First Presbyterian Church of Englishtown
50 Main Street, Englishtown, NJ 07726
Rev. Cynthia Ritter Parker
Church Phone: 732-446-9506
Website: http://www.fpcenglishtown.org/
Spring Forward!
Daylight Saving Time
Begins
Sunday, March 12th
THE MESSENGER
FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH OF ENGLISHTOWN
Spring 2017
Church Calendar
Sun., Feb. 26
Mon., Feb. 27
Tues., Feb. 28
Thurs., March 2
Fri., March 3
Sun., March 5
Mon., March 6
Tues., March 7
Wed., March 8
Thurs., March 9
Fri., March 10
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
4:00-6:00 p.m. E-Café
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
Session Reports Due in Mailboxes
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
Session Meeting - All are Welcome
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
Sun., March 12
Daylight Saving Time - Spring Forward
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
12:30 p.m.
Deacon Meeting
Mon., March 13
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
Tues., March 14
10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
Wed., March 15
Noon Lunch Bunch
Noon Men’s Lunch
Thurs., March 16
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
Fri., March 17
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
Sat., March 18
9:00-11:00 a.m. Pancake Breakfast
Sun., March 19
Mon., March 20
Tues., March 21
Thurs., March 23
Fri., March 24
Sun., March 26
Mon., March 27
Tues., March 28
Thurs., March 30
Fri., March 31
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
4:00-6:00 p.m. E-Café
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
Monmouth Presbytery Meeting - Jamesburg
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
Church Calendar
Sun., April 2
Mon., April 3
Tues., April 4
Thurs., April 6
Fri., April 7
Sun., April 9
Tues., April 11
Thurs., April 13
Fri., April 14
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
12:30 p.m.
Deacon Meeting
10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
Noon-3:00 p.m. Good Friday Prayer Vigil
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
Sun., April 16 Easter
6:30 a.m. Easter Sunrise @ Boxwood Farm
9:45 a.m. Children’s Cross of Flowers
11:00 a.m. Resurrection of the Lord John 20 The Resurrection of Jesus, Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene, Jesus
Appears to the Disciples, Jesus and Thomas, The Purpose of This Book
Mon., April 17
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
Tues., April 18
10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
Wed., April 19
Noon Lunch Bunch
Noon Men’s Lunch
Thurs., April 20
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
Fri., April 21
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
Sun., April 23
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
Mon., April 24
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
Tues., April 25
10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
Thurs., April 27
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
Fri., April 28
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
Fri., April 28 - Sun., April 30 Women’s Retreat - Camp Johnsonburg
Sun., April 30
Mon., May 1
Tues., May 2
Thurs., May 4
Fri., May 5
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
4:00-6:00 p.m. E-Café
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
Church Calendar
Sun., May 7
Mon., May 8
Tues., May 9
Wed., May 10
Thurs., May 11
Fri., May 12
Sun., May 14
Mon., May 15
Tues., May 16
Wed., May 17
Thurs., May 18
Fri., May 19
Sat., May 20
Sun., May 21
Mon., May 22
Tues., May 23
Thurs., May 25
Fri., May 26
Sun., May 28
Mon., May 29
Tues., May 30
Thurs., June 1
Fri., June 2
Sun., June 4
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
Session Reports Due in Mailboxes
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
Session Meeting - All are Welcome
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
12:30 p.m.
Deacon Meeting
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
Noon Lunch Bunch
Noon Men’s Lunch
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
9:30 a.m.
Monmouth Presbytery Meeting - Lincroft
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
9:30 a.m.
Bible Study
9:45 a.m.
Sunday School
11:00 a.m.
Worship
12:00 p.m.
Fellowship
4:00-6:00 p.m. E-Café
7:00 p.m.
Cub Scout Pack 154
10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Pastor’s Office Hours
7:00 p.m.
A.C.A. (Adult Children of Alcoholics)
7:00 p.m.
YOGA
6:00 p.m.
Zumba!
9:30 a.m.
9:45 a.m.
11:00 a.m.
12:00 p.m.
