ZachLeMay `s pack
Created by the awesome site http://customcardsagainsthumanity.com
Chuck E. Cheese's...
The real cool place
to ______.
The mystery is
solved. _____ did it
with _____ in the
_____.
Why did the chicken
cross the road?
_____. Where ____
happens.
_____. Not how I
pictured my first
time happening.
_____. That's how
AIDS was created.
What did the Fox
say?
What happens in
Vegas, stays in
Vegas. Except for
_____. That shit will
follow you
everywhere.
Tyler Perry's newest
movie, _____,
features an entirely
white cast.
Sitting on
Pinocchio's face
while you keep
begging him to lie
Donald Trump's
beach body
The Black Mamba
Santa's sack
Female eggs for
breakfast
Butt Pirates
Chesticals
The bright side of
segregation
The Hamburgler's
meat
Naughty Skyping
Siegfried and Roy
making a penis
disappear
A Dick Dynasty
Ending Frosty The
Snowman's
existence with a
snowblower
Shakira's hips being
full of shit
Magic Mike
Getting bullied by
Richie Incognito
Yummy Yodelers
Slutty lips
Attention whores
Martin Luther King's
dream getting
caught in a dream
catcher
Kenny Powers
LeBron's hairline
Getting head from a
vacuum cleaner
Thomas Jefferson
making love to
slaves
Joe Budden using a
breast pump
Bow-Wow and his
limo driver
Chris Webber
timeouts
Daddy's little
princess
A forced fart leading
to dynamite diarrhea
Keggers and bitches
Accidental
threesome
Malaysia Airlines
Carpooloing with
Tracy Morgan
Puke n' rally
A career ending
blowjob.
Jerry Tarkanian
nibbling on my
shower towel
Sherlock Holmes
burning ants with
his magnifying glass
Watching women's
tennis with a bottle
of Jergens lotion
Mexican fire fighters
that can't tell the
difference between
hose A and hose B
Penis playgorund
Getting pissed on by
R-Kelly
Playing tug of war
with anal beads
Snapchatting dick
pics
Getting fingered by
Wolverine
Waking up next to
Bill Cosby
Lighting farts with a
Yankee Candle
Gerbils tickling
Richard Gere's butt
hole
Sperm bullets
One handed typing
Getting slimed by
Summer Sanders
Black kids wearing
hoodies
Curbside blowjobs
Don King's pubic
hair
Anal play from a
chimney sweeper
Peter North
Ronald McDonald
hiding in the ball bin
Sperm donors
HIV positive
Santa's naughty list
Two girls, One Cup
Binders full of
women
Dallas Buyers Club
Shooting Old Yeller
in the back of the
head with a shotgun
Octomom
Peeping Toms
Eskimo brothers
Eskimo kisses
Pussies that purr
Wee Willy Winkie
Michael Sam eating
dick shaped food
Pitching a tent in the
woods with a shit
load of boy scouts
Girl scouts whoring
themselves out to
sell cookies
Rocket Power!
Testicular
manslaughter
Silent but deadly
farts
Precum
Black guy band-aids
Cyber sex
Nude twister
Using Pinocchio's
nose as a dildo
Michael J. Fox doing
the Harlem shake
Manti Te'o's
girlfriend
Lieutenant Dan
Horse porn
Getting punked by
Ashton Kutcher
Scrotum ornaments
Derek Jeter gift
baskets
"I can't breathe."
