617
Chapter 110
What are some of the differences
between "Deaf" and "Hearing"
etiquette?
ere's a brief guide to a few of the most important
"social" differences. (And keep in mind that
there are many variations of "accepted" social
A Deaf people don't wait to be asked how they're feeling.
They volunteer that information first.
V Hearing people will ask (and wait for) "cue" questions:
"So how've you been feelinglately?" "How are you?" "How's
it going?" or "What's new with you?"
A It's acceptable for Deaf people to talk (sign)while they're
eating with others.
V Hearing people are taught to avoid talking and eating at
the same time. ("Don't talk with you mouth full!")
A It's difficult for Deaf people to carry on signed conversations while cutting up food.
V But . . . hearing people can carry on conversations while
cutting up food.
A But . . . Deaf people can sign while they're drinking.
V Hearing people can't talk while they're drinking.
A Deaf people are more physical than hearing people. They
will pat another person's shoulder or arm ("social space") to
get attention.
V Hearing people are apt to feel intruded on when their
"personal space" is violated this way.
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FOR HEARING PEOPLE ONLY
A When stopping by and finding nobody there, Deaf people
tend to wait for the absent friend to come back.
V When stopping by, if the friend isn't home, hearing
people leave immediately.
A When toasting each other at a wedding or anniversary
party, Deaf people don't clink their glasses; they gently knock
the backs of their hands together. Many of us can't hear the
pleasant clink of glasses, so we've devised an "alternate
practice."
V When toasting each other, hearing people don't physically touch.
A Deaf people like to congregate in well-lighted rooms
(even nightclubs and restaurants), so they can see each other
better.
V Hearing people prefer dimly-lit nightclubs and restaurants for "evenings out," since these have a cozy, romantic
connotation.
A When dining out, Deaf people relocate or remove vases
displaying flowers, tall candles, and vertical menu displays,
since these obstruct a full view of each other's signing.
V Hearing people usually don't have a problem with these
items, and we've rarely, if ever, seen them rearranging their
tables after sitting down.
A Some Deaf people, carrying on an animated conversation
with friends in a restaurant, use their normal conversational
habits-whacking, rapping, knocking, slapping, or banging
the table for emphasis-as a way of punctuating their conversation or reacting to what another person is saying. The noise
can sometimes be heard by other diners, and can be annoying-or momentarily distracting.
V It's considered bad manners for diners in restaurants to
thwack or rap on their tables, or to make any sort of noise that
can be overheard by other diners. (All of us have, however,
witnessed nasty, and loud, squabbles between two hearing
CHAPTER 110
621
persons in restaurants, diners, or coffeeshops.)
A Many of our readers are already familiar with "flying
handsf'--ASL applause. An audience being addressed by a
Deafblind person (i.e., with Usher's Syndrome) signals its
appreciation by stomping. (They can also use "flying hands"
if the speaker has enough remaining vision to perceive it.)
V Hearing audiences signal their appreciationby clapping
their hands and/or cheering-the louder the applause and
cheers, the more enthusiasm expressed.
Well, you get the idea. Most of these social-cultural differences, as you can see, are based on our need to communicate
visually. A newly-arrived person who is familiar with Hearing behavior, but not Deaf, can suffer acute "culture shock
when entering a Deaf milieu. But after you've absorbed some
of it, you can see that there's logic behind the apparent
oddness. The purpose of "Deaf" customs is to facilitate communication. Our communicative values and needs may be
different from "Hearing," but the basic social values-politeness, sharing, paying attention, talung turns, etc.-are much
the same.
AAA
We'd like to clarify a point. The 16th item originally read,
"Deaf people like to congregate in well-lighted areas" and
"Hearing people prefer dimly-lit areas." This applies to cozy,
intimate social situationsthat take place during the eveningnot regular business / daylight ones!
Here's a letter we received from a disgruntled reader.
Throwing all hearing people
into one category?
I am writing in response to the For Hearing People Only
column in the May 1997 issue of DEAF LIFE. While some of
Over a decade of prornoiing'~eafA~wareness