attention from the adult (Joseph &
Strain, 2006).
 when children feel emotionally secure with the teacher, they can use her
as a secure base and a resource for exploring the learning opportunities of
the classroom (Howes, 2000).
 responsive adults who are sensitive to children’s needs and abilities create
environments in which children are supported and thrive
BUILDING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Why are relationships important?
1. The relationships that we build with children, families, and colleagues are
at the foundation of everything we do.
2. Children learn and develop in the context of relationships that are
responsive, consistent, and nurturing.
3. Children with the most challenging behaviors especially need close,
nurturing relationships, and yet their behaviors often prevent them from
benefiting from those relationships.
Joseph and Strain (2006) suggest that relationship-building is like depositing
money in a piggybank. “Whenever teachers and caregivers engage in strategies to
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build positive relationships, it is as if they are “making a deposit” in a child’s
relationship piggy bank. Conversely, when adults make demands, nag, or criticize
children, it is as if they are making a relationship withdrawal.” Every time you
hug a child, show approval, smile, or listen carefully to a child, you are making
deposits in the child’s “bank.”
How can you build a positive relationship with each child in your program?
 Express genuine warmth and affection to children
Smiles, laughter, voice tone, words of endearment, encouragement, and
many types of physical contact are some of the many ways to express
warmth and affection. Show children that you are happy they are there.
Smile and laugh with the children. Provide warm, responsive, appropriate
physical contact in ways that are sensitive to children’s individual
preferences, family and cultural background, and temperament.
 Get to know each child.
 Learn about each child’s unique qualities – what they like to do, how
they learn best, what skills they are developing, what challenges they
face, and with whom they like to be (Dodge, 2010, p. 146).
 Learn and remember personal information about each child (e.g., best
friend’s name, pet’s name, siblings, activities they do outside of the
program, their names for grandparents or other family members) and
use this information in your conversations with them.
 Know the child’s background and culture, preferences and
temperament.
 Know what interests each child and talk to the child about those
interests.
 Know what makes them happy, anxious, sad, or angry and respect their
feelings.
 Respect each child’s approach to situations and people.
 Observe, observe, observe. Make purposeful observations an everyday
practice. Set yourself the goal of knowing every child in your
classroom well enough to be able to answer the question, “How is this
child special?”
 Talk with children respectfully.
 Have one-to-one conversations with each child as often as possible and
show your genuine interest.
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Unit One
Ask yourself, “Would I talk this way to someone I care about?”
(Dodge, 2010, p.146).
Interact with respect and courtesy, always.
Talk with each child just as you would talk with an adult. Avoid
talking down or using baby talk.
Listen attentively and actively to children when they speak to you, and
respond appropriately to their questions.
Talk to the child seriously, when the topic is serious or important to the
child.
 Be sensitive to children’s feelings.
 Show empathy –let the child know you understand of the feelings
behind his words or behavior
 Show that you value children unconditionally.
 Pay attention to each individual child.
 Spend time with children doing what they enjoy doing.
 Use positive, affirming statements to acknowledge children for their
accomplishments and effort.
As Jim Greenman (1996) describes, good care for young children is provided
when “Each child has a caregiver who develops a special relationship of mutual
trust and respect with that child and his or her parents. Each child is cared for
in a warm and affectionate manner that best suits his or particular nature.”
To flourish, every child needs to feel accepted and valued. Remember. . . you can
value and respect person without necessarily accepting their behavior. You can
respect and care about Aiden, for example, but you do not accept his behavior
when he throws sand at other children. Aiden needs to know that he is accepted
no matter what he does. It is his action that is not accepted.
In positive relationships, each child is unconditionally valued. “Unconditional
positive regard means full acceptance of the child as a developing human being
despite mistaken behaviors that the child might show” (Gartrell, 2003, p.122). A
child gains an essential feeling of belonging because he knows that you accept
him just the way he is, Children want to please the people who love them and who
they love. Without a warm, close relationship, a child has no reason to want to
behave in an acceptable way—except to avoid punishment.
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GOOD CARE FOR CHILDREN
Every child learns that:
no matter how young
no matter how old
no matter how messy
no matter how fussy
no matter how angry
no matter how active, no matter
what,
He or she will be loved and well-cared for.
Sometimes it’s too easy to see some children in a negative light or to focus on a
child’s negative behavior instead of focusing on the times when the child’s
behavior is exemplary. Sometimes we need to reframe our picture of a specific
child. We can start by asking: What is positive about this child? What are the
child’s strengths? And we can answer the question, “How is this child special?”
