Safe Zone Manual
Unless otherwise noted, content for this manual was adapted from
Montgomery College Safe Zone Training Manual and the Sacred Heart
University’s (Fairfield, Connecticut) Safe Zone Manual
http://www.webster.edu/shared/shared_selfstudyreport/documents/hlc1b1_safe
zone.pdf
Table of Contents
Goals and objectives of the CCBC Safe Zone Program............................................ 3
Being an Effective Ally ................................................................................................... 4
Qualities of Allies.................................................................................................................................. 4
Guidelines for Being an Ally ............................................................................................................... 5
Basic Levels of Being an Ally .............................................................................................................. 6
Being an Ally Poem .............................................................................................................................. 7
Glossary of Terms ........................................................................................................... 9
The Transgender Umbrella ......................................................................................... 12
Names and Pronoun Usage ............................................................................................................... 13
Sullivan Model of Heterosexual Identity Development (5 Stages) ..................... 14
Homophobia, Biphobia, and Transphobia .............................................................. 16
What is Homophobia?........................................................................................................................ 17
How Homophobia Hurts Us All ...................................................................................................... 18
Personal Assessment of Homophobia ............................................................................................ 19
Ten suggestions for reducing homophobia in your environment .............................................. 20
What is Heterosexual Privilege? ...................................................................................................... 21
Examples of Heterosexism ............................................................................................................... 22
The Many Paths of the LGBT Student Development ............................................ 23
Sexual Identity: The “Cass” Model ................................................................................................ 23
Sexual Identity: The Group Membership Identity Development ............................................... 26
People of Color Issues ....................................................................................................................... 27
Potential Cultural Differences in GLB Identity Development .................................................... 29
Coming Out ........................................................................................................................................ 30
Coming Out: Students on Campus ................................................................................................. 31
What’s the fear? .................................................................................................................................. 32
Terminology ................................................................................................................... 33
Contact Information ..................................................................................................... 49
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Goals of the CCBC Safe Zone Program:
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To increase CCBC community’s understanding and awareness of lesbian, gay, bisexual,
and transgendered issues
To support and affirm lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender students as members of
the CCBC community
To provide straight allies with the knowledge and skills to better affirm the lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and transgender community
To act as a resource of information regarding homophobia, heterosexism, transphobia,
cisgenderism and LGBT issues at CCBC
Objectives of Safe Zone Program
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
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To make it possible to easily identify individuals who are empathetic and informed
about Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) issues
To show a concrete example that The Community College of Baltimore County (CCBC)
supports LGBT people and are working to educate and raise awareness within the
CCBC community
To encourage and inspire LGBT allyship
What do you need to know to be a Safe Zone ally?


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You believe that CCBC is enriched and enlivened by the diversity of lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and transgender people
You are aware of the presence of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender students and
colleagues and are willing to engage them in genuine dialogue and interaction
You are willing to discuss issues impacting lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender
peoples’ lives in a nonjudgmental manner
You are willing to assist students accessing support and information resources on our
campus and in the community
You maintain confidentiality within the confines of your role at CCBC (staff, faculty or
student)
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Being an Effective Ally:
Confidentiality, Responding to Harassment,
When/How to Refer
Qualities of Allies
An ally:
 is an advocate for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people.
 has worked (or is currently working) to develop an understanding of heterosexism and
transphobia.
 chooses to align with gays and lesbians and responds to their needs.
 believes that it is in her or his self interest
“Being an ally on gay/lesbian/bisexual issues
to be an ally.
is the process of working to develop individual
 expects support from other allies.
attitudes, institutions, and culture in which gay,
lesbian, bisexual people feel they matter. This
 is able to acknowledge and
work is motivated by an enlightened self
articulate how patterns of
interest to end homophobia and
oppression have affected their lives.
heterosexism.”
 is a “safe person” for someone who
J. Jay Scott and Vernon Wall (1991)
is gay, lesbian or bisexual to speak
with. This means that one is committed to providing support and to maintaining
confidentiality. This commitment extends to people with a gay, lesbian or bisexual
roommate, friend or family member who may wish to speak with someone.
 can refer someone to another ally if they feel they can’t assist them with their particular
concern.
 expects to make some mistakes but does not use it as an excuse for non-action.
 knows that as an ally, they have the right and ability to initiate change through
personal, institutional, and social justice.
 tries to remain aware of how homophobia and other oppressions exist in her or his
environment.
 does not put down other groups of people on the basis of their race, religion, culture,
gender, social status, physical or mental abilities.
 speaks up when a homophobic joke or stereotype is related and encourages discussions
about oppression, or looks within herself or himself to unlearn the “myths” that society
has taught.
 promotes a sense of community and knows that they are making a difference in the
lives of others.
(Source: Shawn-Eric Brooks 1990 and CMU Allies
http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/~allies/flyer.html).
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Being an Ally for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender People
These are some guidelines for people wanting to be allies for LGBT people. In today’s world,
LGBT issues are being discussed more than ever before. The discussions taking place in the
homes are often highly charged and emotional. This can be a scary topic and confusing to
people on a very personal level. Being an ally is important but it can be challenging as well as
exciting. This list is by no means exhaustive, but provides a starting point. Add your own
ideas.
Don’t assume heterosexuality. In our society, we generally assume that everyone we meet is
heterosexual. Often people hide who they really are until they know they are safe to come
‘out’.
Use gender neutral language when referring to someone’s partner if you don’t know the
person well. In general, be aware of the gender language you use and the implications of this
language.
Educate yourself about LGBT issues. There are many resources available, reading lists and
places to go for information. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
Explore ways to creatively integrate LGBT issues in your work. Establishing dialogue and
educating about LGBT issues in the context of your other work can be a valuable process for
everyone regardless of sexual orientation. Integration of LGBT issues into work you are doing
instead of separating it out as a separate topic is an important strategy to establishing a safe
place for people to talk about many issues in their lives.
Challenge stereotypes that people may have about LGBT as well as other people in our
society. Challenge derogatory remarks and jokes made about any group of people. Avoid
making those remarks yourself. Avoid reinforcing stereotypes and prejudices.
Examine the effect sexual orientation has on people’s lives and development. Identify how
race, religion, class, ability and gender intersect with sexual orientation and how multiple
identities shape our lives.
Avoid the use of heterosexist language, such as making remarks implying that all people of
the same gender date or marry members of the other gender.
Respect how people choose to name themselves. Most people with a same sex or bisexual
orientation prefer to be called gay, lesbian or bisexual rather than homosexual. ‘Queer’ is
increasingly used by some gay, lesbian or bisexual people (especially in the younger
generations), but don’t use it unless you are clear that it is okay with that person. If you don’t
know how to identify a particular group, it’s okay to ask. Don’t expect members of any
population that is a target of bias (e.g. gays, Jews, people of color, women, people with
disabilities) to always be the ‘experts” on issues pertaining to their particular identity group.
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Avoid tokenizing or patronizing individuals from different groups.
Encourage and allow disagreement on topics of sexual identity and related civil rights. These
issues are very highly charged and confusing. If there isn’t some disagreement, it probably
means that people are tuned out or hiding their real feelings. Keep disagreement and
discussion focused on principles and issues rather than personalities and keep disagreement
respectful.
Remember that you are human. Allow yourself to not know everything, to make mistakes and
to occasionally be insensitive. Avoid setting yourself up as an ‘expert’ unless you are one. Give
yourself time to learn the issues and ask questions and to explore your own personal feelings.
Ask for support if you are getting harassed or problems are surfacing related to your raising
issues around sexual orientation. Don’t isolate yourself in these kinds of situations and try to
identify your supporters. You may be labeled as gay, lesbian or bisexual, whether you are or
not. Use this opportunity to deepen your understanding of the power of homophobia and
heterosexism. Make sure you are safe.
Prepare yourself for a journey of change and growth that will come by exploring sexual
identity issues, heterosexism and other issues of difference. This can be a painful, exciting and
enlightening process and will help you to know yourself better. By learning and speaking out
as an ally, you will be making the world a safer, more affirming place for all. Without knowing
it, you may change or even save people’s lives.
Things You Should Know as an Ally - Four Basic Levels of Being an Ally
1. Awareness: Explore how you are different from and similar to LGBT people. Gain this
awareness through talking with LGBT people, attending workshops and self-examination.
2. Knowledge/Education: Begin to understand policies, laws and practices and how they
affect LGBT people. Educate yourself on the many LGBT communities and cultures.
3. Skills: This is an area that can be difficult for many people. You must learn to take your
awareness and knowledge and communicate it to others. You can acquire these skills by
attending workshops, role-playing with friends or peers, and developing support connections.
4. Action: This is the most important and frightening step. Despite the fear, action is the only
way to effect change in the society as a whole.
(GMU Safe Zone Manual)
Five Other Points to Keep in Mind
1. Have a good understanding of sexual orientation and be comfortable with your own.
2. Be aware of the coming-out process and realize that it is not a one-time event. The comingout process is unique to LGBT people and brings challenges that are not often understood.
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3. Understand that LGBT people receive the same messages about sexuality and gender
identity as everyone else. Thus LGBT people can suffer from internalized homophobia and
heterosexism. It is important to recognize the risks of coming out and to challenge the internal
oppression.
4. Remember that LGBT people are a diverse group. Each community within the larger LGBT
community has unique needs and goals.
5. Know at least basic information about AIDS/HIV in order to address myths and
misinformation and to be supportive of those affected by this disease whether in themselves or
in partners and friends. While AIDS/HIV is a health issue for all, those who live with the most
fear and have lost the most members of their community are LGBT persons
What is NOT expected from you as a Safe Zone member?
You are not expected to be an expert on LGBT issues. Know your limits and refer a student
who has needs you cannot provide, rather than guessing at answers. There will most likely be
people who will want to debate the value or purpose of the Safe Zone program, or who may
challenge you about general LGBT issues. You are not expected to defend the Safe Zone
Program or participate in debates of this nature. You are simply serving as a safe person and a
resource. In these situations, you can refer that individual to the Office of Multicultural Affairs
on your campus.
Source: Rainbow Center, UCONN
Being an Ally
You and I-We meet as strangers,
each carrying a mystery with us.
I cannot say who you are.
I may never know you completely.
But I trust that you are a person in your own right,
Possessed of a beauty and value that are
the Earth’s richest treasures.
So I make this promise to you:
I will impose no identities upon you,
but will invite you to become yourself
without shame or fear.
I will hold open a space for you in the world and
[support] your right to fill it with authentic vocation and purpose.
For as long as your search takes,
you have my loyalty.
-Author Unknown
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This manual will only provide answers to the most basic of questions and concerns. Should
you need further information, please contact the Office of Multicultural Affairs or Counseling
Office on your campus. We will also be adding your name to an e-mail distribution list, so you
will be receiving periodic articles of interest or relevance to these issues.
Those that participate in the Safe Zone Program are not expected or advised to act in a
therapeutic manner. In situations where you feel the student may need to speak to a
professional, be sure to refer him/her to the Counseling Office. DO NOT handle emotionally
unstable students or situations where you believe the student or someone else may be in
danger, on your own. Your role is to let them know where they can turn for help if they need
it. Be sure to maintain appropriate boundaries for your own well-being.
