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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International
Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan.
All rights reserved worldwide.
Verses marked nlt are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used
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Verses marked nasb are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968,
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Cover photo © Fancy Photography / Veer
Jay Payleitner is represented by MacGregor Literary.
52 THINGS KIDS NEED FROM A DAD
Copyright © 2010 by Jay K. Payleitner
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Payleitner, Jay K.
52 things kids need from a dad / Jay K. Payleitner.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-7369-2723-9 (pbk.)
1. Father and child—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Title. II. Title: Fifty-two things kids
need from a dad.
BV4529.17.P39 2010
248.8’421—dc22
2009031514
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any
other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 / ##-SK / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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Contents
Foreword by Josh McDowell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
A Lesson from Hollywood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Kids Need Their Dad…
1. To Help Them Beat the Odds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
2. To Stop and Catch the Fireflies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
3. To Carry the Calf Every Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
4. To Count the Train Cars . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
5. To Start a File Folder with Their Name on It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
6. To Kneel or Stand by Their Bed As They Sleep, Watching,
Praying, Appreciating the Gift of Our Children, and Thinking
About the Meaning of Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
7. To Catch Them in a Lie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. To Tell Them the Hamster Died As Soon As the Hamster Dies . . . . . .
9. To—Sometimes—Make an Illegal U-Turn on the Expressway
and Drive 30 Miles Back to the Restaurant Where Your Son Left
His Dodgers Cap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
10. To Spy on Them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
11. Two Words: Wallet Photos . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
12. To Answer Their Questions with Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
13. To Buy Peeps the First Day They Hit the Shelves . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
14. To Understand the Ebb and Flow of Traditions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
15. To Ignore (or Even Applaud) the Dents on the Garage Door . . . . . . . .
16. To Avoid the Clichés . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
17. To Get Right with His Dad . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
18. To Rent a Dolphin for an Hour . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
19. To Acknowledge the Absurdity of Participation Trophies . . . . . . . . . .
20. To Understand All Three Perspectives in the Story of the
Prodigal Son . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
21. To Teach Them the Word
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
22. To Conquer the Car Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
23. To Affirm Their Existence Intellectually . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
24. To Be Waiting at the Next Bridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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25.
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39.
To Buy Them a Unicycle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Be Their Greatest Cheerleader . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Throw Out His Porn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Respond with Something Besides “Read a Book”
When Kids Say, “There’s Nothing to Do” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To See Who They Really Are . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Run Through a Vacation Checklist in the Driveway . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Make Sure His Brain Is Engaged Before Putting
His Mouth in Gear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Not Yell About Spilled Milk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Freak Out a Little When They Lose His Socket Wrench Set . . . . .
To Teach Them the World’s Greatest Knock-Knock Joke . . . . . . . . . . .
To Apply the Brakes on Slippery Slopes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Make a Pair of Homemade Stilts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Read Between the Lines of Psalm 127 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Daughters Need Their Dad…To Willingly Do the Hokey-Pokey,
the Macarena, and Even the Chicken Dance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sons Need Their Dad…To Be Their Sparring Partner . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Kids Need Their Dad…
40. To Establish and Enforce Some Ironclad Family Rules . . . . . . . . . . . .
41. To Multitask . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
42. To Take the Lead on Halloween . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
43. To Anticipate Their Every Need . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
44. To Spin a Bucket Overhead . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
45. To Be Ichthyusiastic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
46. To Quit Golf . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
47. To Kiss His Wife in the Kitchen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
48. To Respect Their Mom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
49. To Set the Bar Pretty High . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
50. To Wake Them Up for a Lunar Eclipse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
51. To Equip Them for Life Without You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
52. To Not Confuse Heritage with Legacy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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Blogs and More . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 183
Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 185
Notes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 187
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#1
Kids Need Their Dad…
To Help Them Beat the Odds
T
hink of the top ten social crises of our time: Drug abuse. Teenage pregnancy. School shootings. Gangs. Spiritual confusion. Overcrowded prisons.
AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Domestic violence. Drunk
driving. And so on.
We can make the case that the most devastating rips in our social fabric
would be radically reduced if dads were getting the job done at home.
Statistically, what happens when dads aren’t around?