Or we can change our perception of a child by mentally transforming negative
characteristics into positive attributes. For example:
Instead of bossy The child has leadership qualities or is assertive, when he needs to be.
Instead of aggressiveThe child likes rough-and-tumble play or is energetic.
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Instead of uncooperativeThe child is independent or sets his own goals.
Instead of fussy –
The child is a detail person.
(Adapted from: New Zealand Ministry of Education, 1998)
One of the most important assets you can bring to your work with young children
is a positive attitude. This includes your ability to see each child in a positive
light. By being positive, you are showing children your respect and acceptance.
You are strengthening their self-esteem. A positive climate encourages children
to accept and respect other children and adults. In this climate, inappropriate
behavior is minimized, and children are accepting of adults’ guidance.
BUILDING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION
Nonverbal communication involves actions rather than words. “It includes facial
expressions, hand and arm gestures, postures, positions in space and various
movements of the body, legs, and feet” (Kostelnik, 2002, p.61). Nonverbal
communication helps clarify the total meaning of the message whether it is one
that builds positive relationships or one that is intended to guide children’s
behavior.
Non-verbal communication is a significant part of our everyday interactions with
others. From infancy onward, children are very sensitive to tone of voice, facial
expressions, gestures, and touch. They rely heavily on these nonverbal ways to
interact with others before verbal language is well developed. As children grow
and learn, they become more able to understand and use spoken words. They also
begin to learn and use, through imitation and direct teaching, culturally specific
nonverbal ways of communicating such as how respect is shown or emotions are
expressed.
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!
Shari, age five, clearly understood the message conveyed by
her mother, who stood stiffly with feet apart, hands on
hips, scowling from the doorway as she viewed a clutter of
baking supplies spilled on the counters and shelves where
Shari was playing. Like most children, Shari could quickly
interpret the meaning of her mother’s stance and facial
expression. (Kostelnik, 2002, p.61)
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Without saying anything, Shari’s mother made it clear that she was not happy.
Most of us, like Shari, would be able to accurately interpret her mother’s body
language and facial expression. Although many non-verbal messages are common
to different cultures and do not depend on the situation, sometimes they may
communicate a message different from the one intended. Avoiding direct eye
contact, for example, is a sign of respect in many cultures; in others, not looking
at the speaker could be interpreted as boredom, lack of interest, or a lack of
respect. Sometimes non-verbal messages can also be confusing or ambiguous
such as when facial expression and tone of voice do not match.
Some research has shown that “Only a small portion of the message of liking a
child is conveyed by words: much more of the message is communicated by vocal
characteristics and most by facial expression (Meharabian, 1972). Warmth is
communicated entirely nonverbally (Gazda, 1999). Other attitudes that are the
basis of positive relationships – acceptance, respect, genuine interest and caring—
“are also made clear to children nonverbally” (Kostelnik, 2002, p.71).
Let’s look at how caregivers can demonstrate warmth and show that they like and
respect a child nonverbally.

Stand, sit, stoop, or squat close to the child, not more than an arm’s
length away. Position yourself so that your head is at the same level as
the child’s and face the child directly. Adults who want to communicate
caring and concern are more likely to approach the child and interact close
to them rather than from a distance.

Maintain frequent but not continuous eye contact. This is normal
listening behavior and demonstrates your interest in the child.

Smiling and a relaxed facial expression and body indicate warmth and
interest.

Speak in a relaxed, comfortable tone with normal pitch, speed, and
volume (Kostelnik, 2002, p.79).

Use touch to communicate in positive ways. Cuddle, gently stroke,
caress, give pats of affection, or hold children in sensitive ways that respect
their temperament, culture, and personal preference. Remember, that in
some cultures patting a child on the head is very offensive. Remember too,
that touch for some children is irritating and over stimulating. Knowing
each child well is important.
WATCH the video clip Fostering Trusting Relationships
http://www.easternct.edu/cece/guidance_training_seg1_obj3.html
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On the other hand. . . “Coolness, aloofness, or the absence of warmth is
communicated by fidgeting, turning away, a mask expression, a sharp tone of
voice, or standing up and looking or moving far away. Maximum coldness can be
communicated by crossing the arms or legs and either staring or failing to
maintain normal conversational eye contact. The overall impression is either
tense or carelessly offhand. Unfortunately, adults who are unsure of themselves
or who are afraid of doing the wrong thing also may behave in this manner.
Children and other adults may misinterpret this behavior as uncaring and
uninterested” (Kostelnik, 2002, p. 71). As the following scenario describes,
children may also interpret this behavior as being angry or upset, especially, angry
or upset with them.