Jack Mormons
Popping a bath salt
before performing
oral
Pocket pool
Chicks in yoga
pants
Edward 40 hands
Trailer park girls
The Blue
Barracudas
Catfishing Manti
Te'o
DMX barking in my
face
The Bro code
The Playbook
Poopy puppies
Used Tampons
Pouring a bottle of
drano down a
bloody vagina
Princess Diana's
limo driver
The ShamWow
Pussy paradise
R.L. Stine getting
goosebumps while
receiving a blumpkin
A Hand Job from
Edward
Scissorhands
Quailman
Coming up with a
legitimate excuse to
turn down for what
Pimp Juice
Janet Jackson's left
tit
Wearing
headphones in the
club
Captain Planet
Unfriending
MySpace Tom
Crashing on a
stationary bike
Taste of the future
Getting a handjob in
an above ground
pool
Christopher Reeve
popping wheelies
Playing twister with
Christopher Reeve
The right reasons
Kenan and Kel
White boys who flow
John fuckin Rocker
Crying like a little
bitch
Finding out that
Shawn Kemp is your
dad
Nude beaches
Nude bitches
Sticking your dick in
the mashed
potatoes
Going black, but
then coming back
Playing hide and go
seek with Osama
Bin Laden
Using your real
name in a lesbian
chat room on AOL
Instant Messenger
....Fuck I don't know
Screaming fuck as
loud as you can in a
megaphone
Coming home to
Eminem cleaning
out your closet
Baking cookies with
Ja Rule
Lassie saving your
ass
Stretch Armstrong
pulling a hamstring
A Mormon with
Tourette's
Taking a shit in a
corn maze
Finding a mugshot
of your ex
A bender with
Whitney Houston
Trying to figure out
where the fuck
Carmen San Diego
is
Tae-bo workout
videos
Getting lubed up by
Aquaman
Snorting the powder
at the bottom of a
cereal box
Sex Velcro
Getting shot with the
golden gun
Getting tail-gated by
some bitch in a jetta
Donkey Kong
pounding the
absolute shit out of
the ground for some
God damn bananas
Boys who swallow
Walking into a
transgender
bathroom and
finding a woman
trying to pee
standing up
Snow White
dwarfing all seven
dwarfs
Ripping out anal
beads as if you were
starting a lawn
mower
Sucking your lovers
ass so hard that
their face caves in
Having grandma knit
your vagina closed
with every stitch
filled with love so
that you never have
to bleed ever again
A painful, meat
chomping, group
orgy with the
freezing, meat and
sex hungry
members of the
Donor Party
Mormon porn names
like "Dick'em
Young"
Lindsay Lohan
coughing on a
senior citizen and
giving them alcohol
poisoning
The regret of sitting
on Hannibal Lecter's
face
Legally and morally
questionable group
chats
Bob Marley's weed
cave
Testicles with smiley
faces finger-painted
on them
Ordering Aspergers
at a burger joint
Southern black
dudes with a shit
load of soul playing
the harmonica
Colonel Mustard,
with his lead pipe, in
the bedroom
Basic bitches
A big bag full of
douche
Getting hazed by
sexually frustrated
frat boys
Sorority girls that
don't put out
A push pop used as
a sex toy
Iced out butt plugs
Letting your cell
phone vibrate on
your lap because it
feels good
Streaming porn from
your phone
Homie handshakes
Heisenberg
Uncle Cracker's
happy trail
Plastic boobies
Women shopping in
the frozen food
section
A gentle blind man
getting a throbbing
boner after touching
your face
The terrifying
sounds of deaf
people's orgasms
Women having heart
to hearts in public
restrooms
Intense bare assed
spankings from
Martha Stewart with
a spatula
8 mermen getting
jacked off at the
same time by an
octopus
Stuart Scott's spirit
Farmers that get
sexually aroused
when milking cows
Going in the far
entrance of the
grocery store to
avoid the Salvation
Army Holiday bell
ringers
Mike Tyson's rape
dungeon
Jonah Hill tucking
his dick under his
beer belly to hide his
boner
69ing while hanging
on the jungle gym
Bad boner position
Booster funded
abortions
AA party girls
Bananas in pajamas
Losing your virginity
at age 11 in the back
of an ice cream
truck
Selling drugs out of
