THRESHER SPORTS/commentary
Rice athletics needs scandal
for true national success
Rice sports suck, or so I hear.
I wouldn't really know, because
attending games is inconvenient
for me -like when they're during precious cartoon-watching
time. So I will admit that most
of my sports knowledge comes from
three places.
Video games: Fast
thumb reflexes equal
a victory.
Intramural softball: Cursing at the
umpire gets you
tossed out of games.
What I overhear
Evan
from the sports desk:
Stephen's inane rants.
But every once in a while, I
pick up on little tidbits of sports
information, like the history of
the Seattle Pilots, the 1986 Mets,
and the fact that, apparently,
Rice's current baseball team is
pretty good.
I had no idea that our baseball
team was anything special. My
only experience with them was
pitcher/first basemanJ oe Savery
throwing parties in his room at
Hanszen but not inviting anyone
from the hall and pitcher Ryan
Berry hitting on my girlfriend
way back when.
And come to think of it, are
they really anything special?
They may have a great record.
They may have some great
players. They may pass their
courses. But that only takes a
team so far. As Rice learned at
the beginning of the season,
victory can be fleeting, and a
few losses can turn a reputation
of excellence into a supposed
tolerance of mediocrity.
So this brings me on to another piece of sports
trivia that I happen
to know. If the baseball team wants to
solidify its position
among the sports
greats, it needs to
gain the mark of a truly successful team:
horrible scandals.
Drugs, violence,
Mintz
sex: These are the
signs of true champions. After all, a win is temporary,
but a criminal record is forever ...
ish.
Just look at the Dallas Cowboys, Kobe Bryant or, the greatest
example, 0.]. Simpson. Only a
handful of people would remember him for his Heisman, but commit double homicide (allegedly),
and you're a cultural icon. Justfor
the record, I am not recommending that anyone on the baseball
team commit murder - 0.]. was
deemed innocent.
Even in professional baseball,
last year's steroid scandal sent
modern-day greats rounding
the bases to home, or at least to
the House ... of Representatives,
that is. It may be nice to break
a home run record, but making
the congressional record for a
See SCANDAL, page 18
SCANDAL
From page 14
violations hearing is something
to really brag about.
So if the Rice baseball team
wants to really take it to the big
leagues, our players are going
to have to make a few changes
and learn some lessons from
Maurice Clarett and those guys
fro m .oklahoma. It could start
off slow: .our newest pitcher
could be an ex-con with torn-off
sleeves. .or maybe one of the
practice catchers could get in
trouble with RUPD for providing alcohol to a minor at Pub.
But to be really epic, that small
charge had better turn into a
trunk full of pot and a shotgun,
in the backseat.
Between now and playoffs,
the team needs no fewer than
two players caught for possession of cocaine, at least one sex
scandal, and doping charges up
and down the roster. Finally,
enough with the articles about
how Joe Savery is America's
sweetheart. From now on, he's
worthless until he gets caught
with a stripper.
Sure it may be tough, it may
be dangerous, it may be against
everything that Rice stands for.
But if our baseball team wants
true recognition like those state
school teams, or if the Owls want
to make it to the big leagues,
they are going to have to think
outside the batter's box and commit some felonies.
So when the team goes up to
.omaha this year, let's hope that
is it part of high speed chase.
That's when we'll know they've
made it big.
Evan Mintz is a Hanszen Col/egt
junior and executive editor.