Bible Study
Sunday School
Worship
Fellowship
On the 1st & 3rd Tuesdays of the month Pastor Cynthia’s Office Hours will end @ 1:00 p.m., so she
can participate in the Monmouth Presbytery Courageous Conversations about Race
Pastor Cynthia’s Contact Info
Call/Text (609) 977-2325
[email protected]
#pastorecinzia
Worship Calendar
Sun., Feb. 26 Transfiguration of the Lord
11:00 a.m. John 10 Jesus the Good Shepherd, Jesus Is Rejected by the Jews, The Plot to Kill Jesus
(Wed., March 1 Ash Wednesday - no service)
Sun., March 5 1st Sunday in Lent - Celebration of the Lord’s Supper
11:00 a.m. John 12 & 13 Some Greeks Wish to See Jesus, Jesus Speaks about His Death, The Unbelief of the
People, Summary of Jesus’ Teaching, Jesus Foretells His Betrayal, The New Commandment, Jesus Foretells
Peter’s Denial
Sun., March 12 2nd Sunday in Lent
11:00 a.m. John 14 Jesus the Way to the Father, The Promise of the Holy Spirit,
Sun., March 19 3rd Sunday in Lent
11:00 a.m. John 15 Jesus the True Vine, The World’s Hatred
Sun., March 26 4th Sunday in Lent
11:00 a.m. John 16 The Work of the Spirit, Sorrow Will Turn into Joy, Peace for the Disciples,
Sun., April 2 5th Sunday in Lent - Celebration of the Lord’s Supper
11:00 a.m. John 17 Jesus Prays for His Disciples
Sun., April 9 Palm/Passion Sunday - Palm Parade
11:00 a.m. John 18 & 19 The Betrayal and Arrest of Jesus, Jesus before the High Priest, Peter Denies Jesus, The
High Priest Questions Jesus, Peter Denies Jesus Again, Jesus before Pilate, Jesus Sentenced to Death, The
Crucifixion of Jesus, Jesus’ Side Is Pierced, The Burial of Jesus
(Thurs., April 13 Maundy Thursday - no service)
Fri., April 14 Good Friday Prayer Vigil Noon-3:00 p.m.
Sun., April 16 Easter
6:30 a.m. Easter Sunrise @ Boxwood Farm
9:45 a.m. Children’s Cross of Flowers
11:00 a.m. Resurrection of the Lord John 20 The Resurrection of Jesus, Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene,
Jesus Appears to the Disciples, Jesus and Thomas, The Purpose of This Book
Sun., April 23 2nd Sunday of Easter
11:00 a.m. John 21 Jesus Appears to Seven Disciples, Jesus and Peter, Jesus and the Beloved Disciple
Sun., April 30 3rd Sunday of Easter
11:00 a.m. Luke 24:13–35 On the road to Emmaus, two disciples meet the risen Lord
1 Peter 1:17–23 You were saved by the blood of Christ; you have been born anew
Sun., May 7 4th Sunday of Easter - Celebration of the Lord’s Supper
11:00 a.m. 1 Peter 2:19–25 Like sheep, we go astray; but Christ is the shepherd of our souls
Sun., May 14 5th Sunday of Easter
11:00 a.m. 1 Peter 2:2–10 Now you are God’s people, built into a temple like living stones
Sun., May 21 6th Sunday of Easter
11:00 a.m. 1 Peter 3:13–22 Do not fear; testify to the hope that is in you through Christ
(Thurs., May 25 Ascension of the Lord)
Sun., May 28 7th Sunday of Easter
11:00 a.m. Acts 1 The Death of Lazarus, Jesus the Resurrection and the Life
Sun., June 4 Day of Pentecost - Celebration of the Lord’s Supper
11:00 a.m. Acts 2 The Death of Lazarus, Jesus the Resurrection and the Life
Don’t miss a Sunday!
Pastor Cynthia will be bringing
the Gospel of John to life!
Lent/Easter Worship
(no Ash Wednesday or
Maundy Thursday)
Good Friday Prayer Vigil: Noon-3 p.m.
Easter Morning:
6:30 a.m. Boxwood Farm
9:45 a.m. Cross of Flowers
11:00 a.m. Easter
COME ABOARD!
Sundays 9:45 a.m. - 11:15 a.m.
Spring: Jesus' parables, Jesus shows Love,
Hosanna!, Peter Rocks!
“God so loved the world that he have his only
Son.” John 3:16
See you in Sunday School!!!!!!!
The Deep Blue Crew is waiting to hang out with
you!
Www.DeepBlueKids.com
Children's Christmas Pageant 2016
with 18 children and families in worship.
Praise the Lord!
Session News
Nominating Committee
Minutes of the January 29 Congregational Meeting
Please send your nominations to Barbara Blue
were approved. Next month 03/08 discussion of our [email protected]
children’s Sunday School will top the agenda
Ruling Elder - spiritual, wise, maturity of faith,
Treasurer’s Report: Income $8,462, Expenses
compassionate, leadership skills
$11,859 (extraordinary expense because of replacement (aptitude for working in committee)
of heating pipes under the sanctuary)
Ceiling Fund: Paid $40,557, Owe $9,443
Deacon - spiritual, compassionate, ministry skills
(aptitude for visitation)
Nominating Committee - spiritual, perceptive,
“people person”
Finance Committee - spiritual, financial
management experience
Barbara K., Linda, and Cynthia reported on the
Princeton Seminary Leadership Training:
Linda: 1) Huge responsibility being a ruling elder! 2)
“Dare greatly” and realize that we are the authors
of our lives!
