Communication
Infant Communication (“Why do infant’s cry?”)
Infants are genetically “programmed” to cry out for comfort and security when they are
distressed, simply for the sake of survival.
o For early humans, imagine a scenario with a wild predator approaching an
unwatched infant.
Crying is also the first way a baby communicates with their parent(s), crying out for
someone to help them calm their overwhelming feelings from their hypersensitive body
(i.e., loud sounds).
…an infant’s brain is not developed enough to “self-manage” their emotions.
…infants cannot “talk” to themselves to calm their emotions down.
…they are most likely crying for help either physically (discomfort) or
emotionally (startled or scared).
Toxic Fumes (Example)
Parent(s) would never dream of leaving their baby in a room full of toxic fumes.
Yet some parent(s) leave their baby in a state of prolonged and uncomfortable
distress, not knowing that they are at risk of overexposure to high levels of toxic
bio-chemicals (cortisol) drenching their undeveloped brain.
Example: “Letting a baby cry exercises their lungs.”
• An infant’s brain does not yet have the capacity to self-manage
their powerful, brand new emotions.
o …just think of a central heating system that can’t be
switched off!
• For a crying baby, the stress hormone cortisol is rapidly being
released by the adrenal glands.
o In the short term, cortisol is good and helps our body
respond to stress or fear by boosting the level of glucose in
the blood (i.e., increased alertness; “Fight or Flight” mode)
• …if a child is left to cry-and-cry, their level of cortisol remains
high.
o Prolonged over-exposure to cortisol can damage key
structures and systems of their developing brain. (also ref
Adolescent exposure to cortisol)
o Brain scans show that infant stress can cause the
developing body to become “wired” toward oversensitivity
(i.e., stress, anger, anxiety, fear, addiction, etc.)
• …if a child is soothed and comforted, their level of “feel good”
bio-chemicals (i.e., oxytocin, dopamine) go up, and cortisol levels
go down.
o Comforting a distressed infant helps trigger the “off”
switch.
o Parent(s) or caretaker(s) can “talk” to their child through
their body (e.g., holding and rocking a crying infant; a
practice that has been successful for mammals for millions
of years!)
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Communication
A Little History of Our Brain
Almost 1.5 million years ago, our ancestors began to walk on two legs in order to
survive.
…the bipedal posture freed their arms to accomplish tasks, and over time, more
intelligence was needed for problem-solving and survival.
…problem-solving required creativity and innovation (i.e., tool-making) and
social cooperation (i.e., communicating with one another in order to survive;
“safety in numbers”).
“Does evolution imply humans descended from monkeys?”
• …Not at all! Every living thing over the past 3.5 billion years can be
traced to a single, common ancestor (like the original seed to a tree; single
cellular organism).
• …as time went on, that common ancestor was exposed to many different
environments, and subsequently diverged into many different new species
to adapt and survive in their respective environment.
• …in the case of humans, we share a “most recent common ancestor” with
apes (not monkeys).
o …this common ancestral species diverged into two different
species.
1. Apes diverged into a separate species and survived on brute
strength (e.g.).
2. Humans diverged into a separate species and survived on
intelligence and creativity.
The bipedal shift for humans meant the pelvis became upright, and therefore
narrower, to permit walking long-distances.
• …and as intellectual capacities became more essential for survival, the
brain grew bigger and bigger.
The evolutionary result for childbirth was for the human infant to be born with a
smaller, undeveloped brain (and therefore smaller size skull) in order to pass
through their mother’s pelvis.
• …this resulted in more of the infant’s brain development taking place
outside their mother’s womb.
• 0 months = Brain weighs about 400 grams; 100 billion neurons
• 24 months = 1100 grams (3x birth); 80% size of adult brain
• 36 months = 1000 trillion neurons (10x birth connectivity)
• …since the frontal lobes (or “higher” brain) compose up to 85% of the
total volume of the human brain, it is the primarily the frontal lobes that
must develop outside the mother’s womb.
