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S
satire
Pronunciation: ‘sa-”tI(-&)r
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin satura, satira, perhaps from (lanx) satura dish of mixed ingredients, from feminine of satur well-fed;
akin to Latin satis enough
1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly synonym see WIT
Satire is a literary technique of writing or art which principally ridicules its subject (for example, individuals, organizations, or states) often as an
intended means of provoking or preventing change.
Satire is a work that blends a critical attitude with humor and wit as well as with the intention of improving human institutions or humanity. Blending criticism and humor
to expose a fault or problem; often used ironically.
Puro Pedo Magazine is a Chicano Political/Cultural Satire Magazine. Puro Pedo Magazine tries to use satire to make a difference in society. We noticed that people
in the movement have forgotten how to laugh so we are trying to use an alternative form of protest to expose the hypocrisies within our society while bringing the
laughter back. We hope you will understand the jokes and take them for what they are...jokes designed to change and disrupt society and our comfort zones.
One
C
“Can’t we just all get along?” pleaded an apologetic Michael
Richards. Richards who has come under fire for a racist tirade he
directed at two black audience members at the Laugh Factory on
Friday November 17, 2006. In his on stage melt down he repeatedly used
the infamous “N” word as well as other disparaging remarks. The former ‘
Seinfeld’ star who played the wacky Kramer sat down with Puro Pedo Magazine
to apologize and explain how much he really loves black people.
“I’ve always had a kinship with black people. You see I have very nappy hair
too. I was the only white kid in my elementary school with an afro. In the 80’s
before ‘Seinfeld’ I even sported the ‘Kid N Play’ style ‘Hitop Fade’. I swear I
have lots of black friends. I even talked to some of the black people that asked
me for autographs when I was famous. It just saddens me that such hatred
spewed out of me.”
“I am sick over this,” Seinfeld said. “I’m sure Michael is also sick over this
horrible, horrible mistake. All I have ever done is not put blacks on my show but
I know better then to us the N-word.” Seinfeld added, “by the way I have
black friends.”
In the video footage, Richards repeats the racist epithet numerous times to gasps
from the audience. At that point members of the audience can be seen leaving in
droves while one of the targets of Richards’ tirade shouts back abuse. Richards
then leaves the stage before an unidentified host offers apologies to the audience.
Michael Richards told us, “That jerk called me a Cracker ass Cracker and no
one is making him apologize? Where is the justice for a white man?”
Laugh Factory co-owner Paul Rodriguez told a news conference on Monday that
Richards had been banned until further notice, saying he had been allowed to
perform on the Saturday following the incident because they believed he would
issue an apology to the audience. “White people love the 3 strike rule so we
decided to use it on Richards...technically he’s only on two strikes.”
said Rodriguez.
Immediately following his botched stand up bit he checked himself into an
alcohol recovery center. “I really don’t drink, but this seems to be what all the
other celebrities do when they get in hot water. I am just glad people like Rush
Limbaugh, Mel Gibson and Tom Foley came before me or I wouldn’t know how
to get out of this predicament.”
We asked Mr. Richards (a Master Mason) how he felt about the recent tirade
that Mel Gibson drunkenly spewed out against Jews a few months back. “Even
I know not to mess with Jews. That would be insane; Jews can ruin your career.
Jews organized and boycotted Mel’s films. Nigg...I mean Blacks haven’t
organized shit since the 60’s. I don’t need to fear them boycotting the 6th season
of Seinfeld on DVD.” Richards went on to add, “In Hollywood you need Jews,
the more you have them involved in your project the more lucrative the project
becomes. It’s almost the opposite for Blacks, you want to keep them far away
from your premiers unless their name is Denzel or Halle...white people love
them. In Hollywood we need Blacks only to play criminals, troubled Basketball
players that we can realize their dreams or sexy exotic women that we get to
bang.”
At this point in the interview we got out our official Puro Pedo video cameras so
we could upload this tirade on youtube.com. We were actually thinking “does
this guy really know what he’s saying?” In hopes that he would continue to dig
his grave we let him continue.“Hey it’s not easy being white these days.
Minorities get whatever they want and have all the cool dance moves. I live in
the San Fernando Valley, being white here makes you a minority. So what do I
get?” At this point we asked Mr. Richards to wrap it up. “To sum things up I’m
sorry for what I said and I love black people...by the way I’m in need of new
black friends since all mine won’t talk to me any more.”