Adapted from the WPI Safe Zone Manual
(http://users.wpi.edu/~alliance/safezone/safezone-manual-2003.pdf
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Glossary of Terms
Ally: A person who is a member of a dominant group who works to end oppression in his or
her own personal and professional life by supporting and advocating for an oppressed
population.
Bisexual: (also bi):An individual who is physically, romantically, and/or emotionally attracted
to men and women. Bisexuals need not have had sexual experience with both men and
women; in fact, they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify as bisexual.
Cisgender: A person whose gender identity and expression matches the gender typically
associated with their biological sex. For example: a female who identifies as a woman.
Civil union: State-based relationship recognition for gay and lesbian couples that offers some
or all of the state (though none of the federal) rights, protections, and responsibilities of
marriage.
Closeted: A person who is not open about his or her sexual orientation.
Coming out: A lifelong process of self-acceptance. People forge a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or
transgender identity, first acknowledging it themselves and then possibly revealing it to
others. Publicly identifying one’s orientation or gender identity may or may not be part of
coming out.
Gay: The adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic, and/or
emotional attractions are to people of the same sex (e.g., gay man, gay people). In
contemporary contexts, lesbian (noun or adjective) is often a preferred term for women. Avoid
identifying gay people as homosexuals, an outdated term considered derogatory and offensive
to many lesbian and gay people.
Gender expression: The ways in which people externally communicate their gender identity
to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyle, voice, and by emphasizing, de-emphasizing, or
changing their body’s characteristics. Gender expression is not necessarily an indication of
sexual orientation.
Gender identity: The sense of “being” male or “being” female. For some people, gender
identity is in accord with physical anatomy. For transgender people, gender identity may
differ from physical anatomy or expected social roles. It is important to note that gender
identity, biological sex, and sexual orientation are not necessarily linked.
Heterosexual: An adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic,
and/or emotional attraction is to people of the opposite sex; also straight.
Homosexual: Outdated clinical term considered derogatory and offensive by many gay and
lesbian people. The Associated Press, The New York Times, and The Washington Post restrict
9
usage of the term. Gay and lesbian are more acceptable terms to describe those who are
attracted to people of the same sex.
Homophobia: Fear of lesbians and gay men. Prejudice is usually a more accurate description
of hatred or antipathy toward LGBT people.
Intersectionality: An analytical approach that seeks to examine the complex ways in which
various socially and culturally constructed categories interact on multiple levels to manifest
themselves as inequality in society. Intersectionality holds that the classical models of
oppression within society, such as those based on race/ethnicity, gender, religion, nationality,
sexual orientation, class, or ability; do not act independently of one another. Instead, these
forms of oppression interrelate, creating a system of oppression that reflects the “intersection”
of multiple forms of discrimination.
Lesbian: A woman whose enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction is to other
women. Some lesbians may prefer to identify as gay (adjective) or as gay women. Avoid
identifying lesbians as homosexuals, a derogatory term.
LGBT: Acronym for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender.” LGBT are often used because
they are more inclusive of the diversity of the community. Care should be taken to ensure that
audiences are not confused by their use.
Lifestyle: Inaccurate term used by antigay extremists to denigrate lesbian, gay, bisexual, and
transgender lives. As there is no one straight lifestyle, there is no one lesbian, gay, bisexual, or
transgender lifestyle.
Outing: The act of publicly declaring (sometimes based on rumor and/or speculation) or
revealing another person’s sexual orientation or gender identity without that person’s consent.
Considered inappropriate by a large portion of the LGBT community.
Queer: Traditionally a pejorative term, queer has been appropriated by some LGBT people to
describe themselves. However, it is not universally accepted within the LGBT community and
should be avoided unless quoting or describing someone who self-identifies that way.
Same gender loving (SGL): A term coined for African American use by activist Cleo Manago,
this is a description for lesbian, gay, and bisexual people, particularly in the African American
community. It emerged in the early 1990s as a black, culturally affirming LGBT identity.
Sexual orientation (also orientation): The scientifically accurate term for an individual’s
enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to members of the same and/or
opposite sex, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, and heterosexual (straight) orientations. Avoid
the offensive term sexual preference, which is used to suggest that being gay or lesbian is
voluntary and therefore “curable.”
Transgender (also trans or trans*): An umbrella term (adjective) for people whose gender
identity and/or gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. The term
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may include but is not limited to: transsexuals, cross-dressers, and other gender-variant
people. Transgender people may identify as female-to-male (FTM) or male-to-female (MTF).
Use the descriptive term transgender transsexual cross-dresser FTM, or MTF) preferred by the
individual. Transgender people may or may not decide to alter their bodies hormonally
and/or surgically. Some individuals prefer the terms trans and/or trans * as more inclusive
and fluid umbrella terms.
Adapted from:
http://www.newblackfilm.com/screenings/film-discussion-guides/
Sources:
https://www.glaad.org/reference
http://internationalspectrum.umich.edu/life/definitions
http://gcorr.org/resources/glossary-terms-new-conversations
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The Transgender
Umbrella
Transgender
Transsexual
MTF
FTM
Cross Dresser
Gender Queer
Intersex
Two-Spirit
Drag Queen
Drag King
Multi-Gendered
Non-Gendered
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NAMES & PRONOUN USAGE
We encourage you to use a transgender person's chosen name. Often transgender people
cannot afford a legal name change or are not yet old enough to change their name legally.
They should be afforded the same respect for their chosen name as anyone else who lives
by a name other than their birth name (e.g., celebrities).
We also encourage you to ask transgender people which pronoun they would like you to
use. A person who identifies as a certain gender, whether or not they have taken
hormones or had surgery, should be referred to using the pronouns appropriate for that
gender.
If it is not possible to ask the person which pronoun he or she prefers, use the pronoun
that is consistent with the person's appearance and gender expression. For example, if the
person wears a dress and uses the name "Susan," feminine pronouns are appropriate.
This is consistent with AP Stylebook guidelines.
NOTE: It is never appropriate to put quotation marks around either the transgender person's
chosen name or the pronoun that reflects their gender identity.
(taken from: IPFW Safe Zone Resource Manual 8)
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Sullivan Model of Heterosexual Identity Development (5 Stages)
Stage One: Naivete
People are socialized to view heterosexuality as the only or correct form of human sexual/
affectional expression, but they do not yet have an automatic fearful or hostile reaction to same
sex displays of affection or familial structures that deviate from the norm.
Stage 2: Acceptance
People begin to learn that there are "acceptable" and "unacceptable" roles and behaviors and
the will be negative repercussions for acting in a manner that is inappropriate. This may be
named or implied. (children begin to police behavior that is same-sex, name calling, etc)
Heterosexuals: sexual orientation taken for granted, seen as "normal" and attitudes towards
homosexuality are more often heterosexist (passive). Sometimes this stage can evoke more
negative or aggressive homophobia (active)
LGBTs: May deny their sexual orientation or accept it w/significant internalized homophobia
Intervention Strategies: Important to confront negative stereotypes and damaging myths
about homosexuality/bisexuality and create a safe and affirming environment for LGBT
students: creating LGBT concerns committee, doing a campus climate report, educational
programming, speakers bureaus, inclusion of LGBT issues in curriculum, non-discrimination
policies, bias related incidence reporting, counseling services, etc.
Stage 3: Resistance
This occurs for both groups when a conflict between one's views and contradictory
experiences occur. Ex. Someone meets an LGBT person who doesn't fit stereotypes, they attend
an educational event, etc.
Heterosexuals: Some will realized that the world is forcing heterosexisrn upon them but feel
powerless to change it (passive) and some will choose to work on their attitudes and beliefs
(active).
LGBTs: May begin to accept their identity and begin to feel uncomfortable in the heterosexual
community but not want to give up the benefits of "passing" (passive) and some may begin to
actively reject the heterosexual norms/values and associate specifically with LGBT folks
(active)
Students in this stage may also reject people who are not "out", don't claim a bisexual identity,
etc.
Intervention Strategies: Heterosexual students in this stage are particularly response to ally
programs and trainings and counsel on dealing with the recognition of their own homophobia
and complicity with heterosexism. This may also be a good time for LGBT students to receive
counseling, peer support, see positive LGBT role models, become involved with LGBT student
groups and program offices, visit resource libraries and LGBT studies courses.
Stage 4: Redefinition
For both dominant and target groups, redefinition begins to occur when individuals seek selfdefinitions that are based less on reaction to and rejection of being defined by a heterosexist
society.
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Heterosexuals: Trying to accept a positive heterosexual self-identity and dominant group
identification after having devalued everything about heterosexuality. They must be able to
define heterosexuality in a way that is not dependent on heterosexisrn.
LGBTs: Withdraw their attention from the interaction and rejection of heterosexual
norms/values. Students may "self-segregate" to limit their interaction to primarily other LGBT
folks and have little interest in cultivating allyship (separatism). Sometimes this is more out of
interest/preference in LGBT community than rejection of heterosexual community. Students
may have more meaningful interactions with LGBT culture, history, traditions, etc.
(integration) Students may stay in this phase indefinitely if they continue to have negative
experiences with the heterosexual community.
Intervention Strategies: Many of the programs in the "Resistance" stage continue to be helpful.
Heterosexual students may be especially interested in campus programming that addresses
male/female gender identity, responsible sexuality, women's and/ or men's issues, gender
communication, spirituality and sexuality, broad issues of discrimination and oppression, and
other topics that support them as they redefine their identity as heterosexual students. Also
heterosexual/homosexual intercultural dialogues may be helpful and ease the next transition,
into "internalization."
Stage 5: Internalization
Movement into this stage is characterized by integration of some of the newly defined values,
beliefs and behaviors into all aspects of life.
Heterosexuals: A positive identity as a heterosexual individual, independent of heterosexist
societal definitions of heterosexuality. Realization for what they can gain from dismantling
heterosexism.
LGBTs: Dependent on positive reactions and support from significant heterosexual
individuals in their life, this stage is characterized by an interest in forming connections with
allies and other targeted minorities. Ability to "consider other identity issues" and realization
that they have many crucial identities in addition to their sexual orientation. This may take a
lifetime to achieve and is incredibly hard for an LGBT student.
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Homophobia, Biphobia,
and Transphobia
The university years are years of extreme change. Students are confronted with a variety of issues.
Each issue is dealt with differently based on the student’s maturity and the experiences that he or she
has had. As a result, the student who may be struggling with his or her sexual or gender identity may
have a more difficult task as these issues appear.
Many activities during the undergraduate years encourage students to develop self-esteem and a
distinct identity. For the gay, lesbian and bisexual student, answering the question “Who am I?” can be
very difficult. Because homosexuality, bisexuality, and transgender experience are not widely accepted
or even seen as healthy or acceptable by many people, LGBT students begin the self-esteem battle a few
steps back.
LGBT students may question their self-worth and wonder where they fit into society and the university
community. Also, the majority of the activities during the undergraduate years are heterosexual based.
Whether the social functions or dating, the LGBT student can experience extreme anxiety as he or she
decides to “play the game.” Coupled with this issue is the fact that most gays, lesbians and bisexuals
do not find a community with which to connect initially. As a result, LGBT students may feel even
more isolated than heterosexual students.