• …“connectivity” between the frontal lobes and the lower areas of the
brain are vastly under-developed when a baby is born.
• …90% of human brain development takes place between the ages of 0-5.
• …the remaining 10% of human brain development takes place primarily
in the frontal lobes between the ages of 6-25.
The frontal lobes are the “newest” addition to the ever-evolving brain.
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“The Earth is very old (4.5 billion years) and humans are very young (200 thousand years old).”
Example: The evolution of ALL living things on Earth (based on a “24-hour”
clock)
00:00am – The “heavy bombardment” period has stopped; Earth is
now formed.
4:00am – First single-cell microbes appear.
8:30pm – First plants appear in the sea.
8:50pm – First multi-cellular animals (i.e., jellyfish) appear in the sea.
9:55pm – First plants begin to appear on land.
10:05pm – First creatures appear on land.
10:24pm – First winged insects appear on land.
10:55pm – Dinosaurs first appear.
11:39pm – Dinosaurs disappear, and the first small mammals appear.
11:42pm – Primates first appear.
23:59:57pm – The first modern humans appear.
In other words, if you compare your Life to the Earth’s Life, then you just developed
the ability to think 3 seconds ago!
How the brain of all vertebrates evolved…
315 million years ago, the brain structure of reptiles was first to develop (spinal
cord-brain stem-cerebellum).
The reptile brain then evolved and perfected for the next 115 million years, until
small mammals began to appear on Earth (close to 200 million years ago).
The brain structure of mammals began to evolve (limbic system), on
top/interconnected with the reptilian brain structures.
For the next 114.8 million years, both the reptilian and mammalian brains evolved
intertwined together, until modern humans first appeared, only 200 thousand years
ago.
The brain structure of modern humans (frontal lobes) is the most recent neurological
development on Earth…developed (as expected) on top/interconnected with the
mammalian brain structures, which rests on top/interconnected with the reptilian
brain structures.
3 Distinctive Brain Regions:
1. Reptilian (“Instinctive”):
Composed of the spinal cord, brain stem, and cerebellum
Shared with ALL other vertebrates (e.g., inner eye-lid)
“Ancient” part of our brain, largely unchanged in over 300 million years of
evolution.
• …the first upright-walking humans (Homo erectus) evolved around
1.5 million years ago.
• …the first modern humans (Homo sapiens), with a brain matching the
size and connectedness of our own, evolved only 200,000 years ago.
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o …some 50,000 years ago the first evidence of humans showing
creativity and innovation was discovered (i.e., tool-making,
painting, jewelry, etc.)
2. Mammalian (“Emotional”):
Composed of the limbic system (including the amygdala, pituitary gland,
hypothalamus, thalamus, corpus callosum)
“Emotional” part of our brain, largely unchanged in over in over 200 million
years of evolution.
Very similar biochemical systems and structures shared between ALL
mammals.
• Rats genetic, biological and behavior characteristics closely resemble
those of humans, and many symptoms of human conditions can be
replicated in rats in research.
Most animals get by just fine with no brain at all…their body is their "brain"!
• The nervous system of animals without brains is a “knotted” network
of neurons, connected together and cast throughout their body.
• Worms, insects and snails eat, reproduce, and sense their environment
and defend themselves all in the absence of a brain.
• Ants and bees have complex social structures, show sophisticated
communication and even have the ability to learn, all without having a
brain or even a spinal cord!
3. Human (“Rational”):
Known as the “frontal lobes,” covering both the mammalian and
reptilian regions.
“Newest” part of the brain…yet it accounts for 85% of our total
brain volume!
Evolved around only 200,000 years ago.
