Parents &
Families
Attachment and connecting
Healthy family dynamics
Work-life balance
Parenting style
Parents as agents of change
Parent self-care
Extended family
Parents & Families:
Attachment & Connecting
Introduction to Attachment
From the moment of birth, infants need to learn that someone will be there when
they need comfort. The building of this trusting relationship will help them to feel
safe and secure. This connection called “Attachment” begins at birth and needs
to be maintained throughout childhood. A healthy emotional connection between
parent and child helps the child develop into a happy, secure, and confident
person.
Attachment is the deep and lasting connection that children form with
their main caregiver, usually their parent. Healthy attachment occurs
gradually over time through day to day interactions between parent and
child. Attachment relationships influence development, learning,
feelings and close relationships throughout life.
Children can form attachments with several people including their mother, father,
adoptive parents, grandparents, or others. To maintain a healthy relationship,
these connections need to be nurtured and maintained throughout childhood and
into adulthood.
Children with a strong emotional connection with a parent are more likely to
 have higher self esteem
 be confident in exploring the environment, which leads to increased
learning opportunities
 have control over their emotions
 have fewer behavioural problems in school
 be empathetic to others and less likely to bully
 have better social skills and more positive relations with peers
When children misbehave, providing discipline in a positive way builds the
attachment relationship. Positive Discipline teaches and guides children so they
feel safe and secure. Parenting this way will help to create a strong connection
now and build a life-long relationship.
Parents & Families:
Attachment & Connecting
Quick Facts
Healthy secure infant attachment is vital to ensuring optimal neurological
development and stress response patterns in a child’s brain (McCain and
Mustard, 1999).
Early infant attachment is also associated with a number of lifelong effects,
including physical developmental and the building of future relationships (Public
Health Agency of Canada, 2002).
Research shows that physical punishment increases the likelihood that children
will grow up with problems associated with low self-esteem, aggressive
behaviour, depression and mental illness.
The quality of parenting a child receives is considered the strongest potentially
modifiable risk factor that contributes to developmental and behavioural problems
in children (Early Childhood Encyclopedia, 2008).
Postpartum Depression can impact the quality of maternal-child interactions, the
attachment relationship, and may contribute to decreased developmental
outcomes for the child (Beck, 1995; Murray et al., 2003).
Parents & Families:
Attachment & Connecting
Open-Ended Questions
How do you think your relationship with your mother and/or father has
affected the way you parent?
Prompts: When you are parenting, do you think about your own experiences
as a child and how your parents or caregivers looked after you? Do these
experiences change the way you parent?
How do you think your relationship with your child will affect her
development?
Discuss: Trust, self esteem, interactions with others, competence, happiness
(memories)
Describe some of the signs or behaviours you have seen in your child,
that shows she or he is deeply connected (attached) with you.
Discuss: Signs of attachment (what does it look like?) and differences
between age groups (baby, child, teenager). Example: baby is soothed when
cuddled, child shows trust and open communication
Have you ever found it difficult to feel attached to your child? Can you
think of things that might get in the way of feeling or becoming
attached?
Discuss: Frustration, exhaustion, baby blues, depression, anxiety/stress,
traumatic birth experience, illness, child illness or disorder (ie, Down’s
Syndrome, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome), painful memories/abuse.
How can discipline affect your relationship and attachment with your
child?
Discuss: Positive discipline versus punishment
Parents & Families:
Attachment & Connecting
Words of Wisdom
“A baby cannot exist alone, but is essentially a part of a relationship.”
-D.W. Winnicott
“Children, like flowers, grow best with tender, loving care.”
-Unknown
“Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness
there is in our lives.”
-C. S. Lewis
“Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.”
-Samuel Lover
“Relationships, not things make brighter babies.”
-Dr. William Sears
“Babies are such a nice way to start people.”
-Don Herrold
“A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it.”
-Frank A. Clark
“Always kiss your children goodnight - even if they’re already asleep.”
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a
merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents
will always wave back.”