During college years, students also begin to make decisions about what role religion will play in their
lives. For LGBT students, coming to terms with their religious beliefs can be a difficult task in light of
the fact that homosexuality and bisexuality are not accepted in most religious environments. Other
issues that will challenge LGBT students will be coming to terms with their career goals and healthrelated issues such as coping with HIV/AIDS and the fear that goes with it.
In addition, there are some unique issues that face LGBT students that heterosexual students do not
have to face. There are differences between gay men and lesbians in identifying oneself as lesbian or
gay. Men seem to be more anxious and concerned about the possibility that they might be gay than
women. Once the identification has been made, men tend to view it as a discovery in that they have
finally acknowledged their homosexuality. Women, however, reconstruct the past by examining and
emphasizing their significant friendships/relationships with other women. In addition, there are
issues concerning:
1. Grieving the loss of membership in the dominant culture and entry into a permanently stigmatized
group.
2. The experience of being a minority, especially an invisible minority and its impact on one’s life.
3. Lack of family support or strong role models to help them deal with their found status and identity.
4. Potential lack of peer support and isolation
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What is Homophobia?
Homophobia takes many different forms. Sometimes it takes the form of physical acts of hate,
violence, verbal assault, vandalism or blatant discrimination, such as firing an employee,
evicting someone from their housing, or denying them access to public accommodations based
solely on their sexual orientation or their perceived/assumed sexual orientation. There are
many other kinds of homophobia and heterosexism that happen every day. We often overlook
these more subtle actions and exclusions because they seem so insignificant by comparison but
they are not. It is important for supportive allies of the LGBT community to recognize certain
homophobic levels of attitude so that they may take steps towards changing that attitude.
 Looking at a lesbian or gay man and automatically thinking of her/his sexuality rather
than seeing her/him as a whole, complex person
 Changing your seat in a meeting because a lesbian sat in the chair next to yours
 Thinking you can spot one
 Using the terms “lesbian” or “gay” as accusatory
 Thinking that a lesbian (if you are female) or gay man (if you are male) is making sexual
advances if she/he touches you
 Feeling repulsed by public displays of affection between lesbians and gay men but
accepting the same displays of affection between heterosexuals
 Not confronting a homophobic remark for fear of being identified with lesbians and
gays
 Not asking about a woman’s female lover or a man’s male lover although you regularly
ask “How is your husband/wife?” when you run into a heterosexual friend
 Feeling that gays and lesbians are too outspoken about lesbian and gay civil rights
 Feeling that discussions about homophobia are not necessary since you are “okay” on
these issues
 Assuming that everyone you meet is heterosexual
 Being outspoken about gay rights, but making sure everyone knows you are straight
 Feeling that a lesbian is just a woman who couldn’t find a man or that a lesbian is a
woman who wants to be a man
 Feeling that a gay man is just a man who couldn’t find a woman or that a gay man is a
man who wants to be a woman
 Worrying about the effect a lesbian or gay volunteer/co-worker will have on your work
or your clients
 Failing to be supportive when your gay friend is sad about a quarrel or breakup
 Asking you lesbian or gay colleagues to speak about lesbian or gay issues, but not about
other issues about which they may be knowledgeable
 Focusing exclusively on someone’s sexual orientation and not on other issues of concern
 Being afraid to ask questions about lesbian or gay issues when you don’t know the
answers
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How Homophobia Hurts Us All
(By Warren J. Blumenfeld, Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price. Boston: Beacon Press1992)
You do not have to be LGBT - or know someone who is - to be negatively affected by
homophobia. Though homophobia actively oppresses LGBT people, it also hurts
heterosexuals.
Homophobia:
1. Inhibits the ability of heterosexuals to form close, intimate relationships with members of
their own sex, for fear of being perceived as LGBT;
2. Locks people into rigid gender-based roles that inhibit creativity and self-expression;
3. Is often used to stigmatize heterosexuals; those perceived or labeled by others to be LGBT;
children of LGBT parents; parents of LGBT children; and friends of LGBTs.
4. Compromises human integrity by pressuring people to treat others badly, actions that are
contrary to their basic humanity.
5. Combined with sex-phobia, results in the invisibility or erasure of LGBT lives and sexuality
in school-based sex education discussions, keeping vital information from students. Such
erasures can kill people in the age of AIDS.
6. Is one cause of premature sexual involvement, which increases the chances of teen
pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Young people, of all sexual
identities, are often pressured to become heterosexually active to prove to themselves and
others that they are “normal.”
7. Prevents some LGBT people from developing an authentic self identity and adds to the
pressure to marry, which in turn places undue stress and often times trauma on themselves as
well as their heterosexual spouses, and their children.
8. Inhibits appreciation of other types of diversity, making it unsafe for everyone because each
person has unique traits not considered mainstream or dominant. We are all diminished when
any one of us is demeaned.
By challenging homophobia, people are not only fighting oppression for specific groups of
people, but are striving for a society that accepts and celebrates the differences in all of us.
18
Personal Assessment of Homophobia
(By A. Elfin Moses and Robert O. Hawkins, Jr.)
Homophobia may be defined as an unrealistic fear of or generalized negative attitude toward
homosexual people, and may be expressed by LGBT people as well as by non-LGBT people.
1. Do you stop yourself from doing or saying certain things because someone might think
you’re gay or lesbian? If yes, what things?
2. Do you ever intentionally do or say things so that people will think you’re non-gay?
3. Do you believe that LGBT persons can influence others to become homosexual? Do you
think someone could influence you to change your sexual and affection preference?
4. If you are a parent, how would you (or do you) feel about having a LGBT daughter or son?
5. How do you think you would feel if you discovered that one of your parents or parent
figures, or a brother or sister, were LGBT?
6. Are there any jobs, positions, or professions that you think LGBT persons should be barred
from holding or entering? If yes, why?
7. Would you go to a physician whom you knew or believed to be LGBT if that person were of
a different gender from you? If that person were of the same gender as you? If not, why not?
8. If someone you care about were to say to you, “I think I’m gay,” would you suggest that the
person see a therapist?
9. Have you ever been to a gay or lesbian bar, social club, or march? If not, why not?
10. Would you wear a button that says, “How dare you presume I’m heterosexual?” If not,
why not?
11. Can you think of three positive aspects of a LGBT lifestyle? Can you think of three
negative aspects of a non-LGBT lifestyle?
12. Have you ever laughed at a “queer” joke?
19
Ten suggestions for reducing homophobia in your environment
1. Make no assumption about sexuality. If a student/peer has not used a pronoun when discussing a
relationship, don't assume one. Use neutral language such as "Are you seeing anyone" instead of "Do
you have a boyfriend".
Additionally, do not assume that a female who confides a "crush" on another girl is a lesbian. Labels are
often too scary and sometimes not accurate. Let students label themselves.
2. Have something gay-related visible in your office--a sticker, a poster, a flyer, a brochure, a book, a
button. This will identify you as a safe person to talk to and will hopefully allow a gay, lesbian,
bisexual or questioning youth to break his/her silence. SAFE ZONE campaign stickers and resources
can provide this visibility.
3. Support, normalize and validate a person’s feelings about his/her sexuality.
Let them know that you are there for them. If you cannot be supportive, please refer to someone who
can be. Then work on your own biases by reading, learning and talking to people comfortable with this
issue. And always remember, the problem is homophobia not homosexuality.
4. Do not advise to come out to parents, family and friends as they need to come out at their own
safe pace. Studies show as many as 26% of gay youth are forced to leave their home after they tell their
parents. IT IS THEIR DECISION and they have to live with the consequences. Help them figure out
what makes sense for them.
5. Guarantee confidentiality with students. Students need to know their privacy will be respected or
they will not be honest about this important issue. If you cannot maintain confidentiality for legal
reasons, let students know this in advance.
6. Challenge homophobia. As a role model for your students, respond to homophobia immediately
and sincerely. Encourage in-service trainings for staff and students on homophobia and its impact on
gay and lesbian youth.
7. Combat heterosexism in your classroom. Include visibly gay and lesbian role models in your
classroom.
8. Learn about and refer to community organizations. Familiarize yourself with resources and call
them before you refer to make sure they are ongoing. Also, become aware of gay-themed
bibliographies and refer to gay-positive books.
9. Encourage school administrators to adopt and enforce anti-discrimination policies for their
schools or school systems which include sexual orientation.
The language should be included in all written materials next to race, sex, religion, etc.
10. Provide role models. Gay and straight students benefit from having openly gay teachers, coaches
and administration. Straight students are given an alternative to the inaccurate stereotypes they have
received and gay students are provided with the opportunity to see healthy gay adults. You, as
teachers, can help by making gay and lesbian students feel more welcome.
(Suggestions compiled by Youth Pride, Inc)
20
What is Heterosexual Privilege?
Heterosexual privilege is living without ever having to think twice, face, confront, engage, or
cope with anything on this list.
Marriage includes the following benefits:
 Public recognition and support for an intimate relationship.
 Receiving cards or phone calls celebrating you commitment to another person.
 Supporting activities and social expectations of longevity and stability for your committed
relationships.
 Paid leave from employment and condolences when grieving the death of your
partner/lover (i.e. legal members defined by marriage and descendants from marriages).
 Inheriting from your partner/lover/companion automatically under probate laws.
 Sharing health, auto, and homeowners’ insurance policies at reduced rates.
 Immediate access to your loved ones in cases of accident or emergency
 Family-of-origin support for a life partner/lover/companion.
 Increased possibilities for getting a job, receiving on the job training, and promotion.
 Kissing, hugging, and being affectionate in public without threat or punishment.
 Talking about your relationship or what projects, vacations, family planning you and your
partner/lover are creating.
 Not questioning your normalcy, sexually and culturally.
 Expressing pain when a relationship ends and having other people notice and attend to
your pain.
 Adopting children and foster-parenting children.
 Being employed as a teacher in pre-school through high school without fear of being fired
any day because you are assumed to corrupt children.
 Raising children without threats of state intervention, without children having to be
worried which of their friends might reject them because of their parent’s sexuality and
culture.
 Dating the person of your desire in your teen years.
 Living with your partner and doing so openly to all.
 Receiving validation from your religious community.
 Receiving social acceptance by neighbors, colleagues, and new friends
 Not having to hide and lie about same-sex social events.
 Working without always being identified by your sexuality/culture (e.g. you get to be a
farmer, brick layer, artist, etc. without being labeled the heterosexual farmer, the
heterosexual teacher).
(Source: http://clem.mscd.edu/~glbtss/safezone.html)
21
Examples of Heterosexism

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Someone’s life partner was excluded from intensive care on the basis they are “friends”
not family.
Some gays and lesbians found that living in rural areas generally means being isolated
“in the closet”.
When they find their posters for support meetings or dances defaced or removed, gays
and lesbians feel discounted and physically threatened. This is not good for their health
and sense of safety.
Gay and lesbian young people found that heterosexism and homophobia in their
schools encouraged them to drop out. If they stayed in school, they found themselves
more vulnerable to mental health difficulties and even suicide attempts.