Two
Democrats win
and all we got was a lousy T-shirt
O
On Election Day, 1.2 million Latinos came out to help defeat the
Republican Party in the midterm elections. Nationwide exit polls pinned
Latinos as 8% of the electorate, a 2.7% gain from 2004. Whereas
40-45% voted in favor of the GOP in 2004, exit polls show that 68-73% of Latinos
voted for Democratic candidates, a 12-15% shift in a relatively short period.
The Latino vote was one factor – along with the war in Iraq, ethics scandals, the
economy and failure to act on comprehensive immigration reform – that helped
the Democratic Party gain control of the Senate and the House of Representatives
for the first time since 1994.
“This is great! It’s about time we won something,” said Joey Lindsten, spokesman
for the Young Democrats. Lindsten enthusiastically added, “we really stuck it to
the GOP!” When asked if he wanted to thank Latino voters, Lindsten answered,
“Why? The election is over.” One young Latino cleaning after a Democratic Victory Party commented, “It’s as if we disappear after election night. They parade
us around as little tokens and use us in their publicity photos but after the elections we are back to being dirty Mexicans.” While Lindsten and fellow Democratic Party faithful nursed election night hangovers, members of Raza Against the
Two-Party American System (RATAS) met in Los Angeles to discuss the role of
Raza voters in the election.
Jenny Morales, RATAS president, claims that Latino voters were duped by the
“demócratas,” but that her organization worked hard to prevent this.
In the months and weeks leading up the election, RATAS distributed voter guides
in Latino neighborhoods with their motto featured prominently, “Asses and
elephants: the same beast with two heads.” Morales remarked, “I know we are
not good at coming up with new slogans and have been using this one since Raza
Unida Party days, but hey we’re activists not slogan writers.”
Benny Camacho of RATAS added, “It’s crazy, ever since the Kennedys came
out to support César Chávez during his hunger strike, our people have followed
around those Asses like little puppy dogs. For all our loyalty what do we get?
Things like their votes on the border wall.”
Morales stated that 2008 Democratic Party presidential hopefuls such as Barack
Obama (D-IL) and Hillary Clinton (D-NY) voted in favor of the Secure Fence Act,
which approved spending to build a 700-mile wall along the US-Mexico border.
The Secure Fence Act easily passed in late September as Congress rushed to
recess. The final vote in the Senate was 80 to 19. More Democrats voted in favor
of the bill (26) rather than against it (17). One strong proponent of comprehensive
immigration reform, Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MA) did not vote. “The Mexican
issue is a perplexing one. I see them in front of Home Depot all the time so I
figure they like building things so a wall would be a wonder project for them but
all our polls in Latino communities shows otherwise. I’m confused...it’s better
Three
“I helped the
Democrats
and all I got was this
lousy T-Shirt”
just to stay out of it.” said Kennedy.
Although Clinton’s yea vote was expected, Obama’s vote was a shock considering earlier statements that he would never vote for immigration measures
that did not include a pathway to legalization for some immigrants. Despite
calls for an apology from Latino leaders, Obama refused to apologize. “Look I
didn’t even know Latinos existed after November. Give me some time to grasp
this!” remarked Obama.
Morales reflected on the makeup of the 110th Congress, “Sure there is a difference between Democrats and Republicans. Republicans hate us all year
round; while Democrats ignore us till November. They love us in November.
We should just make it easy on them and make November, National Hispanic
Heritage Month.”
run a
chingon
How to
W
Militant Workshop?
Chicano
W
e here at El P.P. have been getting flooded with emails from Mechistas
from all across Aztlan asking us for help in developing workshops for regional,
statewide, and national MEChA conferences. One request in particular has
caught the attention of our cyber-luchador/as down in the Help Desk of El P.P.
We would like to share our response to all of the readers of el Puro Pedo Revista.
WhAt Up HomiEs,
My NaMe IS La GigGles from MEChA de EasT Lake HiGh SchoOl in Chula
Vista, Califaztlan, and I NeeD heLp WiTh A woRksHOp I hAvE to PuT toGeTher
for the NexT MEChA stAtEwiDe. The tiTle is “How to Run a Chingon Chicano
Militant Workshop.” The CollEge stuDents SaiD they WoulD heLp, buT nOw
they Are aLL in FinalS and I can’T get OnE of ThoSe pendeJos On ThE pinChe
PhoNe. PleAse help Me!
K.I.T.
La GigGles de Eastlake High School MEChA
Organizing a Chingon Chicano Militant Workshop is our specialty here at El P.P.,
in fact, you can say that our editorial board has written “El Plan” on Chingon
Chicano Militant Workshops. From Seattle to El Paso, from the Bay to L.A. we
have perfected the art of presenting firme workshops. For the first time ever,
we will publish Puro Pedo Magazine’s 12-Step Plan on How to Run a Chingon
Chicano Militant Workshop.”
