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Say Uncle,
Uncle Silas!
or
Trapped in a House of Fiends!
by Tim Kelly
Suggested by Sheridan LeFanu’s Uncle Silas
A Samuel French Acting Edition
samuelfrench.com
Copyright © 1991 by Tim Kelly
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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THE COMPANY
(In Order of Emoting)
GINNY
also known as the LinkWoman. She's been missing a
long time.
OLD MEG
light dusting is all she's good
for. Refuses to do casement
windows.
DR. PINCH
BRYERLY
where there's a will there's
murder.
SILAS RUTHYN
Maud's uncle. Driving an
heiress insane by terror is his
specialty. Villain!
DUDLEY
Silas' son. A murderous brute -but not bad-looking.
MAUD RUTHYN
beautiful and innocent. A lovely
butterfly trapped in a web not of
her making.
SQUINT
her maid. Not intelligent but
useful.
TOM BRYCE
friend to horse and man, a stable
lad.
MRS.
a disgrace to the fairer sex, but a
LEATHERFOOT clever businesswoman. Too
clever.
MILLY
Silas' daughter. A wild weed li1
the garden of life.
LADY MONICA
class will tell. Silas' cousin -·
and she regrets it.
KNOBBY
CAPTAIN
Lady Monica's nephew. Rule
STEVEN OAKLEY Britannia.
MADAME DE LA
ROUGEPOT
French governess-- from
France. Not to be trusted.
SARAH
wanted a home by a waterfall
and got soaked.
SYNOPSIS OF SENSATIONAL EVENTS
The action of the blood-and-thunder melodrama
takes place in a rundown manor house"Barnum-Hogg"-in rural England.
During the reign of Queen Victoria.
ACfONE
Scene 1:
Scene 2:
Scene 3:
Scene 4:
Scene 5:
A dark and stormy night.
A moving carriage. The next day.
Barnum-Hogg. Later the same day.
An attic hallway.
That evening
ACflWO
Scene 1:
Scene 2:
Scene 3:
Scene 4:
Two weeks later - Day.
One week later.
Early the next morning.
The next night
ACT I
Scene 1
SETTING: The main sitting room of Barnum·Hogg, a
gloomy and sinister enclave as well as a monument to
shabbiness and bad housekeeping.
DOWN RIGHT leads into a locked bedroom. There's a
chair DOWN STAGE of the door or entry.
STAGE RIGHT there's a fireplace.
UP CENTER is the main entrance into the room. There's a
hallway beyond. In the hallway there's a small table
with a large vase of dead vines.
RIGHT from the hallway leads to the front door. LEFT
leads to various areas of the house. In the sitting room,
UP RIGHT CENTER, there's a table. Another UP
LEFT CENTER. Each table with bottles and glasses.
UP LEFT is the door or entry leading into the bedroom of
Uncle Silas.
STAGE LEFT are French doors that open onto a neglected
garden. DOWN LEFT there's a desk and chair. Brandy
decanter, glass, pen and ink pot atop the desk. Another
exit from the sitting room is below the desk.
There's a sofa or chair a"angement RIGHT CENTER and a
large chair [wing chair, if possible] with a small table
to one side LEFT CENTER. A bell on the table.
A lamp on the desk, candlesticks on the fireplace mantel.
To these basics can be added, if desired, rug(s), bric-a-brac,
wall hangings or paintings, stuffed birds, Victorian geegaws, etc. Keep in mind the stage dressing must add to
the atmosphere of gloom and doom.
7
8
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
Setting works with either scenery flats or stage drapes.
PRIOR TO CURTAIN: SOUNDS OF A RAGING
STORM.
AT RISE: The sitting room is shadowy. Some LIGHT
comes from the fireplace. Glowing embers.
SOUNDS OF THE RAGING STORM FADE.
An apparition "appears" from the garden and stands outside
the sitting room looking in. It's a WOMAN dressed in a
ghostly white nightgown. SHE has long hair trailing to
her shoulders. SHE holds a lighted candle, shielding it
from the wind with one cupped hand. Her voice is reedy
and distant.
GINNY. Let me in ... don't keep me out ... let me in ...
(SOUND OF DOOR KNOCKER being slammed. GINNY
reacts. Then recites:)
"When the Link-Woman cry
A devil sigh
And someone else must die."