A bank would not let a same sex couple open a joint bank account unless they identified
themselves as “friends”. The bank insisted they were not “spouses” and assumed
“partner” meant business partner. These women felt angry and discounted.
A same sex couple could not get each other covered by health benefits at work and had
to pay more for coverage as two single individuals.
Anti-gay jokes and humor on campuses and in work places created a hostile
environment in which students and workers were afraid to disclose their minority
sexual orientation. Being closeted is not good for your mental health.
The word “faggot” was spray-painted on a house and a mail box in a gay man’s
neighborhood.
(Source: Heterosexism Enquirer. Memorial University of Newfoundland: HYPERLINK
"http://www.mun.ca/the/" http://www.mun.ca/the/)
22
The Many Paths of the LGBT Student
Development
There are several theories that describe the sexual orientation development of gay and lesbian
individuals. Because people are unique and everyone has his or her own story, no one theory describes
all people. Some of the factors that influence development, and which are not yet accounted for by theory,
include race, religion, culture, gender, and ability. So please be prepared for differences among students.
Theory does however provide one explanation of students' identity development and helps us predict
some of the development they have ahead of them.
One of the foundational theories of gay and lesbian identity development was developed in 1979 by
Vivian Cass. Cass described a process of six stages of gay and lesbian identity development. (There are
not yet theories that describe the identity development of bisexual or transgender students.) The stages
help explain students' thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and therefore help us know how to support
students. While these stages are sequential, some people might revisit stages at different points in their
life. Following are brief descriptions of the six stages:
Sexual Identity Development: The “Cass” Model
STAGE 1: IDENTITY CONFUSION
“Could I be gay?” Person is beginning to wonder if “homosexuality” is personally relevant.
Denial and confusion is experienced.
Task: Who am I? - Accept, Deny, Reject.
Possible Responses: Will avoid information about lesbians and gays; inhibit behavior; deny
homosexuality (“experimenting,” “an accident,” “just drunk”). Males: May keep emotional
involvement separate from sexual contact; Females: May have deep relationships that are nonsexual, though strongly emotional.
Possible Needs: May explore internal positive and negative judgments. Will be permitted to be
uncertain regarding sexual identity. May find support in knowing that sexual behavior occurs
along a spectrum. May receive permission and encouragement to explore sexual identity as a
normal experience (like career identity, and social identity).
STAGE 2: IDENTITY COMPARISON:
“Maybe this does apply to me.” Will accept the possibility that she or he may be gay. Selfalienation becomes isolation.
Task: Deal with social alienation.
23
Possible Responses: May begin to grieve for losses and the things she or he will give up by
embracing their sexual orientation. May compartmentalize their own sexuality. Accepts
lesbian, gay definition of behavior but maintains “heterosexual” identity of self. Tells oneself,
“It’s only temporary;” I’m just in love with this particular woman/man,” etc.
Possible Needs: Will be very important that the person develops own definitions. Will need
information about sexual identity, lesbian, gay community resources, encouragement to talk
about loss of heterosexual life expectations. May be permitted to keep some “heterosexual”
identity (it is not an all or none issue).
STAGE 3: IDENTITY TOLERANCE:
“I’m not the only one.”
Accepts the probability of being homosexual and recognizes sexual, social, emotional needs that
go with being lesbian and gay. Increased commitment to being lesbian or gay.
Task: Decrease social alienation by seeking out lesbians and gays.
Possible Responses: Beginning to have language to talk and think about the issue. Recognition
that being lesbian or gay does not preclude other options. Accentuates difference between self
and heterosexuals. Seeks out lesbian and gay culture (positive contact leads to more positive
sense of self, negative contact leads to devaluation of the culture, stops growth). May try out
variety of stereotypical roles.
Possible Needs: Be supported in exploring own shame feelings derived from heterosexism, as
well as external heterosexism. Receive support in finding positive lesbian, gay community
connections. It is particularly important for the person to know community resources.
STAGE 4: IDENTITY ACCEPTANCE:
“I will be okay.”
Accepts, rather than tolerates, gay or lesbian self-image. There is continuing and increased
contact with the gay and lesbian culture.
Task: Deal with inner tension of no longer subscribing to society’s norm, attempt to bring
congruence between private and public view of self.
Possible Responses: Accepts gay or lesbian self-identification. May compartmentalize “gay
life.” Maintains less and less contact with heterosexual community. Attempts to “fit in” and
“not make waves” within the gay and lesbian community. Begins some selective disclosures of
sexual identity. More social coming out; more comfortable being seen with groups of men or
women that are identified as “gay.” More realistic evaluation of situation.
Possible Needs: Continue exploring grief and loss of heterosexual life expectations. Continue
exploring internalized “homophobia” (learned shame for heterosexist society). Find support in
making decisions about where, when, and to whom he or she self discloses.
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STAGE 5: IDENTITY PRIDE:
“I’ve got to let people know who I am!”
Immerses self in gay and lesbian culture. Less and less involvement with heterosexual
community. Us-them quality to political/social viewpoint.
Task: Deal with incongruent views of heterosexuals.
Possible Responses: Splits world into “gay” (good) and “straight” (bad). Experiences
disclosure crises with heterosexuals as he or she is less willing to “blend in.” Identifies gay
culture as sole source of support; all gay friends, business connections, social connections.
Possible Needs: Receive support for exploring anger issues. Find support for exploring issues
of heterosexism. Develop skills for coping with reactions and responses to disclosure of sexual
identity. Resist being defensive!
STAGE 6: IDENTITY SYNTHESIS:
Develops holistic view of self. Defines self in a more complete fashion, not just in terms of
sexual orientation.
Task: Integrate gay and lesbian identity so that instead of being the identity, it is on aspect of
self.
Possible Responses: Continues to be angry at heterosexism, but with decreased intensity.
Allows trust of others to increase and build. Gay and lesbian identity is integrated with all
aspects of “self.” Feels all right to move out into the community and not simply define space
according to sexual orientation.
(From: Cass, V. Homosexual Identity Development, 1979.)
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Sexual Identity / Group Membership Identity Development
Fassinger et al’s “Inclusive” Model
(From: Fassinger & Miller, 1997; McCarn & Fassinger, 1996)
1. Awareness. . .
Individual Sexual Identity (I)
* of feeling or being different
Self-Statement Examples (for women):
“I feel pulled toward women in ways I
don’t understand.”
2. Exploration. . .
Individual Sexual Identity (I)
* of strong erotic or romantic feelings for
same sex people or a particular same sex
person
Self-Statement Examples (for men):
“I want to be closer to men or to a certain
man.”
3. Deepening Commitment. . .
Individual Sexual Identity (I)
* to self-knowledge, self-fulfillment,
and
crystallization of choices about
sexuality
Self-Statement Examples (for women):
“I clearly feel more intimate sexually and
emotionally with women than with men.”
(I)
4. Internalization/Synthesis. ..
Individual Sexual Identity (I)
* of love for same sex people, sexual
choice into overall identity
Self-Statement Examples (for men):
“I feel a deep contentment about my love
of other men.” (I)
Group Membership Identity (G)
* of the existence of different sexual
orientations in people
* of the existence of different sexual
orientations in people
Group Membership Identity (G)
*of one’s relationship to gay people as a
group (both attitudes and membership)
“I think a lot about fitting in as a gay man
and developing my own gay style.”
Group Membership Identity (G)
* to personal involvement with a reference
group, with awareness of oppression and
consequences of choices
“Sometimes I have been mistreated
because of my lesbianism.” (G)
Group Membership Identity (G)
* of identity as a member of a minority
group, across contexts
“I rely on my gay/lesbian friends for
support, but I have some good
heterosexual friends as well.” (G)
26
People of Color Issues
Beyond LGBT: Same-Gender Loving
The words “gay” or “lesbian” may be uncomfortable with some people. Many people do not
feel as though those terms apply to them or were created with them in mind.
“For a lot of young Black same gender loving individuals being ‘gay’ is problematic with their
families, troubling to society as a whole and miserable for them, personally. I love to read and
through research I found out that the term ‘gay’ was coined by homosexual White men back
in the sixties. That is another reason I cannot and will not identify with it.”
Same-Gender Loving (SGL) serves as an alternative to the LGBT terms. It is also encouraged
by members of some minority groups, particularly people of African-American or Latino
descent. To rid the presumption that “homosexual” just refers to what goes on (and what
doesn’t) in a bedroom, SGL brings it back to the basis of affection and relationships. Other
wordings such as “in the life” (from the days of the Harlem Renaissance) and “two-spirited”
(representing special community members of some Native American cultures, vaguely similar
to transgender) have been used.
Where am I?
There is an apparent lack of visibility of minorities in the gay subculture. Images and issues
pertaining to people of color are often left out or ignored in the main forms of media.
“I look up pages of XY, OUT, Genre, and The Advocate [gay-related magazines], and all
I see are articles suited for the ‘gay white male.’”
Unfortunately, when people of varying ethnicity are featured in such publications, we run the
risk of exoticizing that culture or easily dismissing important aspects of those peoples’ lives. It
is often hard to find support, resources, or individuals who are knowledgeable to special
difficulties that minorities may face. There are not a lot of minority students to begin with, and
an even smaller fraction are LGBT/SGL, so finding other people “like you” can be very
difficult and may lead to disconnection and loneliness.
Two Worlds
Being a same-gender loving person of color can cause the need to deal with racism and
homophobia together. Often times, there is a feeling of separation between when a person can
acknowledge their racial/ethnic identity and their sexual orientation. Within groups of
friends, some subjects are more tolerated or accepted than in others and frequently there is a
separation between the “gay” friends and the “people of color” friends. There tends to be a
separation between the “LGBT/SGL” world and the “POC” world. It is difficult to ascertain
and integrate the two in a social environment that does not fully accept either, so many do not
bother to try at the sign of resistance.
“It seems that being gay and Asian in America, one has to uphold his self-respect in two
fronts. The first is being Asian... The second front is being gay.”
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For immigrants and non-native English speakers, lingual barriers and lack of knowledge about
American cultural issues can lead to confusion and a lack of support. In some cultures, a word
for “homosexuality” does not exist and the concept is often avoided from discussion. This can
cause difficulty in coming out to parents who do not even understand that affection or who
have been raised in environments that strongly condemn it.
“Most of my Korean and Asian friends referred [to] homosexuality as a thing that only existed
in non-Korean and non-Asian groups.” Another major issue that can be magnified in people of
color is having to deal with family expectations. In some minority families there is a strong
expectation that a child will go to school, make money for his/her family, and create a family
of their own. Some feel that by being same-gender loving they could not fulfill their family’s
expectations, and are somehow letting their family down. Traditional views of marriage,
career, and family are difficult requirements with which to comply. Within some cultures,
there is a strong aversion to LGBT people and issues. Sexual taboos and traditional sex roles
lead to a lot of sexual orientation identity conflicts, and possibly cause people to remain
closeted or be involved in high-risk behavior in order to hide their feelings. Check out the
resources for more information.
Dual Prejudice
Unfortunately, stereotypes and prejudice can exist in individuals who are LGBT, like
heterosexuals. For this reason, SGL people of color are referred to as being a “minority within
a minority.” Here is an excerpt on such cultural racism from an Asian gay male’s perspective
on relationships:
Here, they have terms like rice queen, potato queen, sticky rice, and banana. Gay
culture insists that I am rice, and my boyfriend should be potato. My skin should be
smooth, brown and hairless, and his should resemble that of a Wonder Bread.