Elena, a preschool teacher in a child care center, took her
youngsters outside to play early one summer morning to avoid the
midday heat and humidity. As the children played happily, Elena
looked up and noticed swarms of hungry mosquitoes circling in clusters
near the eaves of the building.
She stood silently with her arms tightly folded across her chest,
staring at the buzzing dive bombers wondering what she should do.
Should she take the children back inside? Should she spray the
children with insect repellent?
She felt a tug at her skirt. Willie, a three-year-old who had been
riding around Elena on a tricycle and watching her carefully, blurted
out in a sad voice, “Miss Elena, how come you’re mad at me?”
Willie read Elena’s body language and sensed tension and frustration.
Since he was a normally developing preoperational child, he naturally
(and egocentrically) assumed that he was the cause of Elena’s
unhappiness. Elena had not realized the effect her nonverbal body
language could have on the children around her. Since the vocabulary
and language comprehension skills of young children are so limited,
their understanding of their environment hinges on their ability to be
very alert to nonverbal cues from those around them. (Miller, 2004,
p.201)
Professionals who are mindful of their own and other’s nonverbal messages
think about these deliberately, and consider culture, the specific setting and
situation, and the developmental level of children involved. . . . deliberate
choices of nonverbal messages enable the adult to be more sensitive to children
and more effective when communicating emotions and expectations.
(Kostelnik, 2002, p.75)
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LEARNING ACTIVITY: Now, please complete Part A of Unit
One: Learning Activity 1—Building Positive Relationships. It is in
the “Learning Activities” folder for this unit.
Children become adept at nonverbal communication by interacting with skillful
adults. In addition, children are more likely to learn from people who show them
acceptance, genuineness, warmth, and respect and who show sincere interest in
them. All of these attitudes are made tangible to children by non-verbal means.
(Kostelnik, 2002, p. 62)
BUILDING POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH VERBAL
COMMUNICATION
How caregivers speak to children reveals a great deal about their attitudes toward
children and the quality of their relationships with them. What they say, how they
say it, how much is said, who talks and who listens in caregivers’ interactions
with children can build positive relationships or damage them. The ways
caregivers communicate can either demonstrate warmth, respect, acceptance, and
empathy or coldness, disrespect, rejection, and insensitivity. They can help
children feel that they are lovable and competent or create feelings of doubt,
shame and insecurity.
Caregivers create verbal environments in the ways they communicate with both
children and other adults. These environments can be either positive or negative.
Negative verbal environments are ones in which children feel unworthy,
unlovable, insignificant, or incompetent as a result of what adults do or do not say
to them. Because children are receiving messages that they are not valued, their
feelings of trust and respect for their caregivers are affected. Relationships are
strained and the bond between the child and caregiver is weak. Many of children’s
challenging behaviors are the result of poor relationships created by the ways
caregivers communicate with children.
Marjorie Kostelnik in Guiding Children’s Social Development: Theory to
Practice (2004) outlines the following adult behaviors that contribute to negative
verbal environments:
1. Adults show little or no interest in children’s activities.
When standing near children, they do not talk with them and respond only
grudgingly to children’s attempts to initiate an interaction. In addition,
caregivers misuse time designated for interaction with children by talking
more with each other than with the children.
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2. Adults are discourteous when speaking with children.
They interrupt the child who is speaking to them as well as children who are
talking to each other. They expect children to respond to their requests
immediately and do not allow them to finish what they are doing or saying.
Their tone may be demanding, impatient or belligerent, and they neglect such
social niceties as saying, “Excuse me,” “Please”, and “Thank you.”
3. Adults use sarcasm in talking with children.
Young children simply do not understand sarcasm and will not develop the
cognitive ability to understand its meaning and intent until late in their
primary school years. Often, sarcastic remarks make children the butt of a
joke or otherwise establish the adult’s superiority.
4. Adults use judgmental language in describing children to themselves and
to others.
They may label the child as “hyper”, “selfish”, “greedy”, “a motor mouth”,
“grabby”, or “klutzy”. Typical demeaning remarks include “He’s such a
brat”; “She’s so spoiled”; “You’re always acting like a baby”; “She’ll never
learn”. These comments sometimes are said directly to the child and
sometimes they are said to another person (parent or caregiver) within the
child’s hearing. In either case, children are treated as though they have no
feelings or as if they were invisible.
5. Adults talk to children primarily to give directions
(“Sit in your chair.”; “Everybody get your coats off and settle down for
lunch.”), state rules (”no fighting”, “one person at a time”, “no running”) and
change behavior. Very few interactions are conversations.
