Avoiding Wordiness
Wordiness causes readers to lose interest in the material, and professors may think students are
attempting to increase the length of a work without providing enough information. There are several
causes of wordiness; this handout contains explanations and examples of some of the most common
problems.
Expletive* Constructions
Writing the phrases “It is,” “There is,” ”There are,” “There were,” or something similar before the subject
adds extra words and weakens the sentence. Avoid it whenever possible.
Ex: There were flowers blooming everywhere.
Revised ex: Flowers were blooming everywhere.
Passive Voice
The subject of the sentence receives the action in passive voice, generally resulting in extra words.
Change passive voice phrases to active voice expressions. Let the subject perform the action.
Ex: The door was opened by the butler, who politely invited me in.
Revised ex: The butler opened the door and politely invited me in.
Also, change “be” or “was” verb phrases to concise versions of active verbs.
Ex: The boat was overturned in the violent storm.
Revised ex: The boat capsized in the violent storm.
Adjective Clauses
An adjective clause can often be replaced with one descriptive word.
Ex: The jacket, which is yellow, belongs to Mark.
Revised ex: The yellow jacket belongs to Mark.
Use verbs that convey action directly and avoid “to be” and other inactive verbs.
Ex: The business proposal submitted by Mr. Smith has to do with changes in Dalco’s insurance policy.
Revised ex: The business proposal submitted by Mr. Smith outlines changes in Dalco’s insurance policy.
*
Although the word “expletive” has come to mean “curse word” in common language, here it refers to filler words that have little
meaning or use.
In addition to looking for weak verbs, look for nominals (nouns derived from verbs, usually by adding
suffixes such as –ance, -ment, or –tion). In many cases nominals just add redundancy—changing it back
into a verb diminishes clutter and increases impact.
Ex: They organized the establishment of a peer group council.
Revised Ex: They established a peer group council.
Repetition
Repetition can make writing redundant. Deliver a concise message instead of boring the audience.
Ex: The cheerleading squad choreographed a new cheerleader routine, but the coach rejected the
routine.
Revised ex: The cheerleading squad choreographed a new routine, but the coach rejected it.
Empty Phrases
Be concise; eliminate empty words and phrases.
Ex: As a matter of fact, the Bureau of Vital Statistics maintains demographic records for the United
States.
Revised ex: The Bureau of Vital Statistics maintains demographic records for the United States.
Reducing Sentences to Clauses, Clauses to Phrases, and Phrases to Words
Check the work for wordiness. Reducing a sentence to a clause allows the writer to combine two related
sentences. When there are too many short, simple, subject-first sentences, try combining short sentences
and clauses to be more concise.
Ex: The dog ran after the cat. The cat jumped the fence.
Revised ex: The dog ran after the cat, and the cat jumped the fence.
Questions to Ask
•
Are there unnecessary phrases such as “There is,” “It is,” or any other expletive construction?
•
Have all unneeded words been eliminated?
•
Is the meaning clear?
Original material copyright © Dallas Baptist University. All rights reserved. Other copyrighted material included by permission or
authorization. Created by UWC Staff for Dallas Baptist University. http://www.dbu.edu/uwc. August 2015.