-William D. Tammeus
“A parent's love is whole no matter how many times divided.”
-Robert Brault
“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”
-Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family
“You will always be your child’s favorite toy.”
-Vicki Lansky, Trouble-Free Travel with Children, 1991
“What a child doesn’t receive he can seldom later give.”
-P.D. James, Time to Be in Earnest
Parents & Families:
Attachment & Connecting
Role Playing
1. What would you do and say if you were leaving your child for the
first time with a caregiver?
Role play the parent/caregiver and the child. Include the reactions of the
child and what they are thinking or feeling inside. Set up the scenario: baby
or child, daycare/evening out. Consider having some props (blanket, photo,
watch) available to provide hints to role players.
Discuss: Establish goodbye rituals (kiss, wave at the window), when you
will be returning and ensure you come home at that time, security blanket/
toy, reassuring words, leave with confidence, give a photograph of you.
2a. Your 3 month old baby starts to cry at 1:10 a.m. shortly after you
have settled her in the crib after a feeding - what do you do?
Roleplay Suggestion: Pass around a doll and play a CD of baby crying or
model comforting the baby doll.
Discuss: Provide comfort, attend to baby’s needs (diaper, gas, still hungry,
etc).
2b. Depending on how you respond, what do you think your baby is
thinking or feeling?
Discuss: the importance of knowing there is someone she can trust and to
provide comfort and security. Babies often cry because they want to be
comforted and want to be close to someone- night time can be scary!
Parents & Families:
Attachment & Connecting
True or False Quiz
1. Babies are learning from the moment they are born.
True or False
2. Attachment can only form with the birth mother.
True or False
3. Children who have a positive relationship with their parent are more
likely to have greater self-esteem, good social skills with friends and
teachers, and better problem solving skills.
True or False
4. The type of discipline used will not change the relationship you have
with your child.
True or False
5. It is very important to pay attention to your baby when he is upset,
sad, frightened, or lonely - especially in the first few weeks and
months. You can’t spoil a baby.
True or False
6. Attachment influences learning and development, including brain
development!
True or False
Parents & Families:
Attachment & Connecting
True or False Quiz
Answers
1. Babies are learning from the moment they are born.
True
Discuss: All of baby’s senses are being used before birth, and even more so
as they enter the world. These early experiences shape what and how they
learn.
2. Attachment can only form with the birth mother.
False
Discuss: Attachment is the deep relationship between a caregiver and child.
Attachment can occur with others including adoptive parents. Children can
make several attachments- including fathers, daycare providers, and
grandparents - it is the quality of interactions that is key.
3. Children who have a positive relationship with their parent are
more likely to have greater self-esteem, good social skills with
friends and teachers, and better problem solving skills.
True
Discuss: Also tend to have more control of positive and negative emotions
and better coping skills.
4. The type of discipline used will not change the relationship you have
with your child.
False
Discuss: Physical and emotional punishment (name calling, pushing, yelling,
hitting, spanking, slapping, swearing, teasing, or verbal put downs) can cause
harm in many ways including: causing your child to fear you, lose trust in you,
to avoid you, to feel angry, powerless, and scared. Discipline should guide
and teach children so they know what to do the next time they are frustrated,
angry, or upset. Positive discipline strategies will help them to do this while
feeling safe and secure.
5. It is very important to pay attention to your child when he is upset,
sad, frightened, or lonely- especially in the first few weeks and
months. You can’t spoil a baby.
True
Discuss: It is important that you try to comfort him so that he learns he can
depend on you. You won’t spoil him if he needs you, you will teach him that
he can trust and rely on you.
6. Attachment influences learning and development, including brain
development!
True
Discuss: Will influence the child’s thinking, learning, feeling and behaviour
throughout life. Every time you hug your child, you are building connections in
their brain that let them know they are safe and loved.
Parents & Families:
Attachment & Connecting
Attachment Word Search
trust
encourage
loving
comfort
security
connection
talk
feelings
respond
understand
praise
play
help
positive
guide
listen
hug
patience