6. Adults ask questions for which no real answer is expected or desired and
are sarcastic.
Typical questions might include “What do you think you’re doing?” “Didn’t I
tell you not to get your feet wet?” “Did you leave your brain at home today?”
Regardless of how the children respond, their answers are viewed as
disrespectful or unwelcome. Children soon learn that these remarks are not
real invitations to relate to the adult.
7. Adults use children’s names as synonyms for the words no, stop, or don’t.
They bark out “Keith” or “Andrea” as a reprimand, causing children to
associate the most personal part of themselves, their name, with disapproval
or rejection. When using this tactic, adults seldom take the time to describe
the child’s objectionable behavior or to clarify the reason for their angry voice
tone.
8. Adults belittle children’s efforts and accomplishments.
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Their words focus on what children can’t do, not on the strengths they display.
Adults make fun of children for not doing things right or they scold children
for not meeting their standards.
9. Adult praise is insincere or destructive. Complimentary remarks are
always the same.
“Good job”, or “Well done”, with no differentiation from child to child or
situation to situation. Phrases like these are usually stated in an offhand or
overly sweet tone.
Praise is often used to manipulate children into doing what adults want.
For example, “You’re so good at sitting. Can’t you sit just a little while
longer?” Or praise serves to build one child up at the expense of another.
“Look at Jena. She’s the best cleaner upper in the room. Why can’t the rest of
you work as hard as she does?”(pp. 90-92).
Positive verbal environments, on the other hand, are ones in which
children experience socially rewarding interactions with the adults present.
Adult verbalizations are aimed at satisfying children’s needs and making the
children feel valued. At all times, when speaking to children, adults concern
themselves not only with the informational content of their words, but with
the affective (emotional) impact their speech will have as well. (Kostelnik,
2002, p.92)
Positive verbal environments are created when caregivers:
 Become actively engaged with children.
 Use words to show children they are interested in them and are aware of
their activities.
 Actively listen to what children have to say and concentrate on their words.
 Speak courteously to children.
 Avoid making judgmental comments about children either to them or within
their hearing.
 Talk with each child informally.
 Use children’s interests as a basis for conversation.
 Encourage children to express their ideas.
 Ask thought provoking varied questions.
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 Use children’s names in positive ways.
 Use words to encourage children, to relieve frustration, and to provide
guidance.
 Praise children in ways that are sincere and constructive.
(Kostelnik, 2002, pp.92-93)
Children’s interactions with other people, especially the significant people in their
lives, shape their behaviors, their self-confidence, and their self-esteem. Children
learn to trust, to feel good about themselves, and are motivated to behave in
socially responsible ways when:
 You are encouraging rather than discouraging.
 You are positive rather than negative.
 You are warm and accepting rather than demeaning.
 You are supportive rather than punitive.
Other specific descriptions of nurturing caregiving behaviors are included at the end
of this unit.
For further reading: Positive Verbal Environments: Setting the
Stage for Young Children’s Social Development by Meece and
Soderman included in the Readings folder for this unit.
LEARNING ACTIVITY: Now, please complete Parts B and C
of Unit One: Learning Activity 1--Building Positive Relationships
in this unit’s “Learning Activities” folder.
Caring for young children in group settings can be challenging. But, we also
know the important role child care plays in supporting children’s growth and
development. Caregivers who understand the importance of their role in
supporting children’s social and emotional development strive to form positive
relationships with each child in their program.
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ADULT INTERACTIONS WITH CHILDREN . . .
AUTHORITARIAN PERMISSIVE, OR AUTHORITATIVE?
Think about how you were raised. Were your parents really strict or were they
permissive? Were you expected to be obedient? Were your parents warm and
affectionate? As you read each statement below, decide how much you agree
with it and write a number 1 – 5 to show your level of agreement.
1 = strongly disagree
2 = disagree
3 = neutral 4 = agree
5 = strongly agree
____
Children need discipline that hurts a little so they will remember the lesson later.
____
Childhood is so short that adults should do everything they can to make it a
happy time.
____
It is better not to have rules because children just break them anyway.
____
Children should always obey their parents and teachers.
____
Children should be offered choices, e.g. You have to wear a hat but you can wear
the red one or the blue one.
____
If we want children to respect us; we must first treat them with respect.
____
Children can get along pretty well on their own if adults just leave them alone.
____
Adults should make the rules and children should be punished for breaking rules.
____
Children need to learn what they can and cannot do but we don’t have to use
punishment to teach them.