Reptilian (“Instinctive”)
Spinal cord, brain stem,
cerebellum
Tested for over 300 million
years…
Hunger
Movement, posture/balance
Territorial instincts
“Fight or Flight”/Rage
Breathing
Circulation/body temp
Digestion/Elimination
Mammalian (“Emotional”)
Limbic system (“lower” brain)
Tested for over 200 million
years…
Social interaction/bonding
Exploration/curiosity
Playfulness
Fear/Anxiety
Anger (low or high-grade)
Stress/Separation distress
Caring/nurturing
Lust/affection
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Human (“Rational”)
Frontal lobes (“higher”
brain)
Tested for only 200,000
years…
Self-awareness/reflection
Reasoning/problemsolving
Imagination/creativity
Empathy/compassion
Communication
Parental Communication (“Emotionally-responsive” parenting)
Parent-to-Infant
Importance of facial expressions and emotional warmth (i.e., gentle hushing, back
stroking or gentle massage, soft singing, music, reading, etc.)
Research shows that a infant’s brain can recognize a face within the first few days
of Life.
At 2-3 months, an infant will smile when they see a balloon with eyes
painted on it and stop smiling when the balloon face is turned away.
Face-to-face “conversations” between parent-infant are invaluable.
Allow time for the infant to respond (i.e., do not try to push a infant for
responses, etc.)
REMEMBER: Babies are so new to the world around them their little
brains can only take so much information in at a time. (When a infant
looks away from you, do not be offended! Their brain is just “taking a
break” to absorb all the sensory information it is receiving.)
In the first 12-months, an infant’s brain spends a lot of time listening to language
and tracking word patterns that will support their process of wordlearning…which takes place around the age of 2.
• …at some stages of brain development at the age of 2, the brain is adding
up to a half-million neurons per minute (over 8,300 neurons per second!)
Parent-to-Toddler
Importance of language and continuous word-learning…
“Parents should not talk at their child, but with their child.”
Build-in quality conversation time… finding accurate words to help the child link
feelings-to-thought.
…the structure in the brain that transfers information between the left and
right sides of the brain is called the “corpus callosum” (part of the
Mammalian region of the brain).
…in infants and toddlers, there is poor communication between the left
and right side of the brain due to poor development.
• Example: There will be times when a toddler will use a lot of
words, with a lot of emphasis (strong LEFT brain activity). Then
the next minute, they are on the floor in an intense, wordless
tantrum (strong RIGHT brain activity) just like in infancy again.
o Example: Child throwing themselves down in a fit at
bedtime.
o …the observable result of the lack of communication yet
developed between the RIGHT (emotion) and LEFT
(thought and self-expression) sides of the brain.
…with emotionally responsive parenting and attentive word choices,
parent(s) can nurture a child’s ability to “sort through words” (LEFT brain
activity) to express their strong feelings (RIGHT brain activity).
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Toddlers with more developed language skills are better able to manage
frustration and less likely to express anger by the time they're in preschool.
Parent-to-Adolescent
Many psychologists think that a toddler-turned-adolescent’s lack of compassion
may be a result of not receiving enough emotionally-responsive parenting (i.e.,
talking “with” their child) and compassion for painful feelings in childhood.
Example: If a child grows up in a home experiencing only superficial
emotional between their parents, they may grow up closed-off to deeper
emotional connections with other people later in Life.
Example: If a child grows up in a home where they were frequently
frightened, shamed or hurt, they may grow up deeply distrustful of people,
and subsequently push away potentially life-long, positive friendships or
life-teaching experiences.
Some scientists believe that a key factor in why an adult may lack compassion
and concern for another person is due to the corpus callosum not passing
emotional information effectively between the two sides of the brain.
…research shows that people who are unsympathetic to the pain of others
often process their Life experiences far more in the LEFT side of their
brain than the right.
• …a self-defense mechanism to avoid dealing with strong emotions
is over-rationalization (strong LEFT brain activity).
• Example: Children of abuse or dysfunction homes (i.e., too much
emotional fighting/stress…therefore, over-rationalize in order to
distance oneself from the intense emotions)
Researchers have established a link between overexposure to cortisol (stress
hormone) in adolescence – a critical time in frontal lobe development – and
genetic changes that can cause mental illness later in young adulthood.
The Seeking System: Learning about ourselves through the world.