El P.P.’s 12-Step Plan on How to Run a Chingon Chicano Militant
Step 4: Roll Deep
Once your workshop agenda is set, try to enlist the help of an Ol’Skool Mechista
to present with you at the conferencia. This way if your workshop goes down in
flames, you and the veterano can resort to shouting at the top you’re your lungs
at people “What are you doing for la causa!?!”
Step 5: Beginning & Ending the Workshop
Begin the workshop by blowing a conch shell to the four directions. At the end
of the workshop, make sure you walk around and give each and every person in
your workshop a Chicano Power handshake.
Step 6: Lay Down the Law
Punking a wise-ass Mechista from MEChA de Berkeley or Berkeley MEChA at
the beginning of the workshop will get you automatic street cred! Let the crowd
know that your $26 a unit at Community College was a much smarter option
than Berkeley’s $9,999.99 a semester from the get go!
Step 7: Classroom Management
In order to reduce the chaos that will surely follow due to the revolutionary and
decolonizing nature of El P.P.’s 12-Step Program on How to Run a Chingon
Chicano Militant WorkshopTM (hey, decolonization is a hell of a drug!) we
recommend that you use a speaking stick instead of calling on people who raise
their hands (only teacher pet’s from the suburb raise their hands in class).
WorkshopTM
Step 8: Seize the Moment
Step 1: Agenda
Use this opportunity to bad mouth all the MEChA chapters and Mechistas you
don’t agree with politically or for whatever reason... hey you took the time to put
together a workshop, use those 50 minutes wisely!
Like any undertaking, you must prepare for your workshop by making an
agenda. We recommend creating an outline to use your 50 minutes of workshop
time wisely, from our experience prepare an agenda that will cover the following
topics:
1. Pre-Contact Mesoamerica
2. Colonization
3. La Indendencia de 1821
4. The US-Mexico War
5. Zoot Suit Riots
6. The Chicano Movement of the 1970’s
7. The Zapatistas
8. [INSERT HERE WHAT YOU PLAN ON TALKING ABOUT IN THE WORKSHOP]
9. How much cooler Chicana authors are than Chicano authors
and last but not least...
10. “What is a Chicana/o?” or What is a Xican@?
Step 2: Appearance is Everything
Make sure that you are dressed in the most militant of Chican@ gear! We
recommend your wear a t-shirt with the latest designs by Votan, which can be
found at the Nahui Ohlin store in Echo Park, or any black long sleeve shirt by
Anahuak Designs.com. Ojo! Mujeres, if you wear a hupil, you must wear your
hair in trenzas
Step 3: Prep Time
Upon arrival at the classroom, pre-arrange all the chairs in a circle so that
everyone’s voice is equal during the chingon workshop (Only the colonizer puts
chairs is rows).
Step 9: Keep Your Friends Close...
Befriend all the Community College Mechistas at the workshop before they
transfer and become tainted by the UC’s... you may need them next time an
amendment is made to the Progressive Political Agenda.
Step 10: Never Lose an Argument
It is important to save face, this is the Golden Rule in running a Chingon
Chicano Militant Workshop. If anyone starts talking shit in your workshop repeat
this line, “My ideas came from the ancestors,” this should win the argument. If
this doesn’t work, accuse them of being part of Liga, you’ll have them on the run
then!
Step 11: Incorporate Multimedia
Be a High-Tek Aztek! Always use an except from the PBS Chicano!
Documentary, there are four videos to choose from. If you can’t get of hold of
them, “Viva La Causa!” by Betita Martinez will work nicely.
Step 12: Contact Information
Before the end of the workshop, leave your contact information on the board.
Make sure to set up a new email account with a Nahuatl name ahead of time...
cuz [email protected] is not as cool as
[email protected].
The Editorial Board here at Puro Pedo Magazine stand by our proven 12-Step
Plan on How to Run a Chingon Chicano Militant WorkshopTM. We guarantee
if you follow these 12 simple steps you will be well on your way to becoming
a MEChA Guru... some day you may have your own movie or even a position
paper written against you!
Four
T
Throughout Mexico, coaches of Argentine descent cried “Ya Basta!” to the institutionalized
discrimination that they face in attempting to coach Mexico’s National Soccer Team.
This outcry came as a response to the news that Mexico’s new coach will be Hugo Sanchez
(who coincidentally happens to be Mexican). Hugo won the position over his main competitor,
the Argentine-born Americo Gallego.
I sat down with Hugo Sanchez in an exclusive interview to get to the
bottom of the issue.