____
When children are young, adults should do as much for them as possible (e.g.
dressing them, serving their food).
____
Adults should set firm expectations for children and consistently enforce those
limits.
____
It is better to “give a little” and maintain peace than to stand firm and provoke a
“battle” with a child.
____
If adults provide a good environment, children will pretty much raise themselves.
(Adapted from Le Febvre, 2006; Popkin, 1987)
For decades now, educators, psychologists, and others have been interested in
how adult interactions with young children influence their behavior and social
development. Although much of the research has involved parent interactions
with children, the results have important implications for any adult who works
with children.
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What does the research tell us? Studies done in the 1960’s by psychologist Diana
Baumrind examined how parents’ interactions with their children affect children’s
behavior. Baumrind’s initial work focused on the parent-child relationship. Later
studies examined other adult-child interactions, including ones between teacher
and child, and found similar results – how adults interact with and discipline
children fall into four main styles and have a major influence on children’s
behavior and their personality development. Based on the differences in amount
of nurturing, and the amount and type of control over children’s behavior, four
common styles have been identified: authoritarian (or autocratic),
authoritative, permissive, and unengaged (detached or uninvolved). Each style
affects children’s behavior and social-emotional development in very different
ways.
Whether they are parents or caregivers, “some adults are warm and accepting
while others are unresponsive or even rejecting. Some adults are demanding and
expect a great deal of the child, while others are permissive and demand very
little. [Adults] vary on how they balance these two dimensions – demandingness
and responsiveness” (Pitzer, 2000, p.1).
The following chart shows how the four styles of adult behavior fit into these
dimensions of demandingness and responsiveness (control and warmth).
Let’s look at how responsiveness and demandingness are described.
Responsiveness (love, warmth, nurturance)
Responsiveness is the extent to which adults respond to the child's needs in an
accepting, supportive manner. It is a very powerful force in the development of
children, and most children probably do not get enough. Responsiveness helps
children feel loved, secure, and cared about and it fosters children's acceptance of
adult’s guidance and direction. There are many ways to nurture children,
including listening attentively, spending time with children, being available, and
giving more attention to behaviors that are appropriate and less to those that are
annoying or inappropriate ("catch them being good").
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
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Demandingness (discipline, control)
Demandingness is the extent to which an adult expects responsible behavior from
children. This dimension includes both setting and enforcing rules or limits.
Ideally, rules or limits are clear, reasonable, developmentally appropriate, fair and
just, mutually agreed upon, flexible, and emphasize what to do rather than what
not to do. Enforcement of rules is much more than just punishment. Punishment is
probably the least effective of the alternatives available. Monitoring and
understanding children's behavior, preventing misbehavior, and encouraging good
behavior are more effective tools (Pitzer, 2000).
Authoritarian or autocratic adults are demanding but not very responsive
Authoritative adults are equally responsive and demanding
Permissive adults are responsive but not at all demanding
Adults who are neither demanding nor responsive are unengaged, or uninvolved.
THE FOUR STYLES OF INTERACTING
Authoritarian adults are highly demanding and less warm and nurturing
toward children than others. They are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect
their orders to be obeyed without explanation. (Cherry, n.d.) They try to make
children conform to a set standard of conduct and punish them arbitrarily and
forcefully for violating it (Papalia, 2004). Their philosophy is “Do what I tell you,
or else.” For these adults, discipline equals punishment.
Authoritarian adults tend to focus on short-term control of children, and therefore
possess fewer actual guidance skills than authoritative adults. Their expectations
of children are often unrealistic because they tend not to understand children’s
development. They develop arbitrary limits and state them poorly and they
usually do not monitor or supervise children’s activities very well. A
combination of negative guidance strategies such as harsh corporal punishment,
threats, lies, shame, ridicule or sarcasm, withdrawal of affection, and refusal or
inability to teach a different way to behave are used by authoritarian adults.
Authoritarian adults have high demands, but they are not responsive to their
children. They are not usually warm, accepting, or encouraging. Instead, they
criticize children, are less praising, and are often cold or indifferent toward them.
Authoritative adults are “. . . loving and accepting, but also expect good
behavior, are firm in maintaining standards. . . within the context of a warm,
supportive relationship” (Papalia, 2004, p.288). They expect developmentally
appropriate behavior, set and maintain reasonable, fair limits, and closely
supervise and monitor children's activities. They understand children’s
development and tend to have realistic expectations of children of different ages.
