A Non-Profit Ministry of First Pres Berkeley
Fall 2016 Newsletter
COME AS YOU ARE
By: Kristen Gustavson, LCSW, PhD
So lay down your burdens
Lay down your shame
All who are broken
Lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home
You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt
Lay down your heart
Come as you are
@2014 9t One Songs
These are the lyrics to the chorus of the David
Crowder song “Come as You Are” and they are some of my favorites. As Christian counselors, this is our
greatest hope for our clients; that they will come as they are with all their burdens, history, shame, hurt, and
trauma and that we will have a chance to partner with them and with God in their own hard work of healing
and wholeness.
Unfortunately, our society values perfection. Very few of us put forth our foibles on Facebook, which is
instead full of smiling pictures, enviable vacations, and tremendous accomplishments. These are the perfect
attributes and experiences that are showcased to us and that we curate for others. However, things rarely
turn out for us the way they look on Instagram.
Frankly, it’s all pretty exhausting, and this hamster wheel of perfectionism can leave us feeling more and
more guilty, burdened, and ashamed. So, how do we get off the hamster wheel and come as we are? In part,
this can be helped by understanding that we are first beloved, and I mean all of us! For people of faith, our
understanding of our belovedness is deepened with the knowledge that we belong to Christ and to each
other in community; beloved and belonging.
When we become too focused on being or doing it all perfectly, we can forget that regardless of who we are
or what we do (and often in spite of), we are loved by God. Knowing we are deeply loved releases the
pressure valve of having to do and to be perfect all the time. Understanding our
belovedness is easier said than done; many people simply don’t believe they are loved. If
they’ve experienced love it’s usually conditional. Recognizing our belovedness is an
ongoing process. Counseling can help, and at Berkeley Christian Counselors we lean on God
to help reveal the belovedness to each and every client who comes through our doors. So,
come as you are. And as the song says, “So lay down your burdens; lay down your shame,
all who are broken, lift up your face...come as you are.”
(510) 548-5858 [email protected] First Presbyterian Church of Berkeley, McKinley Hall, 2407 Dana Street, Berkeley, CA 94704
COUPLE CHECK-UP:
A Marriage Enrichment Course
by: Mark Farley, MFT Intern
I had the pleasure of working with our Executive Director, Kristen
Gustavson, in conducting a marriage enrichment group that focused on providing tools and information for
those wishing to take a closer look at their couple relationships. The group was called “The Couple Check-Up”,
a four session program that took place this past June. The committed couple
“Love is an irresistible
relationship is one that God, at the end of Genesis 2, elevated to the highest
desire to be irresistibly
human interaction on Earth by noting a separation from parents and a joining
desired” — Robert Frost.
with another to become “one flesh.” No other human relationship is given this
intended distinction. While the idea of becoming one is a wonderful Godendorsed idea, it is not one that comes about magically as shown in TV movies. Relationships are a lot of work
and sometimes require help to flourish. “The Couple Check-Up” is one such source of help utilizing research to
address common issues faced by couples in all stages of their relationships.
The three main goals of this group were to celebrate relationship strengths, identify issues of disagreement
that need resolution, and to encourage the couples to talk about their relationship. We began by stressing the
importance of a couple check-up while highlighting couples’ existing strengths. These strengths are important
as they provide the backbone and support for facing the inevitable challenges all relationships will encounter.
Celebrating these strengths often is a great way to keep them fresh until they are needed for more trying
times. The group then focused on couple communication which is most often referenced as the key to
successful relationships. Research shows that this is very true. Common
“Trust is built in very small
communication pitfalls were examined as well as exercises in listening
moments in which one person
and learning to ask for what one needs in a relationship. While
turns toward their partner when
communication is vital to relationship success, financial issues are the
they’re in need. When our
most common source of stress for couples and families. Incompatible
partner responds positively, by
views and attitudes about money make conflict more likely. Brief
being there for us, that builds
questionnaires were given to gain an idea of the meaning each partner
trust.” — John Gottman
attaches to money, as well as an exploration of financial goals noting
potential incongruities. The closing session addressed couple intimacy
and an examination of the building blocks of trust that make couple intimacy possible in the first place. Given
the totality of topics covered, couples were asked about their goals and encouraged to explore ways to turn
plans into action.
“The Couple Check-Up” proved to be a good short-term look at important relationship components. Couple
contributions and personal reflections added useful depth to group discussions throughout the sessions.
Personally, I found the myriad experiences educational and appreciated the willingness of participants to
share deeply personal events. As God assists each couple in perfecting their oneness, it is helpful to
remember that no limit is placed on sources of inspiration in achieving that purpose. Just like a car requires a
mechanic’s tune-up to determine what is working and what is not, marriage requires direction, maintenance,
and attention to keep it running smoothly. Taking the time to reflect on the marriage relationship is an
important part of growing as a couple.
“The Couple Check-Up” will be offered again at Berkeley Christian Counselors in Winter 2017.
“Great, concrete ideas and goals that we could actualize…very valuable”
– Couple Check-Up Participant
MEET OUR NEW
BERKELEY CHRISTIAN COUNSELORS
ADVISORY BOARD
We are grateful to announce our new Berkeley
Christian Counselors Advisory Board. We look
forward to the contribution that these talented
individuals will bring to the mission and vision of our
counseling center.
Bonnie Ho
Psychologist, EdD, MS, DASD
Julie Sept
Sr. Admin. & Operations
Executive
Jonathan Maddox, LMFT
RESOURCE CORNER
Berkeley Christian Counselors
recommends
HOLD ME TIGHT:
SEVEN CONVERSATIONS FOR A
LIFETIME OF LOVE
by Dr. Sue Johnson
“At last, a road map
through Emotionally
Focused Couple Therapy
with its creator. Dr.
