Help Guide to Giving Feedback on Student Writing for School of Business Instructors
Theresa Bell, Writing Centre Coordinator
Royal Roads University Writing Centre, December 2012
This guide is a tool for School of Business instructors who would like information and examples to assist them with giving feedback on student writing. The items
are presented in alphabetical order within the categories, and the document should be used as a reference guide for instructors versus an instructional tool to be
distributed to students. If students need information on any of the issues addressed within the document, please direct them to the Writing Centre website
(http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-centre), or invite them to contact the Writing Centre ([email protected]). This guide is not intended to be a
comprehensive overview of all elements of writing that could be addressed in feedback; rather, it presents information on common mistakes made by students.
Please note that the information provided may not reflect professor- or program-specific expectations; instructors should check with their respective program
offices to determine if there are program-specific requirements for student writing.
Please feel welcome to contact the Writing Centre ([email protected]) for any questions on the contents of this guide.
© Royal Roads University, 2012
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Table of contents
Grammar ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 4
Capitalization......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 4
Personal versus objective pronouns ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. 4
Pronoun agreement ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. 4
Pronoun point-of-view.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 5
Vague pronouns ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 5
Sentences ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 6
Active versus passive voice ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 6
Incomplete sentence/sentence fragment.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 6
Sentence length.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 7
Subject-verb agreement ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 7
Punctuation ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. 8
Dash ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 8
Run-on sentences ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 8
Semicolons ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 9
Serial comma ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 9
Spacing after sentences.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 10
Structure ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. 10
Paragraph conclusion sentences..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 10
Paragraph topic sentences ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 10
Thesis statement ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ 11
3
Readability ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. 11
Consistent logic and direction throughout the paper .................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 11
Formatting.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. 12
Chicago Manual of Style .................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 12
Bibliography .......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... 13
4
Item
Rule
Example
Sample feedback
More information
Example: I learned about the presidents of the United
Incorrect
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
States in school today.
capitalization
centre/writing/grammar/capitalization
Grammar
Capitalization
Capitalize:

I

Proper nouns (specific

people, places, or things)
Example: I learned about President Barack Obama, who
Titles that precede a
is the president of the United States, in school today.
person’s name

The first word of a
sentence
Personal versus
objective pronouns
Use the personal pronoun
Incorrect: I interviewed the scientist that conducted the
Missing personal
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
“who” to refer to people; use
research.
pronoun
centre/writing/grammar/parts-
the relative pronoun “that” to
refer to objects or animals.
speech/pronouns/who-or-whom-or-which
Correct: I interviewed the scientist who conducted the
research.
Pronoun agreement
A singular pronoun must be
Example: The student will submit their paper by the due
Pronoun number
http://library.royalroads.ca/grammar/num
used to replace/refer back to a
date.
disagreement
ber-agreement
singular noun; similarly, a
plural pronoun must be used
Problem: “Student” is singular, so the singular “his or her”
for a plural noun.
pronoun is necessary to have number agreement and
avoid any sexist bias in the language by using only “his”
or “her”. “Their” is a plural pronoun, not a neutral singular
pronoun.
5
Solution: The student will submit his or her paper by the
due date, or the students will submit their papers by the
due date.
“Students”, “their” and “papers” are all plural, maintaining
the plural form of the subject, verb, and object within the
sentence.
Pronoun point-ofview
There are three possible
Example: When planning a response to an emergency,
Pronoun point-of-
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
points-of-view, and the points-
people should plan to be without food or water for three
view disagreement
centre/writing/grammar/parts-
of-view should be kept
days. You can expect that there may also be power
speech/pronouns/agreement-person-
consistent within sentences:
outages. They may also need to leave their homes.
point-view

