Actively Listening
in a Loud, Distracting
World
JENNIFER GRANTHAM
@ITSMEJENNILEEG
CEO OF MANIC SOCIAL
How Important Is Listening?
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you
listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of
your relationships with others.
Given all this listening we do, you would think we'd be good at it! In fact
most of us are not, and research suggests that we remember between
25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear. That means that when you
talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they
pay attention to less than half of the conversation.
Common Barriers to Listening
Trying to listen to more than one conversation at a time, this includes
having the television or radio on while attempting to listen to somebody
talk; being on the phone to one person and talking to another person in
the same room and also being distracted by some dominant noise in the
immediate environment.
You find the communicator attractive/unattractive and you pay more
attention to how you feel about the communicator and their physical
appearance than to what they are saying. Perhaps you simply don't like
the speaker - you may mentally argue with the speaker and be fast to
criticize, either verbally or in your head.
You are not interested in the topic/issue being discussed and become
bored.
Common Barriers to Listening
Not focusing and being easily distracted, fiddling with your hair, fingers, a pen
etc. or gazing out of the window or focusing on objects other than the
speaker.
Feeling unwell or tired, hungry, thirsty or needing to use the toilet.
Identifying rather than empathizing - understanding what you are hearing but
not putting yourself in the shoes of the speaker. As most of us have a lot of
internal self-dialogue we spend a lot of time listening to our own thoughts
and feelings - it can be difficult to switch the focus from 'I' or 'me' to 'them'
or 'you'. Effective listening involves opening your mind to the views of others
and attempting to feel empathetic.
Sympathizing rather than empathizing - sympathy is not the same as
empathy, you sympathize when you feel sorry for the experiences of another,
to empathize is to put yourself in the position of the other person.
Common Barriers to Listening
You are prejudiced or biased by race, gender, age, religion, accent, and/or
past experiences.
You have preconceived ideas or bias - effective listening includes being
open-minded to the ideas and opinions of others, this does not mean
you have to agree but should listen and attempt to understand.
You make judgements, thinking, for example that a person is not very
bright or is under-qualified so there is no point listening to what they
have to say.
Common Barriers to Listening
Previous experiences – we are all influenced by previous experiences in
life. We respond to people based on personal appearances, how initial
introductions or welcomes were received and/or previous interpersonal
encounters. If we stereotype a person we become less objective and
therefore less likely to listen effectively.
Preoccupation - when we have a lot on our minds we can fail to listen to
what is being said as we're too busy concentrating on what we're thinking
about. This is particularly true when we feel stressed or worried about
issues.
Having a Closed Mind - we all have ideals and values that we believe to be
correct and it can be difficult to listen to the views of others that contradict
our own opinions. The key to effective listening and interpersonal skills more
generally is the ability to have a truly open mind - to understand why others
think about things differently to you and use this information to gain a better
understanding of the speaker.
Becoming an Active Listener
There are five key active listening techniques. They all help you ensure
that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are
hearing what they say.
1. Pay Attention
Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the
message. Recognize that non-verbal communication also "speaks" loudly.
Look at the speaker directly.
Put aside distracting thoughts.
Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal!
Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side
conversations.
"Listen" to the speaker's body language.
2. Show That You're Listening
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
Nod occasionally.
Smile and use other facial expressions.
Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes,
and uh huh.
3. Provide Feedback
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort
what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said.
This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is," and
"Sounds like you are saying," are great ways to reflect back.
Ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you
say." "Is this what you mean?"
Summarize the speaker's comments periodically.
4. Defer Judgment
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full
understanding of the message.
Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
Don't interrupt with counter arguments.
5. Respond Appropriately
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining
information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or
otherwise putting him or her down.
Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
Assert your opinions respectfully.
Treat the other person in a way that you think he or she would want to
be treated.
Key Points
It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old
habits are hard to break, and if your listening skills are as bad as many
people's are, then there's a lot of habit-breaking to do!
Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that your
goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other
thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask questions,
reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don't,
then you'll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be
amazingly different!
Start using active listening techniques today to become a better
communicator, improve your workplace productivity, and develop better
relationships.
Resources Used in this
Presentation
http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/ineffectivelistening.html#ixzz3hxPcT1nH
http://www.mindtools.com/community/pages/article/ActiveListening.ph
p?route=pages/article/ActiveListening.php