Barbara & Cynthia: Change is scary, but if we are
to survive, we must open up to the resurrection of
FPC Englishtown into new life.
Personnel Committee - spiritual, perceptive
(aptitude for empowering others)
Sunday, June 4 (after worship)
Brief Congregational
Meeting to Elect
Officers
Barbara & Linda: Make our church building more
welcoming!
Cynthia: The justice system in America treats the
poor unfairly. We talked about how we can help. (i.e.
A new Christmas tree will be purchased for next year
prison tutoring program)
w/a dedication to Lou Scudder’s memory the Sunday
we put up the tree
Baptism March 12 11:00 a.m
Angelica Pearl Castro daughter of
Lauren Kelly and Anthony Castro
Barbara K. thanked all of us
for our support and care for
our buildings
Online Giving
The Session of FPC
Englishtown is offering
online giving – an easy
and convenient way to
give your tithes and
offerings using a debit or credit card or electronic
funds transfer. The service, which is hosted by the
Presbyterian Foundation, is easily accessed
through the church website.
http://www.fpcenglishtown.org You can rest easy
knowing that the transaction is safe and secure,
and your gift will be available to our ministry
immediately, with no waiting periods.
Annual Pancake Breakfast
Hosted by the
First Presbyterian Church of
Englishtown
th
March 18 9:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m.
$8.00 per adult and
$5.00 per child 12 and under
Breakfast includes
Pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage
Coffee, Tea, and Orange juice
For tickets please call
Mary Ganczarski 732-446-1318
Limited seating is available, Tickets must be
purchased by 3/10/17
Come and enjoy good food, and good company
Online giving offers benefits both for you and for
the church:
• You can save a trip to the ATM on Sunday
morning and avoid forgetting your checkbook or
having to quickly fill out a check to make your gift
• You can also set up recurring donations to
Per capita ($36) is an opportunity for members of the PC(USA)
to share the cost and strengthen our sense of community
continue giving faithfully even on weeks you are
not able to attend services
Per Capita pays for:
• The church benefits from a more steady and
Monmouth Presbytery
reliable flow of gifts
Four meetings a year
• Work to process checks and cash gifts is
Help for congregations in crisis or conflict
reduced when gifts are made online instead.
Loans, grants, financial advice
Visit FPCenglishtown.org today, click on the
offering plate at the bottom of the page, and
see for yourself how easy it is to give online.
As we continue to grow the culture of
generosity in our church to include online
giving, we ask that you also help us to spread
the word.
Fridays 6:00 p.m. Zumba!
Call Gerry Epstein
for details
(732)513-4622
Care of seminary students
Website, directory, emails, weekly electdronic newsletter
Legal & judicial matters
Genesis Center – education resources
Youth Triennium
Leadership Training
Stewardship Resources
Mission Insite – analyse demographics
Mission – Centsability, food justice, earth care, interfaith
Relationships
Presbyterian Disaster Assistance
Synod of the Northeast ($4)
Four meetings a year
Regional governing body
General Assembly ($7.07)
One meeting every other year
Responsible for matters of concern for the whole church
Symbol of unity
Set priorities for the church
parents saying, "Why can't you be more like your
brother?"
Sun., March 5 Jeremiah 36: God has Jeremiah record all
the nasty productions and read them to the king, who just
feeds the scroll pieces into the fire. Denial.
Mon., March 6 Jeremiah 37: Orange is the new black.
King Zedekiah imprisons Jeremiah for desertion, which is
ironic since the king always wanted Jeremiah to go away.
Tues., March 7 Jeremiah 38: Jeremiah is tossed into a
well of despair. He's already been there for a long time
metaphorically, but now it's an actual well.
Wed., March 8 Jeremiah 39: Siege! Invaders put the
king's eyes out, but not before he sees his sons killed.
Just another happy Sunday School lesson.
Thurs., March 9 Jeremiah 40: Jeremiah declines a
guard’s offer to be his sugar daddy. Why is the Babylonian
the first person to be nice to Jeremiah in this entire book?
Chapter-a-Day
If you’re not receiving Chapter-a-Day emails, contact (609)
977-2325
[email protected]
We’re reading through the Bible one chapter at a time with
the help of author Jana Riess’ tweets.
(Jana Riess, The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in
140 Characters or Less)
Scriptures: Click on http://bible.oremus.org or Google
Oremus Bible
Fri., March 10 Jeremiah 41: It’s been just five minutes
since the Babylonians took over and we already have our
first coup. Who says the Bible’s not fast-paste?