Our lower (mammalian) brain contains a seeking system, one (of seven total)
common genetically ingrained systems in the brain.
The seeking system is like a muscle…
…the more you use it, the more it will work for you!
…helps increase curiosity, creativity and motivation.
…creates an “appetite for Life” and energy to explore “the New”.
Sitting in front of the TV for hours and hours can cause the seeking system to
become underactive (i.e., procrastination, low creativity or resolution-driven
thinking, etc.)
Dopamine is the chemical that “turns things on” in the lower brain.
It cascades all over the frontal lobes, enabling a person to not only create
an idea, but also motivate them all the way through to see it to completion.
For many people, it is hard to activate self-motivation in Life if your seeking
system was not awakened in childhood.
As a child, over-exposure to isolation, insecurity, fear, anger and separation
distress can all deplete a child’s seeking system, including specifically:
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Over-criticism: This teaches the child to inhibit their desire to express
their emotions, explore or create, linking life-long fear to self-expression,
exploration and creativity. (“Everyone should experience fear, but no one
should live afraid.”)
Long hours of boredom: It’s easy to fall into a routine of being lazy.
Child-to-adolescent routines of laziness can lead to an underdeveloped
seeking system (ref “Final Word” below)
Too much TV: Statistics show that, on average, children spend at least 21
hours a week in front of the TV and less than 40 minutes of meaningful,
emotionally-responsive interaction per week with their parent(s) or
caretaker(s).
Not enough positive social interaction with other children and physical
playground/outside time.
Stimulation and communication between the frontal lobes and the seeking system
of the brain motivate a child to build a sand castle, as well as motivate an adult to
turn a dream concept (i.e., business) into a reality.
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Unknown
Self-mastery
requires
clear
self-identification;
self-identification
requires
self-observation;
self-observation
with
self-honesty
over time
improves
self-explanation;
self-observation
and
self-explanation
through
well-practiced
articulation
improves
self-identification;
improved
self-identification
enhances
self-interpretation,
which leads to
easier
self-expression;
self-expression
mastered
through
talking
writing
and
art,
leads to
immediate
self-identification;
immediate
self-identification
and ease of
self-expression
clear the Way
to
Self-mastery
And what is
Good.
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Communication
Social Communication (“Social Intelligence”)
First becomes noticeable during the toddler years…remember how fast the brain is
growing at the ages of 2-3!
As social creatures, humans must constantly monitor each other's intentions and
mental states.
3 Signs of Social Intelligence:
1. Empathy
Able to recognize the mental/emotional state of others
Gauge your impact on the other person (i.e., you will be able to tell if
the other person is finding you boring, intrusive, annoying, etc.)
Able to attend to your own and the other person’s emotional reactions
at the same time.
Able to gauge the right balance of conversation, between talking and
listening.
Show appropriate body language and respect for personal space.
Able to gauge the timing of response (i.e., not interrupting, wandering
off-topic of conversation).
2. Cooperation
Knows when to follow and when to lead. (e.g., mayor helping out with
sandbagging during a flood)
Listen and run with other people’s ideas, as well as show the ability to
express their own.
Maintain emotional stability of outbursts of anger, irritation or anxiety.
Show constructive criticism instead of blaming or insulting.
Able to negotiate toward productive resolution.
3. Compassion
Able to feel emotional distress by others’ suffering (sympathy)
Do not deny or deceive about emotional status
Capacity to soothe and comfort others in distress (show genuine
concern)
The importance of having at least one healthy friendship or relationship…
They provide essential dopamine release (e.g., laughter with friends, genuine
affection, etc.)
They provide a sense of self-worth and belonging in our lives!
They can lead us to take better care of our health and emotional well-being.
Reduced risk of mortality…
• A recent study examined data from more than 309,000 people, found
that lack of strong, trustworthy relationship increased the risk of
premature death from ALL causes by 50% — roughly comparable to:
o …smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
o …not exercising at all.
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o …being an alcoholic.
o …being severely obese.