(ANOTHER SLAM from the doorknocker. GINNY begins
to sob and moves from sight.
ANOTHER SLAM.)
OLD MEG'S VOICE. (From hallway, LEFT.) All
right. I'm coming. No need to knock the house down.
(OLD MEG ENTERS hallway and, mumbling, quickly
EXITS for the front door. SHE also carries a lighted
candle.)
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
9
OLD MEG'S VOICE. What a night, what a night This
is no time to come a-calling. (Pause.) Who's out there?
Who be you?
DR. BRYERLY'S VOICE. Dr. Bryerly.
OLD MEG'S VOICE. Doctor who?
DR. BRYERLY'S VOICE. Dr. Bryerly! U:t me in
before I catch my death.
(We continue to hear OLD MEG mumble her displeasure
as she obviously opens the door to admit Dr. Bryerly.)
OLD MEG'S VOICE. Past midnight, it is
respectable folk is tucked in bed ... what do you want ...
ain't seen you before, have I?
(An annoyed DR. BRYERLY comes from the hallway and
steps into the sitting room. Middle-aged, very
businesslike.)
DR. BRYERLY. A foul night. Quickly, woman, I
must speak with your master.
(OLD MEG steps into view and we get a good look at her.
SHE's a storybook crone. Stringy hair pokes from under
her housekeeper's cap and her black dress hasn't been
washed in the last decade or two.)
OLD MEG. What name shall I give?
DR. BRYERLY. (Exasperated.) How many times must
I tell you. Bryerly. Dr. Bryerly.
OLD MEG. Whatever you say, sir. You know best.
You're the doctor. (Moves for Silas' door.)
(DR. BRYERLY brushes wetness from his coat sleeve.)
10
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
OLD MEG. (Knocks, calls out.) Mr. Ruthyn, a
gentleman to see you. (No response.) Mr. Ruthynl (More
KNOCKING. Again, no response. To Dr. Bryerly.) The
master's a heavy sleeper. Sometimes he drops off for days.
DR. BRYERLY. Wake him. My business is urgent.
OLD ,MEG. I'll do me best. (SHE enters the bedroom,
calling out.) Upsy-daisy, Mr. Ruthyn. You got company.
DR. BRYERLY (Sotto.) Wretched woman. (Eyes
wander about the room.) Grim sort of place.
GINNY. (Wanders by in the garden.) Let me in ... don't
keep me out ... let me in ... (Recites.)
..When the Link-Woman cry
A devil sigh
And someone else must die."
DR. BRYERLY. (Sees her.) What the-! (HE crosses
to the French doors, peers out. GINNY moves from sight.)
Who are you out there? Answer me.
OLD MEG. (Returns.) He'll be with you in a moment,
Dr. Who.
DR. BRYERLY. (Snaps.) Bryerly I
(As MEG and DR. BRYERLY speak, SHE lights the
candles on the fireplace mantel, or pokes at the embers.
CONSULT PRODUCTION NOTES. General stage
liGHTING rises to reveal the sitting room in all its
faded "charm.")
OLD MEG. He don't like to be took from his rest Not
the master, no.
DR. BRYERLY. I saw a woman outside in the garden.
She was chanting something. Sounded like gibberish.
OLD MEG. Fancy.
DR. BRYERL Y. She was more like an apparition or a
ghost.
OLD MEG. Must've been her.
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE Sll...AS
11
DR. BRYERLY. Her?
OLD MEG. The Link-Woman.
DR. BRYERLY. Link-Woman?
OLD MEG. She's been missing a long time . Comes
with the house.
DR. BRYERLY. Are you trying to tell me BarnumHogg Manor has a resident ghost?
OLD MEG. Don't you believe in ghosts?
DR. BRYERLY. Certainly not. I'm a man of science.
OLD MEG. Tell that to the Link-Woman.
DR. BRYERLY. Surely you don't believe in ghosts?
OLD MEG. No, I don't believe in them. I just wish
they didn't exist.
DR. BRYERLY. (Steps from the French door;~. moves
RIGJIT CENTER.) What is your name, woman?
OLDMEG.Eh?
DR. BRYERLY. What are you called?
Sll...AS' VOICE. (From his bedroom.) Old Me:g. She's
called Old Meg.