Now if I go against this, I am labeled as sticky rice and condemned as going against the
natural way. I am introduced to films such as M. Butterfly and The Wedding Banquet
wherein Asians are introduced with their respective white American partner.
(Ryan Pesigan Reyes,ttp://www.youthresource.com/community/yoc/apiryan.cfm)
When same-gender loving people can’t find resources specific to their own ethnicity and try to
reach out to other minority groups, they can also face prejudice as well. For example, a
Japanese woman could not find a support group for Asian women who love women, so she
attempted to join a group for Black SGL women. Women from that group responded sharply,
“What are you doing here? You ain’t black.”
(Written by Joey Bufanda)
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Potential Cultural Differences in GLB (LGBT) Identity Development
[From: Evans, N. J., Forney, D.S., & Guido-DiBrito, F. (1998).
Student development in college. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.]
Hispanics/Latinos
 Definitions of what constitutes homosexual & bisexual behavior differ in Hispanic
cultures from definitions in white culture.
 Latinas & Latinos more often identify as bisexual than as gay or lesbian; the latter
concepts are seen in the Latino culture as applying to whites only.
 Strong family & religious influences also inhibit the coming-out process for Hispanics.
African-American/Black
 In black communities, conformity to traditional gender roles is a significant pressure for
men that often preludes’ their self-identification as gay.
 Family & religious influences also make coming out especially difficult for AfricanAmericans.
 The African-American community is often more tolerant of gay black men as long as
they keep their identities quiet.
Asian Pacific American
 In the Asian Pacific American culture, the idea of sexual identity beyond the familial
expectation for procreation is nonexistent, & homosexuality can be expressed only if it
doesn’t interfere with the person’s prescribed role within the family.
 Asian Pacific Americans who openly identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual are likely to be
more acculturated to American values and are more likely to come out to non-Asian
Pacific Americans than to Asian Pacific Americans.
Native American
 In contrast to the other cultures, Native American cultures refer to homosexual
individuals as “two-spirit persons” & accept & value the contributions of these people.
 In Native American cultures, sexuality is valued as a form of recreation, relaxation, &
expression of intimacy as well as reproduction.
 Two-spiritedness is viewed as inborn, & families play an important part in helping
youth learn the unique role they will play in their society.
 Two-spirit people are particularly valued for their economic & caretaking contributions
to the family.
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Coming Out
Introductory Statement
The term “coming out” (of the closet) refers to the life-long process of the development of a
positive gay identity. It is a very long and difficult struggle for many because gay people often
have to confront many homophobic attitudes and discriminatory practices along the way.
Many need to struggle with their own negative stereotypes and feeling of homophobia which
they learned when they were growing up. Before a person can identify him/herself as good
about who they are, they will need to challenge their own attitudes and take them from the
lower end of that homophobic continuum (repulsion, pity, tolerance) to feelings of
appreciation and admiration. But it often takes years of painful work to develop a positive gay
identity. Then, many gays begin to make decisions about whom to tell that they are gay.
Many gays are afraid to “come out” to their friends and family.
Imagine, for a moment, that you are back in high school. Remember your first big crush or
your first kiss. Now imagine that you were in that same memory with a same sex crush. How
would your experiences have been different? Now, we’ll jump all the way back to elementary
school. Because love in America is assumed to be straight, the discovery that one does not fit
the mold can be frightening. From the time we are little, we are bombarded with images and
sounds of the heterosexual experience in TV, music, movies, books, and fairy tales. We are
encouraged to dream about living out the normal straight existence; marriage, kids, white
picket fence, etc. by our families, friends, teachers, and religious mentors. Even the big Puberty
talk with the school nurse in fifth or sixth grade mentions only the “straight and narrow path.”
Young children rarely seem to learn about other people’s differences unless they are different.
By the time we reach high school and college, many of our prejudices are formed and
ingrained, but many aspects about our identities are only beginning to develop. At some point
during sexual development, the gay teen/young adult realizes there is something “different”
about himself or herself. This realization is the first step to “coming out.” The gay youth may
feel ashamed, frightened, confused, isolated or may rejoice at this newfound identity.
There is a book entitled “Two in Twenty.” This book is a series of narratives written by LGBT
youth in the midst of the coming out process. Some are joyful stories about acceptance and
love, while others are about rejection and sadness. The book is a sequel to “One in Ten.” The
numbers are doubled because the author had hoped that in the ten year intermission between
the two books, the LGBT movement would come so far, the endless stories of loneliness would
be less in number. Unfortunately, the teens who contributed essays to the book still speak of
isolation from other queer teens and of overwhelming feelings of being “the only one.”
Eventually, the queer teen comes out a little further. He or she must decide whom to tell about
this new discovery. She must figure out who will accept her and who will not.
This is one of the most difficult parts of the coming out process. At times, one feels as if
everything is on the line: home, family, and friendships. A straight teenager rarely feels this
sort of risk when admitting his or her fondness for the opposite sex. How might this fear of
30
rejection, labeling, discrimination, and stereotype affect a person’s self image in a negative
way? How could he or she be affected in a positive way?
Luckily, more and more schools have stronger LGBT supports and resources such as Safe Zone
programs, clubs, and mentors.
(By Leah Shier)
Coming Out: Students on Campus
Coming out is the term used to describe the process of and the extent to which one identifies
oneself as lesbian, gay or bisexual. There are two parts to this process: coming out to oneself
and coming out to others. Coming out to oneself is perhaps the first step toward a positive
understanding of one’s orientation. It includes the realization that one is homosexual or
bisexual and accepting that fact and deciding what to do about it.
Coming out to others is an experience unique to gay, and lesbian and bisexual students.
The decision to come out to another person involves disclosing one’s sexual side, which
is for the most part viewed as
being a private matter. Some are
I would say that coming out is not about issuing a
afraid
of being rejected but others
press release, wearing a pink triangle, and
marching in a gay pride parade. For me, coming
worry that their sexual identity
out is much simpler. It just means being open and
will be the overriding focus in
honest about myself with others. I also think that
future
interactions with the other
being out is much easier than coming out. Being out
person. However, coming out
just means integrating your sexual orientation into
the other aspects of your life, while coming out often
does not always result in negative
involves the drama of sitting someone down and
consequences. It can develop a
going through many motions.
sense of relief and a sense of
-Keith Boykin, author
closeness. Other issues are the
extent of the revelation (should
everyone know or should
disclosure be selective?), timing and anticipation consequences. The decision not to come out
to others is called passing. Our culture tends to assume heterosexuality and persons who do
not correct the heterosexual assumption are considered to be passing as heterosexuals. College
students may believe that passing is preferable in an environment built on heterosexual
events. These students usually experience some conflict as they make decisions on when to
pass and when to be open
and some live with fear about their secret being revealed. These students may also
experience some hostility from those who are open and feel that they are not being honest with
themselves or others.
(WPI Safe Zone manual
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What’s the fear?
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Rejection – loss of relationships
Gossip
Harassment/abuse
Being thrown out of the family
Being thrown out of the house
Having their lover arrested
Loss of financial support
Losing their job
Physical violence
Being vulnerable
Why might LGBT people want to come out to friends/relatives?
 End of the “hiding game”
 Feel close to those people
 Be able to be “whole” around them
 Stop wasting energy by hiding all the time
 Feel like they have integrity
 To make a statement that “gay is OK”
How might someone feel after someone comes out to them?
 Scared
 Shocked
 Disbelieving
 Uncomfortable
 Not sure what to say
 Not sure what to do next
 Wondering why the person came out
What do people expect/want?
 Acceptance
 Support
 Understanding
 Comfort
 Closer friendships
 That knowing won’t negatively affect their friendship
 A hug and a smile
 An acknowledgment of their feelings
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Terminology- Building a Common Language
Every thorough discussion about the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community starts
with some very basic but often confusing terms. You may be surprised by some of the terms in
this section and please do not be afraid to ask for clarification. The definitions of many of these
terms are changing as the climates for the community change.
Ag/ Aggressive - See “Stud”
Agendered - A person is internally ungendered.
Ally – anyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, whose attitude and
behavior is anti-heterosexist and who works toward combating homophobia and
heterosexism, both on a personal and on an institutional level.
– Someone who confronts heterosexism, homophobia, transphobia, and heterosexual
privilege in themselves and others out of self-interest, a concern for the well-being of lesbian,
gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and intersex people and a belief that heterosexism is a social
justice issue.
– A person who is a member of a dominant group who works to end oppression in his or
her own personal and professional life by supporting and advocating for an oppressed
population. (NB)
Affectional Orientation - A recent term used to refer to variations in object of emotional and
sexual attraction. The term is preferred by some over “sexual orientation” because it indicates
that the feelings and commitments involved are not solely (or even primarily, for some people)
sexual. The term stresses the affective emotional component of attractions and relationships,
including heterosexual as well as LGBT orientation.
Androgyne - Person appearing and / or identifying as neither man nor woman, present a
gender neither mixed nor neutral.
Androgyny (also androgynous, bi-gendered, no-gendered) - a person (a) who identifies as
both or neither of the two culturally defined genders; and/or (b) who expresses and/or
presents merged culturally/stereotypically feminine and masculine characteristics, or mainly
neutral characteristics. May or may not express dual gender identity.
- Blending or absence of what are usually regarded as male or female characteristics,
values, or attitudes; aims to integrate into one’s personality the positive characteristics of the
other sex as well as one’s own.
Asexual - Person who does not feel sexual attraction or does not have sexual orientation.
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Assigned Gender (also Sex Assignment) – the announcement by doctors (“It’s a boy/girl”)
based on what one’s physical anatomy looks like. Based on this announcement, one is
supposed to grow, to live, and to exist within a certain set of gender roles.
Berdache - A generic term first used to describe native American/ American Indians who
adopted a gender role that was in contrast with their given sex (a male bodied person who
engaged in a woman’s gender role or took a husband.) This was sometimes referred to as a
“third gender” category. The term “berdache” is generally rejected as inappropriate and
offensive by Native People’s because it is a term that was assigned by European settlers to
differently gendered Native peoples. Appropriate terms vary by tribe and include “one-spirit”,
“two-spirit”, and “winkte”.
Bicurious - A curiosity about having sexual relations with a same gender / sex person.
Bigendered - A person whose gender identity is a combination of male / man and female /
woman.
Binding -The process of flattening one’s chest to have a more masculine or flat appearing
chest.
Biphobia - The fear of, discrimination against, or hatred if bisexuals. Negative perceptions of
bisexual identified individuals are often steeped in the belief that bisexuals are promiscuous or
that they can’t be attracted to both man and women.
Bisexual - A bisexual is one who has significant sexual and romantic attractions to members of
both the same and opposite sex.
- An individual who is physically, romantically, and/or emotionally attracted to men and
women. Bisexuals need not have had sexual experience with both men and women; in fact,
they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify as bisexual. (NB)
Bottom Surgery - Surgery on the genitals designed to create a body in harmony with a
person’s preferred gender identity.