Sat., March 11 Jeremiah 42: Let’s ask God for advice:
"Do we remain in Judah or abscond to Egypt?" God:
"Stay!" So of course we’ll go. Glad we had this little chat,
God.
Sun., March 12 Jeremiah 43: Jeremiah's kidnapped and
taken to Egypt. Everyone talks about living out in the
middle of nowhere, but Jeremiah actually does now. It's
basically awful.
Sun., Feb. 26 Transfiguration of the Lord
Matthew 17:1–9 The Transfiguration, 2 Peter
1:16–21 Eyewitnesses of Christ’s Glory
Mon., March 13 Jeremiah 44: Although Jeremiah is in
Egypt now and the exile already happened, he’s still
preaching doom and mayhem. Old habits die hard;
"Repent!"
Mon., Feb. 27 Jeremiah 31: Deuteronomy 24 forbade
remarriage to a two-timing wife, but God wrote the law and
God can darn well break it. Reunited and it feels so good
… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26J0uDIGErM
Tues., March 14 Jeremiah 45: We interrupt Jeremiah's
story for quick reassurance to the scribe Barach, who has
major depression but his life will be spared.
Tues., Feb. 28 Jeremiah 32: Insider trading! God tells
Barouk who tells Maria who tells Zedekiah who tells
Haroum that the real estate market will rebound.
Wed., March 1 Ash Wednesday
Joel 2:1–2, 12–17
Thurs., March 2 Jeremiah 33: God: "Your houses won't
be able to hold all the bodies of the folks I'm going to kill
before I decide I like you again, Judah.”
Fri., March 3 Jeremiah 34: God tells Judah, “Don’t
enslave your fellow Hebrews!" They agree, then change
their minds. It’s just so handy to have slaves.
Sat., March 4 Jeremiah 35: God uses the example of the
obedient Rakabites to shame Judah. That's like your
Wed., March 15 Jeremiah 46: God tells Judah that he will
not completely destroyed her. There might be a tree left
standing. If he's in a decent mood.
Thurs., March 16 Jeremiah 47: God says the day has
come to annihilate all Philistines. This is fair punishment
for never learning to appreciate opera.
Fri., March 17 Jeremiah 48: During his killing spree, God
will destroy the nation of Moab and silence it's village
called Madmen. He's that angry at Don Draper. (Note:
Don Draper is the lead character in the TV show Mad
Men)
Sat., March 18 Jeremiah 49: God says Ammon, Edom,
Damascus, Kedar, Hazor, and Elam will all die painful
death's. Don't you feel better, Judah? It's not just you.
Sun., March 19 Jeremiah 50: Babylon, you might want to
stop gloating about being conquerers. God says you're
comeuppance is, um, coming up. And soon.
Mon., March 20 Jeremiah 51: God: “Babylon’s doomed.
Run for your lives, Judah! Sure, I was the one who sent
you there, but let's not quibble about the past."
Tues., March 21 Jeremiah 52: The first chapter of
Jeremiah recounts how Babylon plundered all the best
goodies from God's temple. Those darn interlopers.
Lamentations Overview: With a name like Lamentations,
you know it has to be fun. If fun for you is an A-to-Z report
of exile, death, and no HDTV.
Wed., March 22 Lamentations 1: Exile ABC's:
abandoned, betrayed, cracked, dead, exiled, forgotten,
gloomy, hated, isolated, jagged. Kaput. (Please send
chocolate.)
Thurs., March 23 Lamentations 2: Exile ABC's continued:
loss, mourning, nothingness, obsolescence,
priestlessness, rejection, slavery. Are we having fun yet?
Fri., March 24 Lamentations 3: Exile ABC's finale: terror,
uncertainty, violence, wrath, xenaphobia. Yikes! Zero left
of what we used to have.
Ezekiel 4:9 Bread
(Jana Riess, The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in
140 Characters or Less)
The Bible doesn't contain many recipes; it's more
concerned with telling people what not to eat than
prescribing specific things they should. However, it does
have one interesting scene in which God instructs the
prophet Ezekiel to make a particular kind of bread:
Ezekiel 4:9, 12
And you, take wheat and barley, beans and lentils,
millet and spelt; put them into one vessel, and
make bread for yourself. During the number of
days that you lie on your side, three hundred and
ninety days, you shall eat it. You shall eat it as a
barley-cake, …
In the context of the book of Ezekiel, the recipe is not put
forward as a delightful whole-grain alternative to
processed foods, but as a sign of God's coming
punishment of the people. The message was something
like, "If you all don't repent, then this is the kind of
survivalist garbage you will be reduced to eating during
the coming siege!"
