THE SECRETS OF
GOOD WRITING
A DOZEN GUIDELINES
By Paula LaRocque
SOUTHWEST CUNA
MANAGEMENT
SCHOOL
July 2014
A DOZEN GUIDELINES TO GOOD
WRITING
 These
are guidelines, not rules, and
can be violated for specific stylistic
reasons. Observing them, however,
will promote accuracy, clarity,
brevity, and simplicity.
GUIDELINES
• Keep sentences short and to one
main idea.
 Avoid
pretensions, gobbledygook,
and euphemisms.
 Change
long and difficult words to
short and simple words.
GUIDELINES
 Be
wary of jargon, fad, and cliché.
 Use
the right word.
 Avoid
beginning with long
dependent phrases.
GUIDELINES
 Prefer
 Cut
active verbs and active voice.
wordiness.
 Avoid
vague qualifiers.
GUIDELINES
 Prune
prepositions.
 Limit
number and symbol.
 Get
right to the point. And stay there.
The
Guidelines
in Action
Keep
sentences
short.
[Review API Readability Study findings]
In all cases . . .
Sentence length average is more
important than the length of any
one sentence.
Vary sentence lengths to avoid
tedium, but a safe average is 20 to
25 words.
Who can stand it?
I devise and bequeath all the residue of my property
whatsoever and wheresoever to which I shall be entitled
or of which I shall have power to dispose at my death to
the Trustees upon trust to sell call in and convert into
money such part thereof as shall not already consist of
money with power to postpone such sale calling in and
conversion so long as the Trustees shall in their absolute
discretion think fit and so that no reversionary interest
shall be sold until it falls into possession unless the
Trustees see special reason for sale and so that the
provisions of clause 13 hereof shall apply in regard to
the administration of my estate.
The exception to the
length guideline is a
sentence containing a
well-executed list.
Lists
For clear, readable lists:
1) Get subject and verb out of the way
before embarking on the list (subject
and verb will be in the clause
prefacing the list, and the list will be
the object of the verb.)
2) Keep list items parallel (the first
word of each list item will begin with
the same part of speech).
Bad List-Making
All personnel functioning as salespeople must achieve the
following to qualify for the Summit Club:
Accounts Receivable Managers, Vendor Service
Managers and Regional Vice Presidents who are in the
position for nine months and achieve the sales goal for
their portfolio sales, Segment Sales People who have been
in the position for nine months and achieve 100 percent
or more of quota, Regional Sales Managers who have
been in the position for nine months and achieve 100
percent or more of quota by vendor location and
Segment Coordinators who have been in the position for
nine months and achieve 100 percent or more of quota in
assigned segments will be eligible.
[111 words]
Revised:
Below are criteria for Summit Club membership.
Candidates must have been in their positions at least
nine months to qualify.
• Accounts receivable managers, vendor service
managers, and regional vice presidents who reach their
portfolio sale quotas
• Segment salespeople who reach/exceed their quotas
• Regional sales managers who reach/exceed their
vendor location quotas
• Segment coordinators who reach/exceed assigned
segments quotas
[62 words; no loss of information]
Good List-Making
The public and critical response to this
production is greater than for any previous
MacLaine performance—greater than for the
self-sacrificing floozie of Some Came Running,
the gold-hearted hooker of Irma La Douce, the
frustrated housewife of The Turning Point, the
spurned elevator girl of The Apartment, the
hapless doxie of Sweet Charity, the latent
lesbian of The Children’s Hour, or the
manicured political wife of Being There.
Good List-Making
the self-sacrificing floozie of Some Came Running
the gold-hearted hooker of Irma La Douce
the frustrated housewife of The Turning Point
the spurned elevator girl of The Apartment
the hapless doxie of Sweet Charity
the latent lesbian of The Children’s Hour
or the manicured political wife of Being There
. . . And to One Idea
One Idea . . .
Many American travelers know St. Moritz, a jetsetting celebrity playground in southeast
Switzerland, also as the two-time host of the
Winter Olympics (1928 and 1948); as the
birthplace (1864) of Alpine winter sports; as the
chic resort that boasts of “sun and champagne
climate”; as the 6,000-foot Upper Engadine
lakeside setting for many Heidi books and
movies, not to mention more intriguing themes,
or perhaps even as the center of tiny
Switzerland’s fourth language (Romansch, after
German, French, and Italian).
One Idea . . .
I have attempted to characterize an
important field of inquiry—i.e., the impact
of genetics on human affairs—ongoing for
close to 20 years, in a paragraph, only to
call attention to a key assumption of the
controversy, namely, that the problem is
the overemphasis on genetic variations
(alleles) as causes of human variations, and
the potential misuse of this knowledge.
[61 words]
Avoid pretensions
and gobbledygook.
pretensions
From a CEO:
Financial exigencies made it necessary
for the company to implement
budgetary measures to minimize
expenditures.
Revised: The company had to cut costs.
