The Top 99 Questions To Build Your Kids EQ By: Rhea Lalla (www.buildgreatminds.com) If you're tired of hearing one-­‐word answers from your kids, maybe you need to be asking more interesting questions! Inside this book, you’ll find 99 questions designed to get your kids thinking deeply and sharing, which will build their introspection, perspectives and emotional awareness. If you've ever been stuck for the best questions that promote discussion, learning, deep insights and discovery, then read this book. Introduction:
This book was designed for the parent who wants to uncover more
magic in the minds of their kids. Asking questions...good thoughtful
questions, allow you and your child to share your innermost feelings,
deepen your relationship and opens up to a wonderland of new and
interesting discussions.
You both get to enjoy a journey together, no matter where you are, of
ideas and imagination.
Few things will give you a more beautiful insight to your child’s mind
then a great question. In this book, I’ve compiled a list of 80
questions that are designed to get both you and your kids thinking
deeply and sharing, so you both get the opportunity to understand
and appreciate each other in
Before you begin, there are a few prerequisites that are essential to
asking great questions so keep reading...
When to ask a Question:
Timing is essential. If you want to get the most out of a question, you
want to ask the question at the right time. This means do not ask
these questions when your kids are preoccupied, hungry or hyper.
Find those moments in the day or evening when they are calm,
receptive and feel close and connected to you and vice versa.
Perhaps cuddle time on the couch, during wind down time before
bed, at dinner or in the car.
Let your instinct guide you.
2 How to Ask A Question:
Sometimes it may feel awkward if you start asking questions and your
kids’ feel like it’s coming out of nowhere. So here are some ideas on
how to start the process.
First off, think about how you feel when others ask you questions and
take a deep interest in your ideas and thoughts. What do they do
with their voice, their eyes, and their body language? How do they
show you they are present and fully connected? Are they glancing at
their phone? Watching what’s happening behind you? Interrupting
with feedback?
Become excited and energized when you speak. If you cannot, then
don’t ask the question yet. Let your eyes, body and mind convey
your interest and curiosity.
You can start with....
•
•
Who wants to play the question game?
Let’s play a fun game. You ask me a question and then I
ask you a question? How does that sound?
or
If you want to take the word ‘question’ right out of it, say
•
•
Who wants to play the curiosity game?
Let’s discover something about each other!
3 Listening to Your Kids Responses:
Listening seems simple but it’s actually a challenging skill to pick up.
It’s important to know a few facts before you ask your kids
questions. Kids generally want to please their parents. They desire
their parents’ attention and love. They are afraid of your judgment
and get worried if they feel they will hurt your feelings or if they are
made to feel wrong. It’s always a privilege to hear how honest, raw
and vulnerable a child’s response can be, so no matter what feeling
shows up inside you, notice it and ensure that you are not defensive
or judgmental...only deeply curious as if they have unlocked a secret
box that holds so much wonder.
Follow Up Questions:
Let all questions unfold naturally. Don’t be in a rush to move to
another unrelated question in the list. Sit for a while and explore
each one with your child. You are on a delightful journey together,
both of you unsure of where the journey will lead to or when it will
end. If you’re both attuned to one another, both you and your child’s
natural curiosity will help illuminate what other gems are yet to be
uncovered.
What if you don’t get any Responses?
First check your timing. Then try, sharing something about yourself
first, so they feel in communication with you. Be honest and
vulnerable with your feelings and experiences. This will usually open
kids right up and they will be excited to share their joy and their pain.
4 “Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better
answers.”
-Tony Robbins
1.
What do you like best and least about your life?
2.
When did you feel loved today?
3.
What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?
4.
What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?
5.
What can I do to help you right now?
6.
What did you say to the new girl (insert friends name here)
when you went out to recess?
7.
Did you feel lonely at all today? What happens when you
feel lonely? What do you do to help yourself during those
times?
8.
Were there any times you felt proud of yourself today?
9.
When is it ok to lie?
5 “Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.”
-Voltaire
10.
How will you know when you’re grown up?
11.
If you could have any view from your bedroom window
what would it be?
12.
If you were going to create a new holiday what would it be
and how would people celebrate it?
13.
What three things would you like to change in the world?
14.
What would you save first if the house caught fire?
15.
What one special talent would you like to have?
16.
What fear would you like to conquer?
17.
Which school subjects do you think will be useful and
which will be useless?
18.
Are you more comfortable as a leader or a follower?
6 “I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions.”
-Lou Holtz
19.
What family or school rule would you most like to change?
20.
What do you think is the hardest part about being a kid?
21.
What do you think is the hardest part about me being a
parent?
22.
What do children know more about than adults?
23.
What’s a good loser? Are you one?
24.
What are the best ways for Mom/Dad to show you that we
love you?
25.
What questions would you ask Mom/Dad if we had to tell
you truth?
26.
What do you worry about the most
27.
What would your friends say they like most about you?
7 “You don't want a million answers as much as you want a few forever
questions. The questions are diamonds you hold in the light. Study a
lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel.”
-Richard Bach
28.
When you have a bad day, what do you do to feel better?
29.
What is the most amazing thing about you?