• Eighty-five percent of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a
fatherless home.1
• Children who live apart from their fathers are 4.3 times more
likely to smoke cigarettes as teenagers than children growing up
with their fathers in the home.2
• Fatherless boys and girls are twice as likely to drop out of high
school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to
need help for emotional or behavioral problems.3
• Seventy-five percent of all adolescent patients in chemical-abuse
centers come from fatherless homes.4
• Three out of four teenage suicides occur in households where a
parent has been absent.5
• Adolescent females between the ages of 15 and 19 years reared
in homes without fathers are significantly more likely to engage
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Kids Need Their DAD…
in premarital sex than adolescent females reared in homes with
both a mother and a father.6
Sound hopeless? Just the opposite. If father absence is devastating, leading to all kinds of bad decisions and societal ills, then father presence is the
solution, right?
This hard data, along with all kinds of anecdotal evidence, is rarely brought
into the light. Even with all the research, too many segments of society express
little regard for fatherhood. The media, school administrators, television
scriptwriters, judges, church leaders, and state agencies seem to say fathers
don’t matter. Or they’ve given up on fathers. Or worse, we’re told fathers are
part of the problem. The result is, men are driven away from their families,
fathers are disenfranchised, and dads are afraid to hug their own kids.
But the inverse is true and must be said. Men need to hear, “Dad, you
matter!” “Your children need you.” “Your wife (or the mother of your children) needs you to be more involved and more invested in the daily lives
of your kids.” Without strong male role models, families suffer both shortand long-term. Children make bad decisions. Communities weaken. Gov
Government agencies flounder to fix problems after the fact
fact. Taxes go up. Our
streets aren’t safe. As soon as they graduate high school, young people turn
their back on Jesus. The vibrant potential of the next generation is lost—in
many cases, for eternity.
An oft-quoted survey found that if a mother attends church regularly
with her children, but without their father, only 2 percent of those children
will become regular church attendees. But if a father attends church regularly with his children, even without their mother, an astounding 44 percent
choose to become regular church attendees on their own.7
Yes, dads matter. Do you want more proof?
All you have to do is ask a kid.
Takeaway
Just opening this book and reading this far proves you want to be the
kind of dad your kids need. You can do it, Dad.
“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong
as the need for a father’s protection.”
Sigmund Freud (1856–1939)
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#2
Kids Need Their Dad…
To Stop and Catch the Fireflies
A
friend of mine and I were reminiscing about growing up. He shared
with me his single most vivid memory of his dad. You might think it
would be some well-planned vacation or some expensive, extravagant gift.
But it wasn’t. You see, my friend’s father was on the road a lot, a busy important man—things to do, people to see. Well, one evening this father and
his eight- or nine-year-old son were driving. My friend could not recall the
destination, but it was business-related. Clearly, it was someplace important
and they were running late.
On a quiet stretch of two-lane highway, all of a sudden this dad pulls off
the road. It wasn’t an emergency-type stop. But my friend recalled that he
was frightened for just a moment. The entire situation reflected the urgency
of a flat tire, but there had been no galumphing sounds or shaky steering.
Within seconds, this dad had hopped out of the car, rolled up his shirtsleeves,
loosened his necktie, and opened the trunk. He didn’t pull out the tire iron
or a suitcase. Instead, he came around to the side of the car, tapped on the
passenger window, and held up an empty glass jar. He motioned for his
son to follow him and then—wingtips and all—he ran into the field…to
catch fireflies. Lightning bugs. The field was full of them, and the hovering,
dancing, flashing creatures blended into the clear starry sky. All told, that
father and son weren’t in that field very long at all. With their bare hands
they caught scores of the bugs, letting most of them go. The dad poked
some holes in the lid of the jar, the boy tossed in some grass because that’s
what you do, and he carried the jar back to the car like a trophy. The entire
episode lasted less than ten minutes.
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Now, we can never be sure what motivated that father at that moment to
create the stuff of which memories are made, but we can speculate. Maybe
the sight of those flashing insects just off the road had triggered memories
of his own youth. Maybe he’d been carrying that jar around for months for
just that purpose. Maybe, some heaven-inspired paternal instinct kicked in.
Whatever it was, the lesson is clear: Dad, pull over to catch the fireflies.
Takeaway
Never miss a chance to stop and make a memory. Sometimes you may
even want to orchestrate those moments yourself.
“A man’s real possession is his memory. In nothing
else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.”
—Alexander Smith (1830–1867)
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