Sat., March 25 Lamentations 4: More of the same. This
chapter is still part of the alphabetical exile poem, but I got
too sad. I also ran out of letters. #LAMEntations
But that hasn't stopped some modern people from treating
this recipe as a sign of the healthy, nutritious fare God
would have for us today. The Food for Life company
produces and markets several versions of Ezekiel 4:9
bread, including variations with sesame, flax, and — I kid
you not – cinnamon-raisin.
Sun., March 26 Lamentations 5: Lamentations ends with
Judah bleating that God has turned its dancing into
mourning. They liked the Psalm 30 version of that much
better.
Fri., March 31 Ezekiel 5: Zeke cuts his own hair in thirds.
One third is burned, one third is sliced up, and one third is
scattered. Object lesson: "This is Jerusalem!" Ah. Not
good.
Ezekiel Overview: Anyone under 30 isn't supposed to
read this book. (But, pssst, you can use a fake ID.)
Sat., April 1 Ezekiel 6: when the corpses of the slain are
scattered and the cities are laid waste, you'll know
Yahweh is Lord. Annual, him, love him…?
Mon., March 27 Ezekiel 1: July 31, 593 BCE: Zeke’s just
chilling out by the river when he has the Bible’s trippiest
vision to date. And that's saying something.
Tues., March 28 Ezekiel 2: God gives Zeke a prophecy so
long it fills two sides of a scroll. Then Zeke has to eat it —
every bite, or he won't get dessert.
Wed., March 29 Ezekiel 3: Though the scroll’s packed
with dire, gloomy words, it tastes sweet to Zeke. Jessica
Seinfeld would call it deceptively delicious. (Note: Jessica
Seinfeld is the author of two cookbooks about preparing
food for families)
Thurs., March 30 Ezekiel 4: God has Zeke build a Lego
model of Jerusalem, then put it under siege and starve out
the Lego people — the Bible's idea of a fun play date.
Sun., April 2 Ezekiel 7: Since the people didn't pay
attention to either the Lego model or the hair analogy, God
turns to poetry here; that'll teach ‘em for sure.
Mon., April 3 Ezekiel 8: The Ghost of Exile Future gives
another scary vision — this one of Abomination HQ, the
Temple. It's the Unholy of Unholy's. Uh Oh.
Tues., April 4 Ezekiel 9: God commands us to go and
slaughter unbelievers, even little kids. (PS Sometimes the
Bible isn’t very bible-ish.)
Wed., April 5 Ezekiel 10: God's glory departs from the
city. That's like in Star Trek when the shields go down and
they're vulnerable to Klingon attacks. A bad sign.
Thurs., April 6 Ezekiel 11: God moves out of Jerusalem
Temple but fails to file a change of address card with the
post office. Present whereabouts unknown.
Fri., April 7 Ezekiel 12: People convince themselves that
Zeke’s visions are for some distant future time in a galaxy
far, far away. They feel much better now.
Sat., April 8 Ezekiel 13: God rails against false prophets
whose messages are too upbeat. “What part of ‘total
annihilation’ did you not understand, liars?"
Sat., April 22 Ezekiel 23: God tells a story of two
prostitutes (hint: one is Jerusalem).
Sun., April 23 Ezekiel 24: God deliberately burns dinner in
a failed cooking experiment. That would be fine, except
that the pot in this story is you. Oh.
Sun., April 9 Palm Sunday
Matthew 21:1–11 Jesus’ Triumphal Entry into
Jerusalem
Mon., April 24 Ezekiel 25: This is the passage that
Samuel L. Jackson quotes in Pulp Fiction just before each
kill. Please don't try this exegesis at home. (Note:
exegesis = interpretation of a text)
Mon., April 10 Ezekiel 14: God: "Even if the righteous
Noah and Job were in Jerusalem, I'd still destroy it." As if
he'd spare Job the first time. Puh-leeze.
Tues., April 25 Ezekiel 26: The sea city of Tyre is going
down: “I will bring you to a horrible end and you will be no
more." Iceberg, right ahead!
Tues., April 11 Ezekiel 15: Short, pithy chapter with our
526th allegory of Jerusalem's impending total distraction.
425 examples were not nearly enough.
Wed., April 26 Ezekiel 27: Zeke offers a lament for the
Tyre-tanic after it is swallowed into the sea. And people
said it was unsinkable. As if.
Wed., April 12 Ezekiel 16: God uses the “whore” word!
Right there in the Bible! He's so sick of us effing around
with other gods that he cusses like a sailor. Whoa.