(OW MEG and DR. BRYERLY look UP LEFT. SILAS
appears at his door-his clothes are rumpled and nonetoo-clean. Wears a ratty dressing gown or robe. opened
down the front.
Age indeterminate, but on the elderly silk. HE resembles
nothing so much as a large rotknt standing on its hind
legs. Not in the best of health.)
DR. BRYERLY. Did Old Meg give you my name?
SILAS. I know who you are, sir. Dr. Pinch :Bryerly.
My brother's confidant and medical advisor.
DR. BRYERLY. I am also his "legal" advisor. It is in
this capacity that I have undertaken the tiring journey to
Barnum-Hogg.
12
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE Sll..AS
Sll..AS. (As HE speaks, HE moves to the chair LEFT
CENTER.) I will have my housekeeper prepare a room.
OLD MEG. Prepare a room, you say? At this hour?
Ain't Old Meg got enough to do?
Sll..AS. We mustn't be inhospitable, Old Meg. We may
be rural but we're not uncivilized.
DR. BRYERLY. I apologize for taking you from your
bed, Mr. Ruthyn.
(Eventually, SILAS makes it to the chair and
great slww of being exhausted.)
sit~with
a
Sll..AS. Small matter. I never sleep. My nerves.
OLD MEG. Mr. Ruthyn is quite the nervous
gentleman.
SILAS. I catnap sitting up in a straight chair.
OLD MEG. Otherwise, the phlegm goes to his head and
he gets all woozy.
SILAS. Alas.
OLD MEG. (Points to Dr. Bryerly.) Says he saw the
Link-Woman.
DR. BRYERL Y. I saw something. I heard something.
Sll..AS. Must have been one of the servant girls.
OLD MEG. I'm the only house servant and I ain't no
girl.
Sll..AS. (Suddenly, SILAS explodes in a burst of rage.
half-rising from his chair.) Out! Out! Insolent creature. Am
I never to have any peace and quiet?
OLD MEG. (To Dr. Bryerly.) He's a grump when he's
feeling out of sorts. I'll see to the guest room. (SHE
moves UP CENTER.) If you hear anything in the walls,
don't be frightened. It's only the rats. (SHE exits LEFT in
hallway.)
SILAS. (Sits again. Out to audience.) Not easy to get
good help these days. And she won't do casement windows.
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
13
(To Dr. Bryerly.) Do sit down, Dr. Bryerly, and tell me
why you're here.
DR. BRYERL Y. (Moves in front of sofa, but doesn't
sit.) I won't be staying, Mr. Ruthyn. I have only a few
moments. I must catch the Dover packet to France.
Business.
SILAS. Ah, yes. Business. Always business. I was
never good at business. It's a gift. Pray go on.
DR. BRYERLY. I fear I bring you bad tidings.
SILAS. (Curious.) How so?
DR. BRYERLY. Your brother Austin has been buried.
SILAS. (Surprised.) Buried? Dear me. Isn't that
unusual?
DR. BRYERLY. It's customary when a man is dead.
SILAS. (Reacts.) Dead! Why didn't you say that before
you said he was buried? I thought you meant he had an
accident Buried in a landslide or some such.
DR. BRYERLY. I realize this news is shattering.
SILAS. (Indifferent.) What? Oh, yes-shattering. What
dreadful news you've brought me. (SILAS goes into a
show of phony distress. The insincerity is not lost on DR.
BRYERLY.) My poor elder brother! My poor Austin!
What a tragedy! I cannot bear it! Oh! Oh! (Sharp shift in
mood. SILAS leans toward Dr. Bryerly like a fox about to
gulp down a quail. Snarls-) How much did he leave me
and when do I get it?
DR. BRYERLY. (Shocked.) Mr. Ruthyn, please. (HE
sits.)
SILAS. (Contrite.) Forgive me, Dr. Bryerly. I'm not
myself. This news. You understand. (SILAS pulls a small
bottle from the robe's pocket. Uncorks it, drinks. A smile
creeps across his lips.)
DR. BRYERL Y. (Cool.) I understand that a death in the
family is often unsettling.
14
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
SILAS. How true. How true. You are a gentleman of
discernment.
(From OFFSTAGE, DOWN LEFT, comes the VOICE OF
DUDLEY, singing.)
DUDLEY'S VOICE.
