Mindful Parenting: How To Stop The Fighting, Yelling, And Frustration
8 MAD2GLAD PILLARS OF PARENTING:
1. Calm The Fire.
Escalating behaviors are a sure sign of “Fire in the Brain,” where yelling or physical
punishment makes things worse, not better.
MAD2GLAD SOLUTION: Don’t match fire with fire. Be the external brain and model calm by
repeating the mantra “Calm Body – Calm Voice – Calm Face.”
2. Avoid The Hidden Parenting Landmines.
There are 10 hidden parenting landmines that can set your child off and amplify anger,
frustration and fighting.
MAD2GLAD SOLUTION: Refrain from starting phrases with “no.” This can trigger stress
chemistry so your child grows more agitated, or can lead them to tune you out because they’re
tired of being “the bad kid.”
3. Flood The Brain With Happy Chemicals.
The “Little Scientist” grows accustomed to the chemical burst of drama and
anxiety. Shift your child’s brain chemistry so they seek a calm and happy state, and so
that spending time together feels more enjoyable.
MAD2GLAD SOLUTION: Naturally flood your child’s brain with happy chemicals! Use Heartfelt
Appreciation, “When you ___ I feel ___ because ___.”
4. Red Light Parenting.
Take back the reigns in your household by helping your child understand that rules apply
to them and listening/cooperation is required, not optional.
MAD2GLAD SOLUTION: Ensure your actions match your words. E.g. If you have trouble
getting out the door get yourself ready first and then help your child transition by offering
physical guidance.
5. Discipline That Motivates And Energizes.
Traditional discipline systems, such as the time-out, do not work well for Intense Brain
Children. Instead, their retaliation response is activated and they become more
demanding in an attempt to be in charge.
MAD2GLAD SOLUTION: The step-by-step discipline approach that is best suited for Intense
Brain Children is only taught via Mad2Glad Coaching programs.
6. Defuse The Emotional Bomb.
Intense Brain Children have BIG emotions and tend to struggle with coping skills,
tolerance, and flexibility.
MAD2GLAD SOLUTION: Use emotional communication. E.g., “I see you’re
frustrated….PAUSE.” (Carve out space for your child to process. Rule of thumb: repeat
process 3x then move on.)
7. Optimize Daily Routines.
Structured routines for morning, after-school, and bedtime create a rhythm that is
soothing, predictable, and decreases the “Little Scientist’s” drive to resist or negotiate.
MAD2GLAD SOLUTION: Close your eyes and focus on ONE part of your day. What would it
look like if it were peaceful? How would that feel? Develop that routine first, incorporating
principles from the Mad2Glad Blueprint for a rapid reduction of stress.
8. Integrate.
As you add new skills to your parenting toolbox you’ll find more support when your
partner and other family members understand the approach that is necessary for your
unique child.
MAD2GLAD SOLUTION: Remember that kids are like ducklings. Rate of progress is
dependent on level of commitment and addressing the whole family dynamic… including a
competitive personality and sibling rivalry.
Taking Care of Yourself Inside and Out- Nourishing Your Mind, Body and Heart
Kathy Flaminio, 1000 Petals LLC
For many of us, the workday is filled with complex demands, competing priorities, high expectations and the need
to take care of a multitude of details. The “taking care of others first” at the cost of our own needs, often leads to
depletion of energy and feelings of being overwhelmed. What is important to remember is that it is difficult to
take good care of others unless you take good care of yourself! Your self-care is the most important care.
We all know the fundamental self-care tips: quality sleep, nourishment with fresh life-sustaining foods, exercise,
laughter, self-reflection, meditation, alone time, and surrounding ourselves with positive people. However, there
seems to be a disconnect between what we know, what we do with what we know and our ability to “be” (e.g.
present, grounded, calm, clear, peaceful, etc.) Part of the reason for this Know-Do-Be disconnect is that many of us
feel too overwhelmed and don’t give ourselves permission to take the time for self-care.
When self-care is neglected the body moves into the stress response. The body’s stress response includes over
1,400 physical and chemical reactions and over 30 different hormones and neurotransmitters. These remain high
hours and even days after a stressful event is over if not discharged (Childre&Martin,1999).
Here is a very simple five-step process to feel energized and vibrant throughout the day and begin to slow and
stop the chain reaction of stress in the body.
1. The first thing you need to do when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed is literally STOP. Stop
everything you are doing and get connected by placing your feet on the floor or sit in you chair and
lengthen your spine. Slow your breathing. When you take deep breaths you activate the relaxation
response. (Consider using the Mindfulness Bell on your computer
http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/bell/index.html)
2. SIGH- Sighing is the body's natural way of releasing stress. Take a nice deep breath in and exhale a vocal
“ahhh.” Do this several times and take note of any changes in the mind and body.
3. STRETCH-Everyday move your spine in six directions-front/back (arms up over head and forward fold
the body), side to side (lift arms over head and move the torso laterally), and twisting (seated or supine
twist) www.lhj.com/health/fitness/relieve-stress-with-yoga/
4. SMILE- Smile at five people each day (especially the ones who are challenging.) Smiling triggers
scientifically measureable activity in the left frontal cortex, the area of the brain where happiness is
registered. If you want to release more stress, add laughter. Laughter lowers blood pressure, increases
your attentiveness and energy levels. You can fake your smile and your laughter and get the same effects.
5. SHAKE- Shaking is another way of dissipating stress in the body. Start standing, and gently start to shake
your arms, your legs, your hands etc. Try to shake for two to five minutes. Then gently stop, close your
eyes and feel.
Most importantly, when you leave the office, pause and breathe. As you close the door take a deep breath and let
yourself leave the emotional work at the office. Intentionally create the transition for going home. Find yourself
in the present moment. When driving home if you are at a red light let it be a reminder to breathe and pause. Trust
you did your best today.
“Sometimes the most powerful practices that bring about the most beneficial changes in our lives are the most
simple. The key is making them a habit." Laurie Ellis Young-www.breathethechange.com
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