First person: I, me

Second person: you
Problem: “They” is the third-person pronoun that refers to

Third person: he, she,
“people”. “You” uses the second-person voice.
they.
Solution: When planning a response to an emergency,
people should plan to be without food or water for three
days. They can expect that there may also be power
outages. People may also need to leave their homes.
Vague pronouns
A pronoun takes the place of a
Example: Scientists determined that the three primary
Vague pronoun
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
noun (person, place, or thing)
factors that influenced development were age,
centre/writing/grammar/parts-
or refers back to a noun. A
intelligence, and location. This was a surprise as no one
speech/pronouns/avoid-vague-pronouns
vague pronoun is ambiguous
had previously connected it to the problem.
6
as to which noun it refers.
Problem: It isn’t clear what is referred to by “this”, or
which factor is referred to by “it”.
Solution: Scientists determined that the three primary
factors that influenced development were age,
intelligence, and location. Location was a surprise as no
one had previously connected it to the problem.
Sentences
Active versus
passive voice
In the active voice, the noun
Example: The paper was submitted, graded, and then
does the action described by
returned.
Passive voice
http://library.royalroads.ca/writingcentre/writing/grammar/parts-
the verb to the subject of the
speech/verbs/passive-versus-active-
sentence. In passive voice, the
Problem: The sentence is in passive voice and doesn’t
subject of the sentence is
name who did the submitting, grading, and returning.
verbs
acted upon, and usually the
agent of the action isn’t named.
Solution in active voice: The student submitted the
Active voice tends to be
paper, and then the professor graded it and returned it.
clearer, less wordy, and has
the action of the sentence
expressed at the beginning of
the sentence.
Incomplete
sentence/sentence
The sentence has a subject
Incorrect: Making up her mind quickly. Sarah decided to
Sentence fragment
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
and a verb, but is missing the
buy the red car.
Incomplete sentence
centre/writing/grammar/sentences/sente
rest of the sentence in order to
nce-errors/sentence-fragment
7
fragment
make sense. Usually authors
Correct: Making up her mind quickly, Sarah decided to
created sentence fragments by
buy the red car.
placing a period where a
comma is actually required.
Sentence length
A general guideline for
Example: When you write a sentence, it is important to
Watch sentence
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
sentence length is that one
keep in mind that your reader must be able to remember
length – keep to
centre/writing/grammar/sentences/sente
sentence shouldn’t exceed 25
what you said at the beginning of the sentence or else
approx. 25 words
nce-errors/run-sentences
words. Sentences that are
they won’t be able to remember what you wanted them
max.
longer than 25 words tend to
to be thinking about from the beginning through to the
be hard to follow because there
end of the sentence, which means that they probably
are too many subjects for one
won’t be able understand the key message of the
sentence.
sentence (71 words).
Problem: The sentence, though punctuated correctly, is
too long.
Solution: If a sentence is too long, readers will
not remember the point of the message (15 words).
Subject-verb
agreement
If the subject of the sentence is
Incorrect: The results (plural) demonstrates (singular) the
Subject-verb
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
singular/plural, the verb must
effectiveness of the study.
disagreement
centre/writing/grammar/sentences/sente
match in number. Therefore, a
nce-errors/subject-verb-agreement
plural subject needs to be
Correct: The results (plural) demonstrate (plural) the
matched with a plural verb.
effectiveness of the study.
8
Incorrect: Everyone (singular because it’s a group noun)
are (plural) leaving now.
Correct: Everyone (singular) is (singular) leaving now.
Punctuation
Dash
Dashes indicate an interruption
Authors most often use dashes when they are unsure of
Avoid dashes in
To learn how to punctuate a sentence
in the flow of a sentence.
the correct wording or punctuation. In general, dashes
formal writing
correctly, see “Punctuating sentences:
should be avoided in formal academic writing because
Commas, semicolons, and colons”
they’re usually used incorrectly.
(Available at
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
Incorrect: The researchers contacted 100 participants –
centre/writing/grammar/punctuation).
30 of whom were in British Columbia – but only 20
replied.
Correct: The researchers contacted 100 participants, 30
of whom were in British Columbia, but only 20 replied.
Run-on sentences
A run-on sentence isn’t just a
Run-on sentence: My dog is a Golden Retriever, she is
sentence that has gone on for
friendly.
centre/writing/grammar/sentences/sente
too long. The term refers to a
Correct versions:
nce-errors/run-sentences
specific grammatical mistake.