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
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Authoritative adults communicate simply, kindly, firmly, and consistently. They
“are firm and assertive, but not intrusive, and use guidance strategies that are
positive and supportive rather than punitive” (Darling, 1999, p.2).
Authoritative adults explain why behavioral guidelines are necessary and are
confident in their ability to guide children. When children fail to meet their
expectations, these adults are more nurturing and forgiving than punishing.
Persuasion, not force, and simple and clear reasons are used to help children
understand.
Authoritative adults “respect children’s independent decisions, interests, opinions,
and personalities” (Papalia, 2004, p.288). They show genuine pride in children’s
accomplishments. Because authoritative adults are warm, positive, encouraging,
and accepting, this style:
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helps children feel safe and secure
helps children feel competent and confident enough to behave
appropriately
encourages children to be self-responsible
fosters healthy self-control
encourages children to be empathic
Permissive adults allow children to regulate their own behavior and to make
their own decisions. They establish very few guidelines and make few demands
for mature behavior. Controls or restrictions are avoided and permissive adults
have a tolerant, accepting attitude toward the child's impulses, even aggressive
ones.
These adults "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are
nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable
self-regulation, and avoid confrontation" (Cherry, n.d.).
Permissive adults may establish some guidelines for behavior but these limits are
often inappropriate and permissive adults are inconsistent about enforcing them.
For example, they may ask children to take responsibility for everyday tasks such
as tidying up the block play area, but if the children refuse or ignore the request;
these adults often perform the task themselves.
In terms of nurturing, permissive adults can be very warm and loving (high in
responsiveness). Permissive adults who are highly responsive are those who have
chosen to be permissive. They believe that children have rights that must not be
interfered with by adults (Marion, 1999). Although these adults do not demand
much from children, they show strong interest in them and are supportive.
However, sometimes they are too nice and may often take on the status of a friend
more than that of a caring adult.
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
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A second style of permissiveness is referred to by some as permissive-bydefault. These adults are permissive not because of their philosophical views of
children and children’s rights, but because they have “drifted into permissiveness”
because none of their discipline strategies have worked. “They have been so
ineffective in getting compliance from children that they have given up trying and
might even begin to see some behaviors, such as aggression, as normal” (Marion,
1999, p.59).
Permissive adults tend not to use helpful guidance strategies. For example, they
often fail to set appropriate limits, and when they do, they fail to maintain them,
or may natter and nag. Inconsistent guidance where behavior is dealt with one
day and ignored the next is also typical. The outcome is that children ignore the
adult.
Uninvolved (unengaged or detached) adults are those who are basically
indifferent to the children in their care. They do not put energy into relating to
children or into guiding children’s social behavior (Kostelnik, 2002, p. 303).
Their style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and warmth, and
little communication. Most often, these adults are self-absorbed, focusing on their
own needs at the expense of the children’s. While these adults may fulfill the
child's basic needs, they are generally detached from the child's life. In extreme
cases, they may even reject or neglect the needs of their children (Cherry, n.d.).
This style of interacting has significant negative effects on children’s
development and learning. Not only are children deprived of the essential
emotional support they need, they are not given the support and guidance to
successfully function in their social worlds. The children are being neglected and
this neglect has potential short and long term negative effects on all areas of
development.
It was thought that adults were instinctively authoritarian, permissive, or
authoritative. We now know that a person’s personality or temperament can be
more aligned with one style or another. We also know that “we tend to discipline
as we have been disciplined”. Our parent’s style of interacting influences our
own style. Can you trace the influences on your style of interacting? They may be
influenced by the ways you were treated as a child by your parents, teachers or
other adults or they may be strongly influenced by your culture or religious
affiliation. Books or articles you have read, television shows, or discussions with
others may also have influenced you. Our style of interacting with children has
many strong influences from our backgrounds, but it can also be changed.
Earlier in this unit, you read about the importance of building positive
relationships with the children you care for. Children’s development is positively
or negatively affected by the quality of the relationships we establish with them.
Our style of interacting, which comprises all our verbal and non-verbal behaviors,
has an effect on the quality of these relationships and will shape, positively or
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
Unit One
negatively, children’s behavior and social-emotional development. How do adult
styles of interacting affect child development outcomes? Researchers have
conducted many studies that have led to a number of conclusions about their
impact on children’s development and behavior.
LEARNING ACTIVITY: In Unit One: Learning Activity 2—
Styles of Interacting you will research the effects of the
different adult styles of interacting on children’s behavior and
development. Please complete this learning activity now.
After reading about the ways each of the styles of interacting influence children’s
development and behavior, you will realize that the style which contributes most
positively to children’s development is the authoritative style. This adult style of
interacting is a balance of nurturance, guidance and respect and is the most likely
to produce happy, confident and capable children.