FIFTEEN MEN ON A DEAD MAN'S CHEST
YO HO HO, AND A BOTTLE OF RUM
RUM, RUM, RUM
RUM, RUM, RUM
(DR. BRYERLY springs up. SILAS pockets the bottle.)
SILAS. Fear not, Dr. Bryerly. It's no intruder. 'Tis my
son Dudley. Back from the tavern. Pray, do not provoke
him for he has a foul temper when he's in his cups.
(DUDLEY stumbles in. Not bad-looking, but he's a lout,
on the brutish side. HE carries a thick walking stick or
cudgel.)
SILAS. Good evening, young sir.
(DUDLEY, who is plainly drunk, gives his father a blank
stare.)
SILAS. Sneaking in the back way again, I see. If you
wish to enter the house without being noticed I suggest
you refrain from singing.
(DUDLEY points to Dr. Bryerly, grunts.)
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
15
SILAS. This is your Uncle Austin's friend. Dr. Bryerly.
He has brought terrible tidings Dudley, prepare yourself
for a shock. (Pause.) Your Uncle Austin is dead and buried.
DUDLEY. Better that than dead and unburied. (HE
motions with his hand as if to suggest he couldn't care
less. HE stumbles to the table UP LEFT CENTER. Pours
himself a drink and gulps it down. HE moves to 1able UP
RIGHT CENTER, pours another drink and gulps il down.)
SILAS. My son is a sensitive young man. You can see
how the news has affected him.
DR. BRYERLY. (Critical.) They were close?
SILAS. They never met.
DUDLEY. How much did he leave me and when do I
get it?
SILAS. Don't be disrespectful, Dudley.
DR. BRYERLY. I shall be brief.
SILAS. So be it.
DR. BRYERLY. Your brother, as you know, was a
widower.
(SILAS nods.)
DR. BRYERLY. One child.
SILAS. My dear little niece, Maud. I haven't seen her
since her cradle days.
DR. BRYERLY. She is almost eighteen.
SILAS. Is she? How time flies. No wonder I fed old.
DR. BRYERLY. Under the terms of your late brother's
will, young Maud inherits everything.
SILAS. (Tenses.) Everything?
DUDLEY. You mean this house, too. Barnum-Hogg?
DR. BRYERLY. (Confirms.) Everything.
(DUDLEY pours himself another drink, gulps it dG•wn.)
16
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE Sll..AS
DR. BRYERLY. The estate has two trustees. Myself
and-{To Silas.)-our cousin, Lady Monica Knobby.
SILAS. (Frowns.) She doesn't like me. Never has. She
tells fibs about me.
DUDLEY. She's a witch, that's what she is. A witch.
SILAS. Don't be rude, Dudley. She's family.
DR. BRYERLY. It was your brother's wish that Maud
be placed under your guardianship. Until she comes of age
in approximately three years.
SILAS. Guardianship?
DR. BRYERLY. Quite so.
Sll..AS. (Eager.) That means I guide her in all things?
DR. BRYERLY. More-or-less.
DUDLEY. (Trying to sound casual.) What happens if
she doesn't come of age?
DR. BRYERLY. I don't follow.
DUDLEY. I mean-what if she croaks before she hits
her twenty-first birthday?
DR. BRYERLY. Croalcs?
SILAS. My son has a rough manner, but his point is
well taken. We have all been witness to the fickleness of
existence. Here today, gone tomorrow. Life is short and all
the rest of it. If Maud, alas, should pass from this vale of
tears before she comes of age, uh-who inherits?
DR. BRYERLY. (Doesn't like to answer but he has
not choice.) You do.
SILAS. (Surprised, but pleased.) And why not? They
say blood is thinner than water.
DR. BRYERLY. I believe, sir, the expression is
"thicker than water."
SILAS. Is it, indeed?
DUDLEY. It's a lot of money and property, ain't it?
DR BRYERLY. Yes.
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
17
(DUDLEY and SILAS exchange a pleased look. It is not
lost on DR. BRYERLY.)
DR. BRYERLY. Your niece will be here shortly. By
midday, I should think. Most of her luggage will follow.
DUDLEY. You mean she's coming to live here?
SILAS. Barnum-Hogg?
DR. BRYERLY. So the will stipulates. Your late
brother was emphatic on that point.
SILAS. Hmmmmmmm.
DR. BRYERLY. I'll be in touch to clear up lmy minor
details. Now, I must be off.
