Listening Well and Asking Good Questions
Effective listening and thoughtful responses make group members feel valued and connected and enable
the intentional leader to determine what’s really going on with individual group members and what’s
needed to help each one mature into the next stage of becoming a disciple-maker.
Listening Well
Active Listening is one of the greatest tools of an intentional leader. Active listening is engaging in
conversation and fellowship with the purpose of understanding and connecting with others. It is about
putting the needs of another before your own by listening without an agenda and without forming a
response before he is finished speaking. Sometimes active listening includes noticing how something is
said or even what is not said. Active listening means being a safe person whom others can trust to hear
them out and to respectfully respond in a loving manner. To listen well:
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Pray first.
Maintain good eye contact to show that you are attentive and interested in what is being shared. If appropriate,
move closer to show your interest.
Minimize external and internal distractions. If you are meeting in a public or busy place, situate yourself so that
you can more easily focus on the person without distraction. Push away your mental to-do list or other
thoughts in order to truly listen to what is being said.
Reflect what you hear: “It sounds to me like you are frustrated.” or “It sounds like you are really happy
about . . . ” or “I guess you think . . . is the best option.” or “It sounds like you are concerned about this pattern
in your life.”
Take special note of what you see, the non-verbal cues. People often express themselves more honestly
nonverbally. Is he looking away and not at you when talking about certain things? Does she claim not to be
angry yet clinch her fists? Does he say he understands but have a puzzled look on his face?
Check in to see if you are on track by summarizing and asking, “Does that sound about right?” or “Do you agree
with that?”.
Asking Good Questions
Use follow-up questions to show that you are attentive and understanding her and that you are interested in hearing
more. Pay attention to what is being said and ask an appropriate question to find out more information and
encourage more talk.
 How do you think/feel about that?
 Will you tell me a little bit more about that?
 What does that mean for you?
 How long has this been going on? Who else is aware/involved?
 How would God respond to that? What does God think about that?
 What would be your ideal outcome for this situation?
 If you could do/say anything without fear of failure, what would it be?
 What do you care most about? Why?
 What have you tried so far? What are some possible next steps in this situation?
 How do you think the other person involved would respond to that?
Giving others the opportunity to share thoughts, ideas, beliefs, feelings, struggles, and spiritual concerns
demonstrates you care. When someone knows you care enough to listen, she will share more deeply and
allow you to speak into her life. Research shows that people remember far more of what they say than
what they hear and far more of what they discover for themselves than what they are spoon-fed. The
listener’s goal is to draw out what’s in the speaker’s heart.