• Middle-aged women in highly satisfying marriages or close civil
unions show a lower risk for cardiovascular disease compared to
those in less satisfying relationships.
• A large Swedish study of people ages 75 and over concluded that
dementia risk was lowest in those with a supportive/close network
of friends and relatives.
There is a biological importance to face-to-face interactions.
• “The only way to fix a broken heart is to eventually allow oneself to
fall in love again.” (…and genuine laughter with friends is good too!)
…and if you’re shy, that’s okay!
• Research has shown that individuals who identify themselves as “shy”
correlate with the inability in the amygdala and the hippocampus
regions of the brain to adapt to new stimuli and become accustomed to
new surrounding(s) and face(s).
• The brains of “shy” individuals showed a common delayed capacity to
become familiar with new surrounding(s) and face(s).
• “Individuals who familiarize more slowly may find encounters with
new people overwhelming…and thus avoid social experiences."
Research now shows that expressing your emotions to someone else you trust
can reduce levels of fear.
The Power of Positive Words: “The Glue to Good Interaction”
Emotional voices produce changes in long-term memory, as well as capturing
the listener's attention.
Negative-toned or depressed emotional voices are easily forgotten.
• Example: While interviewing for a job, the person being interviewed is
asked why they left their previous job:
“I really hated my boss! She was such a control freak! I can't stand
people like that!” (What could they have said instead?)
Know the importance of constructive criticism (…NOT “Me vs. You” or
“Right vs. Wrong”)
o Help maximize someone’s potential, not diminish it.
o Provide multiple options or perspectives and then guidance weighing
each one.
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=on-verbal communication
Over 90% of a “first impression” comes from non-verbal signals.
Seeing distress on the face of another person trips circuits inside the brain of the
observer.
The rhythm of speech, and even eye blinks, regulates and couples brain wave activity
between people unconsciously and without language.
Humans are so dominated and distracted by the “thinking” (frontal lobes) that we
habitually overlook signals from our own body and non-verbal behavior.
Eye contact
Posture
Hand gestures/fidgeting
Facial expressions
Tone of voice
Timing in conversation
“Mind over matter.”
If we apply conscious awareness to our bad habits (i.e., addiction), we can
break them!
• “Addictions are repetitive behaviors in the face of negative consequences.
The habitual desire to continue what you know and feel is not healthy for
you.”
• Addiction = Repeatedly high dopamine release during/after unhealthy
behavior (i.e., unhealthy food)
• Research has shown that by simply manipulating your body’s posture, you
can manipulate the biochemistry in your brain.
o …adopting body language associated with confidence for only 2
minutes is enough to create a 20% increase in testosterone and a
25% decrease in cortisol.
o Examples: Yoga (breathing) to re-gain calm and balance.
Self-Communication (Communication “Within”)
Most people identify only with their thoughts…and habitually overlook/ignore what
their body is “telling” them.
Concept of the “Self”:
Emotional Self (“Feelings”)
Rational Self (“Thoughts”)
Wise Self (“Observer”)
Step #1: “Know Thyself” (Self-Mastery)…this will take a lifetime.
“Bucking Bronco” analogy…
• “I can understand nothing if I first do not know myself.”
• Bronco = Emotion (“bucking” = unresolved/uncontrollable emotions)
• Cowboy = Mind (…the Mind can “think” of ways to try and control
the bronco)
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Instructor = Self (“Observer” who figures out what’s going-on and
“tells” the Mind an “action plan” to take to tame the bronco; for
example, consciously practicing coping skills)
Step #2: Daily practice of identifying and expressing emotions.
…through articulation (talking or writing)
…and when there are no words to express your emotions, then express them
through art.
“The Mind’s job is to translate the Heart.”
•
“Does talking to myself mean I’m crazy?”
Most people talk to themselves at least every few days (…and some people
report talking to themselves on an hourly basis!)
Previous research has suggested that such “self-directed” speech in children
can help guide lesson and behavior.
• Example: Learning to tie shoestrings for the first time.