Pretensions
• utilization instead of use
• pursuant to instead of concerning,
regarding
• initiate, terminate instead of begin, end
• contingent upon instead of depends on
• personal visitation instead of visit
• telephonic communication . . . phone call
Gobbledygook
This equity account was not immune
to the effects of the market’s negative
growth because of its broad, benchmarkcentric investment approach.
Or: This fund lost money.
Or, more specifically: This fund is down
almost 60 percent.
Gobbledygook
Original:
Today, technological advances and business needs
change at an explosive pace. These changes force
technological obsolescence, depreciate equipment
values and create the risks associated with asset
ownership. Companies are in the precarious position
of balancing the desire to take advantage of current
and future technologies with the need to maintain a
high level of equipment usage on a cost-effective
basis. Traditional patterns of equipment ownership
do not meet corporate objectives.
Gobbledygook revised
Rapid advances in technology have made it
impractical for businesses to buy computer
systems. Expensive equipment depreciates
overnight and becomes out-dated while still
new, so owning that equipment can mean
both money and productivity loss. Leasing
computers, however, can be cheaper and
more efficient because a company can add
and upgrade without the cost of ownership.
Who wrote it?
For a long time we cruised by the coast and at last
came to a wide bay past the curve of a hill at the end of
which lay a small town. We all stretched and stood to
watch as the boat nosed its way in.
The town climbed up the hill that rose from the
shore, a space in front of it left bare for the port. Each
house was a clean white with sky-blue or gray trim. In
front of each one was a small yard edged by a white
stone wall strewn with green vines. As the town basked
in the heat of noon, not a thing stirred in the streets or
by the shore. The sun beat down on the sea, the land
and the back of our necks so that in spite of the breeze
that made the vines sway, we all wished we could hide
from the glare in a cool white house.
THE POWER
OF SINGLE SYLLABLES
That was an essay by a 14year-old, responding to the
teacher’s assignment to write
a short descriptive essay in
words of just one syllable.
Change long,
difficult words to
short, simple words.
Original:
Thirty-one Magic Valley residents
accused in a civil suit of an alleged loan
fraud against the Federal Department of
Housing and Urban Development might
settle the case before it goes to trial,
according to federal court documents.
Short words . . .
Thirty-one Magic Valley
residents might cut a deal on the
charge that they lied to get U.S.
backed home loans.
Original:
As they did in the summer of 1989,
proponents of a Community Block
Development Grant to improve
Highway 93 in front of the
Crossroads of Idaho truck stop near
Interstate 84 ran into a hornets’ nest
of opposition at a public hearing
Wednesday night.
Short words. . .
Those who want a state grant to
fix the road in front of a truck
stop on Highway 93 found few
who liked the plan Wednesday
night.
Original:
Revelers at a late night party on
Plymouth Beach trampled the
nest of a pair of endangered
piping plovers, smashing four
eggs that were supposed to hatch
next week.
Short Words. . .
Teens at a late night beer bash
crushed the nest of a pair of rare
piping plovers and smashed four
eggs due to hatch next week.
Short Words
Phenotypic plasticity allows organisms to
respond rapidly to changing
environmental conditions without the
time lag required for response to natural
selection on segregating allelic variants
and without the cost of selection, while
environmental canalization buffers
phenotypes against environmental
perturbations. [also: preps; specialized jargon]
Be wary of
jargon, fad,
and cliché.
Technical jargon
Original:
• Recent enhancements to the Voluntary
Personal Accident Insurance and Accidental
Death and Dismemberment plans include
increased coverage for paraplegia and
hemiplegia insurance and the addition of
spouse vocational training benefits and double
benefits for dismembered children.
Technical jargon
Revised:
• The company has increased insurance for
employees paralyzed in both legs or one
side of the body as a result of an accident.
It also provides training for spouses and
doubles benefits for children who lose a
limb.
Fad and Cliché
• -IZE:
“Budgetwise and policywise preplanning will
be finalized soon.”
“The officer will be funeralized Tuesday.”
• -WISE:
“Let’s see what the picture is weatherwise.”
• PRE- pre-board pre-warned pre-plan
pre-arrange
pre-establish pre-heated
pre-sell pre-approved pre-owned
Use
the
right
word.
Commonly Misunderstood
• comprise
• disinterested
• gantlet, gauntlet • verbal
• nauseous
• fortuitous
• podium
• notoriety
• enthuse
• prone, supine
Plus: The uses of a dictionary . . . .
Avoid beginning
with long
dependent phrases.
Backing In
Set firmly and with a sustained and
vivid sensuous immediacy in the 19th
century, and taking place mostly in the
exotic world of the British West Indies
though some scenes are set in London and
the English countryside, the book tells two
stories that are closely related, indeed
inextricably joined in time and place.
Let’s rewrite that . . .
Let’s rewrite that. . .
The book tells two
closely related stories.
Yeah!
Backing In
• Apparently trying to counter the notion of
policy paralysis in the White House and a war
campaign suddenly set adrift, the president …
• Although the airline industry’s attention right
now is riveted on simplifying fares, filling up
seats and ratcheting up profits, some executives .
..
• Because of a clash with the secretive Bachmann
brothers over financial disclosure, Harold W.