Breeder - a pejorative term for a heterosexual male or female, referring to the oft-touted ability
of heterosexuals to procreate in the traditional manner.
Butch - used to identify a person who expresses and/or presents culturally/stereotypically
masculine characteristics. Often, a person who self-identifies to a great degree with the
stereotypically masculine end of a gender characteristic spectrum. Can be used either as a
positive or negative term.
- A person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally or
emotionally. “Butch” is sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians, but it can also be
claimed as an affirmative identity label.
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Camp- In LGBT circles, people (especially gay men) may be described as “camp” or “campy”
if they behave in a manner that exaggerates gay mannerisms or stereotypes. Such exaggeration
is often powerful in its ability to reveal the absurdity of gender expectations.
Cisgender - A term describing anyone who is not transgender, gender nonconforming or
questioning; a non-transgender person (i.e. a cisgender man or a cisgender woman) means that
the individual was socialized and still identifies and expresses as the gender assigned to them
at birth, and is comfortable doing so.
- A person whose gender identity and expression matches the gender typically associated
with their biological sex. For example: a female who identifies as a woman. (NB)
Cisgender Privilege - The unearned rights or benefits afforded to cisgender people because of
the gender conformance that are denied to those who are gender variant.
Cisgenderism - Occurs when prejudice against individuals and groups who display noncisgender behaviors or identities is combined with power to impose inequity between
cisgender and non-cisgender groups. Any attitude, action, or practice- backed by institutional
power- that subordinates people because of their gender identity / expression.
Civil union - State-based relationship recognition for gay and lesbian couples that offers some
or all of the state (though none of the federal) rights, protections, and responsibilities of
marriage. (NB)
The Closet - Gay men and lesbians who conceal their sexual identity from others are said to be
“ in the closet”. For many gay men and lesbians, the closet becomes a place in which you live,
unable to tell your secret. The image of a dimly lit, stale, confining space in which it is difficult
to live and grow comes to mind.
- A person who is not open about his or her sexual orientation. (NB)
Coming Out - to “come out” or to publicly declare and affirm one’s sexual orientation or
gender identity, sometimes to one person in conversation, sometimes by an act that places one
in the public eye. Coming out is not a single event, but instead is a life-long process. In each
new situation, an LGBT person must decide whether or not to come out; accepting and/or
disclosing to others that one is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.
- Coming out is the act of telling another person that you are gay or lesbian. For many gay
men and lesbians this is a continuing process which occurs every time they meet someone
new. Some gay men and lesbians choose to never come out to others.
- A lifelong process of self-acceptance. People forge a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or
transgender identity, first acknowledging it themselves and then possibly revealing it to
others. Publicly identifying one’s orientation or gender identity may or may not be part of
coming out. (NB)
Cross-Dresser - One who wears clothing considered “inappropriate” by society for one’s
gender for comfort, performance, sexual gratification, or any other purpose. An old term is
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transvestite, and as this is considered offensive by many people, should not be used unless a
person self-identified using it.
Cross-living - Cross-dressing full-time, which is also referred to as 24/7, and living as the
gender that you perceive yourself to be.
Discrimination - Prejudice + power. It occurs when members of a more powerful social group
unjustly or cruelly to a less powerful social group. Discrimination can take many forms,
including both individual acts of hatred or injustice and institutional denials of privileges
normally accorded to other groups. Ongoing discrimination creates a climate of oppression for
the affected group.
Drag (also Drag King, Drag Queen, Female/Male Impersonator) - wearing the clothing of
another gender, often with exaggerated cultural/stereotypical gender characteristics.
Individuals may identify as Drag Kings (females in drag) or Drag Queens (males in drag).
Drag often refers to dressing for functional purposes such as entertainment/performance or
social gatherings (e.g., costume parties). Drag has held a significant place in LGBT history and
community.
- Traditionally, drag is understood as the performance of one or multiple genders
theatrically through dress, mannerisms, and make-up. Drag Kings/Queens may identify as
heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, gender variant, and/or cisgender. Dragging
can be an expression of one’s gender, a political statement, a venue for entertainment, and a
safe space for gender exploration and empowerment.
Dyke (also Femme Dyke, Butch Dyke, Bi Dyke, Boydyke) – may have derived from the term
“dyke-loupers” from old Scotland. They had “louped” or jumped over the “dyke” or low wall
that divided the fields and had gone over to the other side. The word dyke represents the wall
itself --hard, strong, rigid--and the concept of crossing over, of partaking of both the masculine
and feminine worlds, is lost altogether. Recent history has abused lesbians with the use of the
term in a hateful manner. Within the community, some have grasped the term as a pride
word.
- Dyke is derived from Dike of Ancient Greece, who was a storm goddess. It is a shortened
version of Bulldyke. The word is used to create the image of a masculine woman. The word
along with Faggot can be devastating terms to homosexual men and women in the early stages
of developing their self-esteem.
Effeminate - used to identify a person (usually male) who expresses and/or presents
culturally/ stereotypically feminine characteristics. This is often viewed as a culturally
negative term.
Faggot (Fag) - according to Webster’s, “a bundle of sticks or twigs.” Historically, gay men
were gathered, tied together and used for “kindling” when burning someone at the stake who
was worthy of a “real” execution (like a witch or a heretic). Within the community, some have
grasped the term “fag” from its painful past and use it as a pride word.
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- Fag: Derogatory term that refers to men who are not heterosexually indentified and /or
who express a feminine gender expression.
- Faggot: The term faggot originated in medieval times when a faggot was a bundle of
sticks used to stoke a fire. The term came to refer to the burning of Gay men and Lesbians
which occurred at the time. Flamer and Flaming Faggot also originated from this experience.
Family of Choice - persons forming an individual’s social, emotional, and practical support
network and often fulfilling the functions of blood relations. Many LGBT people are rejected
when their families learn of their sexual orientation or gender identity, or they may remain
“closeted” to their biological relatives. In such cases, it is their partner/significant other and
close friends who will be called on in time of illness or personal crisis.
Family of Origin - biological family, or the family in which one was raised. These individuals
may or may not be part of a LGBT person’s support system.
F2M/FTM (Female to Male) - used to identify a person who was female-bodied at birth and
who identifies as male, lives as a man, or identifies as masculine.
Femme - a person who identifies with being a woman, who understands the power and
seduction of the feminine spirit and one who is willing to be powerful as a woman. Can be
used to identify a person who expresses and/or presents culturally/stereotypically feminine
characteristics. Can be used either as a positive or negative term.
- A feminine identified person of any gender/sex.
Female to Male (FTM, F2M) - Person born female-bodied, but who self-identifies primarily as
male. FTMS may/may not seek surgical intervention to make their bodies congruent with
their sense of self. (related terms: transmen, men with female histories, female-bodied men,
transgender, pre-op, post-op. transsexual)
Gay - a homosexual person, usually used to describe males but may be used to describe
females as well.
- This word appeared in popular culture in the 1970’s to describe homosexuals. It is used
mainly as an adjective and underscores sexual orientation as one aspect of an individual, not
as the total individual.
- The adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic, and/or
emotional attractions are to people of the same sex (e.g., gay man, gay people). In
contemporary contexts, lesbian (noun or adjective) is often a preferred term for women. Avoid
identifying gay people as homosexuals, an outdated term considered derogatory and offensive
to many lesbian and gay people. (NB)
Gender assignment - is a term used to describe individual identity given at birth. The assisting
physician assigns gender at birth. It is this determination that first classifies a human into a
gendered category. Determination of this first gender assignment is dependent on the
appearance of external genitalia.
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Gender Attribution Process - a process through which gender is ascribed. It is a term used to
describe the process individuals use to categorize people into gendered categories, usually
using binary structures. Being male or female is, thus, a cultural event. Some literature cites
more in-depth analysis of this, that gender attribution is a process of weighing gendered cues.
Gender Bender (also Gender Blender) – A person who merges characteristics of all genders in
subtle ways or intentionally flaunts merged/blurred cultural or stereotypical norms for the
purpose of shocking others, without concern for passing.
Gender Binary - The idea that there are only two genders- male/female and that a person
must be strictly gendered as either/or.
Gender Cues - What human beings use to attempt to tell the gender/ sex of another person.
Examples include hairstyle, gait, vocal inflection, body shape, facial hair, etc. Cues vary by
culture.
Gender Dysphoria - an intense continuous discomfort resulting from an individual's belief in
the inappropriateness of their assigned gender at birth and resulting gender role expectations.
Also, a clinical psychological diagnosis (also called Gender Identity Disorder), which many in
transgender communities are offended by, but is often required by insurance companies in
order to receive hormones and/or surgery.
Gender Expression/Presentation - expression of gender through behavior, clothing, hairstyle,
voice and body movement/ characteristics.
- The ways in which people externally communicate their gender identity to others
through behavior, clothing, hairstyle, voice, and by emphasizing, de-emphasizing, or changing
their body’s characteristics. Gender expression is not necessarily an indication of sexual
orientation. (NB)
Gender Identity - one’s psychological sense of oneself as a male or female.
- Gender identity is how one thinks about their own gender, whether they think of
themselves as a man or a woman, and to what degree they identify with the arbitrary gender
roles placed on us by society.
- The sense of “being” male or “being” female. For some people, gender identity is in
accord with physical anatomy. For transgender people, gender identity may differ from
physical anatomy or expected social roles. It is important to note that gender identity,
biological sex, and sexual orientation are not necessarily linked. (NB)
Gender Non-Conforming - A person who may or may not identify as transgender, but who
has a gender identity, gender expression, and/or gendered behavior(s) that are outside of the
binary of masculine male and feminine female; for example, a butch lesbian or flamboyant gay
man could be described as gender non-conforming. This term does not require a person to
identify as such to be applied appropriately.
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Gender Normative - An assumption that everyone conforms to gender based expectations of
society (e.g. a female who displays feminine characteristics, values, and attitudes).
Gender Queer – A term that is used by some people who may or may not fit on the spectrum
of transgender, or be labeled as transgender, but who identify their gender and their sexual
orientation to be outside the assumed norm.
- One whose gender identity lies outside of the binary male/female, often somewhere on
the continuum between male and female or entirely outside of the gender binary system,
sometimes changing on a regular basis… Individuals who identify as genderqueer sometimes
seek to challenge or disrupt gender stereotypes and the gender binary system.
Gender Roles - the socially constructed and culturally specific behavior and appearance
expectations imposed on women (femininity) and men (masculinity).
- Society places arbitrary rules and roles, how one is supposed to act, dress, feel, think,
relate to others, etc., on each of us based on a person’s sex (what genitalia they have).
Gender Variant - A person who either by nature or by choice does not conform to genderbased expectations of society (e.g. transgender, transsexual, intersex, genderqueer, crossdresser, etc.) This term is also sometimes applies to butch women and feminine men whose
gender identity is congruent with the state of their body.
Hermaphrodite - An out-of-date and offensive term for an intersex person. (See ‘Intersex’.)
Heteronormativity - The assumption that everyone is heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is
superior to homosexuality, bisexuality, or queer sexual orientations.