(SILAS starts to rise.)
DR. BRYERLY. No need, sir. I shall show myself
out (Nods of his head.) Mr. Ruthyn. (To Dudley.) Young
Mr. Dudley.
(Another nod. DUDLEY holds up his glass in way of
salute. DR. BRYERLY quickly moves into haUway and
out, RIGHT.)
DUDLEY. Just when I figured we was to g(:t nothing
he tells us about little Maud.
SILAS. Quiet, you fool. Make sure he's gone.
(DUDLEY steps to hallway, looks off, RIGHT.
SILAS slips the bottle from his pocket and takes another
nip of the contents. That curious smile, again, crosses
his lips.)
DUDLEY. He's gone.
SILAS. Excellent.
18
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
DUDLEY. (Moving to Silas.) You'll have control of
her money for three years.
SILAS. 1bree years. Bah. I want it all, now and forever.
DUDLEY. She'd have to die frrst Accidents do happen.
SILAS. (Irritated.) We've had enough of that in this
house. Can't risk it It's up to you, Dudley.
DUDLEY. What do you mean?
SILAS. Where are your wits, boy? She's unmarried.
You're only a year or two older. She'd make you an ideal
wife.
DUDLEY. She'd make me a rich wife.
SILAS. Same thing. When did that fool doctor say she'd
be here?
DUDLEY. By midday.
SILAS. We must make her welcome to the web of
Barnum- Hogg.
DUDLEY. (Snide.) "Welcome, welcome."
SILAS. Said the spider to the butterfly.
DUDLEY. (Slapping cudgel into the palm of his hand.)
Ha, ha, ha.
SILAS. Hee, bee, bee.
(SILAS and DUDLEY grin fiendishly into the audience, as
the UGHTS FADE.)
END OF SCENE 1
(In the blackness a bench is pushed onto the forestage,
EXTREME DOWN RIGHT.)
ACT I
SAY UNCLE. UNCLE SILAS
19
Scene 2
SOUND: HORSES' HOOVES trotting along.
UGHTS UP on bench which represents a moving carriage.
Barnum-Hogg in darkness. Seated on the bench is
MAUD RUTHYN and her maid SQUINT.
MAUD is pretty, innocent and optimistic.
SQUINT has plenty of spunk and a great deal of curiosity.
As THEY discourse THEY shake and bounce ro indicate
the road is a rough one.
SQUINT. Oh. Miss. I do so regret leaving home.
MAUD. There was nothing I could do about it, Squint.
Father wished it so.
SQUINT. I ain't much for taking journeys.
MAUD. We must make the best of it.
SQUINT. What manner of man is your Uncle Silas?
MAUD. I know almost nothing about him.
SQUINT. Didn't your father say anything?
MAUD. He didn't like to talk about his brother. They
had a falling out
SQUINT. You mean there was a quarrel?
MAUD. Yes. However, I never ascertained the: cause.
SQUINT. But why must you live with him? Your
Uncle Silas.
MAUD. Father wished it so and I am a dutiful daughter.
SQUINT. But you like the city, miss. You're not used
to the country.
MAUD. I won't be frightened . Besides. I will have you
with me, Squint. I look upon you not only as a maid, but
as a friend.
SQUINT. Oh, miss. You is kind.
20
SAY UNCLE, UNCLE SILAS
MAUD. It will only be for three years and then I will
be on my own. Perhaps I will travel.
SQUINT. That would be nice, miss. And, maybe,
there'll be a handsome gentleman in your future.
MAUD. I am too young to think of romance and like
topics.
SQUINT. Love comes along when a girl least expects
it, miss.
MAUD. Enough of this idle chitchat. There'll be time
enough for romantic speculation when we walk the grounds
of Bamum-Hogg Manor.
SQUINT. What sort of a place is Bamum-Hogg Manor,
miss?
MAUD. I have no idea. But I imagine it's warm and
gracious. Sun-filled rooms with flowers and bowls of
country apples. I know I shall be very happy at BamumHogg under the loving and tender guardianship of my Uncle
Silas.
SQUINT. Yes, miss. Whatever you say, miss. You're
the heiress.
(THEY stare straight ahead and bounce. The UGHT on the
bench FADES TO BLACK and the SOUND OF
HOOVES TROTTING along rises.)
END OF SCENE 2
(Strike bench.)
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