Unpublished - Opinion Page 13th November 2013
Friendship – the ultimate goal of parenting Adolescents will always surprise you. One of those times came a few years ago when I was holding a workshop for students at a Brisbane high school. When discussing marriage, I mentioned that my wife and I had been together for more than 20 years. Applause broke out. And it kept going. Here was a class of teenagers who thought marriage of that longevity was a good thing. And that feeling seems to be getting stronger according to the annual survey of more than 5000 Queensland students conducted by Peer Power. More than 80 per cent of those students said they wanted to be married one day. Surprised? When I have thought about this question, it shouldn’t be surprising. Deep within every human being is a drive to be intimately connected with someone. When those students hear of someone who has been doing this journey for a long time, they don’t know whether it’s a fairytale or a fantasy but they want to be a part of it. Never buy the stereotype of teenagers. It’s wrong. A few bad apples or a few unfortunate young people often grab the headlines that shape the stereotype. If you believed the stereotype, you may think that the rebellious streak in teenagers would prompt them to reject the conformity of marriage. And you may think that teenagers are largely driven by body image when they’re choosing what to eat. Wrong. According to our survey, almost 40 per cent say they’re driven by taste. Most of the teenagers whom I have had the privilege of meeting at Queensland schools desperately want to have a meaningful, worthwhile and connected life. And those adolescent years are an important step. They take them away from the desire to be with their primary care givers, most likely mum up until age six and dad until age 12. When they hit the teenage years, they’re looking for others to test out the information they have picked up in those first dozen years. Some parents struggle with the loss of influence. The worst thing they can do is to try to become friends with their children. Friendship is the ultimate relationship goal between parents and children – but it comes at a much later stage in life. It doesn’t come when children are in their teenage years because they’re not equipped for such a relationship. The parents who strive valiantly to forge that friendship too early can strike their toughest test during Schoolies week – that rattling week that sends a shiver through so many. It can be times like this when parents learn that their children need to figure out a few things for themselves. When their children were babies, they had to be there for every moment. When they were five or six, the parents had to stay close when they crossed the road. Teenagers know how to cross roads. They don’t need their parents’ help. The best they can do is set up the framework so that their children have the best chance of success. Judging by the results of our survey, plenty of Queensland parents have set a good example in their marriage. It would have been a factor behind so many young Queenslanders wanting to take the same path. It’s not easy being a parent and it’s not easy being a teenager. But the thought of having a partner to share the journey can make it much more appealing. Our teenagers know this. Michael Knight is the Australian founder of Peer Power, which has conducted workshops for more than 300,000 Queensland school students.
www.peerpower.com.au