30.
What would be the ideal allowance and how you spend use
it?
31.
What do you think is beyond the stars?
32.
How would you feel if were the first person to meet
someone from outer space? What would you say or ask?
33.
What would you do if you were invisible for a day?
34.
If you could give your mom (or insert name), one piece of
advice, what would it be?
35.
Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
36.
What are you most grateful for?
8 “There is frequently more to be learned from the unexpected
questions of a child than the discourses of men”.
-John Locke
37.
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid
to make a mistake?
38.
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would
judge you?
39.
When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own
breathing?
40.
Tell me the five best things about you.
41.
How much privacy would you like? What time of the day
would you like to be alone, and why?
42.
If a genie would give you only one wish, which would you
pick, and why?
43.
When you’re feeling sad, what is something that cheers
you up?
44.
What are the qualities that make a good friend?
45. If you could decorate our place/your room, what would it
look like?
9 “What makes us human, I think, is an ability to ask questions, a
consequence of our sophisticated spoken language. Strange questions are
the more interesting ones. Children by and large don't try to trip you up...
they want to find out how you do this funny thing that you do... if they've
loved a story they love to know how it started.”
-­‐Michael Morpurgo
46.
What do you think are the characteristics that make a good
parent?
47.
Do you think I lose my temper too often? If so, how often?
48.
What do you think is the right amount of hugging and
kissing that should go on between kids and parents?
49.
What is the most enjoyable thing our family has done
together in the last three years?
50.
Name two things we should do as a family on the
weekend?
51.
Do I ever not notice that you are sad? What signs should I
look for?
52.
What sport (that you haven't tried) do you think you would
be good at? Enjoy?
53.
Do you think "honesty is always the best policy"? Why or
why not?
54.
What have you done, in school or sports or anywhere,
which you are especially proud of?
55.
Which of your friends are you proudest of? Why?
56.
How much TV a day do you think a kid should watch?
10 “I saw that she didn’t want to answer that question and so I asked again:
when mouths close it’s because there’s something important to be said.”
-Paulo Coelho
57.
At what age, if any, do you think a kid should be able to
watch any program no matter what is in it?
58.
Is there anybody in history that you have read about that
you would like to be?
59.
What kids are popular in your grade? What do you think
makes a person popular?
60.
If you knew a friend of yours had stolen something, what
would you do about it?
61.
If you could go back in time and see or do anything,
what would it be?
62.
What would you do if you were invisible for a day?
63.
Do you believe men and women are equally smart? Why or
why not?
11 “I don't pretend we have all the answers. But the questions are certainly
worth thinking about.”
-Arthur C. Clarke
64.
How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like?
65.
What do you do if you can’t sleep at night?
66. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up,
which would it be?
67.
What do you think about more than anything else?
68. How has your birth order (meaning the fact that you were
first born/middle born/last born) been a good/not a good thing?
69. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your
life, what would it be?
70. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would
it be?
71. If you had to change your first name, what would you
change it to?
72.
What can I do to be a better Mummy/Daddy?
12 “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own
reasons for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates
the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is
enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never
lose a holy curiosity.”
-Edmund Burke
73.
What is something that Mommy/Daddy does that you think
is unfair?
74.
If you were Mom for the day, what would you tell your kids
to do?
75.
How do you know a banana is real? How do you know love
is real?
76.
What is consciousness?
77.
What makes someone interesting? Are you interesting?
78.
Why do people get embarrassed? Do you ever feel
embarrassed?
80.
Where would you go if you were going to run away from
home?
81.
What do you most admire about your Dad? Mom?
13 “The power to question is the basis of all human progress.”
-Indira Ghandi
82.
How are you different from everybody else?
83.
Why do you think people say mean things to others?
84.
Tell me about something you didn’t do well today, so we
can celebrate it together.
85.
If you could be a superhero-what power would you wish
for?
86.
What do you like most about being alive?
87.
How do you think you will be different 10 years from
now?
88.
What animal would you love to be?
89.
When you are hurt, how do you figure out whether to cry,
yell or deal with it calmly?
90.
If someone is mean to you, what does it feel like and what
do you usually do?
14 “The test of a good teacher is not how many questions he can ask his pupils
that they will answer readily, but how many questions he inspires them to ask
him which he finds it hard to answer.”
-Alice Wellington Rollins
91.
If you could choose anyone (on TV or real life) to be your
friends or parents, who would it be and why?
92.
What do you do when your brother/sister/parents are sad
or upset?
93.
What is your favorite thing about your Mom or Dad?
94.
What was the best/favorite question you asked today?
95.
Do animals have feelings like you and I? Why do you
think so?
96.
Have you ever said something hurtful to someone? How
did you know it hurt their feelings? What did you do
after?
97.
How do you know when you are frustrated? What do you
do when you’re frustrated? Do you find this useful?
98.
Do you get jealous? When? How do you know you are
jealous? How does it feel inside when this happens?
99.
Have you ever seen your friend get bullied in the
playground? How do you know he was bullied? How did
you feel when your friend was bullied? Did you want to
defend or rescue your friend? What did you do? Why?
15