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Career Coach: Iron Fist or Velvet Glove? How Managers Earn Respect
Career Coach: Iron Fist or Velvet Glove? How
Managers Earn Respect
Article published on June 1, 2015
By Clare Trapasso
What steps should new managers take to earn the respect of their teams? Responses have been edited
for clarity and concision.
Bruce Tulgan
Bruce Tulgan is the founder of RainmakerThinking, a training and consulting firm based in New Haven,
Conn. He has worked with firms such as Vanguard, State Street and Fidelity. He is also the author of The
27 Challenges Managers Face.
The biggest mistake managers make is soft-pedaling their authority at the outset. The second biggest mistake
managers make is coming on too strong [as if] there’s a new sheriff in town. The trick is to come in and be
strong and be very engaged from the very beginning, but without overplaying your hand, without pretending to
know things you don’t. You need to learn who’s who and you need to know what’s what.
Pull the team together in a team meeting and say, "Here’s who I am, here’s how I operate. That’s how I’m
going to manage. Tell me what’s working on the team and what’s not." Go around the table and make sure
everybody has a turn. 'What role do you play? What works about the role you play? What do you need to
improve and what do you need from the team to support you?"
The second thing you need to do is have structured one-on-one-meetings. You will very quickly gain control by
creating an accountability dialogue with each person where people get in the habit of giving you an account of
their performance and how it lines up with expectations that were laid out in the previous conversation.
You don’t gain respect by putting your foot down one day. You gain respect by how you conduct yourself on a
day-to-day basis.
Melissa Llarena
Melissa Llarena owns Career Outcomes Matter, in New York, and has experience working in financial
services.
Don’t just assume you’re going to be respected because you’re a manager.
Following through with what you say you’re going to do is one way to earn respect. Another way to earn
respect is by listening to your team and understanding what they’re looking to get out of their careers.
[Show] respect to those around you. Operate with integrity. In team meetings, do not interrupt people. Let
people express their ideas. Have different people lead different assignments. Avoid favoritism. Respect
[others’] opinions, even when they’re different from [your] own. Really defend [your] team.
You want to come across as someone who is rational, can see the good in everyone and offers people different
kinds of opportunities to flex their muscles. When something good happens, rather than taking all the credit for
a win, share that praise with the team.
Julia Harris Wexler
Julia Harris Wexler is a New York City–based career coach who specializes in the financial services
sector.
You have to lead by example. You have to work hard, you have to work smart. You have to really exemplify
professionalism. You have to be genuine and you have to truly care about your work and the work of your
team. If it’s not genuine, you won’t get the results.
People [should not] come in and immediately start changing everything and [be] autocratic and come off as if
they know everything already. Begin on a note of dialogue and listening to what people have to say.
The No. 1 way to earn respect is [for] people [to] feel that they’ve been heard. [If] they feel like their input is
valuable, it validates them. That will get them to trust and open up and respect the [new boss] coming in.
[Don’t] hog the ball. If you’re trying to grandstand or showcase yourself and not be a team player, that’s [a]
mistake. [Also avoid] being hyper-critical. People shut down, they won’t take risks. They won’t communicate
openly because they’re afraid they’ll be criticized. They won’t trust you. There will be a flood of hostility and
tension.
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