An authoritative approach gives children the message: "We are a team, I am the
leader, and it’s my job to help you grow up".
Through reflection, training and practice any adult can learn to be more
authoritative. Throughout this course, you will read about strategies that help you
become an authoritative caregiver.
RESPONSIVE INTERACTIONS
When we are responsive, we demonstrate our respect and understanding. Our
responses help children feel heard and accepted and we support children’s
emotional development. Our responses can support children’s development in
other ways, too. They help children identify, understand and describe their
emotions and help them develop ways to express themselves and interact
positively with others.
An essential quality of positive relationships is caregiver responsiveness. Warm,
positive, encouraging, and accepting adults provide children with the emotional
support they need.
WATCH the video Clip_1-1.mpg. It is available in the Unit One
Videos page in Moodle. Although the importance of caregiver
responsiveness in caring for infants is emphasized, responsiveness
and reciprocal (turn-taking) interactions are essential for children
of all ages.
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
Unit One
Reflecting Children’s Feelings
One of the ways we are responsive to children is to reflect their feelings or moods.
We recognize the emotion a child may be experiencing and then, like a mirror,
acknowledge and reflect back the child’s feelings with words and voice tone, and
name the emotion. For example:
7-month-old Colinda is lying on the floor when Adam arrives. When she
sees him her eyes light up, she squeals and tries to roll over onto her
stomach. Her arms and legs flail as she tries to crawl. Her caregiver
says,” Ooohh. You are so excited to see Adam! You really want to get
over there.”
Or in another situation,
Melissa complains “I didn’t get a turn. It’s not fair. I’m not cleaning up!”
Her caregiver responds, “You are really frustrated. It’s annoying when
you don’t get to do what you wanted. It sounds like you wish could keep
playing the game and not have to clean up just yet.”
Our role in supporting children’s emotional development is to help children by
giving them information about what they and others are feeling and why, rather
than expecting children to know these things automatically.
Children’s emotions are real and strong. Their feelings, whether they are positive
or negative, are a legitimate expression of something – a need, a loss, a
frustration, a joy, a fear, and so on. They cannot help how they feel, and they
cannot stop or change their feelings because they are expected to. They are also
not likely at young ages, to understand their feelings and what created them or
even how to label them.
WATCH the video clip “Helping Children Identify and Express
Emotions”
http://www.easternct.edu/cece/guidance_training_seg6_obj3.html
To identify their own emotions and those of others, children need to have the
words for those feelings. Many children use either “happy” or “sad” or “mad”
simply because they do not have labels for the wider range of emotions. When
adults use a wide variety of words to describe feelings, children are helped to
hear, understand, and use words for emotions. A rich feeling vocabulary gives
children a tool to use so that they are better able to communicate with others.
Using a variety of words to describe the children’s emotions, not only
demonstrates your responsiveness, it also makes your responses more interesting
and expands the children’s vocabulary. For example, think of all the different
words that can be used instead of “happy”—joyful, cheerful, ecstatic, excited,
delighted, gleeful, . . . A Feeling Vocabulary is included in the “Readings” folder
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
Unit One
for this unit. Please use it to enhance your own feeling vocabulary and to “give
children the words” they can use with others.
LEARNING ACTIVITY: Now, please complete Unit One:
Learning Activity 3 – Reflecting Children’s Feelings.
Read the following descriptions of nurturing caregiver behaviors
and personal qualities. Use these to assess your own behaviors.
THE EARLY CHILDHOOD CAREGIVER/TEACHER
NURTURER
When people say, "This is an effective caregiver," they mean that
she/he demonstrates these personal qualities and classroom
presence:
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Enjoys children and expresses genuine interest in them
Bends over, stoops down, sits, maintains eye contact while interacting with children
Moves to children to talk rather than calling from a distance
Touches children often with motions that soothe, guide, reassure, reinforce
Uses words and nonverbal actions to show affection for children and sincere interest in
them
Speaks with a low, calm voice
Spends time talking individually with children each day; uses children’s names
Talks with individual children while performing routine duties, as well as one-on-one
times
Encourages children to talk about feelings and ideas
Listens carefully and attentively
Interacts with respect and courtesy
Is empathetic--able to feed back to the child an understanding of the feelings behind
his words or behavior
Responds with sensitivity to children's individuality
Treats all races, religions, sexes, and cultures equally with respect and consideration
Relates to each child's personality and developmental level
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
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Unit One
Is responsive to the rhythms and tempos of the child
Responds to children's verbal and non-verbal indications of need and/or requests
Responds quickly to children who need affection and security, and to those in distress
Uses non-punitive ways of dealing with inappropriate behavior
Exercises authority without undermining the child's self-worth; focuses on the
behaviors not the child
Uses positive statements
Offers praise, recognition and encouragement quickly, slow to criticize
Does not discuss a child's behavior when he or she is present
Smiles and shows enjoyment often
Enjoys humorous incidents with children; enjoys laughing with them
Acts relaxed and comfortable, yet alert
Greets each child and his/her parents individually upon arrival at the center in a
friendly and pleasant manner
Helps each child upon arrival and throughout the day become involved in activities of
personal interest
Participates joyously with children in small groups or one-to-one, indoors and out
Shows enthusiasm for the day
Is emotionally stable
Now, please complete the ASSIGNMENT for this unit. It is in the Unit
One Assignment folder.
