Sara
September 19, 2016
Heather Placie
A1
SARA: This is very, very strong for a first draft and I am pleased with and proud of your work.
For the second draft, keep these items in mind. 1) Don't end body paragraphs with a direct
quote. End with your own words, thoughts, ideas, to tie everything back in with the main point.
2) Take out extra "that" words. Most of the time, they are "throw aways" and you just don't need
them. 3) Change some of your verbs in Main Point #1. 4) Rework your conclusion. Be sure to
include all required elements and do so in the correct order. Read my detailed note at the end
for further, specific instructions. 5) Begin to fine tune and polish up. Open, read and follow the
advice in the yellow speech bubbles. Ask via e-mail should you have any questions while
working. Congratulations on an outstanding first draft... I can't wait to see the second draft.
Sincerely, Mrs Placie
“I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye
forever.” Edgar Allen Poe was an American writer and literary critic born on January 19, 1809 in
Main Point #1
The narrator
demonstrates
he knows right
from wrong.
Good.
Allow me to
offer two writing
tips here.
1) The word
"that" can be
removed from
your writing
(any writing)
without losing
much meaning.
Try it and see
what I mean.
2) While you
cannot change
any verbs
inside the direct
quotes, you (in
your writing)
need to say in a
consistent verb
tense. Right
now,
this paragraph
is shifting back
and forth
between past
and present
verb tense. I
have marked all
verbs here so
they are
present.
Boston, Massachusetts. He’s best known for his evocative and mystery tales. The majority of his
stories and poems were dark and haunting, including his short story “A Tell Tale Heart.” While
most readers believe the narrator in “A Tell Tale Heart” is psychotic, his thoughts and actions
prove that he is completely sane.
Here is your
thesis. Clear
and easy to
follow provided
by the end of
the opening
paragraph. A
great start.
The narrator demonstrates that he knows right from wrong. In the very first paragraph of
the story the narrator explains how anxious he had been. “Nervous—very, very dreadfully
nervous I had been and am,” this proves that he obviously knew that what he did was wrong. A
person who was completely insane would not show the slightest bit of anxiety. They wouldn’t
think that what they had done was at all immoral. The narrator does show anxiety though, which
means inside he knows he has done something horrific and is afraid of getting caught. “The
officers were satisfied. My manner had convinced them. I was singularly at ease. They sat, and
while I answered cheerily, they chatted of familiar things. But ere long, I felt myself getting pale
and wished them gone.”
Direct quotes should be sandwiched in the middle of your main point paragraphs. While it
is fine for direct quotes to open the introduction paragraph or close the conclusion
paragraph - in the body of the paper - they should be in the middle. Use your own words
to wrap things up before moving on.
Main Point #2
The murder is
painstakingly
thorough and
thought out.
Solid and well
supported.
Bravo!
The murder is painstakingly thorough and thought out. “You should have seen how
wisely I proceeded—with what caution—with what foresight—with what dissimulation I went to
work!” the narrator took the time to think how he would go about getting rid of the evil eye he
hated so much. He tells us how he was “never kinder to the old man than during the whole week
before I killed him.” The narrator also tells us how he would go into the old mans’ room at
midnight each night for seven days and sit and watch the old man as he slept, thinking how
exactly he would go about killing him. “And every night, about midnight, I turned the latch of
his door and opened it—oh so gently! And then, when I had made opening sufficient for my
head, I put in a dark lantern, all closed, closed, that no light shone out, and then I thrust in my
head.”
Main Point #3
The narrator
shows that he
feels guilty
about what he
has done. Just
make the
changes as
marked...
Again - please don't end with a direct quote. Instead, wrap up the paragraph with your own words and insight.
The narrator shows that he feels guilty about what he has done. At the end of the story, as
the officers are investigating and chatting away, the narrator feels himself getting more and more
uneasy. He feels himself getting paler and his voice becoming high. Eventually, he begins to hear
a low thumping sound, only to realize the sound he is hearing is the old man’s heart beating,
even though he is dead. “But the noise steadily increased. Oh God! What could I do? I foamed—
I raved—I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards,
but the noise arose overall and continuingly increased. It grew louder—louder—louder!” the
noise evidently drives the narrator to insanity and he starts pulling up the floor boards where he
had buried the old man and admits to the crime.
Edgar Allan Poe has become one of the most enduring and influential writers in
American literature. His riveting poems and short stories have caught the attention and interest of
many. Poe also was one of the originators of horror and detective fiction stories. “A Tell Tale
Heart” is Poe’s most well-known short stories. The story was first published James Russel
I am very confused here. Are you saying "Tell Tale Heart"
was first published with a different title using a made up
name for the author? Please clarify/explain further or
readers will be confused.
Lowell’s “The Pioneer” on January 1843 and is known as a classic in the horror genre. While
most people would think that the narrator in “The Tell Tale Heart” is completely deranged, his
behavior and thoughts prove otherwise.
Your conclusion should have three elements, in this order.
1) Restate your thesis. So what is at the end should move to the beginning (of the last paragraph).
2) Recap/review your three main points. (***As underlined in green throughout the paper). You have skipped
over this step completely.
3) End with something original. Thought provoking. Something to keep readers thinking long after they are
done reading. Your additional info on Poe would be good here, just clarify the loose ends.
Here is your
restatement of
thesis. It really
should be at the
beginning of your
conclusion
paragraph.