Tecolote: Many people say that you got this position simply on the fact
that you are Mexican and that you have a keen sense of fashion. How
would you respond to this claim?
Hugo: Well, I was the first person to wear a Puma patch on the back
pocket of my jeans when I was coaching Los Pumas de UNAM, covering
my right nalga. But I am also one of the most prolific scorers in the
history of Mexican soccer, and I won 100 games as a coach in the
Mexican first division.
Tecolote: Hugo, would you have worn a patch in the same place if you
were coaching Los Camoteros de Puebla or Los Chorizeros de Toluca?
Hugo: Palabra [sic]. I mean, No Manches!
Tecolote: Which changes do you plan to institute as the coach of
Mexico’s National Team that didn’t happen when Mexico had an Argentine coach?
Hugo: I will mandate all players to have Afros and do somersaults
when they score goals. Also, our players will not bend over whenever
we play Argentina.
Tecolote: That will be a difficult task. What makes you different from
Ricardo Lavolpe, the Argentine-born coach of the Mexican National
Team who you heavily criticized before and after the World Cup?
Hugo: The players didn’t respect him. He was calling them Boludos,
when I would prefer to call them Huevones. If you are going to insult
lazy players by referencing the size of their sack, you have to be
Five
sensitive to their culture and use the colloquialisms that they
understand. People in Mexico don’t speak Argentinian.
Tecolote: Word? I wasn’t aware of that fact. Thank you for talking
to me today, Hugo. Before you go, can you tell the readers why you
are known as the Pentapichichi?
Hugo: Pichichi is the name that is given to the top goal scorer in the
Spanish first division. I was the top scorer in five different seasons.
But I will show you why I am really called the Pentapichichi.
(Hugo lifts his shirt to expose an oddity of humanity...It turns out that
he has five nipples!! He later told me that he has three more nipples
than most Argentines.)
Americo Gallego could not be reached to comment on the situation.
In a written statement that he submitted later, he declared “Hugo can
keep the job. Anyone who can whine and throw fits anytime they
lose more than us Argentinos deserves to coach the Mexican National
Team!”
Since the interview with Hugo, it has become common knowledge
that Hugo used his Mexican privilege to land the position as head
coach of the Mexican National Team. Standing alongside his new
best friend, Ward Connerly, he announced that the Mexican Soccer
Federation will no longer use affirmative action in the hiring process
of future coaches. Argentinos need not apply.
T
This baboso, Carlos Mencia is not even remotely funny. “I
make fun of every race so its o.k.” it might be o.k. with you fucker, but
even a pendejo like yourself must know that using stereotypes is the
cheapest way to get a laugh. “I say what people think” yeah, ignorant
pendejos like yourself think that shit. So stop feeding us that stupid shit
and think of some original material you moron. “But what about Dave
Chapelle? He uses race in his skits and his shit is funny right?” Well
the biggest difference is that any halfway intelligent person knows that
Dave uses race while simultaneously making social commentary on the
topic. Comparing Carlos Mencia to Dave Chapelle is like comparing
Chuck D to Lil Kim, your shit is not original. In fact, there seems to
be a shit load of other comics who this fool has stolen his “material”
“hey, if Mencia
can call a Latino a
wetback, it must
be o.k.”
from. Google “Carlos
Mencia + joke thief”
and you can find a ton
of shit on good ol’ Ned
Holness (his real name).
Oh, you thought he was
Mexican? You are not
alone. Turns out the dude is half Honduran and half German. Now I am
not saying there is anything wrong with being half this, or
one-sixteenth that. But this baboso obviously changed his name to try
and create a certain “raza” image and gain validity from certain groups.
Get the fuck out of here Ned! and for people that think that I am
“hating” on Ned’s or Carlos’ success, (or whatever the fuck he calls
himself nowadays) I got one word for you...token. It should be no
surprise that one of the quickest way to become successful as a person
of color in this country, is to re-affirm the stereotype that whitesupremacists created. Condi, Clarence Thomas, Alberto Gonzalez, Richard Rodriguez, ward Connery. One could argue that they are
qualified to do their jobs (I wouldn’t). But even so, there are a chingo
other people of color that are just as qualified and then some. The
difference is that they refuse to sell out. They have integrity, and respect
those that paved the way for them. They won’t agree with the white
supremacists that gave them a little bit of power that most people of
color are lazy or backwards, or that racism doesn’t exist, and that they
just happened to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Oh, and for
those that think you should support Mencia because he is a Latino (or
half-Latino) trying to make it in Hollywood. Well, I judge you by your
actions cabron, not just by what you call yourself. As a wise document
once said, “No unity for unity’s sake!”Mencia is not successful because
his shit is funny. It sure as hell isn’t innovative; people have been telling
those racist jokes and laughing near white corporate water coolers for
decades. You are successful because you have now given mainstream
“validity” to racial stereotypes on television mamon! I can just see it
in the minds of ignorant people everywhere, “hey, if Mencia can call a
Latino a wetback, it must be o.k.” In case you haven’t realized it, you
have nothing but a pinche minstrel show...the only difference is that you
don’t need to put on the brown make-up before the show cabron. This
while millions of people are marching for immigrant rights in this
country. Thanks for setting our movement back a good 60 years baboso!