the trunk of your
grandmas pink Mary
Kay Cadillac
A perfectly
proportioned
petrified penis of a
past prince of Persia
Dead baby gang
bang
The birds and bees
talk with creepy
uncles
Spring break with
Carson Daly
Geraldo Rivera
taking your ass for a
mustache ride
The Penn State
coaching staff
Aunt Jemima
Two dudes on a jet
ski
Receiving a wet
willie from Willie
Nelson
Aaron Hernandez
signing with Mean
Machine
Doing blow in a
sani-hut
Tom Brady's
deflated balls
The explanation of
how Bob Costas got
pink eye
The Black Annie
movie
Lil Sebastian
pinching Ariel's
nipples
Captain Hook
performing an
abortion
Spiderman
orgasming out of his
wrists
Taking a dump in a
display toilet
Rocking crack
babies to sleep
Waking up feeling
like P-Diddy
Farting into a
megaphone
Accidentally
piercing your prom
date's nipple from
putting on their
boutonniere
Spanking Ben
Affleck's butt chin
for being a naughty
boy
Boats and Hoes
Black chicks
chasing waterfalls
The Men's
Warehouse not
liking the way you
look
Adrian Peterson's
belt
Turning off the AC
for house warming
parties
Hilary Clinton's pant
suits
Al Gore's scrotum
Chris Harrison
notifying you that it
is time to say your
goodbyes after an
unexpected breakup
Juan Pablo telling
you that it's ok
Internet surfing in
your bathing suit
Ticklish Japs
Chocolate Thunder
The office skank
Judge Mills Lane
showing you some
dicipline
Lots of fucking
celery
Eating a seahorse to
improve your
erection
A bumble bee
sucking all of the
nectar out of a
flower until the
honey sac is full for
other worker bees to
suck from
Trading beads and
acid with a Native
American for a hit
from his peace pipe
and one hour with
his daughter in his
tipi
Walking in on
mommy kissing
Santa Clause
underneath the
mistletoe
Crashing Aaron
Carter's party
Flipper's blowhole
Sliding your hand
down a kangaroos
pouch
Cocky black guys
grabbing their
crotch while saying
how fine you are
Pooped wranglers at
the rodeo
Acting slutty at the
pumpkin patch
Jerry Sandusky
turning Tight Ends
into Wide Receivers
A strippers Linkedin
profile
Masterbating in the
mirror
Darius Rucker's
farmers tan
Adolf Hitler's gas bill
The countless times
the Toy Story toys
were forced to watch
Andy masturbate
Noise complaints
against Charlie
Chaplin
Slamming on the
breaks in your
undies
My Gynecologist
likes what he sees
Caitlyn Jenner
getting off to
pictures of Bruce
Jenner
Wearing your boxers
backwards so you
don't have to take
them off when you
go poop
Being on poop
patrol for Clifford
the Big Red Dog
A white guy named
Darnell
Blue not leaving any
clues
Temporary Mike
Tyson tattoos
LeVar Burton from
Reading Rainbow
Getting RoboBoned
by RoboCop
Expired V-cards
Literally hanging out
with Robin Williams
Michael Phelps
practicing the
breaststroke in my
waterbed
Keeping my bitch on
a leash
A handjob from the
blind girl next door
got weird because
the bumps on my
penis read
something in braille
that upset her
Realizing that Rosa
Parks has no swag
because cool kids
embrace sitting in
the back of the bus
Spider-Man working
so hard to spin a
web that he actually
shits
The Kool-Aid Man
having an orgasm
Hellen Keller's first
time
Saving Private Ryan
from shaving Private
Bryan's private parts
Sexual belt things
Negotiating negroes
Squidward's butt
hole being tickled by
seaweed
A wife beater
wearing a wife
beater
Krusty the Clown's
crusty cum
Uncle Sam wanting
me
Skinny dipping with
fat people
Shoving the lead
from a mechanical
pencil in my
boyfriend's piss
hole
Dominating your
lover with a belt
buckle
The crippled and
severely
handicapped
Walmart greeters
Armed fellatio
McGruff the Crime
Dog being arrested
for urinating on a
fire hydrant in public
Forest Whitaker's OFace
Doing some weird
shit... All for a
fucking Klondike
Bar
Lenny Kravitz
rocking out with his
cock out
Blind negro men
who can't read
Braille
Finding Waldo...