Thurs., April 13 Maundy Thursday
John 13:1–17, 31b–35 Jesus Washes the
Disciples’ Feet, The New Commandment
Fri., April 14 Good Friday
John 18:1—19:42 The Betrayal and Arrest of
Jesus, Jesus before the High Priest, Peter
Denies Jesus, The High Priest Questions
Jesus, Peter Denies Jesus Again, Jesus before
Pilate, Jesus Sentenced to Death, The
Crucifixion of Jesus, Jesus’ Side Is Pierced,
The Burial of Jesus
Sat., April 15 Ezekiel 17: A once-upon-a-time fable with
eagles as characters. God tried to interest a children’s
publisher, but the ending was too dark.
Sun., April 16 Easter
John 20:1–18 The Resurrection of Jesus,
Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene
Mon., April 17 Ezekiel 18: God scraps the Exodus 20:5
"sins upon the fourth generation" shtick. Plan B: We’re to
blame for our sins but not our parents’. Thanks!
Tues., April 18 Ezekiel 19: The kingdom of Judah is like a
lioness with two wayward cubs named Simba who
disappeared from Pride Rock in shame. Wait, wrong story.
Wed., April 19 Ezekiel 20: Remember: Only you can
prevent forest fires in the Negeb. God's going to turn
arsonist on you if y'all don't change your wicked ways.
Thurs., April 20 Ezekiel 21: God says that his sword,
Babylon, is so potent you're going to tremble with fear.
Fri., April 21 Ezekiel 22: God wants us to stand in the gap:
not just for our buddies, but for sinners. God continues
raising the bar. I can't keep up.
Don't Trust Anyone Under Thirty
(Jana Riess, The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in
140 Characters or Less)
Ezekiel is believed to have been 30 years old when God
called him to be a prophet. And that was a good thing,
because as we've seen, some of the contents of his
prophetic revelation's weren’t exactly rated PG. But there
were also other difficulties with understanding this
disturbing book, so much that some early rabbis restricted
its study to those over the age of 30 and even limited the
class-size of groups that wanted to read it privately.
Bottom line: You might want to skip over this book for your
child's bar or bat mitzvah. Just a suggestion.
Thurs., April 27 Ezekiel 28: God’s still not done with the
laundry list of everything Tyre’s people did wrong. They'd
feel guilty, except they're already dead.
Fri., April 28 Ezekiel 29: Egypt's next, but instead of
drowning the land, God makes it a desert waste. A new
mode of death!
Sat., April 29 Ezekiel 30: God breaks both of Pharaoh’s
arms, then finishes him off with a Babylonian hitman. Wins
career-making roll as Tony Soprano.
Sun., April 30 Ezekiel 31: God sees that his metaphors of
sea disasters and parched earth are falling on deaf ears,
so he turns to "trees felled in forest." Yawn.
Mon., May 1 Ezekiel 32: Pharaoh is condemned to the
realm of the dead to hang out with all the uncircumcised
folks God annihilated. They pass the time playing cards.
Tues., May 2 Ezekiel 33: God makes Zeke "watchman for
Israel" and warns that if he falls asleep on the job he'll be
slain on the spot. This is why we need unions.
Wed., May 3 Ezekiel 34: God runs for Shepherd! Makes
lavish campaign promises of peace and prosperity. Harsh
smear campaign against his rivals, though.
Thurs., May 4 Ezekiel 35: Although we already had a
nasty oracle against Edom, here's another. Yes, the
Edomites are that bad. Wait till we get to Obadiah.
Fri., May 5 Ezekiel 36: God says Israel used to be as
unclean as a woman. Which, if you haven't guessed, is not
a compliment.
Sat., May 6 Ezekiel 37: Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry
bones. Now hear the word of the Lord: toe bone
connected to the foot bone. Foot bone …
Sun., May 7 Ezekiel 38: Zeke glimpses great battle at the
end of time: God will go to war against Israel and lose. I
am all… Agog. Sorry I couldn't resist.
Mon., May 8 Ezekiel 39: God announces the end of the
exile. No more suffering! Well a little less, at any rate. Y'all
come on home from Babylon now, you hear?
Tues., May 9 Ezekiel 40: This begins the benign, happier
chapters of Ezekiel. It's going to end on a high note after
all that death and genocide.
Wed., May 10 Ezekiel 41: Zeke gets VIP virtual tour of the
temple, but next to his visions of UFOs etc., this one's
pretty dull. Mostly an architecture lecture.
Thurs., May 11 Ezekiel 42: Virtual tour resumes for the
backstage pass to the hermetically sealed Holy of Holies.
It's way cooler than the one in the first temple.
Fri., May 12 Ezekiel 43: Breaking news! God might be
returning to his temple after all. Keep those east doors
open and run the vacuum, just in case.