Heterosexism - A bias towards heterosexuality or the exclusion of homosexuality. Also, the
presumption that heterosexuality is superior to homosexuality. The systematic oppression of
lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons is directly linked to sexism, including prejudiced attitudes
or discriminatory practices against homosexuals.
- Heterosexism is the idea that there is a natural form of sexuality, which is inevitable and
good. The structures and institutions of our society exist to perpetuate this belief. Some
examples are: the invisibility of gay men and lesbians, the lack of role models in schools and
the media, and the lack of legal and cultural recognition.
Heterosexual - a person who is emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted or
committed to members of the other sex. Also Straight - a term originating in the gay
community describing heterosexuals and meaning “to enter the mainstream,” or “to go
straight.”
- Heterosexual is the clinical term used to describe people who feel a sexual attraction to
members of the opposite sex.
- An adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic, and/or
emotional attraction is to people of the opposite sex. Also straight. (NB)
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Heterosexual Privilege - Those benefits derived automatically by being hetero sexual that are
denied to homosexuals and bisexuals. Also, the benefits homosexuals and bisexuals receive as
a result of claiming heterosexual identity or denying homosexual or bisexual identity.
HIV- phobia - The irrational fear or hatred of a person living with HIV/AIDS.
Homophobia (also biphobia, transphobia) - a fear of homosexuals, homosexuality,
bisexuality, or any behavior, belief, or, attitude of self or others which does not conform to
rigid sex-role stereotypes. It is this fear that enforces sexism and heterosexism. The extreme
behavior of homophobia is violence against LGBT individuals. Also, disapproval of and
irrational fear toward gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered individuals based on
myths and cultural heterosexism.
- Homophobia is the intense and irrational fear of same-sex relationships, gay men,
lesbians, and bisexuals. Gays are seen as sick, crazy, immoral, sinful, wicked, etc. Anything is
believed to be justified in order to change them, including discrimination, harassment and
violence.
- Fear of lesbians and gay men. Prejudice is usually a more accurate description of hatred
or antipathy toward LGBT people. (NB)
Homosexual - a person who is emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted or
committed to members of the same sex. A clinical term that originated in the late 1800’s.
Some avoid using the word because it contains the base word “sex.” Given that sexual
orientation has more to do with the issue of love/attraction than of sex, it is believed that the
use of “homosexual” devalues the orientation of individuals. The terms “gay, lesbian, and
bisexual” are preferred by the majority of the community.
- The word Homosexual is a clinical term used to refer to people who are sexually
attracted to members of their own sex.
- Outdated clinical term considered derogatory and offensive by many gay and lesbian
people. The Associated Press, The New York Times, and The Washington Post restrict usage of
the term. Gay and lesbian are more acceptable terms to describe those who are attracted to
people of the same sex. (NB)
Hormone Therapy (also Hormone Replacement Therapy, HRT, Hormonal Sex
Reassignment) - administration of hormones to affect the development of secondary sex
characteristics of the opposite assigned gender; HRT is a process, possibly lifelong, of using
hormones to change the internal body chemistry. Androgens (testosterone) are used for female
to males, and Estrogens are used for male to females.
Internalized Oppression – the belief that same-gender sexual orientation and/or gender
identity is inferior to heterosexual orientation and/or masculine or feminine gender identity.
The internalization of negative messages, feelings about oneself and one’s group, and the
beliefs about how people like oneself should be treated, which often leads to self-hate and
difficulty with self-acceptance. Also, the irrational fear of breaking cultural or stereotypical
gender roles.
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- Sometimes members of marginalized groups hold an oppressive view toward their own
group, or start to believe in negative stereotypes of themselves.
Intersectionality – An analytical approach that seeks to examine the complex ways in which
various socially and culturally constructed categories interact on multiple levels to manifest
themselves as inequality in society. Intersectionality holds that the classical models of
oppression within society, such as those based on race/ethnicity, gender, religion, nationality,
sexual orientation, class, or ability, do not act independently of one another. Instead, these
forms of oppression interrelate, creating a system
of oppression that reflects the “intersection” of multiple forms of discrimination. (NB)
Intersexed (also Hermaphrodite) - an individual born with full or partial genitalia of both
genders, or with underdeveloped or ambiguous genitalia. Surgery is common in infancy,
when a singular gender is assigned. Many who have surgery develop feeling a sense of loss of
an essential part of themselves.
- One born with an anatomy and/or physiology that differs from the cultural and medical
“ideals” of male and female, including genitals, gonads, hormone production and/or
genotypes that are considered non-standard; most individuals who are intersex do not identify
as transgender and the intersex community is not a part of the trans community.
In the Closet - to be “in the closet” means to hide one’s identity in order to keep a job, a
housing situation, friends, or in some other way to survive. Many LGBT individuals are “out”
in some situations and “closeted” in others.
- May refer to a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, or allied person who
has not accepted his or her own sexuality, gender identity, or physical makeup (to be “in the
closet” to one’s self). Also may refer to those who choose not to share their sexuality, gender
identity, or physical makeup with family, friends, co-worker, or society (to be “in the closet” to
everyone). (Related term: closeted, “out”)
Institutional Oppression - Arrangements of a society used to benefit one group at the expense
of another through the use of language, media, education, religion, economics, etc.
Legal Sex - Your sex as the local, state, and federal governments see you. The “F” or “M”
marker on someone’s State ID, driver’s license, social security card, birth certificate, etc. A
person’s legal sex at birth and one’s legal sex later in life may or may not match. Also, all
documentation may or may not be the same.
Lesbian - a common and acceptable word for female homosexuals only; a name taken from the
island of Lesbos where Sappho, the great women-loving poet of 600 BC lived. Most womenloving women adopt this name with pride.
- The term Lesbian originates from ancient Greece where the homosexual poet Sappho
lived on the isle of Lesbos with other Greek women. It is from these isles that the term
originates. Homosexual women sometimes prefer the term Lesbian as opposed to the generic
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term “Gay”. This term acknowledges the fact that homosexual women have different priorities
and experiences than homosexual men.
- A woman whose enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction is to other
women. Some lesbians may prefer to identify as gay (adjective) or as gay women. Avoid
identifying lesbians as homosexuals, a derogatory term. (NB)
Lesbian - Term used to describe female-identified people attracted romantically, erotically,
erotically, and / or emotional to other female identified people. The term lesbian is derived
from the name of the Greek island of Lesbos and as such is sometimes considered a
Eurocentric category that does not necessarily represent the identities of African Americans
and other non-European ethnic groups. This being said, individual female-identified people
from diverse ethnic groups, including African Americans, embrace the term “lesbian” as an
identity label.
Lesbian Baiting - The heterosexist notion that any woman who prefers the company of
women, who does not have a male partner, who has a masculine gender expression, or who
shows agency over heterosexist/ patriarchal institutions and/or attitudes, is a lesbian. This is
often used as a threat to control the actions and attitudes of non-queer women by heterosexist
systems.
LGBTQ – An acronym that stands for “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, and
Questioning”. Sometimes seen as LGBT or GLBT, which are used when one is describing
individuals who have decided upon their identity. (may also see I for intersexed).
– Also GLBT. Acronym for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender.” LGBT and GLBT are
often used because they are more inclusive of the diversity of the community. Care should be
taken to ensure that audiences are not confused by their use. (NB)
LGBTQIA - Acronym most commonly used to refer to the community composed of those
whose sexual orientation is not heterosexual, and whose gender identity is not traditional
masculine/feminine. It can be broken down into its constituent parts of lesbian, gay, bisexual
transgender, queer, intersex, ally, but it is more inclusive when used as an acronym.
Lifestyle - One’s lifestyle is how they live and behave, for example, a person’s hobbies,
environment, family make-up, etc.
- Inaccurate term used by antigay extremists to denigrate lesbian, gay, bisexual, and
transgender lives. As there is no one straight lifestyle, there is no one lesbian, gay, bisexual, or
transgender lifestyle. (NB)
M2F/MTF (Male to Female) - used to identify a person who was male bodied at birth and who
identifies as a female, lives as a woman, or identifies as feminine.
- Person born male-bodied, but who self-identifies primarily as female. MTFS may/may
not seek surgical intervention to make their bodies congruent with their sense of self. (related
terms: transmen, men with female histories, female-bodied men, transgender, pre-op, post-op.
transsexual)
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Openly Gay- Used in instances where the Sexual Orientation of the individual is relevant to
the story and the individual has previously Outed her/himself. As in: “The openly gay
legislator voted against the measure denying civil rights to gays.”
Oppression - The systematic subjugation of a group of people by another group with access to
social power, the result of which benefits one group over the other and is maintained by social
beliefs and practices.
Out - To disclose a person’s sexual orientation to another person. To be open regarding one’s
sexual orientation in a given situation.
Outing - disclosing someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity to others without
permission.
- The use of fact or rumor and innuendo to declare someone as LGBT. This phenomenon is
commonly used by militant gay awareness groups and tabloid magazines to “out” famous
people. Outing a person when they are not ready or comfortable can be very upsetting and
damaging to an individual.
- The act of publicly declaring (sometimes based on rumor and/or speculation) or
revealing another person’s sexual orientation or gender identity without that person’s consent.
Considered inappropriate by a large portion of the LGBT community. (NB)
Pansexual (also Omnisexual) – an individual who is emotionally, physically, and/or sexually
attracted to those of any gender or physical makeup.
- A person who is sexually attracted more gender identities/expressions than
male/female. This identity encompasses bodies and attraction outside of the gender binary.
Partner or Significant Other - primary domestic partner or spousal relationship(s). May also
be referred to as “girlfriend/boyfriend,” “lover,” “roommate,” “life partner,” “wife/husband,”
or other terms.
Passing – the ability for a person to present themselves as another gender than which they live
full-time or than which they were assigned at birth.
- Describes a person’s ability to be recognized/accepted as their preferred gender/sex or
race/ethnic identity or to be seen as heterosexual. Those individuals in the LGBT community
who do not “pass” may be in danger of increased discrimination and harassment.
People of color (PoC) - A catch-all term for all nonwhite people or people not of
predominantly European ancestry. (NB)
Pink Triangle- an inverted triangle adopted by lesbian and gay culture starting in the 1970’s in
remembrance of the homosexuals who were forced to wear pink triangles in Nazi
concentration camps. Lesbians often wore the red and black triangles.
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Polyamory - Refers to having honest, usually non-passive, relationships with multiple
partners and can include: open relationships, polyfidelity (which involves multiple romantic
relationships with sexual contact restricted to those), and sub-relationships (which denote
distinguishing between a ‘primary’ relationship or relationships and various ‘secondary’
relationships).
Prejudice - A conscious or unconscious negative belief about a whole group of people and its
individual members.
Pre-Op (also Pre-Operative) - transgendered individuals who have not attained gender
reassignment surgery, but who desire to and are seeking that as an option. They may or may
not “cross-live” full time and may or may not take hormone therapy. They may also seek
surgery to change secondary sex characteristics.
Post-Op (also Post-Operative) - transsexual individuals who have attained gender
reassignment surgery, and/or other surgeries to change secondary sex characteristics.
Pride- A healthy safe respect, which, in the context of the gay community, promotes
empowerment, education, safe living, and the sense that it is “okay to be gay.”