• Experiment: Participants were asked to search for an object in a
grocery store setting (i.e., apple).
• …in some trials, participants saw a text label telling them what
object they should search for (e.g., "Please search for the
apple.")
• …in other trials, the same subjects were asked to search again
while saying the word of the object to themselves out loud.
o Speaking to oneself helped people find objects more
quickly!
• Participants were then asked to find a Coke vs. Speed Stick
Deodorant while saying the product names out loud to
themselves while searching.
o …saying one word (“Coke”) for the object helped
speed the search up!
o …saying more than one word (“Speed Stick
Deodorant”) slowed the search process down.
• LESSON: The next time you need to re-focus on a goal, pick ONE
WORD to describe the goal and repeat it to yourself!
Spend time practicing growing your corpus callosum
Take your time and make attentive word choices ! Try not to say just
anything...what your body is telling you is essential!
“Sort through” words (LEFT brain activity) to express your strong feelings
(RIGHT brain activity).
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First Lesson in Meditation
It is a common
Mistake
Of all humans
To fall,
Hypnotized
Into the trap
Of believing
One’s Mind
And Thoughts
Compose the core
Of your "Self";
But that's not quite right.
Thoughts
Are non-physical,
Just words and images,
Ultimately,
Interpretations
Of what we
Believe
Is reality.
If you approach meditation
By concentrating only
On your thoughts,
You are not allowing meditation,
Chasing and judging your thoughts
Will only resist It.
The first rule of meditation
Requires only
that you sit-back,
Relaxed,
Upright
In good breath,
And good symmetry.
Calmly observe
Your thoughts,
With the same attention
As your breathing,
And your Heart beating;
Consciously aware,
Just letting your
thoughts
come-and-go;
Swirling,
Churning,
Crashing,
And calming, like
The Ocean’s waves.
Just siting-back
And observing,
Breathing deeply,
Three seconds In,
Four seconds Out,
Sitting peacefully and
Without judgment.
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Final Thought: Would you like to help your brain grow? Then enrich your environment!
Research shows that by “enriching” your environment and lifestyle with proper nutrition,
physical exercise (as little as a 20-minute daily walk) and positive social interaction and
surroundings
o In one experiment, rats were given an “enriched” environment that included a lot
of social interaction and “play” (i.e., climbing tubes, running wheels, healthy
food).
o Only 2 months later, the rats had 50,000 extra brain cells in each side of the
hippocampus (a key memory and learning center of the brain).
Make your environment as positive and enriched as possible with what is available to
you…it’s good for your brain!
o Examples: Music, books, art, good energy and communication
o …and limit your exposure to unnecessary negative energy (i.e., drama-filled
reality TV)
Last Word: Research shows, when it comes to creativity: “Use it or lose it.”
References:
Thinking With Your Body: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-douglas-fields/thinkingwith-your-body_b_2443890.html?icid=hp_front_featured_art
Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amycuddy/body-language_b_2451277.html?icid=hp_front_featured_art
Constructive Criticism:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201207/constructive-criticism
8 Reasons Why It's Healthy To Spend Time With Loved Ones:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/22/health-benefits-friendsfamily_n_2317696.html#slide=1891450
The More Gray Matter You Have, the More Altruistic You Are:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/07/120711123005.htm
Childhood Trauma Leaves Its Mark On the Brain:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130115090215.htm
How to Change a Habit: http://duhigg-site.s3.amazonaws.com/wpcontent/uploads/2012/04/How-to-Change-a-Habit.jpg
Modern Parenting May Hinder Brain Development:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130107110538.htm
Research Claims Children's Brain Function Affected By Poverty:
http://www.empowernewsmag.com/listings.php?article=372
How the Brain Controls Our Habits:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/10/121031111425.htm
Meditation Appears to Produce Enduring Changes in Emotional Processing in the
Brain: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/11/121112150339.htm
Expressing Your Emotions Can Help Reduce Fear:
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http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/09/120904192045.htm
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