Sat., May 13 Ezekiel 44: Rituals of purity for the temple’s
priests. Take away point: just be relieved you're not one of
them. OCD teetotalers all.
Sun., May 14 Ezekiel 45: Zeke's brave new imagined
world continues by mandating total ritual purity. This
society is not going to sin again, no sir.
Mon., May 15 Ezekiel 46: A crash course in Temple
etiquette: never enter and leave by the same door. Don't
ask why. It's just rude.
Tues., May 16 Ezekiel 47: God’s spirit returns to the
temple, but in a rush of water. We're glad you're back,
God, but can you call a plumber for us?
Attention: God is in the building
(Jana Riess, The Twible: All the Chapters of the Bible in
140 Characters or Less)
The final chapters of Ezekiel are taken up with the hope,
solidifying in Ezekiel's prophetic imaginings, of God
returning to the Jerusalem Temple. Now, God's presence
or absence from the temple was a very big deal in the
Hebrew Bible/Old Testament. Since the time of Solomon,
the people of Jerusalem had put total stock in the promise
that God would never abandon his house. Shortly after the
temple dedication centuries before, God had told
Solomon:
‘I have consecrated this house that you have built,
and put my name there for ever; my eyes and my
heart will be there for all time.’ (I Kings 9:3)
But the people had a remarkable ability to cling to the
promise of God as a permanent protector while ignoring
the inconvenient conditions that insisted that God's
protection was contingent upon their righteousness. We
human beings tend to hear only what we want to hear,
and the people of Jerusalem refused to countenance any
notion that God might someday abandon his chosen
abode.
But abandoned it he did, allowing the Babylonians to
destroy the temple in the city, and crushing the people’s
hopes. Most of the freaky-scary parts of the first two-thirds
of the book of Ezekiel spell out – often in graphic detail —
the reasons why such divine desertion was entirely the
fault of the people. If there are hopeful moments, such as
when Ezekiel commands a field of dead bones to live or
prophesies that the "sticks" of Ephraim/Israel and Judah
will once again become one stick, a single reunited nation
as in the days of old (Ezekiel 37).
The restoration of the temple was an important component
of that hopeful vision of national glory, and the final
chapters of Ezekiel recount what the future temple would
someday be like. The rushing water of chapter 47 is a
metaphor for the fierce, overabundant Spirit that will return
in full force to the temple-to-be. This message must only
have brought hope and wonder to the exiled people,
despite their worries about whether they would be able to
afford to pay the plumber.
Wed., May 17 Ezekiel 48: No more violence, oppression,
or exile! The people are righteous again, so Zeke’s
unemployed. He seems kind of glad about it though.
Daniel Overview: Righteous Jew stands up, stands up for
kosher in the Babylonian court. Say, what's that smell? Is
something burning?
Thurs., May 18 Daniel 1: Jews had Hananiah, Mishael,
and Azariah are forced to use imperial names of
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Like those are
simpler.
Fri., May 19 Daniel 2: Dr. Dan Freud, chief dream
interpreter. Wunderkinder Dan and Co move up corporate
ladder to high positions in Neb’s court.
Sat., May 20 Daniel 3: Refusal to bow down before idol
lands Shad and friends in fiery furnace. But who is this
fourth person saving them? An Angel? God? Batman?
Sun., May 21 Daniel 4: Dan says King Neb’s latest dream
means Neb will be driven from society, start grazing like a
cow, and need a manicurist in the worst way.
Mon., May 22 Daniel 5: New King has Dan decode
strange writing. Dan: "The saying ‘read the writing on the
wall’ will last forever. But your reign? Two hours."
Tues., May 23 Daniel 6: Dan's now on his third King:
Darius. But he arrests Dan for praying three times a day.
Because that is very wrong. Lion jaws are looming.
Fri., June 2 Hosea 3: God still loves Israel, but her
whoring people are turning to other gods and devouring
raisin cakes. Apparently raisin cakes are eeee-vil.
Sat., June 3 Hosea 4: In the criminal justice system are
two separate and unequal groups: the people who commit
crimes and the DA God with 100% convictions.
Sun., June 4 Day of Pentecost
Acts 2:1–21 The Coming of the Holy Spirit, Peter
Addresses the Crowd
Deacon's Easter Flowers
The Deacons are taking orders for
Easter flowers (Lilly, hyacinth,
tulip, daffodil or azalea). Order
form marked flowers are available
at church. All orders must be
placed by March 19th.
Mary Ganczarski (732-446-1318)
Wed., May 24 Daniel 7: Dan's rescued from the lions den,
but is plagued with PTSD vision of four beasts, judgment,
etc. He shuts down and won't discuss it.