My dog is a Golden Retriever, and she is friendly.
A run-on sentence is a

My dog is a Golden Retriever; she is friendly.
sentence created by incorrectly

My dog is a Golden Retriever. She is friendly.
joining two independent
clauses.
Run-on sentence
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
9
Semicolons
Semicolons have two
Incorrect: The researchers presented their paper at the
functions:
conference; and the paper was also published in a book.
Incorrect semi-colon
See “Punctuating sentences: Commas,
semicolons, and colons” (Available at
1. To join 2 independent
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
clauses without using a
Correct: The researchers presented their paper at a
conjunction.1
conference; the paper was also published in a book.
centre/writing/grammar/punctuation)
2. To separate list items when
the items have commas
2
within them.
Incorrect: Some cities in Canada are Victoria, British
Columbia, Calgary, Alberta, Winnipeg, Manitoba, and
Montreal, Quebec.
Correct: Some of the provincial capital cities in Canada
are Victoria, British Columbia; Edmonton, Alberta;
Winnipeg, Manitoba; and Toronto, Ontario.
Serial comma
“When a conjunction joins the
Incorrect: The study measured participants’ ability to
last two elements in a series of
recognize colours, sounds and shapes.
Missing serial comma
See paragraph 6.18 in the Chicago
Manual of Style Online
three or more, a comma—
known as the serial or series
Correct: The study measured participants’ ability to
comma or the Oxford comma—
recognize colours, sounds, and shapes.
should appear before the
conjunction. Chicago strongly
1
University of Chicago, “Use of the SemiColon,”in Chicago Manual of Style Online, ed. University of Chicago Press (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2010), 6.54,
http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org.ezproxy.royalroads.ca/16/ch06/ch06_sec054.html
2
Ibid.
10
recommends this widely
practiced usage.”3
Spacing after
sentences
The publishing norm is 1 space
Spacing between
See paragraph 6.1 in the Chicago
after the closing punctuation of
sentences.
Manual of Style Online
a sentence. Paragraph 6.1 of
the Chicago Manual of Style
endorses this approach.
Structure
Paragraph
conclusion
sentences
Paragraph topic
sentences
Each paragraph should have a
Example: Therefore, considering that leaders are
Missing/unclear
See “Writing an academic paragraph”
conclusion that wraps up the
responsible for promoting excellence in their employees,
conclusion
(Available from
contents of the paragraph and
it is important that they are first able to address their own
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
reminds the reader of how the
strengths and challenges before they provide guidance
centre/writing/structure/paragraphs).
paragraph topic connects to
to others in an effort to improve productivity and the
the thesis statement.
effectiveness of the unit.
Since each paragraph focuses
Example: Self-awareness is essential to skilled
Missing/unclear topic
See “Writing an academic paragraph”
on one topic, every paragraph
leadership because a self-aware individual can identify
sentence
(Available from
should have a topic sentence
his or her strengths and challenges and address them
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
that identifies the focus for the
appropriately.
centre/writing/structure/paragraphs).
rest of the paragraph. A
3
common error in academic
The rest of the paragraph should define self-awareness
writing is that the topic
and explain why being able to identify and address
sentence doesn’t reflect the
strengths and challenges is important in the development
University of Chicago, “Serial Comma,”in Chicago Manual of Style Online, ed. University of Chicago Press (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2010), 6.18,
http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org.ezproxy.royalroads.ca/16/ch06/ch06_sec018.html
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Thesis statement
rest of the paragraph.
of a skilled leader.
The thesis statement, which
Poor: After reading the introduction, the reader can’t
Missing/weak thesis
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
appears in the introduction,
identify the focus of the paper.
statement
centre/writing/structure/thesis-statements
Break in flow
For more information on planning a
should be one or two
sentences that present an
Better: In this paper, I will examine the three primary
overview of the topic to be
qualities required for good leadership.
addressed within the paper.
For novice authors, an easy
Better still: To increase the efficiency and efficacy of their
way to start a thesis statement
organizations, leaders within the field of health care
is “In this paper, I will…”.
management must possess self-awareness, empathy,
and excellent communication skills.
Readability
Consistent logic
and direction
throughout the
paper
The information in the paper
should connect easily from one
document:
focus to the next. If the reader
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-
has to stop at any point to try to
centre/writing/structure/planning-paper
figure out what the author is
saying, the flow of the paper
will be broken. Usually,
problems with flow and logic
are a result of the author not
planning the direction and
details of the paper before
starting to write.
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Formatting
Please refer to the School of Business formatting standard for written assignments policy, available through a FoM program office, course website, or also available here:
http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-centre/resources/faculty-management/school-business
Chicago Manual of Style
Please refer to the resources available in the Chicago Manual of Style section of the Writing Centre website: http://library.royalroads.ca/writing-centre/writing/citingresources/chicago-manual-style
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Bibliography
University of Chicago. “Serial Comma.” In Chicago Manual of Style Online, edited by the University of Chicago Press. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2010.
http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org.ezproxy.royalroads.ca/16/ch06/ch06_sec018.html
University of Chicago. “Use of the Semicolon.” In Chicago Manual of Style Online, edited by the University of Chicago Press. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2010.
http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org.ezproxy.royalroads.ca/16/ch06/ch06_sec054.html