Tuning in to Kids
An Emotion Coaching Parenting Program
Associate Professor Sophie Havighurst
22nd October 2016
Parenting in the 21st Century
Hong Kong
Mindful: Centre for Training and
Research in Developmental Health
University of Melbourne
Mindful – Centre for Training and Research in Developmental Health
Overview of Presentation
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Overview of Tuning in to Kids
Understand differences in parenting styles
Explore how emotion coaching is learned
Consider brain functioning and use of emotion
coaching
• Learn about Emotion Coaching and it’s benefits
– How it works
– Why it works
• What is the research evidence so far?
Mindful – Centre for Training and Research in Developmental Health
What is Tuning in to Kids?
Tuning in to Kids (TIK) is an evidence- based
program that helps parents/carers teach their
children about emotions
while building a close and supportive
relationship.
http://www.cebc4cw.org/program/tuning-in-to-kids-tik/detailed
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What is the TIK program?
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A parenting program (6-10 sessions)
Focus on emotions in parents and children
Parents become aware of their child’s emotion and
coach their child in understanding/regulating emotion
Parents become aware of and regulate own emotions
In children - prevents or reduces behavioural problems
Group delivery in community and clinical settings as
well as individual parent education/therapy
Used by childcare workers, teachers, nursing staff,
residential carers, etc
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What is Emotional
Intelligence/competence?
Identify and understand your own emotions.
Successfully use emotions during social interactions
Use your emotional awareness to guide you when
solving problems
Deal with frustration and be able to wait to get what
you want
Keep distress from overwhelming your ability to
think
Be in control of how and when you express feelings
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Why is Emotional Intelligence important?
• Allows you to have awareness and control over what you do
• Results in lower levels of stress, which are associated with
better health
• Enables more satisfying friendships and lasting intimate
relationships
• You can sooth yourself and are therefore able to calmly
focus, concentrate and think when faced with a challenging
situation
• It makes you more resilient (better able to deal with change
and stress)
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Development of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence/Competence:
– Emotion expressiveness
– Emotional regulation
– Emotion understanding
These influence:
– Behaviour
– Social competence
– Academic functioning
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How is emotional intelligence shaped?
Children’s emotional intelligence is shaped by:
• Parents’/significant others’ modelling, reactions to, and
coaching of emotions
• The emotional atmosphere in the home
• Parents’/significant others’ meta-emotion philosophy
Eisenberg, N., Cumberland, A., & Spinrad, T. L. (1998). Parental socialization of emotion. Psychological Inquiry, 9(4), 241-273,
doi:10.1207/s15327965pli0904_1.
Gottman, J. M., Katz, L. F., & Hooven, C. (1997). Meta-emotion: How families communicate emotionally. Mahway, New Jersey:
Lawrence Erlbaum Assoc.
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Styles of Emotional Communication
Four patterns of responding to children’s emotions are identified in the
parent emotion socialisation literature:
• Emotion Dismissing: ignores uncomfortable emotions. Often
motivated by need to rescue and fix the problem.
• Emotion Disapproving: disapproves or is critical of emotions being
expressed . Often motivated by a need to control and regain power
and/or to make the child ‘toughen up’.
• Laissez-Faire: accepts all emotions but fails to place guidance around
behaviour. Often motivated by avoiding conflict or uncertainty.
• Emotion Coaching: values all emotions and helps understand
feelings while also guiding behaviour. Often motivated by noticing
the child’s emotion world and giving child skills that help with
understanding and regulating emotions.
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Emotion Coaching
To emotion coach your child you:
• Become aware of their emotion, especially if it is of a lower
intensity
• View their emotion as an opportunity for emotional connection and
teaching
• Communicate your understanding and acceptance of the emotion –
empathy
• Help them use words to describe feelings
• If necessary, help them to solve problems
(All wishes and feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviours)
Adapted from Gottman, J. M. & DeClair, J. (1997). The Heart of Parenting: Raising an
Emotionally Intelligent Child. New York: Simon & Schuster.