Inside of your little
sister
Learning about
house arrest
through city league
basketball
Paul Bunyan gently
rubbing his Big Blue
Ox
A swarm of angry
bees attacking
Winnie the Pooh's
honey filled pooh
hole
Using the strong
retarded boy down
the street to change
your tire
Getting a tattoo of a
dollar bill on your
penis so you can
watch your money
grow or watch your
girlfriend blow a
dollar
Pregnant prom
dates
Hitler's house
warming party
A truckers load
Finding Michael
Jackson's other
glove in a little boys
rectum
Tinker Bell being
way too tight
Shaft's shaft
Her period turning
out to be more like
an exclamation point
Catwoman's litter
box
Humpty Dumpty's
crack
Candy Crush
cavities
Bros, bitches, beer,
Benadryl, and
banging
Undressed Uncles
Bella making both
Edward and Jacob
her little bitch
Clarissa not
explaining it all
Alanis Morissette's
lavender scented
vagina
Mr. Popper popping
a boner and proudly
letting penguins
peck away at his
pronounced pecker
Heath Ledger
sleeping like a baby
Malcolm X being
way too black for
black people
Dancing white boys
Hulahooping a
doughnut with my
cock
Pulling the plug on
grandpa to inherit
that will money
Fucking a hipster
back to reality
The FedEx man
handling my
package with care
Arnold
Schwarzenegger
getting blown by his
house keeper while
watching his own
movie
Mario Karting your
way out of a
speeding ticket
An oral exam for a
little extra credit
Johnny Carson's
grave
Feeling better
without the dentures
Diarrhea apocalypse
Hiding a cactus in
the place you'd least
suspect
"Story of my life"
Unvaccinated kids
who end up autistic
anyway
Fucking a PETA
supporter with a
lambskin condom
Twincest
Ferguson, Missouri
Subway Jared
getting extra meat
with his foot longs
in prison
Grandpa's story
about sucking dick
to avoid being
drafted
Jesus taking the
wheel
T-Rex attempting to
masturbate
Ashley Madison
Bob Barker's balls
My fuckable little
brother
Yanking a yetti's you
know what
Have a good
summer!
Eating a deck of
cards to prepare for
a royal flush once
you shit
Farting into a lit
jack-o-lantern
Zero fucks given
Ol' MacDonald's
cocks
Ol' MacDonald
molesting young
farm boys on his
farm
Getting screwed by
Ebenezer Scrooge
Swapping colons
Saying hello like
dogs do with a sniff
or two to the
butthole
Dora The Explorer
just begging for it
Helicopter dicking
Two cats with their
tails tied together in
a room full of
rocking chairs
Getting mentally
retarded people
drunk to see what
happens
Liar, Liar, Pants on
Fire
69
Trying to pee with a
boner
Pulling out a pack of
gum only to have it
raped by your group
of friends
Fat fucks playing on
a teeter totter
Naked burritos
Getting the wrong
idea of a baby
shower
Farm boys taking
care of their cocks
in the barn
Eating a Reese's the
wrong way
If it ain't white, it
ain't right
Feeling extremely
lesbian because my
boyfriend is that big
of a pussy
The Foo Fighter's
frankfurters
Two Dads, One
sippy cup
Black lives matter
White lives matter
more
Couch interviews
Nelly's dilemma
Black people
hanging from their
family tree
Asians standing
right next to me like
were a pack of
sardines
Using your boobs to
get out of a
speeding ticket
Lance Armstrong
not having the balls
to admit his wrong
doing
Shitty genetics
The shitty mess of
melted plastic from
the cremation of
Joan Rivers
The F Word
Hooked on Phonics
The handyman
Tricking the retarded
meathead at the gym
into believing that
my dick is a shake
weight
Beating around the
bush
When daddy keeps
checking on me in
the bathtub
Devouring the
Gingerbread Man's
house
Discovering your
mother's chopped
off fingers in the
mail
Slippery black men
who use too much
lotion
My girlfriend
preferring to make
sex with me when I
have a sore throat
because I sound like
Ja Rule
Crocodile Dundee's
undies
That time of the
month
Shitty Popsicle stick
jokes
Pumpkin flavored
everything because I
am a woman and it
is Fall season
Two innocent men
working together to
wiggle their wieners
out of a Chinese
finger trap
My child having the
same eye and hair
color as the man
who raped me
Licking chocolate
syrup off of Willly
Wonka's happy trail
Playing red light,
green light with Paul
Walker
Cunt Country
Pleasing my
shitfaced boyfriend
No hands
Brown nosing so
hard that you get
pinkeye
Third party dick pics
The school janitor's
genitals
Letting the bed bugs
bite
Not seeing anymore
of Philip Seymour
Hoffman
The sketchy clown
using condoms to
make animal
balloons and
balloon hats for the
kids
Clifford the Big Red
Dog's big red dick
Where the magic
happens
The ghost of Chris
Farley's fat ass
Being home
schooled for sex-ed
class only
Using Michael J.