Thurs., May 25 Ascension of the Lord
Acts 1:1–11 The Promise of the Holy Spirit, The
Ascension of Jesus
Fri., May 26 Daniel 8: Dan's weird visions make no sense
to him until the angel Gabriel appears to interpret. So
when will Gabe explain the whole Bible to us?
Sat., May 27 Daniel 9: Dan confesses Israel’s sin and
prays for forgiveness. Then Gabe it gives a full-on
apocalyptic lecture that's about as clear as mud
Sun., May 28 Daniel 10: Dan avoids meat, wine, and
lotion for three weeks, then receives new vision. Moral: If
you want a Revelation, shun Jurgens at all costs. (Note:
Jurgens is a brand of lotion)
Mon., May 29 Daniel 11: Prophecy 101. The king of the
south will attack the king of the north. It'll be like the Civil
War, only in Aramaic! Won't that be fun.
Tues., May 30 Daniel 12: Daniel’s big finish is an
apocalyptic vision of the end of days. It's always good to
close with a little drama.
Hosea Overview: God orders prophet Hosea to marry a
whore. This is a recipe for disaster, especially since she
refused her early retirement package.
Wed., May 31 Hosea 1: Quick allegory tips. So, the
hooker/wife is supposed to be you. God’s played by the
prophet even though he's the one named "Ho." Got it? (Ho
= Hosea)
Thurs., June 1 Hosea 2: Hosea’s kids are called "Not
Pitied" and "Not My People." It's so odd that these aren't
found in today's Bible baby name books.
Prayer Requests
Craig’s brother Carl (health) and his wife Winnie
(endurance), family of Elizabeth’s brother-in-law Ian Scott
(death) especially Ian’s wife Joy (health), Bob Bellevue
(health), Barbara Blue’s friend Irene (cancer) and her
family, Leah’s boss Dale (heart health), Helen Burke’s
niece Sandra (breast cancer) and her husband Ron,
Vilma (health), Vilma’s grandaughter-in-law Christen
(healthy pregnancy),Elizabeth Cunningham Fortel
(health), Bob & Mary (health), Helen Granozio (health),
Linda Houde’s co-worker Lara (cancer), Ed & Linda’s
neighbor Jane (hospice), Nancy & Tom Kay (health),
Barbara Kwaak (health), Ryan Green (cancer), George &
Hope’s friend Jim (cancer), Joe McLaughlin (military
service), Ashley (Palmer) (healthy pregnancy), Lil’s
family, especially Erma (health), Lil (endurance), Allan
& James Russell (health), Sharon (endurance), Ruth
Stiles (hospital), Judi (health), Judi’s cousin Gail (breast
cancer), Judi’s co-worker Patty (health), Carter (juvenile
diabetes), Wilma’s sister-in-law Adelle (health), Thomas
A. Zak, Moriah, and her brother Nathan (military service),
those serving in our armed forces and their families, our
elected church leaders (Barbara, Barbara, Cynthia, Don,
Ed, Elizabeth, Faye, George, Jen, Joanne, Judi, Kathleen,
Kathryn, Linda, Mary, Mimie, Norma, Roy, Sue), our
Sunday School, our aging puppies (Martina & Vegas) and
their people
Women’s Retreat
http://www.campjburg.org/event/womens-retreat-2/
April 28 – 30, 2017
Led by Rev. Larissa Kwong Abazia
Rev. Larissa Kwong Abazia serves as the Director of Church Relations at Princeton
Theological Seminary. She holds a B.A. in English from Rutgers University and M.Div. from
Princeton Theological Seminary. She has served congregations in Chicago, Queens (NYC),
and throughout New Jersey. Larissa recently completed a two year term as the Vice
Moderator of the 221st General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.),
traveling across the country to serve as an ambassador for the denomination. Every year
while growing up, her home congregation would have a church retreat at Camp
Johnsonburg so she has many fond memories of these woods. When she’s not doing
“churchy” things, Larissa loves traveling, trying new foods, writing and exploring places with
her husband and five year old son.
Join women of all ages for a weekend of reflection, rejuvenation and recreation!
o Large group sessions o Small group discussions
o Hiking o Massage (available for an additional fee) o Boating
o Campfire o Zipline o Starwatch
o Engaging worship o Fellowship o Laughter
o Made from scratch meals o Cooking demonstration by Chef Ralph
All of this will create a memorable weekend not to be missed!
Retreat Fee: $150 for Group Housing, $170 for Single Housing
The retreat includes: Two Nights Lodging and Friday Dinner through Sunday Lunch
For more information and to register online visit www.campjburg.org
If you have any questions, email: [email protected] or call: (908) 852-2349
Johnsonburg Camp and Retreat Center • 822 County Road 519 • Johnsonburg NJ