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Messages the child receives - EC
• We all feel emotions and it is useful to recognise them in
ourselves as well as others
• I am not alone and I am loved, accepted, supported,
valid, cared about, understood, trustworthy and
respected
• I am capable of solving problems; problems and conflicts
can be resolved
• All feelings are acceptable and normal, and I can learn to
regulate emotions and express them constructively
• Emotions are transitory – all feelings will pass
Child learns to develop a variety of emotion competencies,
including emotion acceptance, regulation and healthy selftalk
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Emotion Dismissing Responses
When a parent responds in an emotionally dismissive way they might
still be warm and engaged with their child but respond by:
– Asking ‘why...’ the child feels this way
– Telling the child not to worry
– Problem-solving immediately
– Offering advice e.g., “You should have…”
– Setting limits immediately
– Offering distraction or reassurance
– Moralising/trying to teach values
– Engaging in defensive responding
(These responses can be helpful but not if the emotion is not also
responded to.)
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Message the child receives - ED
• What I am feeling is not right, I must/should not feel this way
• I am not worthy of connection when I feel uncomfortable
emotions
• Child does not learn to trust their own feelings affecting
decision-making
• Not given the opportunity to learn to self-regulate or
problem-solve
• Generates more negative feelings – resentment, guilt, shame,
anger
• May primarily learn suppression or distraction as emotion
regulation strategies
Mindful – Centre for Training and Research in Developmental Health
Why does Emotion Coaching reduce
behaviour problems?
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Responding to emotions – especially low level emotions
– Emotions are noticed, the child does not have to escalate to have
feelings noticed
– Emotions are accepted, conflicts are not escalated
– The child feels connected and respected
– More optimal time to teach about emotions when emotion intensity is
lower (frontal lobes enable thinking about emotion experience)
Clear limits are set early while emotions are recognised and respected
– All feelings are OK – behaviours can be OK or not OK
Children learn to self-soothe, stay calm
When a child experiences connection – power struggles are less likely
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Research Evidence
• Children who are emotion coached are more likely to:
– Have better cognitive abilities
– Stronger social skills
– Display more pro-social behaviour
– Have fewer physical illnesses
– Lower externalising and internalising problems
Eisenberg et al, 1998; Havighurst et al 2009, 2010, 2012;
Kehoe et al 2011; Katz & Maliken, 2013
• Greatest benefit for children with higher levels of
– Emotional negative reactivity
– Externalising behaviour (particularly at a young age)
– Internalising problems
Denham et al, 2000; Duncombe et al 2012; Kehoe et al 2011
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The Development of TIK
• Developed by Sophie Havighurst and Ann Harley as a
program for parents of preschoolers (1999)
• Pilot study (2000-2002) of Essential Parenting Program.
Rewritten and renamed Tuning in to Kids (2004-2005)
• Efficacy - Randomised controlled trial with community
and clinical participant. (2006-2008): prevention and an
early intervention program
• Effectiveness – RCT with community practitioners
delivering program (2008-2010) – universal prevention
• Dissemination (2007- current)
• Further research studies and program adaptations
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Research Evidence
Toddlers - Tuning in to Toddlers (TOTS)
• Pilot study
• RCT efficacy trial (current)
Preschool - Tuning in to Kids (TIK)
• Pilot study
• RCT community efficacy trial
• RCT community effectiveness trial
• RCT clinical efficacy trial
• Case studies with anxious children
• Dads TIK pilot study
• Dads TIK RCT efficacy trial
• Pilot with child care workers
• Norwegian Tuning in to Kids
• German Tuning in to Kids
• Iranian Tuning in to Kids
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School aged - Tuning in to Kids
• Effectiveness with conduct problem
children - RCT
• Comparison of TIK &Triple P for conduct
problem children – RCT
• Children with chronic illness –RCT
• Trauma-focused pilot study
Pre-adolescents - Tuning in to Teens (TINT)
• Pilot study
• Efficacy trial - RCT
• Qualitative study
• New Jersey adoption/kinship carers
Adolescents - Tuning in to Teens
• Efficacy study (current)
• Whole School Approach (current)
• Residential Care pilot study
Research Publications
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Havighurst, S.S. & Kehoe, C.E. (in press). The role of parental emotion regulation in parent emotion socialization:
Implications for intervention, in Deater-Deckard, K. & Panneton, R.K. (Ed.s), Parenting Stress: Adaptive and Maladaptive
Consequences for Developmental Well-Being of Children. Springer: New York.