Fox's hand as a
vibrator
Anderson Cooper's
pooper
Stapling Donald
Trump's mouth shut
to shut him the fuck
up
Hilary Clinton's
manhood
Lamar Odom's epic
boner
I don't give a fuck
Spooky black guys
Black Santa's
naughty list
Snoopy grooming
his crotch
Being so fucked
Nick Cage's hidden
treasure
A funeral for your
pet Tamagotchi
The Headless
Horseman
performing oral
LeBron flashing his
black cock on
national TV
Squidward's sexual
moans
Dirty ass feet
Lazy housewives
that sit on their ass
and watch soap
operas all day while
eating some bullshit
snack
Ben Roethlisberger
going deep in a
bathroom stall
Getting shot in the
ass by Cupid's
arrow
Roller Derby
Lesbians
Michael Jackson
dangling infants
from balconies
A sexual adventure
in the Fun House
with a bunch of
horny Carnies
Bobbing for apples
in Jim Morrison's
bathtub
Play fighting with a
fucking knife
50 Cent taking me to
the candy shop
Fart filled balloons
being popped in the
faces of children
The Jolly Green
Giant's Jolly Green
Giant Dick
Coffee with a little
breast milk
A little Native
American Indian
who has lived in the
shitter for many
moons
Inspector Gadgett
slapping my ass
from 50 yards away
The Black Tooth
Ferry pimping out
my grill
Spreading Hitler's
ashes on top of the
frosting of Hanukah
cookies
The Indian in the
Cupboard drinking
all of your booze
Dirty Harry's
Magnums
Getting shit faced at
a potluck
Dracula on his
knees... begging me
to let him perform
oral during my
period
Dick tricks
Dan Aykroyd
coming for your
dead relatives
Goofy and Pluto
humping my leg at
Magic Mountain
Finding Nemo then
cooking his ass on a
frying pan
Sarah Palin enjoying
her view of Russia
from her house...
while the Russians
enjoy their view of
her undressing
Peter Pan's pecker
The Ying Yang
Twins whispering
sexual and dirty
things in my ear
Pee Wee Herman
hiding in the toy box
Puking in jars and
storing them in the
closet
That little bitch
named Pat Sajak
Ransacking The
Muffin Man's house
Catching the
Gingerbread Man's
cocky ass and
feeding him to the
dogs
Thunder From Down
Under
Michael Vick. Our
new dog sitter
Creepy babies that
stare deep into your
soul and make you
feel like absolute
shit
Bill Nye's meth lab
Heroin and a Four
Loko
Playing with razor
blades when times
get rough
Pissing the night
away
Tom Sawyer doing a
shitty paint job on
the fence
Stevie Wonder on a
blind date
Axe Body Spray...
The Mexican shower
FarmersMeet.com
Swerving out of the
way to avoid a
banana on the road
then tossing a turtle
shell at the tailgating
Asian behind you
Down to Fuck Dads
Ass assassins
Penis playground
Big black breeders
Anal Amigos
Gary Coleman's
miniature coffin
Sperm doping
All of the sexually
frustrated and sex
craving Smurfs who
are all suffering of
blue balls
Being Magic
Johnson's blood
brother for life
Sucker punching
Rihanna so she will
stop singing in the
shower
Aunt farms
Sexual chimney
sweeps
Mr. October's fire
hose
Bob the Builder's
tool
Johnny Appleseed
poking his penis at
my Adam's apple
Gumby's flop dick
The walk of shame
Mini market
tweekers
Smoking a joint in
your parent's shed
Nancy Drew wearing
nothing under her
trench coat
The Tickle Monster
Purposely getting
AIDS to get back at
mosquitoes
Cute little boys
Parking my fat ass
on the couch
Kinky small town
boys
Motherfucker Jones
Inspector Gadget's
boner
The reason why
Ariel from The Little
Mermaid is always
wet