Six
S
Get behind me satan
Shockwaves have spread quickly throughout the New Life Church.
Their leader, Rev. Ted Haggard, has
admitted that he used meth and had gay sex. Rev. Haggard has been a staunch opponent of gay marriage and a close
confidant of President George W. Bush. Contrary to what he had preached, Rev. Haggard said that he was a
“deceiver and a liar” who had “given in to the dark side” and more specifically “the tight dark hole over where the sun
don’t shine”. Puro Pedo Magazine sat down with Rev. Haggard for an in depth interview and a closer look at this story.
Puro Pedo Magaze: Hello Mr. Haggard…Rev. Haggard. Are you still a
Reverend? Is that what I should call you? Are you still a man of God or are you a
man of “Oh God”?
Rev. Ted Haggard: Yes I am still a Reverend…I am still a man of faith. Look I
RTH: See the funny part is that I’m not a homosexual. I’m not gay. I’ve
never even called anyone in my congregation gay before! It’s such a horrible
word….such a horrible act. I don’t know what came on me…I mean came
over me….well you know what I mean.
apologized for sinning like that. I’m not proud of what I have done.
PPM: And by that logic, you’re not a racist either…right?
PPM: So it’s true then. You are a homosexual.
RTH: What?!? No! I am not a racist. I would never even call another man a
RTH: Hey now…now…let’s not jump my gun. I ain’t no fuckin’ homo! I
mean…let’s just say…I now only pray “Our Fathers”. No more Hail Mary for
me!
PPM: Calm down sir. There is nothing wrong with being a homosexual. Nothing at all. Yet you still choose to deny that you are gay. Okay…what if I told you
we have evidence to the contrary. You confessed to an altar boy that instead of
Amen, what you really wanted was “A-Man!”.
RTH: That’s just hearsay. The fact is that I am a God fearing man and while I
did commit a sin, I am not a homosexual.
PPM: But you did have sex with a man.
RTH: Yessir.
PPM: With many different men, actually.
RTH: Yes.
ni$*er! Well…unless we were role playing or something. But I’m not a racist
and I am not gay.
PPM: Then if you’re not gay, how do you explain the fact that you’ve had sex
with men?
RTH: I’m currently seeing a therapist. There are some anger issues I have to
deal with. I did this out of anger. I hate homosexuality so much that I lost my
cool and started acting like them. I mean they keep heckling and heckling me,
pushing and pushing, harder and harder…I wasn’t able to control my anger.
But anyone that knows me can tell you that I’m not like that…that’s just not
me! I….I…I’m completely distraught with what has happened. As a matter
of fact, I went down and personally apologized to everyone. I look forward to
meeting with the leaders of the straight community and apologizing to them in
person for what I’ve done.
PPM: Well Reverend, it is also no secret that you are against gay marriage.
Has this episode changed your viewpoint?
PPM: On more than one occasion.
RTH: Oh I see. You think I’m gonna be sympathetic with the gays now just
RTH: Yes.
because I like to have sex with men. Uh huh…
PPM: Over a span of several years.
PPM: Well sir, it only stands to reason. Many people are calling you a
RTH: Uh huh.
hypocrite.
PPM: But you’re not a homosexual.
RTH: I am still strongly opposed to gay marriage. But it’s not just the
PPM: Okay…
gays…I strongly urge against it to anybody. My wife is being a total cunt
about everything right now! It’s not like I cheated on her with another woman
or anything. It was just “Guys night out.”
RTH: Let’s just say that the Lord is not the only person I get on my hands and
PPM: Okay sir…so what are your plans now that this is all out?
knees for anymore!
RTH: I am going to keep preaching the good name of the Lord…
PPM: Well you can surely see how that might be confusing. Especially since
PPM:And having non-homosexual encounters with other men.
you’ve condemned homosexuality before and have gone so far as to say that all
homosexuals will burn in hell. Now here you are confessing that you had sex with
men.
RTH: A-Man!
RTH: That’s correct.
Seven
Eight