Johnson’s superb science,
humor, and clinical
wisdom are finally
accessible to all of us. I
couldn’t pick a smarter,
warmer, and more real
guide for this journey.”
— John Gottman, PhD
UPCOMING SUPPORT GROUPS
WIDOWS/WIDOWERS GRIEF RECOVERY GROUP
This group is open to widows and widowers of all ages no matter where they are in the grief process.
Whether you have recently lost a spouse or your partner died years ago, all who are interested in working
through their grief are welcome. We provide a safe place to share experiences of loss and grief, facilitate an
understanding of the grieving process, encourage hope, and provide support.
Dates and Times: Sundays, 9/25—12/4, 1:00–3:30 pm
Location: Room M310, McKinley Hall
Cost: $15 fee for the workbook, Grief Recovery: A Workbook for
Widows & Widowers by Robyn Ledwith Mar
Registration: Pre-registration required. For more information,
contact Merrilee Mitchell at (510) 482-5296 or
[email protected]
UPCOMING SUPPORT GROUPS CONTINUED
PARENTING WITH HEART
Guiding children and loving them well from infancy through the elementary school years is the beginning of a
grand adventure. As parents, we have high aspirations for our children, but often feel frustrated when our
parenting does not result in the loving and wise connection we want with our kids. This workshop goes
beyond parenting for “success” to help you build a loving relationship that honors your child’s unique
temperament, builds skill in navigating emotions and challenging behaviors, and makes the most of your
child’s personality and potential.
Jeanne James is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and has many years of
experience working with parents and couples. She will offer practical instruction and
engaging interaction to help you understand the role of emotional connection in family
relationships, and teach key strategies for improving your child’s well-being and
behavior.
Some things you will learn:
 Understand the complex role and nature of emotions from a social/biological perspective;
 Identify your parenting style;
 Learn the five steps of emotion coaching;
 Gain tools for effective problem solving;
 Discover practical skills for fostering emotional health in families with “spirited” (high intensity, low
mood, high impulsivity) partners and children.
Date: Saturday, October 22, 2016
Time: 9 am—12:30 pm
Cost: $65 per couple/$40 individual (childcare available for a fee with advance reservations)
Location: Room M310, McKinley Hall
Registration: For more information or to register, contact Berkeley Christian Counselors at (510) 548-5858 or
[email protected].
CHRISTIAN PARENTS OF GAY, LESBIAN, BI-SEXUAL, OR TRANSGENDER CHILDREN
Join us in a safe and confidential support group for parents and family members who are navigating this
journey. Lean in for support and prayer for our kids and each other. Remembering that God loves our
children even more than we do, this monthly parent-led group is a place of mutual caring rather than
debate.
Dates and Times: The group meets 7:30–9 pm, 1st Wednesday of the month.
Cost: Free to participants
Registration: For more information and group meeting location, inquire confidentially through Berkeley
Christian Counselors at (510) 548-5858 or [email protected].
Scholarship funds are available for all groups based on financial need.
Meet our Newest Staff Members
Counselor Corner
Robert Schier, M.D.
Bob is a physician and psychotherapist. His interests include helping adults deal with
depression, anxiety, loneliness, and problems with relationships, jobs, and long-term goals.
He has experience in dealing with issues of illness, aging, grief, and death. He uses both
psychodynamic approaches to therapy as well as cognitive and behavioral therapy
techniques.
Jacqueline Ong, Associate Clinical Social Worker
Jacqueline has a master's degree in Social Work from California State University
Northridge. Working from a strengths-based perspective, she is passionate about helping
individuals discover the beauty in the way they've been made. Jacqueline draws from a
variety of approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy and solution-focused therapy,
often incorporating wellness practices such as mindfulness and client self-care.
Mark Farley, Marriage & Family Intern
Mark has a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from The University of San
Francisco. He enjoys working with adolescents, adults, and couples. He is trained in
PREPARE/ENRICH for couples and pre-marriage counseling, and participated in an
externship for Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy. He utilizes the relationship-building
aspect of a client-centered approach with interests in Attachment Theory and
psychodynamic therapy applications.
Daisy Biggers, Marriage & Family Trainee
Daisy is committed to helping clients uncover their authentic selves and live a life of selfforgiveness and freedom. She approaches therapeutic relationships with compassion,
acceptance, and empathy. She enjoys working with adolescents, adults, and couples, and
works to create a comfortable atmosphere full of honesty and grace, where clients are
known and heard. She takes a strengths-based, client-centered, integrative approach. Daisy
is in her final year of the Master’s in Counseling Psychology from The Wright Institute.
Patricia Cunningham, MTS, MS, MA, Marriage & Family Trainee
Rev. Trish Cunningham is an Episcopal priest and mother of four young adults. As a result,
she has a special interest in the issues affecting people in their late teens to early thirties.
She brings a great deal of experience in pastoral care and counseling from her years of
ordained ministry and more recently as a master's candidate in mental health counseling.
Among her other areas of interest are grief, sexuality, and spirituality. Trish also provides
inclusive premarital counseling utilizing her PREPARE/ENRICH training.
Would you like more information about Berkeley Christian Counselors? Please contact us at the phone number or
email listed above. We are happy to answer questions, provide resources, or schedule an informational meeting
about the services that we offer.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus, the Messiah! He is our merciful Father and
the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our suffering, so that we may be able to comfort
others in all their suffering, as we ourselves are being comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
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