Murphy, J. L., Havighurst, S. S., & Kehoe, C. E. (submitted). Trauma-focused “Tuning in to Kids”: A pilot study. Child
Psychiatry and Human Development.
Wilson, K.R., Havighurst, S. S., Kehoe, C. E., & Harley, A. E. (submitted) Dads Tuning in to Kids: Preliminary Evaluation of a
new parenting program for fathers, Journal of Family Relations.
Havighurst, S. S., Kehoe, C. E., Harley, A. E., & Wilson, K. R. (2015). Tuning in to Kids: An emotion focused parenting
intervention for children with disruptive behaviour problems. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 41-50.
Havighurst, S. S., Duncombe, M. E., Frankling, E. J., Holland, K. A., Kehoe, C. E., & Stargatt, R. (2015). An emotion-focused
early intervention for children with emerging conduct problems. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 43(4), 749-760.
Havighurst, S. S., Kehoe, C. E., & Harley, A. E. (2015). Tuning in to Teens: Improving parental responses to anger and
reducing youth externalizing behavior problems. Journal of Adolescence, 42, 148-158.
Kehoe, C. E., Havighurst, S. S., & Harley, A. E. (2015). Somatic complaints in early adolescence: The role of parents’
emotion socialization. Journal of Early Adolescence, 35(7), 966-989.
Duncombe, M. E., Havighurst, S. S., Kehoe, C. E., Holland, K. A., Frankling, E. J., & Stargatt, R. (2014). Comparing an
Emotion-and a Behavior-Focused Parenting Program as Part of a Multsystemic Intervention for Child Conduct Problems.
Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 43(4), 749-760.
Kehoe, C. E., Havighurst, S. S., & Harley, A. E. (2014). Tuning in to Teens: Improving parent emotion socialization to
reduce youth internalizing difficulties. Social Development, 23(2), 413-431.
Lauw, M. S. M., Havighurst, S. S., Wilson, K., Harley, A. E., & Northam, E. A. (2014). Improving parenting of toddlers’
emotions using an emotion coaching parenting program: A pilot study of tuning in to toddlers. Journal of Community
Psychology, 42, 2, 169-175.
Mindful – Centre for Training and Research in Developmental Health
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Research Publications continued…
Wilson, K. R., Havighurst, S. S., & Harley, A. E. (2014). Dads Tuning in to Kids: Piloting a new parenting program targeting
fathers’ emotion coaching skills. Journal of Community Psychology, 42(2), 162-168.
Havighurst, S. S., & Harley, A. E. (2013). Tuning in to Kids: Emotion coaching for early learning staff. Belonging: Early Years
Journal, 2(1), 22-25.
Havighurst, S. S., Wilson, K. R., Harley, A. E., Kehoe, C., Efron, D., & Prior, M. R. (2013). “Tuning into Kids”: Reducing young
children’s behavior problems using an emotion coaching parenting program. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 44(2),
247-264.
Duncombe, M. E., Havighurst, S. S., Holland, K. A., & Frankling, E. J. (2012a). The contribution of parenting practices and parent
emotion factors in children at risk for disruptive behaviour disorders. Child Psychiatry and Human Development, 43, 715-733.
Duncombe, M. E., Havighurst, S. S., Holland, K. A., & Frankling, E. J. (2012b). Psychometric evaluation of a brief parent- and
teacher-rated screen for children at risk of conduct disorder. Australian Journal of Educational & Developmental Psychology, 12,
1-11.
Wilson, K. R., Havighurst, S. S., & Harley, A. E. (2012). Tuning in to Kids: An effectiveness trial of a parenting program targeting
emotion socialization of preschoolers. Jnl of Family Psychology, 26(1), 56-65.
Sanson, A. V., Havighurst, S. S., & Zubrick, S. R. (2011). The science of prevention for children and youth. Australian Review of
Public Affairs, 10(1), 79-93.
Havighurst, S. S., Wilson, K. R., Harley, A. E., Prior, M. R., & Kehoe, C. (2010). Tuning in to Kids: Improving emotion socialization
practices in parents of preschool children – findings from a community trial. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 51(12),
1342-1350.
Havighurst, S. S., Wilson, K. R., Harley, A. E., & Prior, M. R. (2009). Tuning in to kids: An emotion-focused parenting program initial findings from a community trial. Journal of Community Psychology, 37(8), 1008-1023.