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
Unit One
UNIT ONE REFERENCES
Arrondo, D. (2009). Attunement and why it matters. [video file]. Retrieved from
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URpuKgKt9kg&feature=BFa&list=
ULoYnaeCJd_LU.
Baker, A. and Manfredi/Pettit, L. (2004). Relationships, the heart of quality care:
Creating community among adults in early childhood settings. Washington, DC:
NAEYC.
Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child
Development, 37(4), 887-907.
Baumrind, D. (1996). Parenting: The discipline controversy revisited. Family Relations,
45(4), 405-414.
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http://psychology.about.com/od/developmental psychology/a/ parenting-style.htm
CSEFEL. (n.d.). Interactions come in all shapes and sizes. [video file]. Retrieved from
http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/inftodd/mod1/1-1.mpg.
Green, S. & Valles, D. (2006). Positive teacher-child interaction. School Age
Connections. National Network for Child Care. Retrieved from
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3taex.pdf
Greenman, J. & Stonehouse, A. (1996). Prime times: A handbook for excellence in infant
and toddler programs. St. Paul, MN: Redleaf Press.
Howes, C. (2000). Relationships: Child and teacher. University of North Carolina.
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Joseph, G. & Strain, P. (2006). Building positive relationships with young children:
Center on the social and emotional foundations for early learning. Retrieved from
http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/ modules/module1/handout5.pdf.
Kaiser, B. & Sklar Rasminsky, J. (2003). Challenging behavior in young
children: Understanding, preventing, and responding effectively (3rd ed.). Ottawa,
ON: Pearson.
Kostelnik, M., Whiren, A., Soderman, A., Stein, L., & Gregory, K. (2002). Guiding
children’s social development: Theory to practice (4th ed.). Albany, NY: Delmar.
Le Febvre, D. (2006). What’s your parenting style? Retrieved from
http://www.Knowledge.offordcentre.com/need/child_need_09.html
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CD1370 Guiding Children’s Behavior I
Unit One
Marion, M. (1999). Guidance of young children (5th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ:
Merrill.
McGinley, S. (2002). More than ABC’s: Success in school also depends on key
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Meece, D., & Soderman, A. (September, 2010). Positive verbal environments:
Setting the stage for young children’s social development. Young Children, 65(4),
81-86 Retrieved from www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/201009/MeeceOnline0910.pdf.
Miller, D. (2004). Positive child guidance (4th ed.). Clifton Park, NY: Delmar.
Moore, S. (1992). The role of parents in the development of peer group competence.
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Ostrosky, M. & Jung, E. (2006). Brief #12: Building positive teacher-child relationships.
CSEFEL. Retrieved from http://www.csefl.uiuc.edu/briefs/wwb12.html
Papalia, D., Olds, S., & Feldman, R. (2004). Human development (9th ed.). New York,
NY: McGraw Hill.
Patten, P. (2001). The fourth ‘R’: Teacher child relationships are central to quality.
Retrieved from http://ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/pubs/ivpaguide/appendix/pattenfourthr.pdf
Pitzer, R. (2000). Authoritative parenting involves balance. Retrieved from
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Trawick-Smith, J. (n.d.). Guiding young children’s behavior. Segment 1. Fostering
trusting relationships. Objective 3. Ways to show warmth. [video file]. Retrieved
from http://www.easternct.edu/cece/guidance_training_seg1_obj3.html
Trawick-Smith, J. (n.d.). Guiding young children’s behavior. Segment 6. Helping
children identify and express emotions. Objective 3. [video file]. Retrieved from
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Twardosz, S. (August, 2005). Expressing warmth and affection to children: What
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