Pride March- A public procession or parade of lesbians and gay men to proclaim the pride,
solidarity, and unity of gay people.
Queer - a pejorative term for LGBT people, although some LGBT people have reclaimed this
term as one that inclusively describes non-heterosexual people (and sometimes transgendered
individuals).
- In the past few years, Queer has been adopted by many Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and
Transgender people as a strong, all-inclusive, confrontational, and political label for sexual
minorities. It underscores and celebrates the dictionary definitions of “Differing from what is
usual and ordinary; odd; singular; strange.” When gay people identify themselves as queer,
they are attempting to defuse a hostile label and throw it back in the face of their oppressors.
- Traditionally a pejorative term, queer has been appropriated by some LGBT people to
describe themselves. However, it is not universally accepted within the LGBT community and
should be avoided unless quoting or describing someone who self-identifies that way. (NB)
Questioning – used to describe an individual who is contemplating their own sexual
orientation and/or gender identity, but who has not yet decided upon their identity; often
viewed as the beginning of an inner journey that may or may not result in an LGBT identity.
Individuals who are questioning may or may not experiment with non-heterosexual types of
sexual behavior or non-traditional gender roles or behavior.
- Refers to individuals who are unsure or are exploring their sexual orientation, gender
identity, and/or physical development and as a result “question” their identity.
Rainbow Flag- Designed in 1978 in San Francisco by artist Glibert Baker signifying the
diversity and unity of the LGBT movement. Originally, there were eight colors in the flag; pink
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for sexuality, red for light, orange for healing, yellow for the sun, green for natural serenity,
turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. In 1979, the flag was modified to its
current six-stripe format (pink was omitted; blue was substituted for turquoise and indigo,
and violet became a rich purple).
Same Gender Loving - A term sometimes used by members of the African-American/Black
community to express an alternative sexual orientation without relying on terms and symbols
of European descent. The term emerged in the early 1990’s with the intention of offering Black
women who love women and Black men who love men a voice, a way of identifying and being
that resonated with the uniqueness of Black culture in life.
- A term coined for African American use by activist Cleo Manago, this is a description for
lesbian, gay, and bisexual people, particularly in the African American community. It emerged
in the early 1990s as a black, culturally affirming LGBT identity. (NB)
Sex - A medical term designating a certain combination of gonads, chromosomes, external
gender organs, secondary sex characteristics, and hormonal balances. Usually subdivided into
‘male’ and ‘female’ to the exclusion of any others; however, scientists have identified over 40
various human sex categories- two of which are male and female.
Sex and Gender – terms used to describe the designation of an individual as male or female
(or, masculine or feminine) according to biological or sociological/cultural standards.
Although the distinction between these terms is debated, many consider “sex” as relating to
one’s biological/ physiological/genetic maleness or femaleness, and “gender” as relating to
one’s adherence to sociocultural standards of masculinity and femininity.
Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) - permanent surgical refashioning of genitalia to resemble
the genitalia of the desired gender. Sought to attain congruence between one's body and one's
gender identity.
- A term used by some medical professionals to refer to a group of surgical options that
alter a person’s “sex”. In most states, one or multiple surgeries are required to achieve legal
recognition of gender variance.
Sexual Identity - Sexual Identity is the consistent and enduring sense of one’s own sexuality
and repeated sexual thoughts, feelings and/or behaviors. Sexual identity is how one thinks of
oneself in terms of whom one is sexually and romantically attracted to. The process of sexual
identity is on going
Sexual Orientation - the inclination or capacity to develop intimate emotional and sexual
relationships with people of the same gender (lesbian or gay), the other gender (heterosexual),
or either gender (bisexual). In all instances, use this term instead of Sexual Preference or other
misleading terminology.
- Sexual Orientation is defined as a predominant erotic attraction for the same or other
sex, or for both sexes in varying degrees. Few, if any, obvious identifiable mannerism exists
that distinguish between individuals of different sexual orientations. Sexual Orientation is not
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a choice, lifestyle or behavior, it is an inner sense of identity. Sexual Orientation is only one
small aspect of a person’s being.
- The scientifically accurate term for an individual’s enduring physical, romantic, and/or
emotional
attraction to members of the same and/or opposite sex, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, and
heterosexual (straight) orientations. Avoid the offensive term sexual preference, which is used
to suggest that being gay or lesbian is voluntary and therefore “curable.” (NB)
Sexuality - A person’s exploration of sexual acts, sexual orientation, sexual pleasure and
desire.
SDFFAs - Abbreviation for “Significant Others, Friends, Family, and Allies” of trans
people/communities.
Silent Minority - The term silent minority refers to the idea that gay men and lesbians are not
a visible group to a casual observer. One cannot walk into a room and pick out a gay man or
lesbian by sight. This allows many gay men and lesbians to live in “the closet”.
Stealth - This term refers to when a person chooses to be secretive in the public sphere about
their gender history, either after transitioning or while successfully passing.
Stereotype - A preconceived or oversimplified generalization about an entire group of people
without regard for their individual differences; though often negative, can also be
complimentary. Even positive stereotypes can have a negative impact, however, simply
because they involve broad generalizations that ignore individual realities.
Stud - An African-American and/or Latina masculine lesbian., also known as a “butch” or
“aggressive”.
Top Surgery - This term usually refers to surgery for the construction of a male-type chest, but
also may refer to breast augmentation.
Trans - An abbreviation that is sometimes used to refer to a gender variant person. This use
allows a person to state a gender variant identity without having to disclose hormonal or
surgical status/intentions. This term is sometimes used to refer to the gender variant
community as a whole.
Transactivism - The political and social movement to create equality for gender variant
persons.
Transgender (also Transgendered, Trans) - those who transgress societal gender norms; often
used as an umbrella term to mean those who defy rigid, bipolar gender constructions, and
who express or present a breaking and/or blurring of cultural/stereotypical gender roles.
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Includes: androgynes, cross-dressers, gender-benders, intersexed individuals, transvestites,
and transsexuals.
- A person whose core gender identity is different from their biological gender identity. A
transgender person is someone who switches gender roles, whether it is once or many times.
- An umbrella term (adjective) for people whose gender identity and/or gender
expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. The term may include but is not
limited to: transsexuals, cross-dressers, and other gender-variant people. Transgender people
may identify as femaleto-male (FTM) or male-to-female (MTF). Use the descriptive term
(transgender, transsexual, cross-dresser, FTM, or MTF) preferred by the individual.
Transgender people may or may not decide to alter their bodies hormonally and/or surgically.
Some individuals prefer the terms trans and/or trans* as more inclusive and fluid umbrella
terms. (NB)
Transgender (Trans) Community - An umbrella term for anyone whose gender identities
and/or gender expression(s) don’t fit social ideas and norms of gender, which can include
transsexuals, crossdressers, genderqueer people, and other gender nonconforming individuals;
depending on how the community is defined, the term may or may not be used to be inclusive
of SDFFAs. In order for the term to be applied appropriately, a person must self-identify as
transgender (trans). The central ethic of this community is unconditional acceptance of
individual exercise of freedoms including gender and sexual identity and orientation.
Transition - This term is primarily used to refer to the process a gender variant person
undergoes when changing their bodily appearance either to be more congruent with the
gender/sex they feel themselves to be and/or to be in harmony with their preferred gender
expression. This may include changes in dress, hormone balance, surgical alteration of chest or
genitalia and/or preferred gender pronoun/name.
Transman - An identity label sometimes adopted by female-to-male transsexuals to signify
that they are men while still affirming their history as females. Also referred to as “transguys”.
Transphobia - The fear or hatred of transgender and transsexual people and those who
express their gender in ways that are not traditionally expected and accepted by society. Like
biphobia, this term was created to call attention to the ways that prejudice against trans people
differs from prejudice against other queer people. Transphobia can also be found within the
LGBT community.
Transsexual (also Female to Male, FTM, F2M, Male to Female, MTF, M2F, Pre-Operative,
Post-Operative, Non-Operative) - a person who, through experiencing an intense long-term
discomfort resulting from feeling the inappropriateness of their assigned gender at birth and
discomfort of their body, adapts their gender role and body in order to reflect and be
congruent with their gender identity. Adaptation methods may include: cross-living,
synthesized sex hormones, surgery and other body modification which may or may not lead to
the feeling of harmony between a person's body and their gender identity.
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- Transsexuals are individuals who have a deep conviction that their true gender identity
is out of sync with their anatomical gender identity. That is, a woman may have the genitals
of a woman, but “feel” as though she is a man. Transsexuals may choose to go through
hormone therapy and/or operations to obtain a different anatomical identity.
Transvestite (also Cross-dresser) - a person who wears the clothing considered typical for
another gender on occasion, but does not desire to change their biological sex. Reasons for
cross-dressing can range from a need to express a feminine or masculine side to attainment of
erotic/sexual/fetish gratification. Although many cross-dressers are heterosexual, the use of
transvestism in the gay “drag” culture is well documented.
- A transvestite is someone who cross dresses for pleasure in appearance and sensation.
The pleasure does not have to be erotic, but may be rebellious, empowering, or something else.
Transwoman - An identity label sometimes adopted by male-to-female transsexuals to signify
that they are women while still affirming their history as males.
Two-Spirit - Native American concept present in some indigenous cultures across North
America and parts of Central and South America. It is a term of reverence, traditionally
referring to people who display both masculine and feminine sex or gender characteristics.
Named “berdache” by European colonists, those who are Two-Spirited are and were
traditionally respected and may be healers or leaders thought to possess a high spiritual
development.
- Native persons who have attributes of both genders, have distinct gender and/or social
roles in their tribes, and are often involved with mystical rituals (shamans). Their dress is
usually mixture of male and female articles and they are seen as a separate or third gender.
The term ‘two-spirit’ is usually considered specific to the Zuni tribe. Similar identity labels
vary by tribe and include ‘one-spirit’ and ‘wintke’.
Ze/Hir/Hirs - One set of neutral pronouns, often used by an individual whose gender identity
falls outside of male and female. They are used just like she/he, her/him, and hers/his.
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For further information:
Dean of College Life
Caroline Scott
[email protected]
443.840.3443
Office of Multicultural Affairs
Patricia Quintero-Hall, Coordinator of Multicultural Affairs
[email protected]
443.840.3206
College & Community Outreach
http://www.ccbcmd.edu/About-CCBC/Administrative-Offices/Enrollment-and-StudentServices/College-Life/College-and-Community-Outreach-Services.aspx
443.840.4761
Rainbow Club/gay Straight Alliance Advisors
Catonsville
Theresa Robinson
[email protected]
Brian Gunn
[email protected]
Dundalk
Zolita Courter
[email protected]
Essex
Dr. Morgan Slusher
[email protected]
Tom Parlon
[email protected]
Parents, Friends, And Families Of Lesbians And Gays (PFLAG) Baltimore
https://www.pflag.org/chapter/pflag-baltimore-county
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, & Transgender Community Center of Baltimore
1000 Cathedral St, 3rd Floor
Baltimore, MD 21201
PHONE: (410) 777-8145
FAX: (410) 777-8145
EMAIL: [email protected]
WEBSITE: http://www.glccb.org/
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