Havighurst, S. S., & Downey, L. (2009). Clinical reasoning for child and adolescent mental health practitioners: the mindful
formulation. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 14(2), 251-271.
Havighurst, S. S., Harley, A., & Prior, M. (2004). Building preschool children's emotional competence: A parenting program.
Early Education and Development, 15(4), 423-448.
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Main Findings - TIK Research
Parents:
– Reduced emotion dismissive parenting
– Increased empathy
– Improved emotion awareness and regulation
Children:
– Improved emotion knowledge
– Reduced behaviour problems
– Reduced anxiety
– Improved social functioning
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Tuning in to Kids: Program Content
Mindful – Centre for Training and Research in Developmental Health
Emotion Coaching
To emotion coach your child you:
• Become aware of their emotion, especially if it is of a
lower intensity
• View their emotion as an opportunity for emotional
connection and teaching
• Communicate your understanding and acceptance of
the emotion – empathy
• Help them use words to describe feelings
• If necessary, help them to solve problems. All wishes
and feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviours.
Adapted from Gottman, J. M. & DeClair, J. (1997). The Heart of Parenting: Raising an
Emotionally Intelligent Child. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Mindful – Centre for Training and Research in Developmental Health
Emotion Awareness
• Aim: Develop parent’s emotion awareness
• What emotion is behind the situation?
• Notice body language/bodily signs. Where do you
feel the emotion in your body? Any somatic
complaints? (physiological experience)
• What thoughts went through your mind? (cognitive
component)/ What is the emotion behind children’s
verbal statements?
Bears Exercise
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St Luke’s Innovative Resources
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Emotion Coaching and Empathy
• Empathy requires emotion awareness and
regulation: this leads to perspective taking
• ‘Stepping into their shoes’
• Rehearse ways to convey understanding and
empathy
• Parents manage their own emotional reactions
Emotion detective exercise: adult comparable
situations.
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Reflecting and naming emotions
• Teach parents language of emotion coaching
• Helpful sentence starters
• Build parents emotion vocabulary
Use of handout materials and posters
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HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
© 2004 Celene E. Domitrovich, Ph.D., Mark T. Greenberg, Ph.D., Carol A. Kusché , Ph.D. &
Rebecca Cortes, Ph.D. 501323A
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Role plays of Emotion Coaching
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DVD demonstrations (link to https://vimeo.com/166350061)
Role play scripts
Fishbowl role plays
Unscripted role plays
Try an emotion dismissing response then contrast with
an emotion coaching response.
Debriefing - especially what it felt like to be the parent
or child – helps with empathy.
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Brain Regions and Functions
Brainstem
• Breathing, heartbeat, temperature
Midbrain
• survival functions such as safety and
responses to threat (reflexes, sleep)
Limbic Area – Emotions Centre
• feelings and emotions, especially the
experience of fear,
• danger and threat
Cortical Area – Thinking Centre
• Logical thinking, reasoning, planning, anticipating, predicting,
impulse control, meta-emotion, and meta-cognition
Hand Model of the Brain - Dan Siegel www.drdansiegel.com
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The Brain and Emotion Coaching
Kids
0-100
0 = CALM
ALERT
ALARM
FEAR/ANGER
TERROR/RAGE
Brain areas
NeoCortex and
Subcortex
Subcortex/
Limbic
Limbic/
Midbrain
Midbrain/
Brainstem
Brainstem/
Autonomic
What you
might see
Child is calm.
Daydreaming
tuning out,
fidgeting,
questioning.
Breathing is
more shallow.
Tense, quiet,
compliant,
agitated.
Shallow
breathing.
Flight/defiance/
reactive,
dissociate.
Breathing very
shallow and fast.
Fight/aggression/ Reflexive
Faint.
May hold breath.
5 steps of
Emotion
Coaching
All 5 steps
appropriate
First 4 steps are appropriate
First two steps plus calming and grounding
Time in; letting off steam; time away
Interventions
Naming emotions.
Emotion regulation
strategies that involve
higher cortical
functioning .
Relational
therapeutic
activities that are
calming.
Naming
emotions.
Empathy.
ER strategies.
Safety/security.
Grounding and calming strategies.
Pausing.
Needs pro-active intervention: Patterned repetitive
somatosensory activities.