Simpson . . .
Backing In
• Weak: In order to confirm the derivation
that the genetic correlation is
approximately the same on both observed
and liability scales when samples are
ascertained, we performed a simulation
study.
• Strong: We performed a simulation study
to confirm . . .
Prefer active verbs
and active voice.
Active voice. . .
Original: Instead of accepting charges
indiscriminately and giving them docket
numbers, complainants are counseled
immediately.
Revised: We discuss complaints with
residents before accepting charges and
assigning docket numbers.
Active verbs. . .
We made an effort.
We tried.
They made a decision.
They decided.
Active verbs. . .
He made a substitution . . .
She had the intention . . .
He gave a demonstration . . .
They gave an exhibit . . .
I gave a report on the results of the study.
We created a summary of the proposal . . .
She conducted a survey of the residents . . .
Cut wordiness.
SAY IT IN ONE WORD:
at this point in time
conducted an investigation into
made the statement that
at a later date
were found to be in agreement
succeed in making
make use of, utilize
give consideration to
SAY IT IN ONE WORD:
have the need for
until such time as
in all other cases
a sufficient number of
in the vicinity of
on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis
on a regular, experimental basis
by the same token
despite the fact that
Redundancies:
sum total
basic fundamentals
free gift, free pass
potential promise
12 noon, 12 midnight
past history, past experience
shrugged his shoulders
nodded her head
end result
personal friendship
Avoid vague
qualifiers.
vague qualifiers
• very
• totally
• wholly
• utterly
• quite
• somewhat
• fairly
• extremely
• completely
• entirely
• really
• rather
• slightly
• [etc. . . ]
vague qualifiers
“We’re trying very, very hard to
improve our students’ basic language
skills, which are admittedly very low.
It has been very challenging indeed,
but we are very pleased to report some
very small improvement after months
of very intense effort.”
—University administrator
Without “very” . . .
 We’re
trying hard to improve
our students’ low language
skills. It has been challenging,
but we’re pleased to report
some improvement after
months of intense effort.
Prune prepositions.
Prune prepositions
• David Drummond, one of the three law
enforcement officers acquitted in the
drowning deaths of three teenagers in
Limestone County stood by his pickup on
Monday at his home by the railroad
tracks in Groesbeck and slowly, in a
voice void of emotion, said: “It feels
good.”
Prune prepositions
Weak: The term originated, we think, in the early
20th century experimental biology, when
evolutionary theory had it that most genes had a
good variant that was by far the most common in
the population, and one or a very few, very rare,
harmful ‘mutant’ forms.
Strong: We think the term derived from early 20th
century experimental biology, when evolutionary
theory supposed that good variants of most genes
were common and harmful ‘mutant’ forms were
rare.
Limit number and
symbol.
Numbers
The 9th grade students did well on
most of the 3-part test with at least
85 percent of the students at more
than two-thirds of the schools
passing seven of the 28 test
objectives.
(DMN education writer)
Numbers
Original:
Student financial aid climbed 7.9 percent
last year to a record $30.8 billion, with
students receiving $15.1 billion in grants,
$14.9 billion in loans, and $791 million in
work-study earnings.
revision
Numbers
Bulleted list:
Student aid climbed 7.9 percent last year
to a record $30.8 billion. Students
received:
• $15.1 billion in grants
• $14.9 billion in loans
• $ 791 million in work-study earnings
NUMBERS & SYMBOLS CAN
MAKE ALPHABET SOUP
NationsBank Corp., created by the
merger of NCNB Corp. and C&S-Sovran
Corp., reported Monday that it lost $244
million, or $1.08 per share, in the fourth
quarter.
Get right to the
point.
And stay there.
Once More . . .
Keep sentences short and to one main
idea.
 Avoid pretensions, gobbledygook, and
euphemisms.
 Change long, difficult words to short,
simple words.
 Be wary of jargon, fad, and cliché.
 Use the right word.
 Avoid beginning with long dependent
phrases . . .

Once More . . .
 Prefer
active verbs and active
voice.
 Cut wordiness.
 Avoid vague qualifiers.
 Prune prepositions.
 Limit number and symbol.
 Get right to the point. And stay
there.
Above all, keep it
Conversational
Keep it conversational

Prompted in part by
a new anti-smog law
that is boosting
business’ demand
for better service, a
major reassessment
that could lead to
big changes in the
county’s public
transportation
system is beginning.

Rewritten, following the
guidelines:
Local leaders
want to make it
easier for
county
residents to get
around without
their cars.
www.paulalarocque.com
[email protected]
The Book on Writing: The
Ultimate Guide to Writing
Well
CHALK LINE
A BEN GALLAGHER MYSTERY
“A stunning debut from a writer who
is going places.”
—Edgar Award winner
Bruce DeSilva
COMING SUMMER 2014
Paula LaRocque’s smashing new
Ben Gallagher Mystery:
MONKEY SEE
Thank you for attending
this writer’s workshop.
I hope you found it useful
and entertaining.
Paula LaRocque