Plan ahead.
Safety/security.
Structured,
predictable and
nurturing
activities
(soothing).
Empathy.
ER strategies.
Adapted from Bruce Perry
Emotion regulation for parents and children
• Attachment function of parent - physical contact –
proximity, touch, holding, rocking, stroking
• Naming emotions – engaging frontal lobes helps to
down regulate
• Techniques to regulate anxiety – mindfulness
(Turtle), breathing, relaxation (The Noodle)
• Techniques to regulate anger – building in a pause,
letting off steam (Lester), calming self
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Things to do when you are angry!
Let off steam!!
• Jump on the trampoline
• Run up and down the stairs twenty times
• Go for a run around the house/yard
• Punch a cushion or punching bag (but don’t punch people or
things)
• Shut yourself in a room and have a yell
• Tell your toys how you feel and why
• Bang a drum!
• Play with a ball outside
• Twist a towel
• Have a good cry
• Listen to your favourite music
• Yell your anger down the plug hole
and rinse the
words away
Calm yourself…
• Breathe slowly in and out ten times
• Have some quiet time in your bedroom
• Have a bath or a shower
• Talk to someone who is a good listener
• Draw how you feel or make it out of play dough
• Pretend to be a turtle – crawl into your shell
Address parents’ meta-emotion
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How do you feel about being angry/sad/worried?
Automatic reactions
Reflection on where these reactions and beliefs were learned
What messages about emotions are conveyed to children
– “Feelings are important and are acceptable to show”
– “Crying is a sign of weakness”
– “There is nothing to worry about”
– “How dare you be angry with me!”
• Messages children receive (verbal and non-verbal) shape their
emotional competence
• Emotionally dismissive/disapproving parenting may lead to
emotional suppression/dysregulation in children.
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Tuning in to Kids
Dissemination and Implementation
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TIK Dissemination
• First TIK professional training - 2007
• Since then – over 4500 professionals trained
• Training delivered in Australia, the UK, Hong Kong,
the USA, New Zealand, Norway, Iran, Germany
• Translations of handouts for delivery in 12 languages
(including Cantonese, Somali, Arabic, Vietnamese,
Amharic, German, Persian and Norwegian)
• Dads Tuning in to Kids and Tuning in to Teens training
• Tuning in to Toddlers manual/training – 2018
• TIK Online - available in 2017
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Other services using adaptations of TIK
• Child and Adolescent Mental Health (CAMHS)
(outpatient clinicians and inpatient nursing staff)
• Trauma services
• Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation
• Prisons
• Educational settings (early childhood, primary,
secondary) – Whole of School Approach
• Indigenous services
• Multi-cultural services
• Young single mothers playgroups
• Kinship carers, grandparents and foster carers
• Child protection and residential workers
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Acknowledgements
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Program Authors: Sophie Havighurst and Ann Harley
Research Team Contributors:
Sophie Havighurst, Katherine Wilson, Christiane Kehoe, Margot Prior, Ann
Sanson, Daryl Efron, Ann Harley, Elizabeth Pizarro, Galit Hasen, Rebecca Banks,
Emily Incledon, Angeline Ho, Lara Silkoff, Melissa Bourchier, Michelle Lauw,
Melissa Duncombe, Austin and Bendigo CASEA teams, Robyn Stargatt, Marie
Yap, Nicholas Allen, Rae Thomas, Faye Evans, Cathy Roberts, Ross CouperJohnston, Elliot Teperman, Ameika Johnson
Research Collaborators:
Mindful, Department of Psychiatry, University of Melbourne, ParentsLink at
MacKillop Family Services, Centre for Community Child Health, RCH, Dianella
Community Health, Knox City Council, Australian Childhood Foundation, CASEA Bendigo and Austin CAMHS
Research Funded by:
– Australian Rotary Health, Financial Markets Foundation for Children, William
Buckland Foundation, University of Melbourne, Helen Macpherson Smith
Trust
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Contact Details
Associate Professor Sophie Havighurst, PhD.
Principal Investigator and Program Author
[email protected]
+61 3 9371 0202
Ms Ann Harley
Training Manager and Program Author
[email protected]
+61 3 9371 0210
www.tuningintokids.org.au
Mindful – Centre for Training and Research in Developmental Health